Monday, April 09, 2007

Fifty Reasons to Spank Your Wife or Girlfriend


The post is aimed at the gentlemen out there. In particular, I’d like to direct my comments to the reluctant spankers. You know who you are. Your partner expressed an interest in being spanked, but she’s having a difficult time convincing you to do it. Your concerns – chivalry, lack of comprehension, potential impact on your relationship, or a desire to protect her – are quite understandable. Her request was unexpected and you probably weren’t prepared to answer the question at the moment she posed it.

Let’s take a big step back and look again at the subject from a slightly different vantage point. I can offer you fifty reasons why you might want to take her across your lap and indulge her dreams.

  1. The lovemaking afterward is often sensational

  2. Romantic spanking opens lines of communications

  3. There’s a community of spankos to provide support and advice

  4. Adult spanking is the most common of all kinks

  5. It can strengthen your relationship

  6. Just picture those beautiful globes over your lap...

  7. She's eager for this, really!

  8. Compared to childbirth, the pain of a spanking is trivial

  9. This is not punishment, think instead about spanking as foreplay

  10. Spanking builds trust between partners

  11. It's really OK to hit a woman, but only if she enjoys it

  12. This isn't weird or unusual, it's just another kind of sex

  13. You can be the strong, decisive man of her fantasies

  14. What's not to like?

  15. Do the initials B. J. hold any significance?

  16. Many couples include erotic spanking in their lovemaking

  17. Her dream can be your pleasure

  18. It's something fun you can do together

  19. You could make it a game

  20. Spankings can relax her

  21. If you don’t believe me, ask any other dedicated spanko

  22. Role play spankings are great fun

  23. If something doesn’t work, you don’t have to repeat it

  24. It isn’t about the pain, it’s about a shared experience

  25. This opens an exciting new chapter in your relationship

  26. Spankings promote greater physical and emotional intimacy

  27. Your willingness to try demonstrates your love for her

  28. It's wonderful to feel completely in love again

  29. With a safeword, she can tell you before things go truly wrong

  30. She's your lover - It's OK if your fingers wander southward

  31. The process of experimentation allows a couple to grow together

  32. It’s with you she wants to share this secret

  33. Spankings don’t have to be serious – You can laugh and joke

  34. Most women’s bottoms are well padded - real damage is unlikely

  35. Consensual spanking is not abuse

  36. Spanking is a huge turn-on for her – That can only be good for you!

  37. She won’t think that you’re mean if you’re doing as she asked

  38. You could get her to dress up for her spanking

  39. With a few simple rules, adult spankings are safe and fun

  40. Women are tougher than you think

  41. You can be her hero!

  42. You'll love how her skin grows warm and pink

  43. Hugs and kisses

  44. It’s wonderful to spoon after a spanking

  45. Make her smile – tease her about future spankings

  46. You can start small and simple

  47. She'll adore you all the more for listening to her needs

  48. Haven't you always wanted to threaten to "tan her hide?"

  49. It’s fun to collect and test various spanking implements

  50. If she didn't agree, she wouldn't have shown you this list!

Do you see what I mean? Adult spanking is hot stuff!

If you're ready to learn more, you might want to read a couple of brief tutorials such as Your First Spanking or Ten Newbie Spanko Suggestions. If you communicate with one another and follow a few simple rules, spanking your wife or girlfriend can be safe, fun, and fulfilling.

Keywords: , , , ,

20 comments :

Kathy said...

Hi Bonnie,

I'm one of your many lurkers but this list pulled me out of hiding. I wish I had this list years ago when it took all I had to convince my husband about it. It's a perfect list. I hope it helps all those poor women who's husband are spanking shy. BTW I love your blog. I'm new to reading blogs. I have a few favorites and yours is one of them. Thank you for the countless stories. I love them.

Kathy :)

Anonymous said...

That is a fantastic list, Bonnie!!! And I agree, adult spanking is very hot!!!

*hugs*
Tigger

Paul said...

Bonnie, great list, we didn't need it as we were both hot to trot, but I can think of couples who could and hopefully will use it.
Warm hugs,
Paul.

storynattie said...

Not only a great post, but some great links, too!

