Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Twenty Alternative Uses for a Girdle

There is a small but vocal group of MBS readers who possess an unusually strong interest in women's girdles. These guys appear to be kind of a rogue offshoot from the Panty Patrol. They write me periodically and inquire if and when I plan to be spanked while wearing a spandex control garment. They ask about my preferences in terms of the various brands, styles, and color choices. They are always polite and I appreciate that.

I have no problem with these fellows getting off on whatever thrills them. But I don't like wearing a girdle. I'm sorry. I just don't. They're uncomfortable, impractical, and hot. Girdles also violate my sense of body pride. Real women have curves, and I think that's as it should be. Why conceal something for which I feel no shame?

With that said, I see no reason to dispense with girdles altogether. In fact, they are tremendously useful. Here, for the first time anywhere, are twenty practical uses for an unwanted girdle.
  1. Feline trampoline

  2. Isometric exercise aid

  3. Dish scrubber

  4. Slingshot

  5. Drum head

  6. Doormat

  7. Strainer

  8. Chew toy

  9. Packing material

  10. Miniature rocket launcher

  11. Shoe buffing rag

  12. Doggie hammock

  13. Distress flag

  14. Grocery tote

  15. Ceremonial headdress

  16. Windsock

  17. Beer keg cozy

  18. Placemat

  19. Material for doilies

  20. Baby bouncer

Amazing, isn't it?


Anon VII said...

"Cat-person" that I am, my preference, hands-down, is the feline trampoline.

Anon VII

Paul said...

Bonnie, I can see my cat bouncing she is game for most things, but the dogs are spoiled rotten, don't think they would be too happy with boned corsets as beds.
It's pleasing that your corset loving fans are polite with it.
Very imaginative Bonnie, thank you. *G*
Warm hugs,

Anonymous said...

Great ideas, Bonnie. The pup thanks you! We stretched his hammock out between the couch and the desk. He loves it.


Purple Angel said...

Bravo Bonnie!
When I was in high school no one wore a skirt or dress without one of these punishment devices. I love the alternative uses. After all reuse, recycle.

Thanks for a great laugh to start the day.
Purple Angel

hermione said...

My grandmother wore a real rubber girdle. She had to roll it down to get out of it. Now that would've made a great slingshot!
Thanks for the morning laugh.

Anonymous said...

LOL... love it! Much better uses than its original purpose -- girdles suck! -- Erica

Anonymous said...

21. Twang it against a partner's bare bottom.


Scout said...

Sew the legs shut, affix a carry strap, add ice and beer and sandwiches, and carry to the beach (where you can put a stick under it and fashion a beach umbrella). Our grocery store deducts 3 cents when you bring your own bag - you could make everything fit in the girdle bag and recoup its cost almost immediately! thanks for the laughs, Bonnie, Scout

Cassie said...

Oh I loved all these ideas! Yours too Scout! Anything, anything would be better than wearing it!


LynLass said...

Take one old rubber girdle, cut it horizontally into strips (so it's like oversized rubber bands), put one section through another and pull it through, continue until you have a long string of oversized rubber bands attached to each other and use it for bondage.

Anonymous said...

25. Stretch on, a suitably-sized, wire frame. Paint with motifs of your choice. Now your girdle is a lampshade!


Bonnie said...

Anon VII - It creates a great mental image, doesn't it? :D

Paul - I think a sufficiently lazy or tired dog might find it softer than the floor. But you're right that those sure aren't dog bones.

Eva - That works out great because if you ever needed a girdle, you soon won't anymore.

Purple - You're very welcome. I suspect if some of these guys had to actually wear a girdle for an extended period of time, they wouldn't think they are so sexy.

Hermione - I'm picturing Wile E Coyote employing it in his latest doomed scheme. :D

Erica - You are so right!

Jim - When I compile my search results in preparation for Keyword Chaos, there are always a number of entries for "spanking girdle." I've used this phrase before with the comment that girdles make lousy spanking implements.

I hadn't considered snapping someone with it. It doesn't do anything for me, but it might work.

Scout - It's a general purpose carry-all. We could even decorate it as a craft project!

Cassie - I completely agree!

Lyn - OK, now that's kinky and innovative. Very nice!

Jim 2 - The challenge here is that girdles tend to be flammable because of their latex content. Most can't even go in the dryer. We could use one as kindling, but the smell might be an issue. Hmmm...

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