Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Sept 6

Our topic this week was changes in perceptions that result from discovering one's spanko nature. Here are your observations.

Anon: While I have accepted to myself my spanko nature, I haven't (yet) spoken about it with anyone else, though I plan to bring it up with my boyfriend soon! As such, one of the first things I notice about a man, whether it's a friend, a guy in the grocery checkout line, a stranger on the street, or wherever, is his hands. Are they big? Strong? Does it look like he uses them in a physical labour job? And most frequently, what would it feel like to get smacked with them? Of course, I don't do anything about these thoughts most of the time, but they are most definitely in my mind.

Lash: Since Meow introduced me to the spanko world in January, I am certainly not vanilla anymore, nor in Kansas. I have very positive masculine feelings and attitude that I hadn't had before. And I usually feel much more dominant. I don't want to go back to Kansas ever again.

LDD-4-Me: There are no two ways about it, my way of looking at people has changed. For instance, there is no doubt in my mind that my future sister-in-law desperately needs a really good spanking. I've got to talk to the bro-in-law.

Tiggs: I've grown more open-minded and curious about the private lives of others than ever before, thanks in large part to our kinkier play. It just naturally takes me outside myself, out of my "norm" and that in turn makes it even easier and more natural to accept everyone else as they are, or as they might be, behind closed doors!

Pammie: I've liked light spanking and bondage for many years. But in the past year, I've *really* gotten into these activities much more, and added BDSM to the mix.

And, yes, it definitely has changed the way I look at men. Since I am dating and not currently in any type of relationship, I always size up potential partners for their kinkiness and their dance moves – among other things, of course.

Spanking, bondage, and BDSM are always delicate subjects to bring up, but I bring them up because they are important to me. Of course, if the guy doesn't dance, I don't even bother. If they make the cut on dancing, and they're not too fat or too short, I coyly bring up the fact that I'm "a bit kinky." If their eyes light up, cool!

Love4her: I tend to look at a woman and wonder.... Give...? Receive...? Switch...?

It adds a bit of spice to the day!

T: As a Spanko I often find myself "judging" who around me needs a firm hand. I know quite a few who would benefit from a good spanking!

Cookie: I would say that I do look at life and people a lot differently now. It has changed my relationships some in that Thomas and I met as spankos and it has been the best times of my life and the best relationship I have had. So while he gave my first adult spanking, he also opened my eyes to a lot more things that I would never had done before. These include going to spanking parties, making videos and all that. I found that I do look at others differently as well and I find a lot more spanking related references in everyday things.

Ally: I find myself looking at couples I know and wondering if they too are kinky, especially when they make comments that might a provide clue. Many times, Brad and I will be talking and one of us will say, "Yeah, that person needs a good spanking!"

Throck: I have had the desire to be spanked by my wife for quite some time. She is still very vanilla, but is beginning to see my need and respond to it. As a result, I seem to feel a growing dependence on her, and find myself currying her favor in anticipation of a spanking. It is a very interesting phenomenon.

With regard to other people, I find that I look at women and try to surmise whether or not they would be spankers, and try to imagine whether male friends of mine are spanked by there wives. I remember one time having the owner of my small company over for dinner (a very type A personality). He made some comment to which his wife took exception. She said, "Are you going to need a spanking when we get home?" I have wondered for years whether she really does that to him.

I have another female colleague at work that is a very no-nonsense, take-charge person. I often wonder if she would be a spanker. She'd make a good one, but I'll bet she is as vanilla as the day is long.

Sixofthebest: Yes, I do look at other women's bottoms for their spankability. I'll name you three – Sarah Palin, Condoleezza Rice, and Katie Couric. I would love to bare and spank each of these women's bottoms. Be it with a hand, paddle, hairbrush, birch, cane, or whip, what a beautiful, pleasurable, and enjoyable task that would be.

Or was that perhaps Tina Fey and Amy Poehler?

Hermione: We both tend to speculate about other couples' sex lives a bit more, and now that we realize how common spanking is, one of us will usually wonder whether spanking is part of the relationship. We sometimes discuss whether spanking would improve the behaviour of certain adult family members.

How has it changed the way I look at myself? It has made me proud of my body and comfortable with the way it looks. I wear fitted clothing; nothing overly revealing, but I don't try to hide my shape.

