Monday, March 21, 2011

Bonnie Asks

I have a long running series of posts called Ask Bonnie where I respond to questions submitted by readers. Sometimes, the results are informative. Other times, the questions and answers can get downright silly.

Today, I propose to reverse this process. I'd like to ask several questions of MBS readers. These are questions to which I truly don't know the answer, or maybe I do, but think it can't be as simple as that. So, I ask you, dear reader, to help solve these puzzles.

Question #1: Why do many men assume that all women with large, round bottoms must be into spanking and/or anal sex?

Question #2: Does our spanking community contain a disproportionate number of very talented writers? If so, why?

Question #3: What is so humiliating about men wearing women's clothing?

Question #4: Why do trolls attack some blogs/forums and not others?

Question #5: I know there is a large segment of the spanko population that appreciates mature female spankees. However, this interest is rarely reflected in commercial spanking videos. Why?

Question #6: Why do men (yes, more than one) want to buy my panties? Do they intend to wear them, frame them, or use them to strangle some sort of domestic poultry?

Question #7: Why would a top/dom think he can give orders to a bottom/sub who he doesn't even know?

Question #8: Why are most spanko blogs authored by female bottoms? I've attempted to answer this question before, but it was pure speculation.

What do you think? You don't have to answer all of these questions, but any insight you provide will be appreciated. In the process, perhaps we'll all learn something.


B'Man said...

You mean all women with large round bottoms aren't into spanking? Hm. Really?

joeyred51 said...

Female bottoms are a group of very bright and creative individuals. They are over achievers who are probalbly very successful in their vanilla lives. On the whole they are very well educated, a fact that is borne out by a friend who has been part of the scene for a long time. I am a married male bottom in a monogamous relationship. For me, spanking is forelay and spices up our "fun". Unfortunately, trolls and rude behavior are part of the blog o sphere. As a male bottom, I do not have the courage you do for puttiing up with many of the issues you encounter on the blog, at least not yet.

JW said...

Some I have no clue, but here is an educated guess on a few of them.

#2 - We have lots of great writers because we are an open-minded, creative bunch. It requires imagination to do and appreciate what we do.

#4 - Trolls lack imagination and clearly have a sad life since they feel the need to judge others to feel better about themselves. Like any bully, I would surmise that they pick the blogs that are most threatening to them.

#5 - I'm guessing that since most mature female spankees are successful, busy women, they simply don't have the time or inclination. There are simply not enough to meet the video demand.

#8 - That's a really great question. My answer is speculative as well. I'm thinking that since we women are more loquacious in general, sharing our thoughts and feelings with others just comes more naturally.

Raven Red said...

Being still rather the newbie on the block, I can only offer some opinions, but they could be way off the mark. Anyway, here goes:

Question 1:
Re the spanking - if only in South Africa! Seriously though, it could be true, but it does rather seem that the spanking community is either very small here, or just very deeply underground - so cannot offer anything concrete.
The second part of the question - I somehow think that there are quite a few men that regardless the size of the bottom fantasize about anal sex.

Question 2:
I do believe that good writers are able to use their emotions as part of their writing, not only a mere telling of a story, but to let the reader feel the emotion behind the story being told.
Whether there are a disproportionate number I cannot answer, but I do think that a lot of people are talented in writing. Being part of a community where your desires and fantasies are understood and appreciated makes writing easier - one can truly use personal emotions to tell the story without the fear of being shot down by not being "politically correct".

Question 3:
Cannot answer this one, partially because cross dressing is rather common in the big cities in SA, and partially because I work in a creative environment with all walks of life.

Question 4:
I have only been attacked once via the blog. I do believe that it consists out of people either very opinionated becoming fixated with a specific blog/forum to bring their point accross no matter what. And then there are that special little group of human beings that can only be happy when sowing hatred and negativity - but it does appear that they do not specifically focus on a blog/forum.

