The amazing Jillian Keenan has a YouTube channel where she regularly posts videos about our favorite topic. I love Jillian. She is incredibly smart, a great writer, delightfully out, and a spanko through and through. Were she not half my age, I might aspire to grow up to be like Jillian.
Besides all that, I find Jillian's perspectives to be fascinating because her life is so different from mine. We are both spankos and journalists, but otherwise, we have little in common. She has lived and worked on at least four continents and experienced many adventures. She hosts and attends spanking parties and has many friends in the scene.
Recently, Jillian filmed a two-part video entitled "Do All Spankos Think the Same?" While attending a spanking party, she gathered five spanko friends, including Jillian's partner, and our friend Princess Kelley, and her fiance, Stephen. She presented the group with a series of prompts to explore different opinions within even this small subset of the spanko community. Spoiler Alert: There were a lot of differences.
I thought it might be fun to take a shot at responding to Jillian's prompts. Some of my responses are unlike those presented by anyone in her group.
Prompt #1: I am afraid other people will find out about my fetish
Agree - I've often wondered in recent years what it might be like to be out. The freedom to be oneself after so many years has to be exhilarating. But at this point, the price is just too high.
Prompt #2: My fetish is my sexual orientation
It's Complicated - Randy and I define spanking as sex. A spanking is just another sort of sex act for us, and a total favorite. With that said, I am a straight cis-female. I've always been attracted to men.
Prompt #3: Sex is important to me
Agree - Absolutely. When I get a spanking, I prefer to include lovemaking as part of the festivities, and vice versa.
Prompt #4: Fifty Shades of Grey was good for our community
Disagree - Someday, there might be a popular film that actually portrays people of kink as being normal, happy, productive humans who are fortunate enough to live interesting lives. Most of us are not broken or suffering from mental illnesses. This portrayal of kinky people as damaged is analogous to old harmful stereotypes of Black people, Indigenous people, and members of the LGBT+ community.
I reject the argument that any exposure is good. I would like to see us promote real understanding that goes beyond labels and unfair characterizations.
Prompt #5: Consensual adult spankings work for behavior modification
Disagree - People tell me that domestic discipline works for them, and I believe them. But it wouldn't work for me. As I said, spankings are sex for us. As much as we enjoy punishment scenarios, it's never punishment for any real crime.
Prompt #6: Converted vanillas exist
Agree - I know of several converted vanillas, but all are tops. Converting a true vanilla to be a bottom seems like a very unlikely scenario. Either you like having your bottom smacked or you do not. That is a chasm too broad to bridge. On the other hand, when one's sexy partner suggests that it would be a turn-on if you were to spank them, that's a whole different matter.
Prompt #7: I trust spankos more easily than I trust most other people
Disagree - I've encountered many spankos over the years. Some were extremely trustworthy while others were definitely not.
Prompt #8: The gender of my play partner is important to me
Agree - I play exclusively with my husband.
Prompt #9: I was spanked as a child
Agree - Yes, though not to excess. Looking back, this was a source of confusion for me. My young mind had trouble processing spankings, much as if I had been prematurely introduced to sexuality.
Our daughter was never spanked for precisely this reason, well, that, and the fact that it doesn't work. Spanking means sex for us, and kids must be permitted to live their childhood without the burden of adult concerns.
Prompt #10: I consider myself monogamous
Agree - I play exclusively with my husband. You won't find many people more monogamous than us.
Prompt #11: I'm glad I'm a fetishist
Agree - As I say here on the blog, spankings make my good life better.
I think my answers further support Jillian's assertion that spankos hold widely divergent opinions, even about spanking-related topics.
I encourage you to check out Jillian's other videos. There's a lot of practical wisdom there.
3 comments :
Hi Bonnie,
These are a great set of prompts and I really enjoyed reading your answers. All spanko's definitely do not think the same. We all have different views, likes, dislikes, turnons etc.
Hugs
Roz
I love listening to and reading about all of our different perspectives! I didn’t think about answering the prompts in a blog post, which is an excellent idea by the way. I might do that as well. Thank you for sharing yours!
Just a few answers, to go with yours.
No, I'm not monogamous. It would complicate things because my primary partner isn't interested in spankings or discipline. For those who are monogamous, that's great for them, but it doesn't work for me.
I was not spanked as a child, but I was sometimes paddled or whipped. I'm solidly against corporal punishment for children. First of all, children can't consent. Second, it teaches them a bad thing: that it's okay to use violence to get your way. And third, it is sexual by nature because it stimulates some of the same nerve pathways as the genitals.
And, BTW, I think we should reserve the term "spanking" for slapping the bottom with the hand, and very similar things. (Maybe slapping another fatty area, like a thigh.) I think it's important to use it this way because "spanking" implies a certain level of pain. If you use spanking when you mean paddling or whipping, then you imply those actions are not as severe. If there's an implement involved, then it goes beyond spanking. So, in saying I wasn't spanked as a child, I'm making that distinction.
YMMV, but that's my opinion on it.
Can consensual adult spankings work for behavior modification? I think they can, but probably not alone. The spanking itself may well act as a reward. But the context can change how the subject of that spanking feels about it. I think it goes to the state of mind of the person receiving the spanking. A lot of that can come from how the spanking takes place. Do they understand that their behavior deserves punishment? Is the level of pain greater than what they normally experience in their spankings? Do they know that level will increase if they repeat the behavior? So, I think there are factors.
Of course, if the participants decide the spankings are inherently for fun and intimacy and not for actual punishments, then it will be hard or impossible for them to modify behavior. But a spanking is not always a reward or a punishment. It depends on whether it is a factor in increasing or decreasing the likelihood the person will repeat the behavior that brought it on.
Do all spankos think the same? Not in my experience! And I can tell that your experience is different from mine. I thought it was very interesting to see your answers. Thank you for sharing them!
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