Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Spanking Questionnaire

I received an e-mail yesterday from a gentleman named James Doorne. He writes for a publication in the UK known as Bizarre Magazine. He is working on an article about spanking and inquired whether I would be willing to answer some questions.

Well. You know me! There’s no subject on this planet this spanko would rather discuss. So, here are Mr. Doorne’s questions coupled with my responses.

1) Do you prefer to spank or to be spanked?

I am definitely the recipient.

2) What is the one most important piece of advice that you could give someone about good spanking?

I wrote an article recently about the ten components of a good spanking.

If I had to name one single piece of advice, I guess it would be to have fun with it. There are people who make this activity dreadfully serious. In my mind, we’re adults and this is erotic recreation. Why on Earth wouldn’t we choose to make it enjoyable?

3) What are your top three 'dos'?

- Do: Be yourself. Role playing can be great fun, but the person who is actually in the relationship is you. If this kink is part of your personality, then embrace it. If you like spanking, there should be no need to invent fictional pretenses.

-Do: Play safely. No thrill is worth the risk of seriously harming someone physically or psychologically. People who are just starting or are playing with new partners should begin slowly and gradually increase the level of severity.

-Do: Focus upon your partner’s needs. A great spanking relationship starts with a great relationship. As with any partnership, it requires an ongoing investment of time and effort to keep the fires of passion burning.

4) And your top three 'don'ts'?

-Don’t: Fail to have and use your safeword when you need it. I’ve used mine very rarely, but when necessary, I’m grateful to have the option of a quick exit.

-Don’t: Try to live a label. There are a number of people who try to dictate behavior. They claim that those dedicated to a particular lifestyle always do X, but must never do Y. I believe that successful relationships must be organic. In other words, they must be free to grow in whatever direction the couple chooses as best for them. I wrote an article on this subject.

-Don’t: Fall into the trap of believing that harder is better. I wrote article about this topic too.

5) Do you have a favourite position for spanking someone or being spanked by someone (standing, sitting, bent over something et cetera)? Some people have told me that they like to be in a position bent over something so that they can't clench their buttocks and can only be spanked on wobbly buttocks.

Yes, we’ve tried many positions, but I prefer to lie across my husband’s lap. I love the physical contact. Here are some more extended thoughts.

6) Physically speaking, do you prefer to be spanked firmly or gently?

That depends upon my mood and the dynamic between us. There are times when it seems that no amount of spanking is enough. Other times, a few quick swats will effectively scratch my itch.

7) Do you prefer a spanking to be from an open hand or implement? If you prefer an implement, what is that implement and which of its characteristics make you love it so?

We use a lot of implements. For a purely erotic spanking, his hand is wonderful. When things get more involved, other implements are necessary to do the job well.

We have an assortment of spanking toys. The most frequently used among these are wooden and leather paddles, wooden and plastic hair brushes and bath brushes, and leather straps and belts. My husband is also fond of oddball implements.

8) Do you prefer a long period of anticipation or is it purely the spanking itself that you like?

Again, the answer depends upon the situation and mood. Either can be fine.

9) Is there any other element that you like? For example, humiliation, being disciplined, submissiveness, anything else you would like to mention.

I am basically submissive, at least in the bedroom. Specifically, my husband decides when and how I am spanked. I willingly accept his judgment and whatever spankings he chooses to administer. We’ve had many years to experiment and refine our relationship. This is the arrangement that works best for us.

I should also mention that for us, spanking is a form of sex. It is erotic through and through. A spanking at our house is virtually always followed by intercourse.

One element that is rarely mentioned is the dimensions of spanking beyond the physical. When the word is mentioned, most people think about striking someone's bottom. That simple act, at least to me, is merely the key that opens the door to many other experiences. Beyond the physical, spankings can have mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects. Many enthusiasts talk about how pain can take them to subspace. This feeling has been compared to the so-called runner's high. I've been there myself and it's a mind-blowing sensation. Afterward, I feel a connectedness with my lover. Our ability to communicate is never stronger than at those times.

Here's a brief explanation of why this lifestyle appeals to us.

10) Can you tell me about your first time?

Well, my first time was with a high school boyfriend. It was a total flop. I would prefer to share with you the first time my husband spanked me.

11) Do you need to feel safe? By that I mean, do you need a safe word or some assurance that you aren't going to be harmed in any way? Or is that loss of control something that you quite like?

I always feel safe with my husband. After all of these years, I know I can count upon him to look out for my welfare. We do use a safeword, though I very seldom invoke it.

There is an aspect of giving over control that appeals to me. My control is not lost, but I do sometimes loan it to my lover for safekeeping.

12) Do you have a favourite spanking moment from film or television? If so, what is it?

I can think of lots of them. I guess I would pick one episode of the Gidget show (starring a very young Sally Field in the title role) where she was bent over and spanked by her sister and brother-in-law.

Here are some spanking memories.

13. (There was no #13, so I’ll give you a little background)

My name is Bonnie. I’m a forty something wife and mother. I live with my husband in the United States. We’ve been together and actively spanking for well over than twenty years. In many ways, we’re a very typical couple. We just happen to enjoy life more than most.

I work as a professional writer. Some of my off-duty work can be found on my blog.

14) Can you tell me about your best and worst spanking experiences? Please feel free to go into as much detail as you like.

