Friday, May 25, 2007

Top Ten: Things I Would Tell Vanillas

For my entire adult life, I've been keenly aware of my status as a fudge ripple gal in a plain vanilla world. I don't aspire to convert anyone, and I'm certainly not going to abandon my kink, but a little bit of understanding might be nice.

Here are ten thoughts I would like to share with open-minded vanilla folk.
  1. Even if you think spankos are weird, please recognize this is just one element of our lives. In every other respect, we live like everyone else. We raise children. We have jobs. We pay taxes. We go to the grocery store. We love our families. We complain about gasoline prices.

  2. We are not dangerous to anyone. Everything we do is with full consent and we are very careful so as to ensure no one is injured. Spanking is a much safer pastime than, say, motorcycling or rock climbing.

  3. We have zero interest in involving children or any non-consenting person. Those kinds of illegal behavior are every bit as reprehensible to us as they are to you.

  4. We are not all trying to compensate for or re-live a troubled childhood. I know lots of spankos and this stereotype simply doesn't hold up.

  5. Spanking within the context of a loving relationship is the diametric opposite of spousal abuse. While an abuser tries to suppress his partner's will by force, a loving spanker seeks to fulfill his partner's fantasies with her full participation.

  6. We genuinely love one another and spanking is one of many ways we demonstrate our love and commitment. For us, spanking is another flavor of lovemaking.

  7. Yes, it really does hurt. But, as odd as this may sound, the pain is a secondary consideration. What we treasure more are feelings of connectedness, peace, and openness that follow.

  8. It's not an exclusive club. Anyone can be a spanko. In my experience, this community is remarkably helpful, caring, and inclusive. Newbies are definitely welcome.

  9. Yes, as a matter of fact, sometimes we think it's funny too. We'll be the first to admit there is something slightly comical about a grandmother eagerly bending over to be spanked across her husband's lap. Our kink needn't be somber and disciplinary. Honestly, who wants that all of the time? We definitely laugh well and often.

  10. There is a whole continuum of spankos. For some couples, spankings are playful fun. Others focus primarily upon the disciplinary aspects. Most of us fall somewhere in between. Even otherwise vanilla people occasionally enjoy a few well-placed swats during sex. This too qualifies as adult spanking. The point is that there is no single formula. The couples who are happiest are typically those who tailor their lifestyle to their own tastes, preferences, and desires.

Understanding is the first step toward acceptance. Let this be a first step toward understanding. We spankos are friends, neighbors, and relatives. We're not strange or scary. We're merely normal, happy people striving to enjoy rewarding lives and relationships.


Scout said...

Thanks for a great post, Bonnie. It's affirming to hear and see that what's so intrinsically part of you is part of others, too, in the same way. Spanking is loving, fun, exciting, and a great way to heighten connection between partners. Thank you for continuing to educate and assist!

Anonymous said...

We're supposed to pay taxes?? Oh, crap.

Beautifully and articulately stated, Bonnie. Next time people ask me to explain "the spanking thing," I know where to send them. -- Erica

Dave said...

Hi Bonnie,

What a wonderful post! !

Reading that really makes my feel good to be a part of this community. So, thank you Bonnie!

Kindest regards,

Anonymous said...


New Beginnings said...

Fantastic Bonnie! This is what we all know and live but to see it all put so well is great! I wish there was somewhere to post this that more vanilla's would see it as well as the closet spanko that haven't stumbled across our community yet!


Anonymous said...

Thanks Bonnie, well articulated.


Anonymous said...

Thanks, Bonnie, for a brilliantly crafted manifesto! It should appear--just like a broadcast carried simultaneously on every network-- on all spanko blogs. I'd even recommend sending it over to Suzanne Indigo at Go ahead. Do it.
She'll appreciate both the superb writing and the fact that you have emerged as an experienced, sage spokesperson (spanksperson?) for those of us who are wired this way.

Paige Tyler said...

Excellent, Bonnie!!! And so true!!!

Paige (Tigger)

Anonymous said...

Wow, this is a great post! You really explain us (the spankos) so well and offer insight to the vanilla. I will be showing this one to my hubby, as with much of what you write it helps him to better understand where I am coming from. Thanks!


