Tuesday, May 08, 2007

The Spanko Files: Jim and Scout


I would like to share with you the story of Scout and her husband Jim. What I am about to present is by no means the whole story because they are just getting started in the world of recreational spanking. However, it’s a fine beginning, and one that may prove instructive for those who follow in their footsteps.

I first became aware of Scout when she inquired whether I had any ideas that might help convince her husband to spank her as she desired. My semi-serious response was posted as Fifty Reasons to Spank Your Wife or Girlfriend.

Scout was pleased with these suggestions, and responded as follows:

I, too, am a 40+ year old woman, and I’ve been married for 17+ years to a wonderful man. Like you and so many others, I've had a preoccupation with spanking for as long as I can remember. Over the years, I've brought it up to Jim, but he's only ever responded with a few light taps. Those were frustrating to me, and his unwillingness to spank longer and harder reinforced my conviction that what I craved was deviant and wrong.

Well, one of the wonders and joys of turning 40 is that you don't care so much what other people think. I grew comfortable with knowing that this was something I needed, that it was just intrinsically part of me. More importantly, I have the wonder and joy of a loving marriage with a soul mate. We are good at recognizing that when we are losing connection, we have to heighten it. I knew I had to tell him, in plainer language than I'd used in the past. Your site has been tremendously helpful in finding that language.

Things are proceeding apace, I am happy to report. The pace is deliberate, to be sure, as his travel schedule, our house guests, our three children, and eroticism-antidote, stomach flu (a different family member every four or five days) all impinge on our ability to indulge in play. We had a stumble when an attempt wasn't right, but since then, we've had great talks and laughs. Yes, he is bemused by my request, but he is also willing to give it a try, and a re-try.

We've had one successful "ice-breaker" paddling. We're going to build on that, and I know it's only going to get more natural and fun for both of us.

That seemed like an excellent beginning and I told her so. Over the next few weeks, Scout and I exchanged several e-mails in which we discussed some of the finer points of this lifestyle. Then, last week, she sent this message with the subject “Good News.”

Thank you for corresponding with me over the last few weeks. You have been most helpful :-) and I have some good news to report. It may even help others like me.

My husband, Jim, has traveled a lot this winter and spring. On one of his trips away in March, we were sending each other suggestive and flirty emails. In one of them, I owned up to indulging my spanking fetish by Googling the word "spanking" on the web. I was amazed by what I'd found. Many others shared my fantasies, which I'd always thought were peculiar to me. I worried I had some self-esteem issues or needed counseling because of my fantasies. Also, I had asked Jim to spank me before, but he was reluctant. He did it a few times, but it was only a few light taps that were more frustrating than satisfying. The stories, advice, and accounts on your blog encouraged me to talk more plainly with him.

He was bemused, mostly, but welcoming of the spicy talk. He read some, too, and gave me the task of acquiring a paddle. I found Adam and Gillian's site and got the leather "hairbrush" paddle, in burgundy.

Well, we had one bad experience. Though I thought I had conveyed what I wanted pretty well, he somehow thought I was asking for something different. We don't have to go into it, but we definitely needed to talk some more, which we did. I should say, we have been married or together for more than 18 years, and luckily we move on from things really well.

The downside to the bad experience was that Jim was again reluctant to spank. He thought the paddle was too much. When he went away again, I found a lighter, smaller paddle online (the hickory "little zinger" from Walt). And, curious because I'd seen your dogleg brush depicted on your site so many times, I found one exactly like it, too. I ordered both implements.

Jim got home. One of the good things about his being away is that we always have fun phone calls and send provocative emails. He was charmed by the new toys. I told him we had to have an "ice-breaker" paddling, so that he could see he wasn't truly hurting me and that I wanted him to do this. We went into a closet off of our bathroom (we had house guests and were worried about noise) and I gave him the leather paddle that he's so wary of. I told him we didn't even have to do pants down, that we could start slowly, but to my delight he grinned and said that wearing anything was definitely not an option. He bent me over his thigh and gave me about five or six firm swats with the paddle, keeping an eye on my skin. He thought that modest amount, which turned me dark pink, would surely still be visible the next morning, or that I'd be bruised (I wasn't). Surprisingly, to both of us, I think, he was obviously aroused by the experience (as naturally was I) and what followed was truly wonderful.

The next time, it was Jim's turn to surprise me. He packed the two paddles away in his closet and put the wooden brush in his nightstand drawer. From the drawer, he extracted nipple clamps! Oh well. It's about indulging each other, right? I actually don't find them objectionable at all, and find they add to the absurdity/fun/kink. We are true newbies. He has spanked me a grand sum total of three times, each with a combination of his hand and the brush. He favors having me lie on the bed over pillows. For a guy who never used to spank hard, he lays it on pretty authoritatively now. We're still working things out (warm-ups, please!), but everything is progressing in a positive, fun, and very satisfying way. Each time is better than the last.

For others, I would say one thing that really helps is talking about it in a way that emphasizes the fantasy nature of it. I am way more "into" whatever scenario he spins now that he is indulging what I've long fantasized about. Most of what he says (all?) will never come true, but I am also making an effort to do the things I know he really appreciates (the thing they all appreciate, LOL). Our sex life has never been better, and we've heightened our connection to one another.

