Spanko Radio

(Announcer with rich baritone voice enhanced with reverb): You’re listening to KNPS, Spanko Radio.

(Harmonizing jingle singers): K-N-P-S…

(Fast talking, disturbingly buoyant DJ): Good Wednesday morning to all of you happy spankos throughout the Tri-State area! The sun is shining and it’s shaping up to be a beautiful day. Cindy, our weather gal, is calling for a high of 84 bun warming degrees. She says it’s going to be a great day to drop those shorts and get a great tan. Now doesn't that sound like fun…?

(DJ): Let’s start off our morning with Madonna and “Hanky Panky.”

(song)

(DJ): Wow, you have to love a woman who knows what she likes.

(Announcer): This is KNPS. Just turn us around and bend us over and our call letters spell “SPANK.”

(DJ): Yes, they sure do. Keep your dial where it is. This is Mark Flesh and we’ll be right back on the other side of this short commercial break.

(Sincere female voice): The skin care professionals at the Vermillion Hills Institute understand tender skin. There are times when your skin can become red, sore, and unsightly. Fortunately, there is now a remarkable new rejuvenating crème known as SitAgain. This amazing patent-pending blend of rare herbs, flower petals, cooling cream, and aloe brings rapid, safe relief from induced skin irritations. SitAgain is available at better pharmacies without a prescription. Try a tube tonight!

(DJ): OK, we’re back and it’s time to give away a pair of tickets to this weekend’s Spank Fest out at the fairgrounds. I’ll give those tickets, a $20 value, to the first caller who can correctly identify this implement. Listen closely now…

Crack!

(DJ): OK, we’ll take the fifth caller for those tickets. Hello. Barbara?

(Barbara): Hi Mark.

(DJ): Can you identify the implement being used in that sound bite?

(Barbara): It sounds like something pretty solid to me. I’ll say it’s a paddle.

(DJ): That’s a very good guess, Barbara, but I’m afraid I can’t give you the tickets. Let’s go to our next caller. Millie?

(Millie): Why, hello, Mark. You know I love your show.

(DJ): Thanks. Are you ready to guess that implement?

(Millie): Oh yes. I know that sound very, very well. My boyfriend has a Vermont Country Store bath brush that he uses on my bottom. It sounds just like, except I scream the entire time.

(DJ): Millie, you are our winner. The sound was the infamous VCS brush striking its target. Thanks for calling and stay on the line for your prize.

(Millie): Thank you so much, Mark.

(DJ): Now let’s check our traffic with Corporal Punishment up in the chopper.

(CP, through a tinny microphone with loud helicopter noise behind): Good Morning, Mr. Flesh. We’ve had a couple of rear-enders on the 660 this morning and as a result the entire south side traffic flow is taking a beating. Everything below the beltway looks like trouble. Back to you…

(DJ): Thanks, Corporal. Stay tuned, everyone. In the next hour, we’ll check out a new line of designer spankwear. That’s right. Even spankos can dress for success…

Keywords: spanking, spanking humor, fun spankings