Question 5:
Personally I think it is based on the same selling prinicple that is found in the vanilla world. Young, beautiful and model size sells. Profit margin = cash.

Question 6:
Eh... Bonnie, you are an ICON in the spanking community. I can sort of understand the fascination with the panties - what exactly they want to do with it, I rather would like to think about. It would be interesting though to find out if somebody like Chross receives requests from females for some part of his attire? (GRIN)

Question 7:
I would LOVE to know the answer to that one myself - but it is rather amazing how many threats of "You are in need of a spanking, young lady!" or something in that line, I have received when my unwillingness/refusal to obey becomes apparent. (eh..normally within the first sentence of a conversation, I might add)

Question 8:
I tend to agree with Joeyred. In all my friendships I have built up since having my blog, people like yourself, Pink (Pink report), Zelle (NO DOMME BLONDE), Hermione (Hermione's Heart), Ronnie (Heart and Soul), Erica Scott, Poppy (Poppy's Submission) are clearly succesfull, strong woman in their own right. In my vanilla life I have a senior management position, I am in a "dominating" role where making critical decisions are part of my responsibility.
No-one that "knows" me will believe that in my personal life I am submissive, and I rather do believe that extends to most of the female bottoms in the spanking blogosphere.
My personal reason for having a blog is that is gives me the oppurtunity to write about how I really feel, what makes me tick, what is important to me and to be able to express my true emotions. It is an outlet, but also a place where I feel part of a community where I do not have to hide behind the facade of what I am during my working hours.

My last note: Bonnie, I am VERY relieved that I never had you as a teacher setting exam questions. Had to utilise the brain a bit...but thank you for some very interesting questions that I also know I will be thinking about for a while.



Emily Winters said...

And now that Raven has answered so intelligently and with broad intellect..I will do what I do best and be a smart arse, though I fervently agree with all of her answers.

#1 They think this about women with small bottoms too.
#2 Because a mind that can embrace adult spanking contains a vivid imagination that is most likely fueled by incredible sex.
#3 As long as they're happy, who cares. There are a lot of men's clothes I would like to wear.
#4 Mine is frequently attacked and my favorite comments range from "You are being abused and you are too stupid to know it" to What is so funny about being a slut?"
#5 Because not everyone has been fortunate to see Erica Scott in her element.
#6 This I cannot answer, but I say...How much for your panties, love?
#7 The power goes to their head OR they are only pretending to be a Dom/Top...a good one knows better.
#8 Because only we will take the time to make sure to do it right!

PK said...

I'll just pop in on #2. I think many of us fantasied for so long before we found like minded friends on the internet that many of our stories write themselves. We also try to explain our desires - to ourselves or others and we need to be very articulate to be able to do that.



1/ This one doesn't.

2/ Over the years, I have noticed that the majority of bottoms and subs tend to be at least at the higher end of average on the IQ scale, many are above average. It is inevitable that extra intelligence will result in a high proportion of wordsmiths in the spanking world.

3/ If you had ever been a man appearing in drag at a hen party, you would know the answer to this. *Shudders at the memory*

4/ Haven't got a clue.

5/ I suspect because so many spanking fantasies revolve around age play. I would like to see more mature spankees in the commercial world.

6/ Perhaps they want to use them as flags on their boats :)

7/ If any Top or Domme tried that on with me, uninvited, she would learn the meaning of tongue lashing.

8/ I think that female written blogs find it easier to get readers and this gives encouragement to carry on or even start in the first place.


Velvet said...

LOL what a lot of questions!

My own brief thoughts...Raven where DO you find the time???

1. Waving hand for the smaller botts here too, I'm a size 8 but apparently have a 'provocative' bottom ... so I guess ANY bottom is spankable =)

2. They say the dreams we remember are the ones that hold the strongest emotions... I guess that goes for sex too, and if the emotions are there the writing is so much the better for it.

3. Absolutely no idea...

4. Trolls are found in every walk of life so blogs are no different. Trolls go for people they think they can get the most reaction out of, it's all just baiting and point scoring and incredibly immature.