Thank you for sharing!

AnonVII said...

As always, your effort is clear, concise, and readable as well as informative and convincing for anyone who, unlike me, needs convincing. I have very little time for reading blogs, and I find that so many of them, with their stream-of-consciousness style, tend to move in circles, parabolas, and spirals, leaving confused (and often annoyed) one who makes part of his living both reading and writing research articles and legal reports. Your work is truly a class apart, _ergo_ I read it almost daily.

Have you ever thought of dealing with the reverse situation (viz, the lady who truly wants to please but "just not like that," not even playfully), or perhaps the lady who harbours a secret wish but fears to let it be known and risk having the gent think her odd? I'm sure you'd know exactly what to say.

Cofion,
AnonVII

Susan said...

You do a public service for the community Bonnie.

bolt said...

I noticed you left a comment on my blog, thank you.

Also this list is great! How long did it take you to brainstorm all 50 reasons? I will come back for more of your wisdom!

Anonymous said...

Hi Bonnie, As you may be aware from my Gf's blog, I am already a dedicated spanker, but I have to tell you that the list you provided is awesome!!!! I'm sure it will help many women to introduce their "vanilla" partners to the joys of spanking as well as help reconnect those of us who have always enjoyed our kink.

Thanks for providing the list and I love your blog.

Sincerely, JD

Ofia said...

Awesome list!

Bonnie said...

Kathy - I'm delighted you chose to delurk. You're welcome here anytime!

Tigger - Thank you!

Paul - I hope this list does provide some benefit.

Nattie - You're most welcome!

Seven (if I may be so informal) - Thank you for your kind words. Writing is something I've done for many years. At this point, it's more natural than talking.

I would be very reluctant to try to convince a potential spankee who is truly vanilla. This scenario is quite different in that the person who must absorb the pain is not the one who is enthusiastic. While there could be a positive outcome hypothetically, the prospects aren't good. Should the spanker misread her cues, his actions could easily be preceived as abuse.

The final scenario is one I might tackle in the future. Thanks!

Susan - Thank you. I help where I can.

Bolt - Welcome to MBS! Please make yourself at home and feel free to look around.

It took about an hour to assemble the fifty reasons. Once I got rolling, the list grew pretty quickly. You probably won't be surprised to learn that this is a subject I've considered a lot!

JD - Welcome to MBS. I'm pleased that you stopped by. The list came to be after a reader expressed her frustration with this situation. I wanted to try to aid her and others in a similar predicament.

Ofia - Hi! I'm glad you enjoyed the list.

Anonymous said...

Spanking techniques after you decide to spank

Readying your hand Spanking with a stiffened hand.

There are basically two ways of spanking with an open hand. The first is to stiffen your hand, flattening it like a paddle. This is less advisable because it's likely to make you feel aggressive and overly mechanical. Besides, it creates an unfavorable impact.
Spanking with a relaxed hand.

The alternative is to have your hand relaxed and flexible (especially at the wrist), like a strap. This figures to be the better choice. If you have ever played congas, bongos, tennis or squash, you will know what it means to keep your wrist flexible. Keep your four fingers together and relaxed, too. Note that it will be mainly your fingers that do the work, not your palm. Your thumb will not participate much, so you can move it a bit out of the way. Concentrate on where and how your four fingers make contact with the bottom.

Cupping the hand while spanking the bare bottom reduces the pain produced. At the same time, it produces a much louder sound - this makes the spanking seem more severe than it actually is. This trick can be very useful. It increases the psychologic effect while keeping the physical pain to a minimum

Don't lift your arm high. You would only sacrifice accuracy to apparent power.

Distribution
Do not restrict the spanks to any one area, but try to distribute them evenly over the whole of the buttocks. Determine just where you want each spank to land. If the spanking is bare-bottom, you'll be able to see the skin redden as you smack it and direct your hand accordingly. Generally, keep a safe distance from the kidneys, the coccyx Also, spank only the convex part of the buttocks, not the sides.



Since the bottom is divided into two cheeks, there are three options for placing each spank - left cheek, right cheek, or both cheeks together. Spanks that cover both cheeks can be particularly effective, but to ensure a good distribution, it's best to use all three areas in a random pattern (e.g. l, r, b, r, b, b, l, l, r, b, b...)

