Sunday, August 15, 2010

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Aug 15

Our topic was whether high profile celebrity admissions contribute to the public acceptance of adult spanking lifestyles. Here are your thoughts.

AQ: The simple answer is "both." The world of spankos would probably be opened up a bit. However, there are a lot of diehard vanillas who would call him/her a nut!

Remember, several HAVE come out already. Dana Delaney is my favorite!

Naomi: I honestly don't think the world is as sensitive to adult spanking as they once were. I've come out to a lot of different people, and their reactions were surprising. Especially my mom! They all just sort of shrugged it off, or told me they didn't like to be spanked because they didn't like the pain.

I'm pretty sure if you polled everyone on whether they had ~tried~ spanking with a lover, the majority would say they have.

Hermione: I think it would depend upon who that celebrity is. Several have come out - Carly Simon comes to mind - but I think it would have to be someone well-known to many people. Whether they are known worldwide or just in one country or on one continent might make a difference too. Perhaps a well-known politician or world leader might do the trick, although it might prevent his or her re-election.

A popular singer or movie or TV star coming out wouldn't have much impact if many people didn't recognize the name. It would depend upon who it was. (I admit I have no idea who Dana Delaney is).

Anon: There are people who disapprove of sex, period. There are people who still think masturbation is a sin. How can people who are so messed up about their own sexuality EVER be comfortable with any kind of kink?

The answer is, they won't be, regardless.

I think the best you can do is be a positive role model for others. By being open and unapologetic, you set an example about whatever others might feel needless shame in their own lives.

So, a kinky celebrity can be a positive role model in that way.

I think the entertainment industry itself has the biggest impact, as opposed to an individual. Shows like Mad Men or Castle that mention kink in a light way integrate the idea into the mainstream, and most people become inured to the shock or surprise value of something completely different.

The plushy episode of CSI comes to mind. I had no idea there was so much plushy sex going on. So now I'm more mentally prepared, thanks to TV, should I find a Spot the Dog costume in one of my friends' closets.

I might even squee and tell them how proud I am that they are unafraid to explore whatever frontiers their passion takes them.

That's because I'm all about empowering someone.

Dioneo: I think it would negatively affect the celebrity's reputation more than it would positively promote the acceptance of spanking. Well regarded or not, celebrities are still "strange" to most people. I think unaccepting people would be more likely to change their minds if they learned that someone they know personally and for whom they have high regard were a spanko.

Celine: The comments so far are really interesting. As I read each one, my perspective changed slightly. ;) I think it might make the celebrity's die-hard fans slightly more open-minded about spanking, but other people might still disapprove or be indifferent.

I'm pretty open-minded about people's kinks and think everyone should do what they want with whom they want in the bedroom, so long as it's consensual and between adults. That being said, if someone famous came on TV and started talking about their foot fetish or the dungeon in their basement, I'd kind of wonder why they felt the need to share such private details in a public forum, regardless of whatever kink they were into. Maybe that's just me, though. :)

Curtis: Thanks in part to celebrities announcing their spanking preferences, it has become much more acceptable and mainstream. Stars who have admitted their liking for spanking or whose significant others have indicated that spanking is part of their lives include Cary Grant, Jack Nicholson, Madonna, Carly Simon, Elizabeth Hurley, and Corrine Calvet (if one is old enough to remember her). It's also made mainstream news (Fox recently), Village Voice and other semi-mainstream outlets. And the spanking community, in terms of groups, blogs, parties, and personal interaction, is huge. I think it's now a personal decision. Are you scared of what such an admission might mean in your life?

Ever since Eve Howard's writings made me comfortable in my own skin about spanking, I don't hide. I don't believe that anyone has the right to out someone. But that's a different kettle of fish altogether.

Make Mine Red: I think it's pretty well accepted already and one more celebrity coming out won't make much difference. Those who don't accept it aren't going to be changed that easily.

Daisy: Several people mentioned our love for spanking as a kink, so I looked up its meaning in the dictionary.

KINKY - Involving or given to unusual sexual behaviour
KINK - A quirk of character or behaviour
QUIRK - A peculiar aspect of a person's character or behaviour

I know only that for me, it is a way of life. In our community, which seems so vast, it doesn't feel unusual or peculiar.

It just seems to be unacceptable because it is often misunderstood. I think many people, when they hear the words DD or spanking, envision the extreme world of violence, abuse, BDSM, degradation, brainwashing, and intimidation. They are by then too embarrassed, shocked or disgusted to inquire further. Therefore, they don't learn what it is really about and imagine they would hate it. It's little wonder they can't figure out why on Earth is Fred/Freda would get involved in that seedy world?

I think there are many reasons why people still find it an unacceptable practice. These may include unresolved fears from childhood and concerns it might be connected to child abuse/pedophilia. Maybe some highly respected documentary on the subject could educate the masses, but the odd celeb coming out? No. People put that down as a publicity stunt and expect celebs to be "into" weird stuff!

Prefectdt: I do not think that one personality coming out would make much difference. As other commenters have noted already, it has happened in the past and after the initial hoo-ah, things just went back to the way that they where before.

If many celebrities, politicians and other public figures synchronized a public coming out, the story could possibly be very different. Although it would most likely be a difficult time for those involved and the rest of us, it could help us all in the long run.

Ronnie: Personally, I don't think vanillas in general would re-consider their views unless a whole bunch of mass popular celebrities came out.

Six of the Best: If the President of the United States would come out of the closet and say I spank Michele, now and then, maybe it would be of help to the 'spanking community'.

Keiter: With the President's problems, his declaration might not help our cause. Sarah Silverman just came out on David Letterman confessing in a story about a conversation with her mom that her "butt was red because she liked getting spanked." We've had Madonna and many others say as much. What it'll take is each one of us common folk stating in quiet conversations to friends that we're spankos and stimulated that way and proud of it.

Alice: I think as far as the younger generation goes, lots of different kinks are accepted as fun and exciting. Every time I open a Cosmogirl and read the list of 101 ways to spice up your sex life , there is always something about spanking or light bondage. I think most people within five years of my age (24) are pretty open to trying new things or being accepting of others kinks. It does help when well known celebrities talk about their kinks (Sarah Silverman comes to mind).

Also, stores like Hot Topix and Spencer's Gifts, which are frequented by teenagers as young as 13 and adults sometimes as old as 40, are very supportive of kink in general as it pertains to sex.

Bonnie: I asked this question because I don't think I know the answer. I agree it would depend upon who the celebrity was. Just as an example, if someone like, say, Mick Jagger, came out as a spanko, most people would react, “Really? Is that all?”

What if, I wonder, someone of unquestioned stature like the late, great Walter Cronkite had said, “My wife and I enjoyed consensual spanking in the privacy of our bedroom for decades and it provided us with tremendous enjoyment.” Obviously, he never said anything like that, but I have to think his words could have been influential in places where average spankos could never be heard.

Curtis: I agree with Daisy's comment about how when some people hear spanking, they think of more extreme activities. When I was in couples therapy precedent to separating from my wife, I discussed that one of our issues was spanking being at the core of my sexuality. She had played along for about eight years, including courtship, living together, and the first two years of our marriage. At that point, she proclaimed that she didn't like it. This began a slippery 15-year slope downhill. It took about ten sessions before the therapist stopped referring to spanking as "beating," and began to get a grasp on the idea that for some, like me it would be playful and arousing rather than hurtful.

Thank you all for participating in our brunch. We'll be back here next weekend for another spanking discussion. I hope you can join us.

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