5. Such a shame, as a mature sub myself, I would love to see this group represented more, but not sure I'm quite brave enough to volunteer...

6. ROFL I have heard pantie selling can be quite lucrative and a good way of updating your wardrobe...

7. I've experienced this a lot online but less so in the 'real' world. I think the dymanics online are very different to real meets. I've met Dom's in person who are nothing like their online persona.

8. Women are wonderful communicators and as has already been mentioned many women bottoms hold down powerful roles in their vanilla life. I think blogging gives those women the medium to voice their experiences as many (certainly myself included) cannot talk about this aspect of their character freely and openly with vanilla friends and colleagues.

Velvet <3

Erica said...

I love these questions! :-)

1. Hmmm... I reckon for the same reason they think well-endowed women are into breast play. Wishful thinking.

2. It might be an illusion, Bonnie. There are a lot of great writers in our community, but ever see some of the dreck out there? I think we just notice the good writers more.

3. I'm going with the "duh" answer with this one, since I really don't know -- it's emasculating.

4. Trolls seem random to me, although some of them have an axe to grind with a particular blogger. Even the nicest and kindest of bloggers can get them, so there's no rhyme or reason to it.

5. A subject near and dear to my heart, and Raven said it best: Youth sells. (and to Emily, you made me blush -- thank you)

6. Wellllll... they want to do all sorts of things with them, but I will take the fifth on suggesting what comes to mind. :-) I guess it's like the young 'uns wanting to tear the clothes off their idols... they want a keepsake.

7. The short answer? Arrogance and inflated egos.

8. I have no idea. I wish more male tops would write about spanking from their perspective; it's interesting.

Daisychain said...

Hi Bonnie! What a fun idea!!!

My tuppenceworth....
1. Hell, Bonnie, it's nothing to do with the SIZE... if a woman has a bottom, they want to conquer it....any which way!

2. Yes. As has been said...spankos need an outlet for their thoughts, which they cannot share with the general public, so they share them with each other here instead! They are usually bright, articulate, imaginative, sexy people...this shows in their writing!

3. No idea. It just is. I want my man to be strong, my protector... so seeing him in my knickers would be something of a disappointment!

4. Trolls are jerks. They trawl the net to find something they can pick on as being "wrong" and then attack for all they are worth, moving on to another target when they stop getting a reaction to the attack. They need to get a life...

5. My guess is that many women who are older tend to have developed a family life (hubby and 2.3 kids) and rarely WANT to get involved with such public things; at this point of their lives, privacy and decorum are the more favoured options....

6. LOL, Bonnie, to fantasize over! However, they would find mine more useful than yours, for instance, as a sail to take a ship across the widest ocean, or as a tent to house the entire population of India, etc

7. Haha, because they have never met me!!!!!! Sheesh, even my OWN "top" has problems, heehee!

8. Because their men are too busy working out how to spank them and have precious little time for writing! Besides, all the men's creativity is concentrated on how they can control us!!!!



A. Lurker said...

Hi Bonnie,

I wonder if Sara of "Finding Sara" has passed this way? With her psychology background and sharp sense of humour I imagiine she would have some enlightening answers.

Anyways, here's my two cents worth:

Q#4 - Even in real life there are those highly opinionated people who are comfortable telling strangers what they should or should not be doing. With the internet and its anonymity it just makes this a lot easier especially when it comes to controversial subjects like BDSM and adult spanking.

Q#6 - I think CSI touched on this fetish last season. They probably want to sniff them and fantasize.

Q#7 - I think that online you can posture a lot more than in real life which can lend itself to rudeness. Like others have said, those types are probably posers.