Speed and rhythm
There are two schools of thought. One says to spank at a steady pace, with roughly equal intervals between the spanks. The spanking rate can be as fast as 2-3 spanks per second (quick slapping) or as slow as only one spank in 3-4 seconds. Generally, spankings with an implement (e.g. a paddle) should be slower than hand spankings.

The "steady pace" style, however, is somewhat robotic. So, the other approach is to vary the tempo all the time. Also, the location and force of each spank should change in a random fashion. This will make each smack unpredictable and the overall spanking more effective.

Building up
Imagine yourself giving (or receiving), say, five spanks of different strength - very light, light, medium, hard, very hard. Does the order in which these spanks are given matter?

Physically, the order should be irrelevant: the total effect is the sum of the spanks, and the result of a sum does not depend on the order of its components. This law applies to the physical aspects of the spanking, such as the redness that results from the spanks. Psychologically, the order does matter. Spanks given in an increasing pattern have a stronger effect than the same spanks given in a decreasing pattern. You can use this effect to reduce the number of spanks (and their summed up physical impact) needed to reach the desired result.

Of course, when giving a long spanking it is neither practicable nor desirable to increase the strength throughout. There are limits on both ends of the scale - too light spanks are ineffective while too hard spanks are unsafe. For this reason, it is recommendable to use sub-patterns of increasing strength - like an (ideally, somewhat irregular) saw-tooth function. If you're familiar with musical terms, think of a series of short crescendos. .

Note: increasing the speed of the spanking in a likewise manner (accellerando) is not a very good idea. If the spanks come too fast, they are actually felt less, not more. Generally, for maximum impact each spank should be given sufficient time to "sink in" before the next spank.

The first spank is important
As an exception to the "building up" rule, the first spank should not be a weak one. It is too psychologically important. Start with a good first swat to get your spankie's full attention, then decrease.

misterniceguy1960 said...

Those are fifty good reasons.

Sally said...

I've found your blog only now, but thank you for that list. I hope it will help me with my boyfriend, that is a very spanko-shy.
really, if I ask him for spank, he simply tap my bottom 2 or 3 times, just as he is tapping the cat head thinking "good cat, nice cat".

Thank you!

Anonymous said...

shortly after my marriage one night as we made love with me on top she suddenly smacked my bottom a few times. i said i liked it and she remarked that sometimes when i really get her upset she wishes that she could like to give me a real old fashioned whippin taken over her knees using a hairbrush. i consented figuring the punishing should be quickly over and would beat long hours of arguments plus hours of silence. it worked when i was a kid and my father tanned my bottom so hard i never repeated the misdoing. later on i admitted that at a party i toushed a woman where i shoulnt have and it bothered me a lot therefore she obliged. my backside got a real whipping and i learned a lesson. mush later she neglected to pay the phone bill and we nearly had the service discontinued. i told her she was going to be spanked and her pretty bottom was beet red when the trip over my knees let her know this method of clearing the air would continue when needed.

Anonymous said...

My partner has turned the gentleman I proclaimed to have been in the bedroom into a spanking fanatic.

Role playing was easiest for me to get into spanking. Having a playful reason to do it allowed my mind to wander and escape the un-manly "never hit a woman" attitude ingrained in my moral fibre. Now when I visit town, I think she purposely doesn't clean up or grocery shop so there's a reason she's been a "bad girl" and "deserves" a spanking ;-)

We recently had the chance to participate with another couple. I lifted her dress and we bent her over a chair to allow the other man to spank her. This allowed us to be face to face and me experience the spanking with her in more personal and connected manner.

That was incredibly hot, and to any of the gentlemen (and gentle women) that seem apprehensive about spanking, you've got to try to experience it from your partners perspective. Seeing her face close up during that spanking accomplished that for me. Watching her eyes light up, face glow, tears run down her cheeks, while smiling ear to ear has changed my opinion of spanking forever.

I'd like to add a reason:
51: Spanking and talking dirty, so hot!

Cheers,
Chris

Blondie said...

