Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Apr 20

Our brunch this week dealt with pleas before or during a spanking. Here are your thoughts.

Jess: I am fairly stoic during a spanking most of the time (probably no fun). Sometimes, with a pretty severe spanking, I will let out a quite but pleading “pleeeaase” toward the end. He usually stops soon after that. I have tried to hold back my “pleeeaase” unless I am really in distress now! I don’t always want the spanking to stop (maybe I need it though).

Anon #1: Sometimes, it's hard to keep quiet if a spanking starts out hard and fast, or at the end, when it gets very intense. My husband can usually tell my complaining "owie!" from real remorse and distress, and anything I say usually doesn't affect the outcome. Unless, of course, it is a sensual spanking and I ask for it harder, or in a different area. Sometimes, we talk during a spanking, but he mostly does the talking.

Dr. Ken: Ah, a two part question! The short version of the answer is: Yes, some ladies I've spanked do, and no, it never changes the outcome. This is true even if we're just playing around.

The truth of the matter is, if she has done or said something that requires an apology, no amount of pleading or begging is going to get her out of the spanking. It might make her feel better in a "Well, I tried" sort of way. It may also help psychologically to put her in the right frame of mind and emotional state for what's coming.
If she tries to say, "I'm sorry" during a spanking, my usual reply is, "You're going to be sorrier."
I'll listen to apologies only after the spanking is over, and not before.

Jean Marie: That's why my lover and I have a safeword. It’s so that I can brat up a storm to earn the spanking, act brave during the first part, melt a bit as my panties are pulled down and the spanking gets serious, and then slowly but inexorably turn contrite as the pain gets to be too much. By the end, I'm begging and whimpering. Yes, I plead and apologize and promise everything before he's done with my poor bottom. And I love every minute of it.

Daisy: Even though I really want to be spanked, part of the mind game is to try to escape it somehow. So yes, I will do anything in an attempt to evade the inevitable including argue, refuse to obey, bribe, promise, beg, dare him, plead, struggle, or whatever it takes. But no, it doesn't work. Secretly, I am thrilled and turned on even more that he is mentally, physically, and psychologically able to outdo me. He is wonderful. Often my attempts to evade the spanking increase it. Oh, DEAR! ;)

K: I haven't tried pleading, begging, or apologizing during a spanking yet, but I have done all of those before a spanking. If hubby's in a playful mood, I might get what I've been begging for and offer no apology. I can usually elicit a hard swat here and there in response to my pleading suggestions. Those are always nice and they help tide me over until the main event. If he's really not feeling playful, that's usually when I end up apologizing for overwhelming him with my enthusiasm for our new, um, sport? Then we enjoy some nice cuddle time. It usually doesn't take more than a couple of nights of cuddling before hubby is feeling playful and gives me a really great spanking.

I’m sorry this didn't quite go along with the intent of the question, but that's my version of begging, pleading, and apologizing. :)

DG UK: I don't beg or plead, but on very rare occasions, I will ask for a short break to make sure I can really focus on the discipline. Of course, I always receive that. I do say “sorry” as I am being spanked, because I am, not because I expect or want the amount of punishment to alter, it just feels instinctive to do so, and I am sorry. If we are having a fun, sensual or "just because" spanking, then I do sometimes ask for it to be harder.

In role playing, I have tried to be a little feisty and plead or beg, but it is really difficult for me to do so even in make-believe!

Hermione: Our spankings are never for punishment, not even in fun, so apologizing wouldn't occur to me. Even though being spanked hurts, I love every minute of it. The only begging I would do, either before or during, is for more. I'm far more likely to say "Don't stop!" than "Don't. Stop!"

Anon #2: This is a great question! Sunday brunches are often used in our relationship for good fodder for communication during the day and better understanding of each other. We have only been in this spanking relationship for a year and a half. He is a brand new neophyte to the spanking world and while I have lusted and experimented with spanking a lot, this is the first time I have had a true spanking relationship with intimacy and monogamy till death do us part!

I am every bit the person described in the question! I fantasize and behave in all sorts of ways to ensure a spanking. Yet when the time comes, I will do everything to try to get out of it!