Q#8 - I am unfamiliar with your previous answer so if this is redundant please forgive me, I am no expert but I wonder if it has to do with the fact that some male dominates ask their subs to keep a log of their feelings, punishments, rules, etc. It may be private but eventually lends its way to sharing as a blog. When other women read it, some, if they identify strongly or feel inspired to share their stories too may then start their own blog and so it grows. Also, I think it is a predominately female thing to want to share feelings, communicate, and feel part of a greater community.

Great questions,

Uncle Nick said...

Insomnia is a terrible thing and while it has me in its grip, let me have a crack at number 8...

How many of these women are really women? Let me explain, I have been in the porn trade for damn near 40 years and I can think of any number of magazines that were "edited" by women. Februs was one, which is to say that a woman gave her name to the outfit and then picked up her cheque every month. The real work was done by a male hack.

Why should the web be any different?

Lea said...

1. If a man is into spanking, I think he'll go for nearly any bottom.
2. There are so many great spanking writers out there, I think being open minded, kinky, and creative just leads to great reading!
3. Don't have an answer on that one.
4. Trolls will be trolls. They may appear more on highly read blogs because they like the biggest forum to start arguments in.
5. Don't have an answer on that one either.
6. Okay, that just made me think of the scene in Sixteen Candles. LOL.
7. Some people are just dense, think if they witnessed you bottom to someone else that it is okay for them too. Monkey see, monkey do.
8. Because female bottoms rock! :-) I think women can be better at expressing their feelings and putting things into writing in order to make a blog enjoyed by many. I'd be interested to read a blog by male spankos out there though. Also, maybe some men are intimidated to enter the spanking blog world since men online in general aren't always received with open arms like women are. They have some bad stereotypes to fight against.

wordsmith said...

1. I don't. Perhaps the reverse if anything.
2. Hmmm. Is my impression too, in three months of looking round. Mostly articulate females. The spank gene must be next to the tippy-type gene on the X chromosome.
3. Humilating for whom? Had to give it up: couldn't walk in high heels.
4. Send them my way, never had one. Could do with more readers.
5. Same reason they advertise JCBS with a nubile girl.
6. We all have our little hobbies Bonnie. Any pink ones left?
7. A definite sign of assumed Toppiness. Try saying "Boo" very loudly.
8. Same reason why women talk over the garden fence and men silently drink beer. Hormones. If you could get beer out of a blog, you would crack it. Ouch! You're not allowed to throw things. No idea why I started my blog, and am not worried about not knowing - there must be an insight there ;-)

xantu said...

1. Hmmm... just for statistical purposes I do not have a particularly large or round bottom and am very much "into" spanking and anal.

2. Perhaps, it would be more accurate to observe that the spanking "blogging" community tend to be talented writers.

3. Biologically we are very hard wired to identify gender. When those signals are mixed it challenges us to our very core... it creates dissonance, both biological and social. It is stressful. And then there is all that sexist stuff... about how a "man" is supposed to behave.

4. I don't have a freakin' clue about that one. But I am looking forward to someday getting a troll of my own. I think they are cute.

5. You might as well ask why they are all skinny and conventionally attractive. It has to do with who is making the video and what they think their target audience is.

6. I am pretty convinced that they are doing all of the above.

7. ...because he wishes it were so.

8. The female of the species is, on average, the communicator. We use words to define, figure out, puzzle through, think... I read somewhere that men cannot talk and emotionally process at the same time. Don't know if I entirely agree...

Thanks for the fun questions.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely awesome questions Bonnie! I'll use my SWAG (scientific wild ass guess) theory and throw my 2 cents in.

1. Wishful thinking.

2. Because as "in the closet" spankos we scour all written and film subconsciously for any reference to our "kink". Once we come out of the closet so to speak we have a huge reference library in our head to assist in describing what makes us tick.

3. I think it's due to the age of the embarrassed subject. In my day (oh God I'm old) boys were constantly harassed by family, teachers, ect.. BOYS DON'T CRY. Because only girls do that right? Put that doll down - it's a girly toy. Don't do that it's women's work. So to don our apparel perhaps they're hearing all the tormentors from their past??

