Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 10

Our question this week was whether larger bottoms feel more or less pain during a spanking than smaller ones. I don't think that we arrived at a definitive consensus, but it certainly was a fascinating conversation.

Make Mine Red: I think that it depends on each individual's level of pain tolerance more so than their size. Also, even if there is a larger surface, a spanker could still land the swats in the same area and not necessarily spread them around. I think it depends on the situation rather than a "larger" vs "smaller" issue. I'll be interested to read what others think!

Joeyred: As an athelete, I have almost no body fat and my glutes are rock hard. I feel the sting of a spanking on my skin. With any wood implement, the stinging pain is intense. Belts and straps also cause a stinging pain at the skin level, but I need more strokes to enter subspace. I hate thumpy implements, they hurt my muscles quickly and result in a much longer recovery. With that said, I believe that a larger bottom can withstand more swats with heavier wooden implements than a smaller one.

Hermione: Perception of pain is a highly individual and personal experience, and the size of a person's bottom is just one of many variables. How we feel pain can vary from day to day, for many reasons.

In order to test the theories, you would need a series of subjects who possess one large buttock and one that's at least 25% smaller.

I'd love to know the results, as well as where you found the necessary participants. :)

Shafer's Girl: I have a small, bony butt! I have to say that smaller bottoms get it worse then bigger ones. After an extended spanking session, my butt hurts! Not just the sting, but it kind of aches! So I vote that us skinny asses have it worse!

Meow: To me, each spank hurts, so the amount of pain depends on the strength of each swat and the total number given, not the area that is covered. There should be some kind of formula for this if we want to get scientific! (grin)

JW: Oh goodness! Perception of pain is such a complicated scenario. I'm not sure scientifically there would be any reasonable way to separate all the variables out to where you were simply dealing with small or large. I have been spanked when I was skinny, and I have been spanked when I was, umm, not so skinny. I don't think I have ever perceived it to be better or worse overall.

Daisy: I don't think it has anything to do with size. People have vastly different pain thresholds. Indeed, the same person will have a greater pain tolerance at different times...

Also, I find it hurts from the first swat when I know I have upset, angered, disappointed, or hurt his feelings. Harder swats are easily tolerated, even enjoyed, when it is for fun or good girl, or even maintenance! It has a profound effect on me psychologically, when I know he is not pleased with me, and therefore I am in a whole different mindset.

Simon(e): I agree with the others who say that it really is down to the perception of the spankee. I personally have not found that the pain has changed that much over the years. I started out with a very skinny bottom and now having put on a fair amount of weight have a larger, although I hope not fat, backside. I'm not sure whether this proves the argument either way though.

Lea: Theory One - The swats aren't really spread out that much even though I provide a greater surface area than some. The focus is usually the lower half of my bottom and the sit spots.

Theory Two- Maybe I'm a wuss, but it sure doesn't feel like "extra padding" gives me more protection. A spanking is a spanking. It can hurt a lot.

Theory Three- See my reply to theory one. The spanking is usually focused to specific areas, so I don't know that this would apply.

Theory Four- I'm not sure about that. I guess I'd have to be spanked alongside a smaller person to determine if I was getting it harder. I don't think that is the case though. Most tops play to the tolerance level of the bottom and that wouldn't necessarily have anything to do with their size.

The Marine's Wife: I have nothing to say that wasn't already said, but I couldn't not comment. In my opinion, size has nothing to do with it.

Baby Girl: I'm still a spanking virgin, but I will let you know once it happens. BTW, I do have a big booty!

We look forward to a full report, BG.

Dr. Ken: I don't think it's the size of the bottom, but rather how the spanker goes about it. It depends on how hard or light the swats are, what implements get used, how they're applied and how much strength gets put behind each swing.

Yes, I've known a lady with a very small bottom who could only take the lightest of spankings, but I've also known a few ladies with larger bootys who were the same way. And, of course, the opposite is true. I've known smaller and larger spankees who could take quite a lot!

Ultimately, I think it all comes down to the same sting in the end....

MarQe: Smaller bottoms feel it more . I always prefer to spank a small bottom, purely a personal preference. I have a tiny bottom, so when I switch, I can definitely confirm it hurts a lot! Especially that hairbrush, which I also love to apply. ;)

Six of the Best: When I spank a woman who has a large bare bottom, I consider her naked derriere to be sexually voluptuous. So congratulations, to you, for I am sure that Ron is in heaven when he wallops such a beautiful rear end.

