Ask Bonnie

Let’s get caught up with Ask Bonnie.

M: I saw ur blog, I am a 55 y/o white male and very much into spanking, I wonder if u might have some pictures of your spanked red bottom to send, I would enjoy seeing the end result of a good spanking, hopefully yours.

Bonnie: Yes, there are pictures. But no, I’d rather not send them to you. They are keepsakes for Randy and me. If you want skin, there are lots of great sites that will give you that.

April: How did you get Blogger to give you drop down menus by category for organizing your posts?

Bonnie: Randy is a computer geek and wrote some code to perform the magic. Please feel free to borrow it if you like.

Hermione: What is your opinion of a vibrating riding crop or dressage whip? Does the vibrating feature add anything to a spanking? Or is it intended for some other purpose?

Bonnie: We don’t have a vibrating crop. In fact, it wouldn’t have occurred to me to buy such a thing. Maybe someone will write and tell me I’m wrong, but I can’t imagine how it would add anything to a spanking.

On the other hand, were such a vibrating implement rubbed against certain parts of the anatomy, the result would probably be quite pleasurable. I’m not certain what advantage that form factor would provide compared to a more conventional vibrator, but it might be worth a try.

Hermione: How do you suggest a spanking couple go about getting started in role playing?

Bonnie: I think that you should start by talking. What roles intrigue you? Which would you each like to explore? Hopefully, you will have plenty of time to try a variety of different ideas. Refine the ones you both like. Drop the ones you don’t. Take turns selecting a fantasy. Role play can be as simple as one word or as elaborate as your imaginations can conceive.

As with many aspects of romance, I think it’s important to lets things progress at their own rate and in their own direction. You may find that you like a given scenario better than you thought you would. By all means, work together and communicate throughout. With time, experimentation, and patience, I believe you’ll find both excitement and enjoyment.

Hermione: I sometimes wear a thong before or during a spanking, and while we are both happy with the back view, I would like to find one that provides a little more coverage in front for my mature curves. Can you suggest a particular brand or an online source?

Bonnie: There’s definitely a market out there for whichever company chooses to pursue it. I have some moderate coverage thongs from Maidenform, but I don’t think they are available any longer. They are similar to these. The rest of my thong collection is the more conventional low rise style. They are from VS and Jockey for Her (silk is sexy and nylon is practical, but cotton is oh so comfortable!).

If you find a brand and style you really like, please let me know and I will share your discovery with everyone.

Dana: I could swear I have seen a picture and description in one of the discussions of a hairbrush with an (angled) offset handle. Do you know of such an item?

Bonnie: I know it very, very well. We have two and they are quite effective (rubbing bottom). Hermione tells me that this very handy spanking brush can be obtained at The Pottery Barn for the modest sum of nine dollars.

Don: YOU NEED A GOOD SPANKING DON'T YOU?

Bonnie: You need to find the Caps Lock key, don’t you?

J: I'm on my second marriage, but it's my husband's first. He's spanked me a few times during sex, but it doesn't really do anything for me. I told him so and he respects that, but now he's asking if I'll do it to him instead. What thoughts do you have about female-on-male spanking? It sounds like you never spank your husband. How would it change the dynamics to have the female giving instead of receiving? Should I try it? If so, how would I go about it? Or should I just let him get his kicks by spanking me, even thought it's not really my thing?

Bonnie: Randy and I don’t engage in F/M spanking because it holds no appeal for us. But please don’t let that dissuade you. I think any activity that is fulfilling for both partners is worth pursuing (assuming appropriate safety and consent, of course). I have no experience with F/M spanking, but fortunately, I know someone who does. Mike has lots of interesting and useful articles and I’m sure he would be happy to answer your questions.

Jeanette: I am new to spankings (my first being given on July 5th) and feel like I still have a lot to learn. I would love to hear more about how to process the pain into pleasure, or how to move past the pain of my spankings. I still find that I get angry when spanked even though I am a willing participant. HELP!

I have had as close to a "good" experience as possible so far, by being under the influence and then really concentrating on my breathing, thinking to myself to just keep breathing and try to relax. I seemed to move past the threshold and he actually stopped when I could have kept going.

Bonnie: Some spanking enthusiasts like the pain. Others go for the exhilaration. For others, it’s a feeling of connectedness that brings them back again and again. Still others get off on the feeling of submission. For many, it’s pure foreplay. As you see, there can be quite a few reasons why spanking appeals to those who practice it.

In your case, it sounds as though you have yet to find any appeal. It’s entirely possible that spanking is simply not your thing. If that is the case, it’s unlikely that any amount of practice or research will change you. If you do find some part of the experience to your liking, then you and your partner may want to arrange your spankings to maximize that element.

By the way, if by “under the influence,” you mean intoxicated, I must urge caution. If you as the spankee are not in full command of your senses, you may be unable to alert your partner to a serious injury before it occurs. I don’t mean to preach, but please be careful.

Hermione: Are you planning on introducing any of the other new topics or features that you had us vote on? I'd like to see implement shopping tips, and possibly a rerun of the feature where you asked readers to send in pictures of their favourite implements.

Interviews would be great too. And as I see from other blogs, the comments are used as a way for readers to chat with each other, so that could be fun.

I wonder how non-spanking content would work. I'm sure you'd handle it well, and there are lots of us, myself included, who would like to get to know you a bit better. Yes, we do all have other interests besides TTWD. I think this is the place where many bloggers do manage to fall short, and start talking about what they had for breakfast.

Bonnie: Perhaps I could combine the first two ideas and have readers submit implement stories and pictures, along with how they acquired said implements. In any case, we will definitely have more implement stories.

If I do interviews, they will have to be different than what most bloggers do. In terms of the people being interviewed and the topics discussed, I would try to make it unique.

As for the off-topic content, I wasn’t all that serious in proposing it. I added it to the poll to see if anyone would vote for it. Few did. There are a thousand vanilla bloggers who can tell better life stories. I’m at my best as a blogger when I stay on message, and around here, spanking remains the message!

Katerina: I have only recently started to explore a spanking lifestyle. Consequently, I was wondering if you had some advice to share as you seem to have quite a bit of experience in this area. I am looking to get an implement that provides maximum sting, but makes little noise and doesn't leave many marks. I guess I should also mention that this will be used for self discipline at the moment.

Bonnie: That’s the Holy Grail of spankos, isn’t it? There are lots of great implements, but few excel in all three areas. The closest thing I can think of would be a Loopy Johnny. It’s definitely stingy and quiet. To minimize the marks, you might try applying it over pants or a skirt.

Please let us know how your experiments work out.

Erik: What's your policy regarding links? Do you list absolutely every spanking blog you can find? Or do you list only those sites you personally like? Or only those that agree to link back to you?

Bonnie: My policy for links has evolved over time. Originally, I was stingy with links aiming to refer my readers to only the very best blogs. Eventually, I decided this was unfair to smaller and newer blogs who needed the visitors a whole lot more than the big guys. So I broadened the list. In time, I came to realize that many readers used my blogroll as their guide to spanking blogs. So, as a public service, I expanded the list again. It's a lot of work to manage, but people tell me they really like it.

I try to include all spanking-related blogs, except those that are (a) primarily commercial, (b) offensive (based upon my definition), (c) spam blogs, (d) lacking meaningful content, or (e) depicting the spanking of children or any non-consenting person.

I generally delete links to blogs that have been dormant for two months or immediately if they go black.

Bob: Do you shave or wax your pelvic zone?

Bonnie: Neither, but I do crop.

Thank you to everyone who submitted questions. If you would like to participate in Ask Bonnie, send me your question via e-mail.