Friday, October 19, 2007

Ask Bonnie


Let’s get caught up with Ask Bonnie.

M: I saw ur blog, I am a 55 y/o white male and very much into spanking, I wonder if u might have some pictures of your spanked red bottom to send, I would enjoy seeing the end result of a good spanking, hopefully yours.

Bonnie: Yes, there are pictures. But no, I’d rather not send them to you. They are keepsakes for Randy and me. If you want skin, there are lots of great sites that will give you that.

April: How did you get Blogger to give you drop down menus by category for organizing your posts?

Bonnie: Randy is a computer geek and wrote some code to perform the magic. Please feel free to borrow it if you like.

Hermione: What is your opinion of a vibrating riding crop or dressage whip? Does the vibrating feature add anything to a spanking? Or is it intended for some other purpose?

Bonnie: We don’t have a vibrating crop. In fact, it wouldn’t have occurred to me to buy such a thing. Maybe someone will write and tell me I’m wrong, but I can’t imagine how it would add anything to a spanking.

On the other hand, were such a vibrating implement rubbed against certain parts of the anatomy, the result would probably be quite pleasurable. I’m not certain what advantage that form factor would provide compared to a more conventional vibrator, but it might be worth a try.

Hermione: How do you suggest a spanking couple go about getting started in role playing?

Bonnie: I think that you should start by talking. What roles intrigue you? Which would you each like to explore? Hopefully, you will have plenty of time to try a variety of different ideas. Refine the ones you both like. Drop the ones you don’t. Take turns selecting a fantasy. Role play can be as simple as one word or as elaborate as your imaginations can conceive.

As with many aspects of romance, I think it’s important to lets things progress at their own rate and in their own direction. You may find that you like a given scenario better than you thought you would. By all means, work together and communicate throughout. With time, experimentation, and patience, I believe you’ll find both excitement and enjoyment.

Hermione: I sometimes wear a thong before or during a spanking, and while we are both happy with the back view, I would like to find one that provides a little more coverage in front for my mature curves. Can you suggest a particular brand or an online source?

Bonnie: There’s definitely a market out there for whichever company chooses to pursue it. I have some moderate coverage thongs from Maidenform, but I don’t think they are available any longer. They are similar to these. The rest of my thong collection is the more conventional low rise style. They are from VS and Jockey for Her (silk is sexy and nylon is practical, but cotton is oh so comfortable!).

If you find a brand and style you really like, please let me know and I will share your discovery with everyone.

Dana: I could swear I have seen a picture and description in one of the discussions of a hairbrush with an (angled) offset handle. Do you know of such an item?

Bonnie: I know it very, very well. We have two and they are quite effective (rubbing bottom). Hermione tells me that this very handy spanking brush can be obtained at The Pottery Barn for the modest sum of nine dollars.

Don: YOU NEED A GOOD SPANKING DON'T YOU?

Bonnie: You need to find the Caps Lock key, don’t you?

J: I'm on my second marriage, but it's my husband's first. He's spanked me a few times during sex, but it doesn't really do anything for me. I told him so and he respects that, but now he's asking if I'll do it to him instead. What thoughts do you have about female-on-male spanking? It sounds like you never spank your husband. How would it change the dynamics to have the female giving instead of receiving? Should I try it? If so, how would I go about it? Or should I just let him get his kicks by spanking me, even thought it's not really my thing?

Bonnie: Randy and I don’t engage in F/M spanking because it holds no appeal for us. But please don’t let that dissuade you. I think any activity that is fulfilling for both partners is worth pursuing (assuming appropriate safety and consent, of course). I have no experience with F/M spanking, but fortunately, I know someone who does. Mike has lots of interesting and useful articles and I’m sure he would be happy to answer your questions.

Jeanette: I am new to spankings (my first being given on July 5th) and feel like I still have a lot to learn. I would love to hear more about how to process the pain into pleasure, or how to move past the pain of my spankings. I still find that I get angry when spanked even though I am a willing participant. HELP!

I have had as close to a "good" experience as possible so far, by being under the influence and then really concentrating on my breathing, thinking to myself to just keep breathing and try to relax. I seemed to move past the threshold and he actually stopped when I could have kept going.

Bonnie: Some spanking enthusiasts like the pain. Others go for the exhilaration. For others, it’s a feeling of connectedness that brings them back again and again. Still others get off on the feeling of submission. For many, it’s pure foreplay. As you see, there can be quite a few reasons why spanking appeals to those who practice it.

In your case, it sounds as though you have yet to find any appeal. It’s entirely possible that spanking is simply not your thing. If that is the case, it’s unlikely that any amount of practice or research will change you. If you do find some part of the experience to your liking, then you and your partner may want to arrange your spankings to maximize that element.