Ron's heaven is 2500 miles from my bottom!

D: I definitely prefer to spank an ample bottom. It bounces and jiggles in an exciting way, and one can spank as hard as one wants without doing any real damage. As regards pain, this is easily adjusted. If the spanker concentrates every whack on the same spot, madam is going to have a very sore spot. She will not enjoy this at all. It's better to spread the spanking over every square inch of her well spread haunches. Her rear will smart and burn with a sexy heat, which S actually admits she enjoys.

Tina: The question made me laugh. It looks like you are getting some, hmm, cough, "funny" answers. Personally, I think, where bones are not well covered with flesh, the pain gets very unpleasant (even if not necessarily stronger).

Alice: I'm not sure what the right answer is. I only know that I have had an enforced period of abstinence lately and I just ache to feel the whole thing again. However, my bone coverage may have been slightly increased recently due to holiday over indulgence in frites and crepes - maybe I should conduct a controlled experiment?

That's just what we need, Alice, field research!

Bonnie: I said at the beginning that I didn't know and I still don't. I think Joeyred makes a good point about the potential for heavy implements doing more damage to thin bottoms. A number of other arguments seem compelling, but I have no way to know with any certainty. So I am content to leave this question as another of life's great mysteries.

Thanks, everyone, for joining us! Next week, we will revive a favorite classic topic.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Mar 14

This was our topic of the week:

Dagmar Rasmussen, a well-known Danish masochist, says that she enjoys the build up to a spanking and the aftermath, but that it’s a shame about the few minutes in the middle. Do you agree with the Rasmussen Principle? Why or why not?

Here are your responses.

Mark'sToy: No, I don't agree. Yes, I'm all about the anticipation, and the aftermath sets up the next episode, but without the "few minutes in the middle," it's just a mental exercise and you might as well just be daydreaming about it.

Hermione: I don't understand why Dagmar calls herself a masochist if she gets no pleasure from pain. That's a contradiction in terms.

For me, it would be like having a sandwich made of two slices of whole grain rosemary and olive bread with nothing in between. The bread is delicious, but the whole point of a sandwich is the filling. Without the pain of a spanking, there isn't any reason for what comes before or after. I'll take as much middle as I can get. That's the best part.

Tina: I kind of agree. It's just such a weird way of looking at it that it seems wrong at first. That's because, in reality, there could never be a build up and an aftermath without the middle. But in fact, if it were possible, I´d opt for it too!

Sara: I sure can relate to the statement. I also don't know why Dagmar would consider herself a masochist. I don't like pain and do not think of myself in those terms. There have been many times when I wished I could somehow have the benefits without the actual spanking! Yes, I understand that this makes no sense rationally, but on an emotional level, a hard spanking does not feel at all like what I think it will, and then later remember it as. The results are great on many levels, but going through the pain is not always so wonderful.

Our Bottoms Burn: What Hermione said. [who makes my comments so easy]

And for this self described masochist, the "pain" morphs into pleasure.

Karl Friedrich Gauss: I get the feeling that most of the comments posted so far are from the recipient's point of view. That's all well and good, but from the viewpoint of the one who would rather give than receive, the bit in the middle is definitely the main course and could not be done without!

Jean Marie: I'm a Gemini, so I hold two viewpoints.

Sometimes I'm in the mood for it, so I brat to make sure I'll get it good. All the while I'm being disciplined, I relish the experience.

Most often, though, I know that I need to be punished, but dread the actual event. It hurts! So 75% of the time this submissive agrees with the statement and looks forward with anticipation, and loves looking over her shoulder in the mirror afterward at a warmed and reddened bottom, but who hates the middle.

And we wonder why guys can't figure us out...

Dr. Ken: Dagmar would really hate my spankings, then, since they tend to last much longer than "a few minutes."

I actually know a few ladies who would probably agree with her, though. They're not masochists. They're really not "into" pain, but everything that leads up to it including earning the spanking, being caught and scolded, and time in the corner waiting to called to go over the spanker's knee. They crave the anticipation and its mental and emotional effect rather than the physical one.