I also tend to wonder about certain people at the office, who manage to fit the word "spank" into conversations fairly frequently. It no longer simply makes me blush. Now I speculate as well.

Scunge: I feel so MUCH better about myself! Sir HATES it when I put myself down, and yes, it is a SPANKABLE offense! I have never had a good body image, and now, it's not so bad. Sir LOVES my curves, so now I am starting to see that, yes, I am a beautiful woman with a very caring man who will pull me back when I need it. I find myself looking at men's hands more, especially their palms! :)

Jean Marie: For the boy with whom I lost my virginity in college and the guys I dated in that decade, I put spanking at a lower priority (behind looks and personality, etc.). Now as a woman in her thirties, I put spanko orientation at the top of the list. I simply couldn't have a future with someone who didn't desire to spank me hard and often. If I'd come out sooner, I would have saved myself a lot of heartache, and probably rewarded myself with much more delicious bottom-ache.

Anon VII: I honestly do not remember a time when I was vanilla. From quite early in my childhood, I "sized-up" girls my age, and sometimes older, first in terms of their bottoms, with eyes and hair more or less tied for second place, followed by shoulders. It all revolved around the fantasy of having them over my lap and enjoying the view not from head to toe but from head to thigh. That assessment (no pun intended!) shifted to women once I was grown. In my teen years I added the fantasy of having them bent over for a paddling with my being able to see their delighted but pained facial anticipations and reactions in a mirror as well as their hair, shoulders, and of course, bottoms.

The big change was one of understanding that there was nothing wrong with me. My fantasies always involved someone who wanted to be spanked, and that my thoughts were shared at least to some extent by probably a majority of heterosexual males. During my college years, I felt further vindicated upon learning that there also were a lot of ladies who fantasized about being spanked. These realizations were very relieving. I was raised in a culture in which only very straight, traditional sex between spouses was tolerated. Carnal thoughts about anyone other than one's spouse were viewed as sins and any fantasies about spanking, if shared, would elicit the observation that I needed to see either a psychiatrist or "the preacher."

Loki: For me, this started when I turned thirteen. I always looked at girls in my class and wondered what they would look like being spanked. That thought grew stronger with each spanking scene I found on TV.

Over the years, my views have matured. When I look at women now, I find myself looking at what they are wearing (pants, skirts, etc.). I wonder what's underneath, how their bottoms look, if they would be into the spanking scene, what kind of toys they would take, what kind of spanking they would have, and how they would react (i.e., whether they would be a crier or a fighter or the like).

It does make my workday somewhat interesting, I can tell you that.

Tom: I have never had a time when I did not imagine spanking the others in my life. About the only evolution I seem to have experienced is that in my pre-school and early elementary days, I was as attracted to spanking other boys as I was for girls. Then, as my heterosexuality evolved, my interest in other males extinguished and my spanking aspirations and fantasies came to focus exclusively on women.

It doesn't really matter whether it is the woman in the produce department at the grocery store, our waitress, some of my neighbors, most of my staff (many of whom have been with me now for eleven years), someone in the car next to me at the traffic light, a friend with whom we frequently socialize (who I sometimes think might actually be interested), or... well, all women who I find attractive (and quite frankly, as I wind my way into my sixties, the dragnet of women whom I find potentially attractive has expanded exponentially... Not yet in a geri-chair? I may well find you attractive). I want to spank you and imagine just how that would go. :)

This did not evolve when I came to accept my need for spanking. I suspect it began as soon as my early development reached the point of being able to discriminate self in contrast to others.

Meg: I realized around the onset of puberty that I was not vanilla. I especially remember an attractive, young male teacher about whom I fantasized giving me a skirt-up, grab-the-ankles paddling across my panties. On occasions, when he'd take boys out into the hall, I'd get so aroused that I was afraid others would see me breaking a sweat and hear my heavy breathing. I also had a horror of not having my skirt (usually short and pleated) properly under me and leaving a wet spot on the seat of my desk. However, I didn't share my thoughts even with my most trusted friends, because I also lived in a culture in which such thoughts were viewed as not only abnormal but also evil. It was in college that I learned that I was far from alone. I went through the sorority initiation routine, but found that it hurt without giving me a thrill except when I fantasized that my spanker was male. Then I got my then-boyfriend, now-husband to spank me hard with his frat paddle for cheating on my diet (not that I really needed either the diet or that motivation to get back onto it), and, as they say, the rest is history.