By the way, if by “under the influence,” you mean intoxicated, I must urge caution. If you as the spankee are not in full command of your senses, you may be unable to alert your partner to a serious injury before it occurs. I don’t mean to preach, but please be careful.

Hermione: Are you planning on introducing any of the other new topics or features that you had us vote on? I'd like to see implement shopping tips, and possibly a rerun of the feature where you asked readers to send in pictures of their favourite implements.

Interviews would be great too. And as I see from other blogs, the comments are used as a way for readers to chat with each other, so that could be fun.

I wonder how non-spanking content would work. I'm sure you'd handle it well, and there are lots of us, myself included, who would like to get to know you a bit better. Yes, we do all have other interests besides TTWD. I think this is the place where many bloggers do manage to fall short, and start talking about what they had for breakfast.

Bonnie: Perhaps I could combine the first two ideas and have readers submit implement stories and pictures, along with how they acquired said implements. In any case, we will definitely have more implement stories.

If I do interviews, they will have to be different than what most bloggers do. In terms of the people being interviewed and the topics discussed, I would try to make it unique.

As for the off-topic content, I wasn’t all that serious in proposing it. I added it to the poll to see if anyone would vote for it. Few did. There are a thousand vanilla bloggers who can tell better life stories. I’m at my best as a blogger when I stay on message, and around here, spanking remains the message!

Katerina: I have only recently started to explore a spanking lifestyle. Consequently, I was wondering if you had some advice to share as you seem to have quite a bit of experience in this area. I am looking to get an implement that provides maximum sting, but makes little noise and doesn't leave many marks. I guess I should also mention that this will be used for self discipline at the moment.

Bonnie: That’s the Holy Grail of spankos, isn’t it? There are lots of great implements, but few excel in all three areas. The closest thing I can think of would be a Loopy Johnny. It’s definitely stingy and quiet. To minimize the marks, you might try applying it over pants or a skirt.

Please let us know how your experiments work out.

Erik: What's your policy regarding links? Do you list absolutely every spanking blog you can find? Or do you list only those sites you personally like? Or only those that agree to link back to you?

Bonnie: My policy for links has evolved over time. Originally, I was stingy with links aiming to refer my readers to only the very best blogs. Eventually, I decided this was unfair to smaller and newer blogs who needed the visitors a whole lot more than the big guys. So I broadened the list. In time, I came to realize that many readers used my blogroll as their guide to spanking blogs. So, as a public service, I expanded the list again. It's a lot of work to manage, but people tell me they really like it.

I try to include all spanking-related blogs, except those that are (a) primarily commercial, (b) offensive (based upon my definition), (c) spam blogs, (d) lacking meaningful content, or (e) depicting the spanking of children or any non-consenting person.

I generally delete links to blogs that have been dormant for two months or immediately if they go black.

Bob: Do you shave or wax your pelvic zone?

Bonnie: Neither, but I do crop.

Thank you to everyone who submitted questions. If you would like to participate in Ask Bonnie, send me your question via e-mail.

11 comments :

Mary said...

To Jeanett, (With permission Bonnie) I would like to comment that I agree with Bonnie that the pleasure for me is intrinsictly there so I haven't had to "work" at enjoying it. However, there have been times I have felt "angry" at being spanked. Angry that at times I felt I actually did something that was worthy of a spanking. Angry that he spanked "hard" and I didn't want to "hurt" right then. Angry that he took control - angry that I wanted him to take control. Who knows - but for a variety of reasons I have been in the angry zone. We communicate a ton about spanking and so he has come to realize that sometimes I need to be spanked in order to feel safe expressing my anger. I have moved past the angry stage mostly by EXPRESSING it. I yell out indignantly that it hurts, I fight to get away, I kick my feet, stomp my way to bending over the couch, I yell at him to stop,(not a safe word, I am not consenting stop - but I NEED to resist you stop) I yell at him telling him I am angry right now -- and he just LETS me be angry and spanks away. It is not every spanking that is llike that - actually only a small fraction, but during those spankins the "feel good" I get is in the freedom to fully express my "angry" emotions as childishly or delibrately as I need to until they are all just expressed out and I feel relaxed -- not because I forced myself to relax, but because my resistance has waned and I just feel genuinely relaxed. Part of why it works - is his response to my expression of anger. He gets calmer -- the spankings don't stop - they don't even get more severe - they may get more deliberate, and his grip on me may get firmer to keep me in place, but his voice gets stern calm and focused -- He will not give in and the spanking will happen, and I can be mad about it - but it will not change a thing. For me that feeling of "no matter how much I fight" nothing will change feels safe. I am safe in exprssing rage even -- he will just calmly stay with me through it - never once getting "angry" back. I have never once cried from the pain of the spaking -- I have cried from releasing the emotions pent up inside when I, with abandon, expressed all my anger and frustration, with about as much grace as a 2 year old in a full out tantrum only to have him hold me firmly, spank me, and tell me how proud he was and kissed me when it was all over. So my only suggestion is next time - try to express - rather than resist your anger - see where it takes you. Of course communicate first. My sweet would never continue spanking if he thought I really meant "stop" he knows I do on one level -but on a deeper level I am saying please just let me be angry right now and don't go away. He knows what I really do/say when I truly need him to stop. We talk all the time about where our mental place is, how we feel, what is okay and not okay. He understands that I grew up with that misconceived notion of "nice girls don't get angry and they certainly don't show it." Because I told him about me. He also knows I was in an emotionally abusive marriage where any expression of disappointment and anger by me amounted to days or weeks of emotional withdraw and sometimes him not speaking to me, touching me or acting as if I even mattered. So from this background, he validates my need to express my anger and understands that his staying with me and the physical contact of his holding me tighter when I fight to pull away is stangely reassuring for me. What's more, is that he knows this about me and doesn't worry about it - he is my partner and so because this is a place I occationally need to go, he just goes with me - just another way to show love and support.