At first, my efforts were very successful and I was ultimately disappointed in the end. Now, it is a rare occurrence. If I cajole, plead, beg, or refuse, then the only outcome is a more severe spanking than I was originally going to get! I, of course, am cursing myself at the time of the spanking. But after the sting wears in, I am grinning like a Cheshire cat!

Lori: I am very vocal during spankings. I rarely plead in words though. If I'm over pillows on the bed I tend to roll away. That is my attempt to plead for it to stop. I am only pulled back into place though. I have had a few instances where the spanking was near the end and I have apologized. Yes, it has gotten me out of the rest of it. I guess he needs to know that he has gotten through.

Tina: With me, it is similar to what Daisy described, I think. I am very loud during play. And that astonishes me, because I am generally not extroverted. I am mainly screaming or begging for a halt. When it is a punishment game, I am asking for forgiveness. Sometimes, it is just terrible whining and screaming. I am not doing any of this on purpose, and thinking of me behaving like that amuses me. Fortunately, it does not influence the length and rigor of the spanking. On the contrary, I sometimes get extra strikes for whining or, more likely, for complaining. But all in all, I think my husband quite likes the resistance. The disadvantage is that it is difficult for us to play with neighbours or kids in the house.

Ms. Betty: I spank mostly for discipline, so begging and pleading are a regular part of the routine, as are the heated promises as pants are coming down.

The trouble is, such promises are often quickly forgotten, and if you let someone plead their way out it becomes habit for them to try to do so. Sometimes this can lead to every spanking being a battle. Keep in mind that those using domestic discipline usually really don't want a spanking. That's the point.

So no, pleading and promises do not change the outcome directly. However, I do use them as a "mileage post," a measure of how much of an effect the spanking is having. Since each person is different and reactions can vary from day to day, I find having indicators is vital to make sure he gets "just enough" of a spanking.

Cookie: I’m usually pretty quiet during play spankings. There have been a few times that I have pleaded, but it really doesn't change anything, especially if it is for something I have done and not just for play. But either way, it really is just an attempt to see if anything might change or for the fun of making it difficult. You know the struggle type thing can be fun at the right times. Usually the only thing that changes is I get myself more.

Paul: The rare punishments that were earned were accepted in the knowledge that they were earned, so they were taken in a disciplined manner.

Now play was a very different thing. Mel could be very creative. It was difficult to maintain a scene or pretend to be serious. This often earned her a harder spanking then I'd intended, which is, of course, exactly what she wanted.

Prefectdt: Begging and pleading: No. Apologizing: Yes.

But I am never apologizing for an offense or anything like that (unless asked to). The thing is I would like to be all stoic and motionless when playing, but I'm just not. I end up wriggling and squirming. Sometimes when bending over, I end up doing a little bouncy dance after each stroke (if they are hard enough). I apologize for my lack of decorum during a spanking.

RPT: I am quite stoic when being spanked. My partner MP is the opposite and complains, whines, begs and generally tries to get out of being spanked. It does not work and usually I add a few extra spanks in proportion to the amount of back chat that I get.

Elle: When I am getting a spanking, I will gasp and groan, but not talk! I might yelp a bit if he's doing it really hard or curse under my breath. I try to not to say, "Don't" or "Stop" or anything like that because he has said to me in the past that he doesn't like it, and if I do it, he will actually stop. Even in the heat of the moment, I know that's not what I really want.

If I'm giving him one, he is very similar to me, but often adds in things such as "I'll remember that when it's your turn, bitch." And do I get it bad the next time!

Mary: If the spanking is erotic and sensual, I feel very comfortable asking for it just right, whether harder or softer, and he indulges my desires because he and I desire the same result.

If it is role play, the more loudly I plead and sass back, the more he gets the hint that I want it. If I simmer down in play, he can tell that either he is overdoing it or I am "remorseful" and waiting for the next segment of play. :-) At this point, he can usually tell by corner time or questioning me in a disciplined tone as he slows down. If I return to sassing in a minute, he generally gets the hint that the play was a bit too intense, but I still want to play. If I stay very contrite and sweet, he knows I am so soooooo warmed up and ready for different play.

