Saturday, March 25, 2006

Spanking 101: Fantasy and Reality

Fantasy can be wonderful. Any scenario our vivid imaginations can devise, no matter how improbable, can be enjoyed within the realm of fantasy. We can be our own heroes and heroines. Constraints such as time, space, money, good sense, safety, commitments, or the conventions of society need not limit our fun. In short, fantasy provides us a blank canvas upon which to paint our dreams.

Reality, in its way, can be better still. We can experience the delicious touch of skin against skin. The feelings and sensations are genuine and not always predictable. There is no substitute for burn of a leather strap as it strikes a naked bottom. Likewise, the breathless thrill of multiple orgasms cannot be adequately explained to someone who has not experienced it. This is life at its best.

Joining these two discrete worlds is a kind of Holy Grail for lovers. What if we could live our most extreme fantasies? Wouldn’t that be perfect?

Unfortunately, it’s often not quite so simple, or so perfect. First, and perhaps most importantly, it is rare for both partners to share precisely the same fantasy. Therefore, when exploring fantasies, one partner must play along for the sake of their lover. While any submissive will tell you that it can be satisfying in some situations to bury your own needs and desires to accommodate your partner, few people are willing to do so on a permanent basis. If someone simply doesn’t like spanking, for example, it’s unlikely that any amount of practice or encouragement will change their preference.

The second issue with bringing fantasies to life is the physical limitations of our flesh and blood bodies. I’ve read stories that depict a spankee receiving a thousand hard cane strokes or being whipped continuously for an hour. These activities should stay in the world of make-believe because real humans aren’t constructed to absorb that kind of abuse. No fantasy is worth the risk of permanent injury.

Similarly, fantasies, if we accept them as fact, can establish unrealistic expectations. For example, a fictional man might keep an erection for two hours despite ejaculating three or four times. At least in my experience, real men don’t last quite that long. If we measure ourselves or our partners by these benchmarks, we may find everyone involved to be inadequate.

The third problem area is societal restrictions. It might seem like the wildest idea ever to have sex on the lawn in front of city hall at noon on a weekday. Trust me. This is a bad concept. It just isn’t worth the trouble.

So must fantasy and reality remain forever separate? My answer is not necessarily. It’s quite possible to live one’s fantasies, or at least some of them.

Randy and I often engage in role playing. It allows us to step out of our usual personas and into entirely different characters. I know full well that it’s my loving husband who is flogging my bottom because we both enjoy it, but it’s fun sometimes to pretend that he’s someone else with another agenda.

Here are ten common sense guidelines for moving your spanking fantasies into reality:
  1. Talk through your plans in advance

  2. Consent by both parties is essential

  3. Set clear limits

  4. Have, use, and respect a safeword

  5. Be honest about what you can and will do

  6. Keep communication open throughout the session

  7. Start simple, stay safe, and be legal

  8. Admit when something isn’t working

  9. Remember this is just play

  10. Make it enjoyable for both partners

There are some fantasies that should never see the light of day in the real world. Others transition quite nicely. The key is knowing yourselves well enough to discern the difference.

It's been said that the most important sex organ is the one we all have between our ears. The imagination can transform a simple physical act into a wonderous sensual celebration. Fantasy plays a crucial role in a fulfilling love life. It fuels the fires of lust and libido. As with any fire, it can warm us or burn us, depending upon how we handle it.

I believe it's important to place fantasy in its proper role. As a spice, fantasy can make everything else on the menu taste better. However, when we try to serve it as a main course, we risk losing the wholesome goodness of all the other dishes.

With this balanced perspective and ongoing communication between partners, the element of fantasy can truly enrich our real world relationships.

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Anonymous said...

So true, Bonnie!!! And though I completely agree that it's best that some fantasies remain fantasies, the ones we are able to act out with the person we love are absolutely incredible!!!

Excellent tips, BTW!!!


Paul said...

play without fantasy would be boring, but as you say, we all need to ride that horse with care and common sense.
Fantasy is indeed the spice so often needed, rather a light touch than a heavy one.
Wish someone like you had been around when we started.

Bonnie said...

Tigger - Thanks! When we can mix fantasy and reality successfully, the result is often much better than either alone. I know I love it too.

Paul - I too wish that Randy and I had some relevant advice when we started. That's the objective of the Spanking 101 series. I seek to make things a little easier for those that follow us.

SpankedMinx said...

Helpful advice Bon. I know in my younger years I was much more willing to take risks where fanatsies were concerned. Now I'm secure in the knowledge I will never be pushed past my limits or put in any kind of risk situation. The other thing about fantasy is very occasionally we talk about one that sparks us off into fits of giggles when we imagine what would happen in real life. Please pass a muffin and a decaf. Thanx x x x x

Bonnie said...

Spanked - Thanks. My goal is to present these issues in an honest and realistic fashion. I believe most people are smart enough to make sensible decisions once they possess the facts.

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