Thank you, and your blogging friends, for your humor and sage advice. I've been a lurker on several sites, and owe a debt of gratitude to Todd and Suzy, Cassie (and Tom!), Ceeci (and Mojo), Paul, Abel and Haron, Tiggr (and Dante), and others.

As we were subsequently discussing the possibility of adapting her account for "The Spanko Files," Scout offered this brief status report.

Things here continue to get better. The night after I sent this account, I found myself across Jim's lap. He was doing his new husbandly duty, commenting with a chuckle, "I am certainly more confident doing this!" We are having fun and our biggest worry is noise.

So, there you have have it. Excellent advice and insight from the front lines of a successful vanilla partner conversion. I might not have suggested that dogleg brush for beginners, but Jim and Scout are obviously doing quite well with it.

Scout has assured me that she will provide occasional updates. I look forward to following their progress, cheering their discoveries, and celebrating their continued happiness.

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10 comments :

Anonymous said...

Scout,

I am pleased that you are making progress with getting what you want. It is heartening to know that there are vanillas out there who don't run screaming away at the "S" word.
I'm sure you'll have much fun together.

opb

Pagan said...

Good for you, Scout. :)

I too came out to a vanilla hubby, when I was 37. We went through many of the same issues you did (saying yes but giving a couple of small taps, his normal aversion to 'hitting' a woman).

All I can say is be careful what you wish for. We now have a VERY full locked case under our bed.

BTW, A&G's hairbrush paddle was our first leather one as well. We now have nine others, as well as a couple of crops, some straps, wooden paddles, and the popular 'pervertables' - Vermont Bath Brush, CB paddle, huge cherrywood spoon). I love to buy toys, but I am becoming more careful. The instant I bring it into the house, it becomes 'his', and I lose control over it.

Have fun. :)

CeeCi said...

Way to go, Scout!

You're so right, after turning 40 everything changed for me too! Fifty is rapidly approaching, watch out world.

Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Thank you Bonnie, for posting Scout's emails (and your suggestions) for all of us to read.

Next time you're in the Garden, let me know...I'd love to hear from you!

ciao bella(s)~
CeeCi

Paul said...

Scout, this is great news, it does my heart good to hear of a vanilla marriage converted. I know that a moderate amount of spanking is very good for a marriage. The couple that spank together stay together.
Bonnie, thanks for sharing this.
Warm hugs to you and Scout,
Paul.

Anonymous said...

glad to hear that jim and scout are doing well with spanking. my husband was vanilla as well in the beginning. we've been together 32yrs. but communication has always been the key. i told him that i wanted him to spank me. he's always been an ass man. so i really was hard to get him to go to the next level. now i have to be careful like pagan. he finds all kinds of things to use on my bottom. spatula, cutting boards, spoons, paddles, hand, belt etc. he now spanks me before i go to bed every night as long as he's now traveling for his job. i go to bed with a hot and sore bottom which helps me sleep so much better. most of my spankings are erotic not punishment. happy spanking to all. love your blog bonnie. jammin33333

New Beginnings said...

Bonnie thank you for posting this! Scout I can relate to every work you have said! I remember how frustrating those first few tentive swats were and now that we have hour men going they are so happy to get going sometimes the warm up isn't quite what we dream of! LOL. Please come by my place anytime. I would love to hear from you!

Hugs,
PK

bratty1958 said...

Bonnie,
I too Thank You for posting this! Mine and hubbys experiance was very similiar to Scouts! I was well into my 40's when I let on to my Vanilla Hubby my deep dark desires and within the few years we have been living this lifestyle, he has become a *Master Spanker* It is nice reading about others that i can relate to.

Scout said...

Wow - I'm on MBS! Thank you, Bonnie, for telling about Jim and me (not that he knows it yet) and thanks especially for your help. Thank you, too, to everyone who's commented, for sharing parts of yourselves and for your encouragement. Have no worries about the brush, Bonnie. I'm nowhere near being able to take what you do, but I do like it at the end, after Jim's used his hand or the zinger, 'cause I feel it the next day :)

Bonnie said...

OPB - Thanks for adding your encouragement.

Pagan - LOL You do make a good point!

CeeCi - If the fifties promise even more amazing discoveries, then I, for one, plan to be ready!

Paul - Thanks, as always, for adding your wisdom.

Jammin - It's great to hear another success story. Enjoy the warm glow of happiness!

PK - I figured this post might strike a resonant chord with you. These could have been your words from last year. Scout could do far worse than to follow in your footsteps.

Bratty - I'm delighted that you enjoyed Scout's account. There are quite a few readers who are at various points along the same path.

Scout - There you are! Thank YOU for sharing your wonderful experiences. As I expected, readers responded very positively to your story. Best wishes in all your adventures!

Reesa Roberts said...

Congratulations, Scout, it's wonderful to read a success story like yours!

Thanks for posting this, Bonnie!

Huggs,
Reesa

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