Sunday, June 27, 2010

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for June 27

Our topic this week was envy, feeling it and having others feel it about you. Here are your thoughts.

Six of the Best: I have never felt envious of any “spanking enthusiast.”. I consider all of them to be my friends and a most wonderful community that has brought great joy and most certainly sexual satisfaction to my life.

Hermione: My post about envy was the direct result of hearing from a reader who was envious of my spanking lifestyle. How do I feel when someone tells me - directly or indirectly - that they envy me? First I feel flattered, and then I realize how fortunate I am to have the relationship that I do.

But there have been many times when I have been downright jealous of others after reading about their spanking adventures. Over time, I have taught myself to use these revelations as a chance to expand my own horizons. I can't have it all, but I have chosen certain things that seem doable and have been successful in seeing them happen, in one form or another, for us.

Looking back over the past few years, our own spanking activities have taken a huge leap forward, largely due to the inspiration I found in the stories told by my blogging friends. This success has also greatly reduced the envy factor. Now I can read about exotic escapades and enjoy them for what they are, feeling pleasure for the participants while filing away an idea or two for future reference.

Poppy: I envy people who live with the person they love. I envy the casual way they can live knowing that two months from now or a year from now they will still sit next to each other. I know no one really knows that because life can play tricks on people, but still, I envy them.

I don't know if girls ever envy me for being with Himself. I really do not know. I can't imagine being envied. I can't imagine anyone ever thinking about me or us.

Love4her: Jealous? Oh yeah. I get jealous of people who can actually have an adult relationship and adult playtime. I envy playtime where sex can be a little edgy without strict boundaries and where things like spanking, role play, power exchanges and kinkiness can be explored. Yeah, I’m jealous, often frustrated, and sometimes mad. After nearly three decades, I just want a little variety in what we do together.

Curtis G: There is only one thing that I'm envious of -- those who have found compatible partners for a long-term, emotionally connected, spanking-style compatible living-together relationship. I had one for awhile and I know how wonderful that is.

Jane: I'm a bit envious of you married folks. I think I would like that. It seems like it would add something to the spanking part.

Her Knee: I believe it's basic human nature to envy those who have what we don't or can't have.

Right now, I envy people who have privacy, but I know our day will come.

The only time envy becomes wrong, IMHO, is when someone would deny others what they don't or can't have. I try to be happy for those who have better.

Todd and Suzy: We're blessed in many, many ways. First of all, we have extremely compatible spanking wants and needs, and we both realize how hard that is to find. We also have the time, health, resources and freedom to explore our desires... and the comfort to do just that.

We are very lucky and don't have any reason to be envious of other relationships. We have had other spankos express a desire to have the same sort of relationship/situation. This usually makes us feel lucky and good about what we have.

Sometimes, though, I think that folks only see the green grass. We do have to work at our relationship and there is some stress and drama from being part of the spanking scene. It's not always easy, and it isn't a matter of it just happening. Spanking isn't a fix-all and it's not a path to happiness. The spanking part of our relationship was built on a solid vanilla foundation.

Some that express a desire for a similar relationship lack that foundation, and they don't realize that what we have is more than *just* luck. It can be a tad frustrating when it seems like they think that's all there is to it.

Thomas: I can answer "yes" to both sides of this question.

There are times when I feel envious of spankos who have the freedom to travel and meet other spankos frequently. In a sense, I'm actually envious of how I used to be before I accepted Cookie and her family. It was a time when "exploits" actually belonged in the name of my blog. I wouldn't give up what I have today for the world, but I sometimes wish that I could still find the time for the occasional spanking rendezvous. I'm actually getting out a bit more, but it's a slow process. I think that producing spanking videos will put me more out there and allow me to meet people.

People sometimes tell us that they're envious of my relationship with Cookie, and of my spanking time, and of how open I am with my spanking interests. Again, I'd never give up what I have. I know that I have it pretty damned good.

Tom: There was a time a considerably long time ago, (yeah, I'm 61 and, even I am beginning to realize I'm getting to be older than many) when I was new to being out into a lifestyle where adult consensual spanking was a key feature. I looked at more experienced people with envy. I encountered some who were only more than too happy to serve as guru and to have their lifestyle or opinions emulated. I learned that those folks were people who were generally relatively new at all this themselves, and who needed the adulation of others to feel secure about their own relationship. Had they felt secure, they wouldn't be undertaking to facilitate others emulating their relationship, rather than finding their own means of fulfillment.

We are very experienced and it is not infrequent that we have people tell us they envy us. I generally respond that that is very flattering, but that we have issues and challenges in our relationship, as well as, great joys, as does everyone else. In fact, we chronicle them quite frankly on our blog. Relationship challenges are a feature of being in relationships, no matter how far one's life experience evolves. I encourage these "envious ones" to find their way to fulfillment rather than modeling ours. I offer to listen to them as they work things through, but make it clear that I will not advise them, and that emulating our relationship is not a way for them to find their happiness.

Bonnie: I've had many readers tell me that Randy and I are very fortunate to have found each other (true) and that our relationship is perfect (false). I try to explain that I purposely focus on the spanking aspects of our marriage. This is, after all, a blog about spanking. In doing so, I omit a life full of daily nuisances, irritations, and disappointments. I figure my readers already have plenty of their own.

The downside of this somewhat narrow focus is that a few MBS readers get the idea that we simply sail from one fun adventure to the next. When they tell me that they tried to pattern their relationship after what they perceive ours to be, I find that very disconcerting. While I am glad to share what we've learned, there are a thousand paths to satisfaction. As Tom said, each couple must find their own.

So do I feel envy? Yes, sometimes. I have no desire to change the relationship I share with Randy. And yet, I can't read my friends' party reports without wondering what it would be like to join in the fun... to hug Erica, to lunch with Abel and Haron, to laugh with Richard, to exchange thoughts with Rad and Sandy, to pal around with Indy, and so many more. I feel like I know all of these wonderful people, and yet, I don't.

In Randy's mind, spanking is sex and we are monogamous. I agree and accept this part of our compact. But a gal can imagine...

I guess the bottom line is that we all have tradeoffs.

Thanks to Hermione for an interesting topic and to our brunchers for a great exchange. I hope you will all stop by again next weekend!


Daisychain said...

Hi, Bonnie, sorry I missed the brunch! Manic real life going on here...
No,nobody would feel jealous of Davey's and my situation, unless they were truly nutty in the head! (Though some vanilla friends in bad marriages have said they wish their spouse was living the opposite side of the world!)
I sometimes feel pangs of jealousy at those of you who are blessed enough to be together with your loved one, I have to admit; but mostly I am thrilled for you, and would never wish anyone to go through the heartache we are. God bless, Daisy xxx

Celine said...

Wow..this gave me a LOT of food for thought..I have a many things to be grateful for..and also to look forward to, hopefully. :D

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