For the best, there are so many choices. Let’s try one very memorable birthday spanking.

Likewise, I can think of several spankings that simply didn’t work out. Here’s one from a couple weeks ago.

15) How did you get into this?

I don’t believe I got into spanking so much as spanking got into me. I was keenly interested in the subject for as far back as I can recall. As I grew into a teenager, spanking gained a sexual significance. In my younger years, I thought this secret of mine was weird. I believed I was the only person in the world who thought this way. When I met my husband, he somehow understood my kink. He enjoys delivering a spanking as much as I do receiving one. For us, that has provided the foundation for a very successful marriage.

Mr. Doorne would like to hear from other spankos interested in contributing to his article. If you’d like to take a whack at these questions, you can contact him at

Keywords: ,


poiesia said...

" If you’d like to take a whack at these questions..."

Cute pun. Intended? :D


cuddlybum said...

Hi there - I've been lurking about and exploring your blog for a while now. Thought I'd take the oppurtunity to say hi and thank you. I just read the 'peeling back the labels' post after reading the ansewrs to this questionnaire. It was great. SOmetimes on the web people can try to make me feel that I'm not a 'proper submissive' or not 'really into spanking' because I don't fit their definitions. My beloved spanks me - for fun and when I ask him to do it for stress relief. We both have very strong views on how women can be treated and they pretty much agree. Also, because of some abuse I suffered when I was younger, I can freak out at the silliest of things. (I can't stand to watch my darling take off his belt for example and I would do myself some serious damamge trying to escape if he ever tried to use it one me!)

Because of that we have what seems to be a really unique and wierd relationship - but that post really gave me confidence and a bit of a self esteem boost. Thank you!

And very very sorry for the long comment. But it was a bit of a break through after a few days of some fairly harsh judgements from people who shouldn't really matter to me anyway.

Thanks again.

Anonymous said...

Interesting post!!! It got me thinking about how I'd answer the questions.

Like you, spanking is definitely erotic and almost always followed by sex (except when we're in the middle of doing something else and I simply decide to stick my bottom out for a sexy smack! *grin*). Also like you, I like being draped over my hubby's lap, especially in the bed!!!

Again, like you, I was fascinated by the idea of getting spanked ever since I was a teenager. All those historical romance books in which a strong, handsome guy puts the beautiful girl over his knee, I guess!!! I'm just glad my hubby is as into it as I am!!!

Didn't mean to make it seem like I was stealing your answers, Bonnie. We just seem to think alike!!!


Storm Rider said...

You never cease to amaze me Bonnie, and thats hard to do to someone like me!
Very well writted, very informative,and very erotic!
You get an "A+" and a smile from me!:)

figleaf said...

Cool post, Bonnie.

I really like your approach, that spanking is part of sex instead of some kind of somber lifestyle thing with ritual (as opposed to practical or safety-minded) do's and don't's.



Bonnie said...

Poiesia - Puns ? Moi? :D

Cuddly - Hi! Let me officially welcome you to MBS.

You're most welcome. I know what you mean about people who want to tell you how your relationship should be (or not be). I believe it's best for each couple to find their own comfortable niche. It's great to read Web sites for advice and ideas. But at the end of the day, there are only two opinions that matter. Why would we choose to live someone else's fantasy?

I believe if an arrangement is right for the two of you, then it's right.

There's no need to apologize for posting a long comment. I'm delighted to meet you and glad my thoughts provided some beneficial insight.

Storm - Thanks! I aim to please.

Fig - Thank you! I admire your blog and I really value your opinion.

This lifestyle is one that Randy and I have developed together over a number of years. It fits us. I have no illusions that it would be perfect for anyone else. Nor will you hear me proselytizing about it.

To me, a good spanking is foreplay at its very best. The act has other uses, but at its core, a spanking is intrinsically sexual. As with sex in general, it enriches our relationship and our lives.

Bonnie said...

Tigger - Oops, I almost missed you. Please steal away. If I wanted to keep a secret, I sure wouldn't post it here!

Besides, great minds think alike, right?

Marcus said...

To me, a good spanking is foreplay at its very best. The act has other uses, but at its core, a spanking is intrinsically sexual.

I agree wholeheartedly, Bonnie. Again, thanks for the good reading

The Pink Wench said...

Wonderful answers Bonnie, I feel the same about so much of it, however, you say it so wonderfully well.

I sent the link for this article to my hubby, as I think most of it just typifies how we feel about all of it.

He has used spanking as a punishment only twice in our relationship, each for something that was necessary at the time. It is not the norm with us, ours is generally a I have a need, or he has a need, and most often if there are no time constraints, great sex follows. I agree though, it has enriched our relationship, and made us face our demons, and be more open and honest that I believe a lot of couples are. A lot of that I do credit with the longevity of our relationship, and all the trials that you do endure in today's life.



Bonnie said...

Marcus - You're most welcome!

Pink - Thanks. Your experience sounds very similar to Randy and me. Isn't it wonderful?

Janeen said...

UUGGH, Bonnie I'm sorry, I didn't even realize you got the exact same email! I apologize for making a post almost identical to yours!

Sorry again, wouldn't have done it had I know he went through the list and emailed all of us.

Things have been so hectic I didn't even see your post about this.

Bonnie said...


No worries. These weren't my questions and I don't mind at all.

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