Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Mar 4

This week's question dealt with who initiates spankings and associated activities. As expected, our brunch participants offered a wonderful variety of perspectives.

OPB: In our house, it's definitely not OK for the spankee to make a request. Then again, it is right off the radar for the putative spanker to do so as well.

C'est la vie vanille !

Mija: It's acceptable, if I feel like being spanked, for me to let Pab know. He almost always gives some sort of smacking. Sometimes it's less than I was expecting, but generally, it's a lot more than I was hoping for.

What doesn't work for us is for me to decide on how I'm going to be spanked (how hard, with what, or whatever). That sort of control doesn't work for me, and it’s definitely a mood killer for him too.

Our best scenes are always based on him deciding with what and for how long. That’s cool with me. :)

Texas Spanko Girl: It's definitely OK for me to let D know that I want to be spanked. He's perfectly OK with that since I was the one who introduced spanking into our relationship in the first place.

However, I don't get to choose how long I'll be spanked, what implement he's going to use, which position, or how long the spanking is going to last. So sometimes I get a lot more than I bargained for! That’s OK, of course, because he knows what I need.

He can, of course, choose to spank me any time he feels like it, with or without reason, whenever he feels it’s necessary. LOL

Tiggr D'Amore: Unlike Mija, not only is it OK, but preferred a lot of times in our situation. Dante likes to see me take some initiative and ask for what I want. But there are "proper" ways to do it. I can email a request, simply ask if he feels like playing, hand him the paddle, hairbrush, tawse, or whatever, or leave one in a very obvious place.

He then ultimately determines the exact time. It may not be that day, but it’s usually soon after. I do get to pick the implements sometimes, or I am given a choice of toys. If I want one in particular, he will often accommodate, but then throw in a few more.

Like Mija, though, I don't ever get to dictate how, how long, how hard, etc. Neither of us would ever want it that way. That, to me, is topping from the bottom and I've done that way too many times in the past.

Frankly, it's just better for both of us when Dante makes those decisions!

Cindy: It's very OK for me to request a spanking from Dave. I can either ask him for one, or simply lie over his lap and hand him something to use. There are any number of ways. I can and do ask for certain implements or positions, but Dave decides. When it comes to punishment or maintenance spankings, I have no decision about any aspect of it. Sometimes, we'll play with implements, spank different ways with different things to fill an afternoon or evening, but come to think of it, he still pretty much decides! Suffice it to say, I can ask if I want or need a spanking, and it still fits very well inside us, his dominance and my submission. I'm really enjoying the other responses here too.

Paul: I would say that Mel initiated more than half of her spankings. She was perfectly at liberty to ask for a good girl spanking, and by her behaviour, often asked for more severe spankings.

What she didn't control was the duration, severity or implements used. She frequently received rather more than she expected, but she would agree it was never more than she needed.

Tigger: My hubby and I don't practice DD, which means that all of our spankings are playful and/or erotic, which means that it's totally acceptable for me to initiate spankings! I'll either thrust out my bottom and give him a saucy look over my shoulder, bend over the bed or back of the couch, or simply climb over his lap! He quickly gets the idea!

Todd and Suzy: In our relationship, Suzy is certainly able to initiate a spanking. If she wants an erotic-type spanking, she just asks. Either verbally, or with her 'body language' (read sticking her naked bottom in the air during making-out... LOL).

If she's looking for something with more sting, and some scolding type-play, we have a simple rule that she can break. She's supposed to 'shave' everyday. If she fails to do so, she gets an OTK hand-spanking (which is her favorite).

In this way, she's able to ask without using the actual words. No harm comes of breaking this silly rule (except perhaps some itching). Some would call this topping from the bottom, and they're probably right. But it's what works for us.

Suzy would never-ever ask for a punishment spanking, so that's a non-issue.

MTHC: YES, I think it's acceptable to ask. I do it at least half of the time and it usually ends up being sexual. He decides how long and with what.

Dave: Cindy is perfectly capable of asking for Good Girl spankings, and I have no problem with that. Usually, the only time we make love without SOME sort of spanking involved is when I wake in the middle of the night with this incredible erection that I seem to get when I sleep, and push inside of her.