I enjoy all that as well, but as a spanker, I'm definitely a "middle" man...

Daisy: Ummm, without the middle bit, there could be no aftermath, and the (lack of) middle would be a crashing disappointment to the build up, which would lead to any future promise of a spanking having less, or no, build up because there was nothing to build up FOR. Does that make sense?

I don't enjoy the pain. I don't crave the spanking itself, it's all a mind thing. I love the control being taken from me, and for that, the spanking has to actually take place!

And, I agree with the others. A true masochist would be craving the pain.

Doll: It rather depends upon the implement being used. I could do without the middle when it is a real hand as that stings so much. But with a belt, the middle is what I crave and enjoy. I just love the way it lands on my bum and the feeling of communion with the leather.

Poppy: I don't like the pain but without the severity and sternness of the middle bit, I would implode in a little ball of rage and confusion. And without the bits on either side, I would just cry and implode.

I hate being spanked. I love how I feel when I have been spanked and I love the change it brings about in me so much that sometimes I even want to be spanked.

I agree with Daisy that there is a lot about a loss of control that really makes it work for me.

Katia: I don't agree. The anticipation is what creates the mindset that I need to accept what is about to happen. Without the middle, there would be no aftermath. I would just have a bunch of emotions running amuck.

R Humphries: This question has always fascinated me, Over the years, I have discussed Dagmar’s observation with a number of spankettes and the responses have been as varied and interesting as the comments made today. Jojo says that she would not use the word ‘like’ about the painful middle section of the process, but it provides her with a total adrenalin rush as she explores her emotions

From a spanker’s point of view, of course, the middle part is the real thrill, although I do love the preparatory rituals and the often amusing conversations I have with my wife in the aftermath.

In fairness to Ms. Rasmussen, I’m not sure she ever personally described herself as a masochist. She was a respected social anthropologist at the University of Copenhagen. She was one of the first females to speak openly about her sexuality on public TV, including her submissive tendencies. I think it was more likely that it was the press that dubbed her a masochist and the spanking community who named a principle after her comments.

Perhaps Havelock Ellis sums it up best. "The essence of sadomasochism is not so much ‘pain’ as the overwhelming of one's senses - emotionally more than physically. Active sexual masochism has little to do with pain and everything to do with the search for emotional pleasure. When we understand that it is pain only, and not cruelty, that is the essential in this group of manifestations, we begin to come nearer to their explanation. The masochist desires to experience pain, but he [sic: /she] generally desires that it should be inflicted in love; the sadist desires to inflict pain, but he [sic: /she] desires that it should be felt as love..." --Havelock Ellis

Although I must confess that during three and a half decades of spanking adventures, I have never thought of myself as a ‘sadist’ and I’m sure that Jojo doesn’t define herself as a ‘masochist’ any more than she considers herself to be a submissive . It's interesting stuff.

Bonnie: As I've said before, I don't like labels because they carry so much baggage. Right or wrong, S/M says freak to most of the population. So fitting or not, I avoid those words.

As for the question at hand, I'm solidly with the dissenters. The spanking itself is where the cerebral world of fantasies and desires become manifest in the down and dirty physical here and now. The searing pain of a wooden hairbrush crashing into undulating flesh makes it all real. The crisp report, the anticipation of the next blow, the involuntary intake of air, the sudden sensation of wanting to flee, and the rising determination to demonstrate my submission are all important parts of the complete experience. I would never want to skip any aspect even once.

I like to have my bottom spanked and I want it to hurt enough to leave memories I can cherish later. With that said, there are definitely times when Randy spanks harder and/or faster than I would choose. But working though those moments is an important part of the process. When I remain in place and accept his entire gift, I prove my submission, if only to myself. Once I leave the moment, that whole ball of emotions transforms into pure lust.

Yes, I'll take the whole enchilada!

Red: No, I don't agree with the Rasmussen principle. I need those few moments in between as much as I hate the actual seconds of pain.

Thanks, everyone, for sharing your insights. I hope you'll join us again next weekend!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Feb 28

Our topic this week was residual discomfort and sitting after a spanking. Here are your insights.

