One reader asked me yesterday, "Are we going to have a brunch this week?" Why, yes, as a matter of fact, we are. Just because I have some real life issues to which I must attend doesn't mean we should abandon our lovely Sunday tradition.
I'm sorry I haven't been around much this week on this blog or anyone else's, but that which must be done must be done. Hopefully, next week will be a little more productive around here.
Our question was suggested by a loyal reader and I think it's a fine one.
Do you or your partner ever engage in pleading, begging, or apologizing before or during a spanking? Do such pleas ever change the outcome in any way?
If you would like to join in our discussion, you need only leave a comment below. Once everyone has had a turn to speak, I will post an edited summary of the proceedings.
24 comments :
Hi Bonnie,
I am fairly stoic during a spanking most of the time (probably no fun..) Sometimes with a pretty severe spanking I will let out a quite but pleading pleeeaase towards the end. He usually stops soon after that. I have tried to hold back my pleeeaase unless I am really in distress now! I dont always want the spanking to stop (maybe I need it though).
-Jess
Sometimes it's hard to keep quiet if a spanking starts out hard and fast, or at the end when it gets very intense. My husband can usually tell my complaining "owie!" from real remorse and distress, and anything I say usually doesn't affect the outcome. Unless, of course, it is a sensual spanking and I ask for it harder, or in a different area. Sometimes we talk during a spanking, but he mostly does the talking.
Ah, a two part question!
The short version of the answer is:
Yes, some ladies I've spanked do, and no, it never changes the outcome. This is true even if we're just playing around.
The truth of the matter is, if she has done or said something that requires an apology, no amount of pleading or begging is going to get her out of the spanking. It might make her feel better in a "Well, I tried" sort of way. It may also help psychologically to put her in the right frame of mind and emotional state for what's coming.
If she tries to say, "I'm sorry" during a spanking, my usual reply is, "You're going to be sorrier."
I'll listen to apologies only after the spanking is over, and not before.
Even though I really want to be spanked, part of the mindgame is to try to escape it somehow....so yes, I will do anything in an attempt to evade the inevitable..argue, refuse to obey, bribe, promise, beg,dare him, plead,struggle, whatever it takes.......but, no....it doesn't work....and secretly I am thrilled and turned on even more that he is mentally, physically, and psychologically able to outdo me..... he is wonderful...often my attempts to evade the spanking increase it....oh, DEAR!!!! ;)
Well, I haven't tried pleading, begging, or apologizing during a spanking yet, but I have done all of those before a spanking. If hubby's in a playful mood, I might get what I've been begging for and offer no apology. I can usually elicit a hard swat here and there in response to my pleading suggestions. Those are always nice and they help tide me over until the main event. If he's really not feeling playful, that's usually when I end up apologizing for overwhelming him with my enthusiasm for our new, um, sport? Then we enjoy some nice cuddle time. It usually doesn't take more than a couple of nights of cuddling before hubby is feeling playful and gives me a really great spanking.
Sorry this didn't quite go along with the intent of the question, but that's my version of begging, pleading, and apologizing. :)
I don't beg or plead, but on very rare occasions I will ask for a short break to make sure I can really focus on the discipline. Of course I always receive that. I do say sorry as I am being spanked, because I am, not because I expect or want the amount of punishment to alter, it just feels instinctive to do so; and I am. If we are having a fun, sensual or "just because" spanking then I do sometimes ask for it to be harder.
In role playing I have tried to be a little feisty and plead or beg, but it is really difficult for me to do so even in make-believe!
Our spankings are never for punishment, not even in fun, so apologizing wouldn't occur to me. Even though being spanked hurts, I love every minute of it. The only begging I would do, either before or during, is for more. I'm far more likely to say "Don't stop!" than "Don't. Stop!"
Hugs,
Hermione
HI Bonnie!! this is a great question!!! Sunday Brunches are often used in our relationship for good fodder for communication during the day and better understanding of each other!! WE have only been in this spanking relationship for a year and a half He is a brand new neophyte to the spanking world and while I have lusted and experimented with spanking a lot this is the first time I have had a true spanking relationship with intimacy and monagomy till death do us part!!
