Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Mar 14

This was our topic of the week:

Dagmar Rasmussen, a well-known Danish masochist, says that she enjoys the build up to a spanking and the aftermath, but that it’s a shame about the few minutes in the middle. Do you agree with the Rasmussen Principle? Why or why not?

Here are your responses.

Mark'sToy: No, I don't agree. Yes, I'm all about the anticipation, and the aftermath sets up the next episode, but without the "few minutes in the middle," it's just a mental exercise and you might as well just be daydreaming about it.

Hermione: I don't understand why Dagmar calls herself a masochist if she gets no pleasure from pain. That's a contradiction in terms.

For me, it would be like having a sandwich made of two slices of whole grain rosemary and olive bread with nothing in between. The bread is delicious, but the whole point of a sandwich is the filling. Without the pain of a spanking, there isn't any reason for what comes before or after. I'll take as much middle as I can get. That's the best part.

Tina: I kind of agree. It's just such a weird way of looking at it that it seems wrong at first. That's because, in reality, there could never be a build up and an aftermath without the middle. But in fact, if it were possible, I´d opt for it too!

Sara: I sure can relate to the statement. I also don't know why Dagmar would consider herself a masochist. I don't like pain and do not think of myself in those terms. There have been many times when I wished I could somehow have the benefits without the actual spanking! Yes, I understand that this makes no sense rationally, but on an emotional level, a hard spanking does not feel at all like what I think it will, and then later remember it as. The results are great on many levels, but going through the pain is not always so wonderful.

Our Bottoms Burn: What Hermione said. [who makes my comments so easy]

And for this self described masochist, the "pain" morphs into pleasure.

Karl Friedrich Gauss: I get the feeling that most of the comments posted so far are from the recipient's point of view. That's all well and good, but from the viewpoint of the one who would rather give than receive, the bit in the middle is definitely the main course and could not be done without!

Jean Marie: I'm a Gemini, so I hold two viewpoints.

Sometimes I'm in the mood for it, so I brat to make sure I'll get it good. All the while I'm being disciplined, I relish the experience.

Most often, though, I know that I need to be punished, but dread the actual event. It hurts! So 75% of the time this submissive agrees with the statement and looks forward with anticipation, and loves looking over her shoulder in the mirror afterward at a warmed and reddened bottom, but who hates the middle.

And we wonder why guys can't figure us out...

Dr. Ken: Dagmar would really hate my spankings, then, since they tend to last much longer than "a few minutes."

I actually know a few ladies who would probably agree with her, though. They're not masochists. They're really not "into" pain, but everything that leads up to it including earning the spanking, being caught and scolded, and time in the corner waiting to called to go over the spanker's knee. They crave the anticipation and its mental and emotional effect rather than the physical one.

I enjoy all that as well, but as a spanker, I'm definitely a "middle" man...

Daisy: Ummm, without the middle bit, there could be no aftermath, and the (lack of) middle would be a crashing disappointment to the build up, which would lead to any future promise of a spanking having less, or no, build up because there was nothing to build up FOR. Does that make sense?

I don't enjoy the pain. I don't crave the spanking itself, it's all a mind thing. I love the control being taken from me, and for that, the spanking has to actually take place!

And, I agree with the others. A true masochist would be craving the pain.

Doll: It rather depends upon the implement being used. I could do without the middle when it is a real hand as that stings so much. But with a belt, the middle is what I crave and enjoy. I just love the way it lands on my bum and the feeling of communion with the leather.

Poppy: I don't like the pain but without the severity and sternness of the middle bit, I would implode in a little ball of rage and confusion. And without the bits on either side, I would just cry and implode.

I hate being spanked. I love how I feel when I have been spanked and I love the change it brings about in me so much that sometimes I even want to be spanked.

I agree with Daisy that there is a lot about a loss of control that really makes it work for me.

Katia: I don't agree. The anticipation is what creates the mindset that I need to accept what is about to happen. Without the middle, there would be no aftermath. I would just have a bunch of emotions running amuck.

R Humphries: This question has always fascinated me, Over the years, I have discussed Dagmar’s observation with a number of spankettes and the responses have been as varied and interesting as the comments made today. Jojo says that she would not use the word ‘like’ about the painful middle section of the process, but it provides her with a total adrenalin rush as she explores her emotions

From a spanker’s point of view, of course, the middle part is the real thrill, although I do love the preparatory rituals and the often amusing conversations I have with my wife in the aftermath.

In fairness to Ms. Rasmussen, I’m not sure she ever personally described herself as a masochist. She was a respected social anthropologist at the University of Copenhagen. She was one of the first females to speak openly about her sexuality on public TV, including her submissive tendencies. I think it was more likely that it was the press that dubbed her a masochist and the spanking community who named a principle after her comments.

Perhaps Havelock Ellis sums it up best. "The essence of sadomasochism is not so much ‘pain’ as the overwhelming of one's senses - emotionally more than physically. Active sexual masochism has little to do with pain and everything to do with the search for emotional pleasure. When we understand that it is pain only, and not cruelty, that is the essential in this group of manifestations, we begin to come nearer to their explanation. The masochist desires to experience pain, but he [sic: /she] generally desires that it should be inflicted in love; the sadist desires to inflict pain, but he [sic: /she] desires that it should be felt as love..." --Havelock Ellis

Although I must confess that during three and a half decades of spanking adventures, I have never thought of myself as a ‘sadist’ and I’m sure that Jojo doesn’t define herself as a ‘masochist’ any more than she considers herself to be a submissive . It's interesting stuff.

Bonnie: As I've said before, I don't like labels because they carry so much baggage. Right or wrong, S/M says freak to most of the population. So fitting or not, I avoid those words.

As for the question at hand, I'm solidly with the dissenters. The spanking itself is where the cerebral world of fantasies and desires become manifest in the down and dirty physical here and now. The searing pain of a wooden hairbrush crashing into undulating flesh makes it all real. The crisp report, the anticipation of the next blow, the involuntary intake of air, the sudden sensation of wanting to flee, and the rising determination to demonstrate my submission are all important parts of the complete experience. I would never want to skip any aspect even once.

I like to have my bottom spanked and I want it to hurt enough to leave memories I can cherish later. With that said, there are definitely times when Randy spanks harder and/or faster than I would choose. But working though those moments is an important part of the process. When I remain in place and accept his entire gift, I prove my submission, if only to myself. Once I leave the moment, that whole ball of emotions transforms into pure lust.

Yes, I'll take the whole enchilada!

Red: No, I don't agree with the Rasmussen principle. I need those few moments in between as much as I hate the actual seconds of pain.

Thanks, everyone, for sharing your insights. I hope you'll join us again next weekend!