Paul said...

Bravo Bonnie, well done, I wish that I could write so well.
I hope that many others will read and link, this needs to be spread.
Thank you Bonnie.
Warm hugs,

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Bonnie. Great post. A keeper, as a matter of fact!

Debbie :)

Danielle said...

What do you think: Should I print this out and climb on my soap box to advertize it. Just kidding, but if I didn't feel able to tell someone, then if would be handy to have a copy.

Reesa Roberts said...

Great post, Bonnie, thanks!

AnonVII said...

As always, Bonnie, very forthright, cogent, and utterly non-confrontational. It reminds me of a question that's remained in my mind for literally decades: Can anyone who likes to spout that word _eccentric_ define _the center_ (or, if you prefer, _the centre_) in a way with which all, or even merely all whom he or she considers "normal," agree?


Janice said...

A very good post...and well written. You are a genuinely caring and wise person. Spiffing!! as we sometimes say, this side of the pond.


Anonymous said...

Bonnie... one of your best posts ever (which is saying something). It's so good, in fact... we're stealing it! Next time we're talking with someone that makes a "sicko" crack about spanking... they get THE LIST! (then the paddle, hehe)

~Todd & Suzy

Anonymous said...

Bonnie is really like a shepherd or guide for us. Thanks. Keep up the cheerful, thoughtful, and loving work.

Greenwoman said...

I especially appreciated the inclusion of #'s 4, 5, 6.

Nice post Bonny. *smiles*

BB said...

Thank you for your comment on my blog Bonnie. I was totally blown away when I saw that you commented. I have read your blog for months and really enjoy it. I am new to the whole blog thing and so I am trying to do my best to update it as often as possible. Thanks for letting me know that Im not the only one who feels that way too. Your the best!

Bonnie said...

Scout - You're welcome. I completely agree!

Erica - Hmmm. It occurs to me that we could start a tax exempt relief fund for the underspanked.

I can see it now - "A bottom is a terrible thing to waste..."

"For just nine cents a day, you can provide paddles for an entire village..."

"Jessica has never known the warmth of a good spanking. Won't you help her and those who share her plight?"

Please feel free to share this as you like.

Dave - Thank you too, Dave. I'm proud to be a spanko.

Eva - Thanks.

PK - If anyone wanted to link to this post, I certainly would have no objection.

OPB - I'm glad you like this article.

Anon - My objective is to provide clear, honest information to people who have an interest. As I said above, if someone chooses to link me, I'm always pleased.

Paige - Thanks!

Sally - Please, by all means, use it in any way that helps.

Paul - Thank you.

Debbie - I appreciate your support.

Danielle - Please be my guest!

Reesa - You're very welcome!

Anon VII - Thanks. I believe the answer to your question is NO. Normality, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.

Janice - Thank you!

Todd and Suzy - I'm delighted that you enjoyed this post. I wanted to put a little different twist on the whole top ten concept. In most cases, they are something funny or at least wry. This time, I wanted to address a serious question, but employ a light touch.

As for stealing it, please do as you see fit. As you know, I'm not particularly possessive of my material as long as there is appropriate attribution.

Anon - Thank you for reading and for those kind words. I do what I can.

Green - Thanks. I sought to clear up several common misconceptions. To us, they may sound rather silly and obvious. But to a true vanilla, these words might provide some insight.

BB - Hi! It's great to see you here. I think your new blog is coming along wonderfully. You're doing very well!

spanking~amber said...

My comment is late but please know it's heartfelt. That was so well put. There is nothing like the kindred spirit amongst "fudge ripples" fitting into a vanilla world. Great post :)

Happy spanking,

Bonnie said...

Amber - Your comments are always welcome here. Thank you for your generous words.

Kallisto said...

This really was a superb post, Bonnie. And your reply to Erica's comment had me laughing out loud! As someone else said, you are a great spokesperson for spankos everywhere.

Muffin said...

Wow, Bonnie, this was awesome!! I've said most of the same words at one time or another, but somehow they never came out as understandably as the way you put them!! Excellent!! I hope this is always available somewhere on your blog, so I can refer back to it if I need to explain our ways to a "vanilla."


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