I am every bit the person described in the question!!! I fantasize and behave in all sorts of ways to ensure a spanking ........yet when the time comes I will do everything to try to get out of it!!!
At first my ;efforts were very successful and I in the end was ;ultimately dissappointed...............now it is a rare occurance. If I cojole, plead ..beg... refuse then the only outcome is a more severe spanking than I was originally going to get!! I of course am cursing myself at the time of the spanking ....but after the sting wears in ...I am grinning like a cheshire cat!!
I am very vocal during spankings. I rarely plead in words though. If I'm over pillows on the bed I tend to roll away. That is my attempt to plead for it to stop. I am only pulled back into place though. I have had a few instances where the spanking was near the end and I have apologized. Yes, it has gotten me out of the rest of it. I guess he needs to know that he has gotten through.
Dear Bonnie,
what a fun topic. With me it is similar as with Daisy, I think. I am very loud during play. And that astonishes me, because I am generally not extroverted. I am mainly screaming or begging for a halt, or – when it is a punishment game – for forgiveness, or it is just terrible whining and screaming. I am not doing any of this on purpose, and thinking of me behaving like that amuzes me. Fortunately, it does not influence the length and rigor of the spanking. On the contrary, sometimes I get extra strikes for whining or, more likely, for complaining. But all in all – I think – my husband quite likes the resistance. The disadvantage is, that it is difficult for us to play with neighbours or kids in the house. Tina.
Well, I spank mostly for discipline, so begging and pleading are a regular part of the routine, as are the heated promises as pants are coming down.
The trouble is, such promises are often quickly forgotten, and if you let someone plead their way out it becomes habit for them to try to do so. Sometimes this can lead to every spanking being a battle. (Keep in mind those using Domestic Discipline usually really don't want a spanking, that's the point.)
So no, pleading and promises do not change the outcome directly. However, I do use them as a "mileage post", a measure of how much of an effect the spanking is having. Since each person is different and reactions can vary from day to day I find having indicators is vital to make sure he gets "just enough" of a spanking.
Im usually pretty quiet during play spankings. There have been a few times that I have pleaded but it really doesn't change anything especially if it is for something I have done and not just for play. But either way it really is just an attempt to see if anything might change or for the fun of making it difficult you know the struggle type thing can be fun at the right times. Although usually the only thing that changes is I get myself more.
Bonnie, the rare punishments that were earned, were accepted in the knowledge that they were earned, so they were taken in a disciplined manner.
Now play was a very different thing, Mel could be very creative, it was difficult to maintain a scene or pretend to be serious. This often earned her a harder spanking then I'd intended, which is of course exactly what she wanted.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
Begging and pleading - no
Apologizing - yes
but I am never apologizing for an offense or anything like that (unless asked to). The thing is I would like to be all stoic and motionless when playing but I'm just not, I end up wriggling and squirming and sometimes when standing bending over I end up doing a little bouncy dance after each stroke (if they are hard enough). I apologize for my lack of decorum during a spanking.
Prefectdt
I am quite stoic when being spanked.
My partner MP is the opposite and complains, whines, begs and generally tries to get out of being spanked.
It does not work and usually I add a few extra spanks in proportion to the amount of back chat that I get
When I am getting a spanking, I will gasp and groan, not talk! I might yelp a bit if he's doing it really hard, or curse under my breath. I try to not to say "Don't" or "Stop" or anything like that, because he has said to me in the past that he doesn't like it, and if I do it, he will actually stop. Even in the heat of the moment, I know that's not what I really want.
If I'm giving him one, he is very similar to me, but often adds in things such as "I'll remember that when it's your turn, bitch"... And do I get it bad the next time!
~elle~
If erotic and sensual I feel very comfortable aksing for it just right - harder or softer and he indulges my desires because he and I desire the same - result.
If it is role play - the more loudly I plead and sass back the more he gets the hint that I want it. If I simmer down in play - he can tell that either he is over doing it or I am "remorseful" waiting for the next segment - of play :-). At this point he can usually tell by corner time or questing me in a disciplined tone while he slows down. If I return to sassing in a minute - he generally gets the hint that the play was a bit too intense but I still want to play- - if I stay very contrite and sweet - he knows I am so soooooo warmed up and ready for differnt play.