I like the idea of spanking as foreplay. There are so many linking it to punishment and discipline which I think is dark. So well done for bringing out that. It's just a bedroom thing.

Another point I want to make is that it is interchangeable. So many sites show the woman as spankee which is good if they enjoy it. However there are husbands also who enjoy it and who feel left out. Husbands like me who hate the thought of being dominated or cuckhold (ugh) but like a good spanking simply for the eroticm and road to good IC.

Blondie

Anonymous said...

Every one of your fifty reasons are so true. Only those of us who love to be spanked can understand the need for it.

Lea said...

Wonderful list, a lot of good things to have one's partner read.

Anonymous said...

I love a good spanking, but find that if my husband has been upset with me, it feels more like discipline. Maybe it's good with a boyfriend, but when you live with someone, it can turn into number 48. Yes, I found out he did want to tan my hide, but good, and now threatens to spank me if he thinks I'm back talking. He'll whisper in my ear in the supermarket, "Do you want a good spanking when we get home or do you want to argue with me some more?" Be careful what you wish for, however, it is totally hot, even when he's upset with me... it still leads to totally hot sex. He doesn't leave bruises, but it sure hurts to sit the next day. He won't let me spank him and oh boy, do I ever want to spank him! lol. He's so much calmer after he gives me a good spanking for arguing with him. That should be on the list. "You'll let go of so much anger, when you get to tan her hide."

Odysseus Kurios said...

After eight years since this "50" list was posted, we've now entered the "50 Shades" era. To perhaps update Bonnie's list, I've consolidated and reorganized it to hang together better and flow more logically. Whether anyone will see it after all this time, I don't know, so here's my message in a bottle...

Consensuality and Safety
1. Adult spanking is the most common of all kinks. This isn't weird or unusual, it's just another kind of sex. With a few simple rules, adult spankings are safe and fun. Consensual spanking is not abuse. With a safeword, she can tell you before things go truly wrong. She won’t think you’re mean if you’re doing as she agreed.
2. It's really OK to hit a woman, but only if she enjoys it. Most women’s bottoms are well padded; real damage is unlikely. Women are tougher than you think. Compared to childbirth, the pain of a spanking is trivial. It isn’t about the pain, it’s about a shared experience.
3. Spankings don’t have to be serious; you can laugh and joke. You can start small and simple. If something doesn’t work, you don’t have to repeat it. There’s a community of spankos to provide support and advice.

Erotic Outcomes
1. Many couples include erotic spanking in their lovemaking. This is not punishment; instead think of spanking as foreplay. You can be the strong, decisive man of her fantasies. Her dream can be your pleasure.
2. Role play spankings are great fun. You could get her to dress up for her spanking. Just picture those beautiful globes over your lap. You'll love how her skin grows warm and pink. She's your lover - It's OK if your fingers wander southward.
3. It’s wonderful to spoon after a spanking. Hugs and kisses. The lovemaking afterward is often sensational. Do the initials B.J. hold any significance? Spankings can relax her.
4. You could make it a game. Make her smile – tease her about future spankings. Haven't you always wanted to threaten to "tan her hide"? It’s fun to collect and test various spanking implements.

Romantic Partnership
1. This opens an exciting new chapter in your relationship. The process of experimentation allows a couple to grow together. Spanking builds trust between partners. Romantic spanking opens lines of communication. It can strengthen your relationship. It's something fun you can do together.
2. Spankings promote greater physical and emotional intimacy. It’s with you she wants to share this secret. Your willingness to try demonstrates your love for her. It's wonderful to feel completely in love again. She'll adore you all the more for listening to her needs. You can be her hero!
3. As you spank her, feel any anger you may feel melt away and turn into delight and respect for your partner and for the priceless gift of her submission.

I deleted these points as a way to replace the one-way orientation (she wants it and wants to convince her reluctant partner) with an appeal that can go from either partner to the other, and also to lose redundancy and also the reference to the "dedicated spanko" just because the reluctant partner may not want to become one..
1. What's not to like?
2. If you don’t believe me, ask any other dedicated spanko
3. If she didn't agree, she wouldn't have shown you this list!
4. Spanking is a huge turn-on for her
5. She's eager for this, really!

Post a Comment