4 Ah trolls, the immature dweebs that have no life perhaps raised in a dysfunctional home thinking their opinion is valuable to others. Just like the naughty child that repeatedly gets into trouble because any attention is better than no attention.

5. Because younger actresses are more willing to do what a mature woman that knows her limits would refuse.

6. Darlin' your panties are the baseball cards of the spanko universe. In this economy....I'm just sayin. :)

7. I think they let that "dom i ness" invade every pore of their being. So it's shocking to them when every woman doesn't react the same way to what's worked for them in the past. That's a horrible generalization but I hope you can see what I'm trying to say.

8. Because we're TALKERS. Women speak soooo many more words in a day than men. So it only follows to reason that we're more comfortable writing them down. A blog is a form of self therapy that while hiding in anonymity you can explore yourself, get feedback from others, and best of all it's free! Don't tell the American Psychiatric Association though - they'll try to regulate the hell out of it. :)

Thanks for the interesting and fun questions Bonnie.


Hermione said...

Hi Bonnie,

These are all excellent questions, and I have chosen a few that I feel I can contribute to:

Question #2: There do seem to be a lot of talented spanko writers around. But I wonder if that's because spankos who also happen to be good writers choose this medium to express themselves. A poor writer isn't likely to choose blogging as a vehicle for expression, unless it's a pictures only blog.

Question #4: I'm guessing that trolls attack blogs that are controversial or ones that express extreme points of view. The domestic discipline blogs tend to be attacked, perhaps because the lifestyle they portray is one that is misunderstood. I also suspect they pop up where there's a good verbal battle to be had. They probably prefer to argue than to be ignored.

Question #5: Our society is fixated on youth, so commercial videos give the people what they want. Having said that, perhaps customers need to tell these commercial companies that mature women are also of interest.

Question #8: In general, women tend to be more attuned to feelings and emotions. If a woman is also a bottom, there are many feelings and emotions to process, and the need to express themselves probably leads to becoming a blogger.

Sorry, I can't give you any insight on the panty question, although they might make a nice quilt:)


Annapurna said...

Wow, I'm sorry I'm late on this one. I have to work for a living!

Question #1: Because size matters?

Question #2: There are too many out-of-work screen writers?

Question #3: Nothing! Haven’t you heard about a man’s inner feminine?

Question #4: Chance?

Question #5: We are a youth-driven culture?

Question #6: Are they for sale? Where can I get a pair? I want to strangle my mother-in-law who’s real turkey?

Question #7: Because they can?

MarQe's Study said...

Question #1: Why do many men assume that all women with large, round bottoms must be into spanking and/or anal sex?

Speaking as a man, I don't & anal has never interested me, me ! If this makes me unusual then so be it! It seems gross to me!

Question #2: Does our spanking community contain a disproportionate number of very talented writers? If so, why?

Almost exclusively female are they not ? I think you Ladies just like to 'journalize' stuff ?

Question #3: What is so humiliating about men wearing women's clothing?

I wouldn't know !!!!

Question #5: I know there is a large segment of the spanko population that appreciates mature female spankees. However, this interest is rarely reflected in commercial spanking videos. Why?

It's not visually satisfying is it ? A bit specialist don't you think ?

Question #6: Why do men (yes, more than one) want to buy my panties? Do they intend to wear them, frame them, or use them to strangle some sort of domestic poultry?

Again, never got the worn panties thing? {I am a very normal kinky person aren't I ?}

Question #7: Why would a top/dom think he can give orders to a bottom/sub who he doesn't even know?

Because she is a bottom/sub & should be p do as she is told! This does not mean automatically submitting to punishment, but due respect please !!

Question #8: Why are most spanko blogs authored by female bottoms? I've attempted to answer this question before, but it was pure speculation.

I have always believed that many, many females are out there want to be spanked but dare not take that BIG step, blogging is an outlet for their frustration, closet Spankos !!

MarQe xx

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