Punishment varies and I am not sure exactly how he knows what is needed. Perhaps it’s lots of communication. I rarely seriously sass during punishment (the exception being when I am upset with him and having difficulty expressing anger because of fear of abandonment issues - he will then hear all my frustrations pour out while over my lap.) It is to provoke as much as confessing my motives for ill behavior. It doesn't change my spanking. As he rightly points out, I could have expressed my feelings appropriately before earning a trip over his knee. But he does hear me out and I need that.

I can be stoic or pleading when punished and I am never quite sure which side of me will show. Sometimes, I know I earned it and I want it and I am sorry and I take what is coming. Other times, I know I have earned it, I want it and I am sorry and I resist it all the same. In some ways, my embarrassment at my childish pleading adds to the pain of going over his knee for discipline. He is generally firm and I probably earn more, because rarely is it over without me calming down into acceptance mode. On occasion, he has ended things while I am still resistant. I often feel guilty later for acting so poorly. His response is generally to remind me that he is in charge, and if he ended it, it was because I was clearly not doing well. No matter what the reason, he never wants to feel as if he is "beating" me just prove what we both know - he is in charge. He reassures me that he knows I try to be good. So if I am not doing so, it might just mean I need hugs more than spankings. He then reassures me that he is always in charge of when spankings stop or continue, so I do not need to feel guilty. I just need to trust him to do what is best. So I get the pleasure of relaxing and trusting him. Most often, after a spanking I am purring with gratitude. I am grateful that he spanked me and feel content to be in his arms.

Often, the begging transitions to begging for other things to happen. :-)

Terpsichore: Do I plead with my partner before a spanking? Yes! "Honey, will you please spank me? Honey, if you wouldn't mind I would love it if you would spank me. I promise to thank you properly if you would just spank me even a little..." Does it change the outcome? With any luck, my husband will accept my pleas and spank me. :-) OK, perhaps not exactly the answer to the question, but that's where we are right now. :-)

Greenwoman: Until that last of couple weeks, I would have said nope. All spankings are done in fun. So, like Hermione, it wouldn't have occurred to me to beg or anything.

However, I've found myself trying to negotiate my way out of a couple punishments in the past few weeks. It didn't work in terms of getting out of the spanking, but I did get some rules changed a little bit so its easier for me to submit without a lot of emotional discomfort.

Baby: I don't see myself making any pleas beforehand unless it was in play and I was pretending to be bratty. Basically during the spankings, the only thing that has crossed my lips is sucking in my breath in anticipation of what is going to happen, a whimper, or an "OUCH." I have been told the "OUCH" really brings joy to His ears. But, then again, I am a newbie, so I imagine that there might be a chance that pleas will come into play one day.

Diesel Diva: I'm in the same boat as Terpischore. Yes, there's begging and pleading, but that's for some ACTION! Now that we have our own "playhouse" in the garage, I'm hoping all of the begging won't be necessary. When you live with your adult children and their children and a Rottweiler that abhors violence... Well, spanking in the house is OUT of the question.

Para: I'm in the same boat as Terpischore too.

Bonnie: I’m generally fairly quiet when I am being spanked. With that said, I sometimes let out a scream or yelp when a swat I didn’t quite anticipate smacks a particularly sensitive spot. Under such conditions, I might say “Ow!” or “Oh!” or even “Ooo!” But I don’t plead. Barring an extreme situation that would force me to use my safeword, I want him to decide when he’s finished spanking me. It feels so much more deliciously submissive that way.

Thank you to everyone who joined us for brunch!


Anonymous said...

YUMMMMMMM.... every time I came to your blog, I feel HUNGRY!!!! :)

Daisy said...

Bonnie, has it always been that way? That you have never begged, pleaded etc? I understand that after so many years in a wonderful, growing, nurturing relationship, you get to read signs from each other as to when "its enough", but what about early on in the relationship, when you are both learning about each others "limits"?

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