Janet: This is a complicated question. Well, it's not really complicated, but there are just so many variables. In our relationship, maintenance spankings don't usually lead to days of reminders that I have been spanked. Yes, afterward and for a few hours after, I am sore, but not with that intense burn and pain for days. It's just a reminder that I am loved and cared for.

With punishment spankings, there is always a burn and sitting is painful for quite some time afterward. Depending on what the punishment is for, it can last from a few hours to a day or two.

I actually enjoy it when I am sore for a few days. It reminds me to behave and gives me time to reflect on what I have done wrong. It also reminds me that my HOH loves me enough to help me become a better person.

Hermione: First, let me say that I love feeling the reminder of a spanking, especially the next day on occasions when I have to sit for extended periods.

I usually don't feel much discomfort soon after a spanking, and am fine sitting on something soft. The soreness usually materializes after an hour or two, and then I am uncomfortable for the rest of the evening.

While our spankings have generally become more intense, I have also built up a tolerance, so next day soreness isn't as common as it once was. But when it's there, it's a sweet reminder of a time of closeness between us.

Ken: Having the reminder of the spanking or caning when sitting down the next day is one of the greatest pleasures for me about being spanked as it brings back all of the wonderful memories. It's been the same when it's my hands that have been punished and you get a sharp reminder when you pick up a mug of hot coffee or relief when you pick up an ice cold drink.

Because I am not punished that often, I still have the soreness for quite a few days if it has been an intense punishment and it is almost sad when the discomfort finally goes.

Prefectdt: I like the feeling of a latent reminder of a spanking, but how long that lasts does tend to depend on the toy used. Hand, flogger, belt, strap, these do not tend to last too long. A hard caning can last a few days. Heavier hairbrushes, wood paddles and especially slippers with modern soles tend to cause some DMT (deep muscle trauma) that can last a week or more.

The problem I tend to find with sitting is not the sitting itself but getting up after sitting on a hard surface. As the buttocks "pop" back into their natural state, it is sometimes like getting all the strokes all over again in one go.

I very often find myself on a train after a spanking and if the carriage has soft padded seats there can sometimes be a considerable heat build up between the buttocks and the seat, this can get to the point of being very disconcerting sometimes.

Jean Marie: If I'm not sore for a good while afterward, he's not doing it right! And as others have said, I LOVE that reminder of what we've shared.

Sunflower: I love feeling the reminders! It's that hot, tingly burn that's my favorite part of a spanking. I haven't yet experienced a severe enough spanking to feel anything the day after, but for a few hours after in the same day, I do feel it. And I love it!

Our Bottoms Burn: Following a spanking, do you or your partner experience discomfort when sitting? Nope.

...Severe? That's a subjective word.

How long do posterior soreness and related sensations typically last? It varies from a few minutes to a few hours. I am guessing here, but soreness may be like bruising. Some bruise very easily, and others not at all.

Burl Apsack: I try to see my Disciplinarian once a month, so the spanking, paddling, flogging, whipping, and/or caning tends to be intense. I will be tender and sore for a few days afterward and, honestly, I would be disappointed if I were not.

Elysia: I wish I had more occasions to be sore, but the ones when I was were memory boosters. They are re-ignited in the shower, from rubbing pantie elastic and love pats from my hubby. When I feel it, I often feel compelled to admire my bottom in the mirror. I hope I have some tomorrow, after all isn't this Saturday night? I wish you some too Bonnie.

No worries, Elysia. It's all good here!

Scunge: Right now, it is tax season, so Sir is kind of tired. We still have spanks everyday, but not at the level that I want or need. AFTER tax season, well...

I really like being sore the day after. It helps keep me centered.

R Humphries: The aftermath has always held a special fascination for me. I am blessed that Jojo is not the least bit bashful about keeping me updated regarding the varying residual effects of a play session. She does have a rather admirable ability to recover, but sometimes I can’t help noticing a certain unmistakable stiffness to her gait or that she sits down a little more gingerly than normal. For those interested in spanking trivia, the Greek noun ‘pygalgia’ (loosely translated as a pain in the buttocks) can come in handy if you happen to wish to enquire after the state of your dear one’s rear end and find yourself in the company of the unenlightened.