Paul said...

Bonnie, thanks for your interesting answers, I always learn when I visit you.
And Mary, a lucid and useful response.
Warm hugs,
Paul.

Bonnie said...

Mary - Thank you. That's an angle I hadn't considered. I really appreciate you sharing your insight.

Paul - You're quite welcome!

hermione said...

Thank you for answering all my questions, Bonnie. I will keep you updated on my thong search. Or maybe I should join Todd and Suzy's (A.S.S.) diet program :-)

Anonymous said...

Bonnie,
I didn't think your blog could get any better (meaning it's already tops), but I really like this new "Ask Bonnie" feature! When you did the poll I thought why fix what isn't broken but your proposals where interesting and the product even better! Thank you!!!
Sally

Lucy said...

I love the ask Bonnie feature, but are we ever going to hear about your recent birthday spanking?

david said...

"Ask Bonnie" love the answers you give. Keep up the great work.

*hugs and grins*

precious said...

Great site, I wish I found your site earlier!

I enjoy spanking during sex, and my Master has also used a crop in play. I just recently got my first punishment spanking. I'd rather that over corner time any day! He loved showing my pink bottom in the mirror afterwards, lol.

I hope you don't mind if I link to your blog.

precious, slave to Master J

AngelBrat said...

Bonnie, this is a great feature! Regarding Dana's question about the curved bath brush, I'd also recommend that folks keep their eyes open at Wal-Mart in the next few weeks. I got a couple of the brushes mentioned after Christmas a few years ago when their holiday gift sets went on sale. I think I ended up paying something like 74 cents each, and they were only $2.99 full price. I can't promised they'll have them this year, but they have featured them for the last two or three anyway. You can see a picture of ours here.

Bonnie said...

Hermione - If you find a thong that's comfortable all day long, I'd love to hear about it.

Sally - Wow. Thanks. Sometimes, I just need to try something new.

Lucy - Guilty as charged. I have several posts in various stages of completion. I need to stopping starting new ones and start finishing old ones. It's still coming, really!

David - Thanks!

Precious - Hi, and welcome! I appreciate your link.

Tracy - That's good advice. Thanks!

We should probably mention that use of this brush has been associated with severe posterior discomfort.

Scout said...

Hi, Bonnie!

Here it is Sunday and I'm just now reading Ask Bonnie. I hope I get to brunch before it's Wednesday.

First, the thongs! I also have a preference for all cotton and have quite a few from VS and Jockey for Her. But(t), because they were bothersome to the point of distraction after a few hours of wear, I tried a synthetic and am hooked, so to speak. It's from Hanes Her Way, 95% nylon, 5% spandex, called the tagless opaque thong. It stretches and moves with you, I guess, but it is definitely the most comfortable for extended wear, in my experience and opinion.

I also think you can make it look better by making sure you are "tidy" in front (shaved, waxed, cropped, whatever) within its confines. Wear it to the aesthetician and she'll move it to the side and wax to fit. It makes a difference!

And, Jeanette - my husband and I are also new to spanking. I'd dreamed about it for years and then when we started last April I was surprised how much it could hurt! You may just need warm-ups. Bonnie's got some posts about them (one really good brunch) and I suggest you and your husband read about them and then employ them. They really help, and we use them to "get the party started," talking, laughing, setting the tone. I hope if you really want spanking you'll continue to experiment and to communicate with your partner; for us, it's made a good thing that much better.


Cheers,
Scout

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