She rarely asks for a specific implement during Good Girl spankings, as what she wants to feel is my hand as she lies across my lap. These spankings seem to lead invariably to lots of fingering and touching, and sometimes a deep, squirting cum as she straddles my lap. This, of course, leads to pretend scolding for being such a naughty girl, and more spanks.

It is always my decision how long, how hard, and with what she is spanked, even for Good Girl spankings, but she is allowed more whining and to ask for them to be softer during these.

Punishment spankings are my idea 99.9% of the time. On those rare occasions when her guilt is overwhelming and she needs to 'ask' for a spanking, she simply tells me, "I have something to tell you," and I take it from there. During punishment spankings, she can whine, plead, and cry all she wants. It will be over when her body tells me I got through to her, not her voice.

One of my deepest fantasies, (and for those of you who are counting, I have 1397 'deepest' fantasies!) is to be sitting in my chair and have her come silently to me with one of our severest implements, bare her bottom, bend over the arm of another chair or kneel on hands and elbows at my feet and tell me, "I've been bad and need to be punished," and then just wait in silence while I simmer and decide on the proper course of action to correct this discretion.

It hasn't happened yet, but you can be sure that you'll read about it on our blog if it ever does!

Elis: I agree with Texas Spanko Girl! Since I was the one to bring spanking into the relationship, I can always let him know I want a spanking. The thing is – I always want a spanking! So when we have time alone, he can pick any toy or anything he wants!

However, I always love it when it is his idea. And I love it when he comes up with a reason, silly or serious. Punishment spankings, well, of course they would be his idea. But so far, we haven't really gone there.

Reesa Roberts: I ask D for a spanking at least once a week! He's always ready. But we're talking playful or erotic, not punishment.

I don't actually ask him. I just lie over his lap and he takes it from there...

BTW, Dave, your "deepest fantasy" above is really hot!

Pagan: I don't actually ask to be spanked, although it would be OK if I did. That would just spoil it a bit for me. However, I'm not at all shy about initiating sex, and since I always get spanked as a precursor to sex... End of problem. ;)

Like most others, he decides what he's using, and when he's done. However, I sometimes ask for a bit more. *GRIN*

I topped from the bottom more when we were first starting out. I viewed it (and still do) as healthy communication. I was his first spankee, and as we all know, there's more to this than just whacking away at a butt, at least if you want it to be pleasurable.

And also like others, he can spank me whenever he likes. :)

Carye: For us, yes, I can initiate. Since I am the one with the most interest, I normally initiate it. Sometimes, though, he does! That is wonderful. He is doing this more and more as he can tell when I "need" one!

Erin: My boyfriend and I have agreed that either one of us can initiate a spanking. He thinks that it is great when I ask for a spanking or just lie across his lap. Obviously, those are erotic spankings. For punishment spankings, after the infraction has been either confessed by me or pointed out by him, he decides when the spanking is going to take place. This system works very well for us, since I love to be spanked pretty much all the time

Bonnie: Both Randy and I will initiate spankings (and lovemaking), depending upon our moods and the situation. As with many of the other participants, I can make the suggestion, but once underway, the conduct of the spanking is completely out of my hands. That feeling of being slightly out of control drives some of my deepest fantasies. Randy knows this well and often manipulates my emotions to place me into precisely that situation.

Any spanking I request is inevitably more severe than most of the ones he arranges. He figures that if I am sufficiently aroused to inquire, then I should be receptive to whatever sort of kink he chooses to throw my way. For the most part, that’s true, even if this argument may not seem quite so compelling to me at the moment of truth.

There is a third possibility that no one has mentioned. There are occasions when both of us get the same good idea at the same moment. When opportunity knocks and we answer the door together, real magic ensues. Even after many years as loving partners, we still can’t always synchronize our desires. But when everything works, hoo boy, life is good!

Thanks, as always, to all of our wonderful brunchers. You helped to answer a question that vexes many beginners, and even a few veterans. I hope you will join us next Sunday for another thought-provoking spanko brunch!

Keywords: spanking, My Bottom Smarts, spanko brunch