Thomas: Obviously, I'm not on the receiving end of the spankings, but there can be residual effects, depending on the intensity of the spanking in question. For play, it's only rarely going to leave any lasting impression. For punishment and discipline, though, and the occasional therapeutic spanking, discomfort can last for hours or days after the actual spanking.

There was one situation where Cookie was spanked for an offense, but didn't feel that she was punished COMPLETELY for what she did and that I went easy on her. She was left moody and bitchy. As a result, her attitude deteriorated. Finally, I ended up spanking her again for the initial offense, as well as for the mounting behavior problems from her feelings of being out of control.

She was spanked with the hairbrush, but it was, by far, the worse punishment that she ever received from me. You often hear a Top talk about "blistering" a bottom and think to yourself, "Yeah, right." In this case, though, her bottom was literally blistered from the repeated hard impact of the brush, and her skin was peeling away like a sunburn. Her bottom was sensitive for a week or more, and it took at least a month for her bottom to fully heal from the ordeal. Thankfully, she hasn't felt that neglected lately, so we haven't had to repeat that procedure. This is a good thing, since we hardly get any spanking time to ourselves now, whether for play or punishment.

Paolo: The next day 'warm' feeling felt by a spanking friend of mine excited her so much that she did something rather naughty in the rest rooms at her place of employment. I felt pride!

Please note that Paolo now has a new address.

Bonnie: For reasons I don't completely comprehend, I experience a lot of variability in the duration of my posterior soreness. Sometimes, the pain ends shortly after the spanking itself. Other times, that little ouch sticks around much longer. Part of it is the type of implements that Randy uses and how vigorously he applies them. Even so, I am regularly surprised by soreness, or lack thereof.

Randy is quite fond of spanking me right before we go out for the evening. I know he enjoys watching me squirm in a restaurant, at the theater, or at a sporting event. He gazes over at me with one raised eyebrow as if to ask what could be wrong. I shoot him a faux dirty look and then he laughs at my predicament. It's a game he never tires of playing.

In truth, I absolutely love the afterglow. Every time I sit and feel a reminder, my mind flashes back to vivid recollections of moments spend across his lap. “I got spanked tonight!” I think. With that, a bolt of sexual energy runs through my body. A spanking is always a turn-on for me, but its manifest memory is even more so. I love it!

Thanks to everyone who joined us for brunch this week.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for August 9

Our topic of the week was spanking pain and the role it plays in a fulfilling spanking experience. Here are your thoughts.

Angie: It very much depends on my mood at the time. I like my good girl spankings, everything from soft little pats, to well, much 'stricter' play.

Sometimes, I'm in the mood for how a wood paddle, brush or spoon feels. And yes, they all have their unique feel. Or maybe I crave leather, such as the delicious London Tanner boudoir paddle. Oh yum! Or maybe it should be the scary tawse.

But yes, often the pain that comes with the spanking is a big part of it. I like knowing it's not in my control and that once it's started, that all I can do is take it...

Daisychain: On a percentage basis, I would say that being out of control is 50%, the pain is 30%, and the resulting humiliation of submitting is 20%. This is because without the pain,which I cannot control, I would be smirking and feeling IN CONTROL! So the pain is there to say to my headspace, "Shit, this freakin hurts and I can't stop it hurting!" I then HAVE to submit to Davey's authority, which is humiliating because I am a strong, VERY independent woman in all ways' So it's incredibly mindblowing and sexy to have to admit he has control, and none of this would happen without him TAKING control in the first place!

Hermione: Is it really the pain of spanking that arouses me? I don't think so. A hug that goes on to include a couple dozen pats on my clothed bottom will get my juices flowing. So will six noisy but harmless swats mixed in with other forms of foreplay. But there's more to it than that for me.

During a spanking I want to really feel pain. I crave it. Being able to suffer, to endure it and to emerge on the other side is an emotional achievement. As a spanking progresses, I feel the pain less, or I am less aware of it. I love the unexpected sharpness of what Ron calls "misfires." That's a swat that lands too high, or the impact of a paddle held at the wrong angle. They make me gasp and hope for more. Ron usually ends with an extra effort that leaves me feeling that I have had enough, but not too much. Feeling the afterglow the next day is always a special secret that I carry with me, and no one ever suspects what I have endured.