Poppy: Since I have accepted myself as someone who gets spanked, I like myself more. It seems that I make more sense now.

It is partly that I feel more centered and calm which makes me a nicer person, but it's more than that. I can flirt more, I smile more, and I think I look different. I feel more adept even when I am not with the man who spanks me. My emotions make sense, so I can trust them more, even the ones that have nothing to do with that area of my life.

I understand that I look at men and wonder if they spank (or if not spank, if they are assertive) and at women and wonder if they get spanked. Some women, I really think, would be so much happier if they were spanked by the right guy.

In short, though, I feel like I have slotted into place. I feel pretty and loved. It is all summed up by this quote from Daddy Long Legs by Jean Webster:

“I am beginning, in fact, to feel at home in the world – as though I really belonged to it and had not just crept in on sufferance.”

Lurvspanking: This is a brand new blog created today called "Spank Me Hard! ...Please?" My new blog will be fiction and poetry revolving around spanking and sex and how the two are connected. My post for today's Spanko Brunch is called, "An Office Thrashing".

LU: I am currently in my first spanking relationship and have only allowed myself to "accept" my spanko-ness in the last few months and relate this to my partner. I feel that it gave me a new perception on the world of kink and made me realize there are lots of people out there like us (so we are not so strange after all). I think it has enhanced my sex life and sexual nature. Being honest about what I want makes that whole experience much more enjoyable. As for others, for my partner, RU, and me, it is a constant form of entertainment. It's sort of our secret running joke and we have no end of fun with it. Within the rest of the population, well, I see brats all the time now that I just know need a good spanking. LOL But I look at many things differently. These include clothing, cooking utensils, rulers, and brushes. I think of everything in another frame of mind. For example, on vacation, I need a hotel room as far away from the rest of the guests as possible. It has changed my outlook on many things, but it is a nice feeling to be honest with myself and RU.

Ronnie: I must admit I tend to wonder about other people more now, whether they are in a spanking relationship or not, like friends, people in the office and even in the street. Sometimes when were sitting in a restaurant, we try to guess which couples if any would be into spanking.

Has it changed the way I look at myself? If anything, I would say it's made me a little more confident and comfortable with myself.

M Duke: I accepted that I had a spanking kink in university, with my then-boyfriend, and we weren't secretive or shy about it at all, so most of my friends are aware that I am into bondage, rough sex, spankings, and being dominated. However, my last boyfriend was the one who explored my kinks even further, anal especially.

Now every time I meet a man, I think about whether or not he might be interested in doing some of the filthier things to me. I hope that he likes the same kinds of things, knows how to do them to me, and I speculate whether he'd be good at them...

I guess you could say I'm obsessed!

Handsdown: Thanks for using my suggestion, Bonnie. Spanking has changed us both in so many ways. I know besides changing the way we both look at things, it's really calmed me down. Nothing unwinds me like a good spanking. I must confess that I sum up arm muscles and hands on guys when I'm out and about, and when I see couples, I play the spanko or vanilla game – guessing about them. My husband plays, too, he confessed. LOL It's all good fun. Overall, I'm a much happier person since I've stepped out of the closet and over his knee.

Greenwoman: I seem to have a radar for other kinky people these days. I can look at someone and tell if I can let my hair down just a little bit with a reference to spanking in front of someone. I can tell if I could flirt with someone.

I don't quite know how that's possible, but its as if I am looking in the mirror or something. Its fun to speculate about what kind of play someone likes too. *smiles*

Perhaps we could call that ability “playdar?”

Bonnie: My answer is similar to those of Anon VII and Tom. I think I've always been a spanko. My affection for spanking and its effect upon my perceptions have certainly evolved over the years, but there wasn't any definitive transformation such that I could compare before and after.

I wish I had a more satisfying answer, but this is what there is.

Thanks to everyone who joined in, and also to Handsdown for suggestion this intriguing question! I hope to see you all again at next weekend's brunch.