Punishmet varies and I am not sure exactly how he knows what is needed - perhaps lots of play and communication. I rarely seriously sass during punishmet (the exception being when I am upset with him - and having difficulty expressing anger because of fear of abandonement issues - he will hear it all my frustrations poor out while over my lap.) It to provoke as much as confessing my motives for ill behavior - it doesn't change my spanking - as he rightly points out that I could have expressed my feeling appropriately before earning a trip over his knee - but he does hear me out and I need that. I can be stoic or pleading when punished and I am never quite sure which side of me will show. Sometimes I know I earned it and I want it and I am sorry and I take what is coming. Other times I know I have earned it, I want it and I am sorry and I resist it all the same. In someways my embarrassment at my childish pleading adds to the pain of going over his knee for discipline. He is generally firm and I probably earn more, because rarely is it over without me calming down into acceptance mode. On occassion he has eneded things when I am still resistent.- I will often feel guilty later for acting so poorly. His response is generally to remind me that he is in charge, and if he ened it, it was because I was clearly not doing well, and no matter what the reason, he never wants to feel as if he is "beating" me just prove what we both know - he is in charge. He reassures me that he knows I try to be good so if I am not doing so, it might just mean I need hugs more than spankings. He then reassures me that he is always in charge of when spankings stop or continue, so I do not need to feel guilty - I just need to trust him to do what is best. So I get the pleasure of relaxing and trusting him. Most often after a spanking I am purring with graditude. I am grateful he spanked me feel content to be in his arms.
Often the begging continues to begging for other things to happen. :-)
When I was in jr. high and high school, my sister who was 5 yrs older than me would occassionally be left in charge while my parents would go out or take a trip.
During these occassions she enjoyed full spanking authority.
Whenever I had not done my chores, or neglected doing my homework or misplaced the TV remote, it would always mean a trip over her lap for a bare bottom paddling.
I would always beg!
Especially as the paddling would gain momentum, "I promise I'll be good!" "I promise promise promise I'll be good!" Or simply, "Please not too hard, oh please please please not too hard! I promise I'll be good! I promise!"
It sounds so wimpy! And would seem even more so if you were to see her as she is quite petite.
But oh she could deliver a spanking!
It would never effect the outcome. I always received a cherry red bottom. (Which I deserved.)
As an adult, I love to be in a position to make the naughty young ladies beg and plead just the way I did.
I love the topic, if anyone would like to discuss this further, I am at StrictShane@yahoo.com
Do I plead with my partner before a spanking? Yes! "Honey, will you please spank me?...Honey, if you wouldn't mind I would love it if you would spank me...I promise to thank you properly if you would just spank me even a little..." Does it change the outcome? With any luck my husband will accept my pleas and spank me. :-) Ok, perhaps not exactly the answer to the question...but that's where we are right now. :-) Best wishes!
Until that last couple week, I would have said nope. All spankings are done in fun, so, like Hermione, it wouldn't have occurred to me to beg or anything.
However, I've found myself trying to negotiate my way out of a couple punishments in the past few weeks. Didn't work in terms of getting the spanking...but I did get some rules changed a little bit so its easier for me to submit without alot of emotional discomfort.
I don't see myself making any pleas beforehand unless it was in play and I was pretending to be bratty, but basically during the spankings the only thing that has crossed my lips is sucking in my breath in anticipation of what is going to happen, a whimper, or an "OUCH"...which I have been told the "OUCH" really brings joy to His ears...But then again, I am a newbie, so I imagine that there might be a chance that pleas will come into play one day...
I'm in the same boat as Terpischore. Yes there's begging and pleading but that's for some ACTION!! Now that we have our own "playhouse" in the garage I'm hoping all of the begging won't be necessary. When you live with your adult children and their children and a rotweiler that abhors violence...well in the house is OUT of the question.
I'm in the same boat as terpischore too
Wery Good web sites. 10 points.
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