Meg: We don't do punishment, so I can't speak to that. However, our erotic sessions sometimes get very intense, with the impact of the paddle probably approaching that of punishment. So I can speak of the pain. He has me wait and pats me softly, sometimes for ten seconds or more after I'm in position, then spaces the swats perfectly, allowing the sensation of each to come in three waves: the initial slap and sting, the numbness that follows, and then the burning surge that follows. Each stage, from the starting anticipation through the post-numbness burn, provides its own kind of arousal for me. I suppose the next-to-best is the anticipation, when the adrenalin starts to flow. The best is the big burn that starts on my backside, focuses "down there," then sweeps down to my toes and up to the top of my head. After going through that several times, I'm ready for the real action, so I take him down even though he's twice my size!

Prefectdt: It is enduring the pain that brings on the "I can take it" adrenaline rush and eventually the release of the endorphins and that sweet high. In short, without the pain, there is no gain.

As a male spankee, I do have to watch out for the ever present male ego. There are two pain limits. The tolerance limit is always the same. In contrast, the pleasure limit can vary due to mood, physical condition and so many other factors. It is always a struggle not to let the ego get in the way and go for the tolerance limit, just to show off what you can take.

Saffron: For me, I love spanking, be it hard or soft, and of course the related sensual play. It's so fun! But I will say this. If there is no pain, it can be kind of boring. A very nice man spanked me not so long ago. It was so gentle that I could have fallen asleep. That's just not right for me. I love the unexpected sharpness. There are times when a nice moderate hand spanking is great, like a massage really, but a single unexpected sharp swat makes it all the better. I don't yet give up total control because I have not found someone I can do that with yet. I am not spanked by someone with whom I am in a relationship, but I certainly do give up control. I like it when they take control, whilst in my situation, respecting my withholding of control.

Pain is a big part of it, as are mindset and trust. Hugely.

Jean Marie: This is something I've struggled with. For a long time, I felt that I loved spankings afterward, but hated the act itself because of the intense pain. I often needed to be spanked, but detested it. Those that have addressed this so far have eloquently articulated the conundrum. It has to hurt. Reading the previous postings has been very therapeutic for me. Thanks, Bonnie, and all who spoke.

Tiggs: I hate pain, yet I often consider myself a true pain slut in the deepest sense of the word when I am in the RIGHT frame of mind for it.

So what puts me in the right frame of mind? Well, not really anything at all that Dante or anyone or anything else does or says... It truly is all about me.

I have to be feeling self-confident and open and trusting of myself enough to let someone else inside my head. And when that happens, I am capable of doing or experiencing just about anything!

And when I'm in that space, I'm not even feeling the pain. But if I were, I'd simply see it as even more of a challenge and motivation to push the envelope even farther.

Afterward, when all is said and done and the world stops floating, the things I remember most are not at all associated with pain. It's that same sense of trust and respect and vulnerability and intimacy, merging completely into one another. That's really what the whole spanking thing is all about for me anyway!

Curtis: I'm not into punishment or discipline. I like OTK hand spankings the best. What I'm into is inflicting stinging pleasure. The intensity of the sting depends on my partner and our communication. But what I want to do is either give pleasure or arousal and as a switch that's what I want also.

Scunge: I live with pain ALL the time. I have fibromyalgia. The really funny thing is spanking seems to help it. It must be the endorphins. I LOVE the pain I get from spanking. ANY of it. I'm just so glad that I found a caring and wonderful Sir. He knows me so well now and knows my limits and my bottom's limits. Though he has pushed beyond just a bit sometimes and, oh, the sensation of THAT!

Thomas: It figures that I finally make it back to a brunch, and step into a conversation where I'm really the less qualified person to comment. I guess that I'll leave this one up to Cookie. I will say that there are times, not just during our "Cookie Challenges," in which I try to test her pain tolerance. She's come a long way since I first met her two years ago, and her bottom is conditioned to handle a lot. Still, the threat of bringing out the nylon cane or our "wedding gift" paddle will keep her in line when she starts to misbehave.

I would like to comment on Scunge's reply. I have known a good number (at least five or six) of spankos with fibromyalgia. Like you, the endorphin rush helps them to control the pain from the affliction, sometimes for several days. Leelee, in particular, enjoys reaching subspace just for this reason.

Pammie: We don't do punishment spanking either, but we definitely both enjoy impact play – spanking, paddling, a bit of caning, etc.

I am not a pain slut, but I really enjoy subspace. My Man uses a moderate amount of intensity at the beginning and switches between hand spanking and different implements. This is enjoyable for both of us and helps me last longer.

If there is intense pain right at the beginning, I am tempted to use my safe word and bail early on the scene. An appropriate build-up of intensity is important because it lengthens the play time.

Tom: I have frequently referred to myself as an unrepentant spanking sadist. The "sting aspect" of spanking is central to my enjoyment of the experience of administering spankings. As I say that I am a sadist, I am really only turned on by causing pain via spanking. I would not be turned on by hitting someone on the toe with a hammer. I have pinched nipples of partners and played with nipple clamps, in that it provided them an intense stimulation that they found arousing. It really didn't do much for me other than enjoying their arousal. Were I to have spanked them though, I would have been thrilled (and usually I did).

I dislike the kind of spanking that is controlled by the bottom. If the bottom is continuously telling me how she would like it... a little harder... a little softer... a little faster... not there – lower... etc. It does nothing for me. The kind of spanking that leaves the spankee kind of slightly warm and pink and, well, just kind of tingly doesn't do it for me. I want way greater intensity and sting.

Years ago, when I was first into this, I went through a switch period particularly as I was being trained in the "how-to's" of spanking. I realized that what I find stimulating is my imagining of the sensation of my bottom partner, her pain, her emotions, her franticness and urgency to try to end the spanking or get relief. I found that being a recipient as well as a Top enhanced the intensity of my imaginings and empathy with my spankee which ratcheted up my arousal at the stinging sensations she was experiencing.

I am aging and mellowing. Particularly with my swan, I am finding that recently I am working at giving her spankings that have milder, slower, and less intensive aspects interspersed with the greater intensity I enjoy inflicting. I've developed a vastly renewed appreciation for hand spanking which for years I had viewed as just kind of wimpy. I have learned that while I want her to experience huge intense stinging sensations, if I give her periods when she can as she refers to it "catch up" with the sensations, we both wind up quite happy at the end of a spanking despite her having received an intense blistering as part of our play.

Anyway, I would have to concur that, "it don't mean a thing if it ain't got that sting."

MissyH: I feel exactly the same way as Tiggs: "Afterward, when all is said and done and the world stops floating, the things I remember most are not at all associated with pain. It's that same sense of trust and respect and vulnerability and intimacy, merging completely into one another. That's really what the whole spanking thing is all about for me anyway."

Handsdown: For me, the arousal comes from the sting, and our spanking sessions are all about sex. Actually, if he wants certain things in the bedroom, he has to spank me long and hard enough to get me to agree to them. He's doesn’t get there (especially if he wants anal play, which isn’t my favorite thing) until my bottom is all red and stingy.

I'm not into extreme pain, however. I haven't had a punishment spanking since I was 12, and they were actually beatings. So the idea of a punishment spanking, at least at this point, doesn't activate my sensors at all.

My best stingy zone comes from a nice hard OTK hand spanking, followed by a short paddle or leather belt/strap. I absolutely love that. I think that’s why I like Thomas’ spanking videos so much. He usually starts with a delicious OTK hand spanking. Of course, he goes at Cookie with much more force than I could stand. Cookie is amazing. For me, a little bruising is fine, but no welts, blisters or broken skin. I'm diabetic and that's just too much for me.

Canes and heavy paddles scare me to death right now. The site of one approaching my bottom would make me scream my safe word before it ever struck.

Bonnie: I sort of gave away my answer in the way I phrased the question. Spanking pain is the key that unlocks a treasury of positive emotions and experiences for me. We don't spank because of the key, but because of all that lies beyond the lock. Were there a way to open the lock without all that pain, I'm sure we would explore it. But as far as I know, there is no spanko skeleton key.

Most of the time, I don't mind getting and having a sore bottom because over the years, I have come to associate that sensation with a cornucopia of happiness and pleasure. When Randy instructs me to bend over, I know it's going to hurt. But once we get into it, that somehow doesn't matter so much. And afterward, any residual ouch is a huge turn-on.

Thank you all for joining us for brunch. I look forward to seeing you again next week!