MBS Labs: Better Spankings Through Science

Last fall, I provided a brief peek behind the scenes at our secret MBS spanko research installation. Today, it's my privilege to offer you an update. Please note that these products are still in the experimental stage and are not yet ready for market. Nonetheless, our experts believe they have the potential to revolutionize the way we redden bottoms.

Removable Rear Seat Warmer: Full-sized minivans have long featured removable rear seats. This is a great convenience for drivers who must transport both passengers and cargo. The new MBS after-market model, once removed, folds into an adjustable spanking bench. The integrated passive restraint system converts effortlessly into an active restraint system. Whether deep in a rain forest or alongside the highway, this convertible bench provides the ideal locale for settling matters with that ill-tempered soccer mom.

Shock-o-Matic: Spankologists have long understood that it's possible to simulate the impact of a well placed swat by applying a short duration, high voltage electric charge to the buttocks. The revolutionary Shock-o-Matic takes this concept one step farther. Through the miracle of miniaturization, MBS Labs has managed to integrate a custom charge delivery system into a normal pair of women's panties. A radio frequency remote control unit allows simulated spanks to be administered from up to thirty feet away. We believe this product will alter forever the concept of a public spanking.

Drop-Seat Ski Pants: With the surge in popularity of cross-country skiing, many spanking enthusiasts are now visiting their favorite trails during all four seasons. In the past, an outdoor spanking in winter was a logistical nightmare. Removing multiple layers of clothing was time consuming, and certainly not very romantic. With our new drop-seat ski pants, however, gaining full posterior access is quite literally a snap.

Classic Paddle Sealant: There's just something special about a vintage wooden spanking paddle. It's a great feeling to know that you are but the latest to feel the solid impact of a well seasoned paddle. Whether from the classroom or the sorority house, these antique punishment paddles are genuine treasures. Unfortunately, over time and with use, their structural integrity can deteriorate. This can tragically lead to loss of effectiveness and ultimately, catastrophic failure. Thanks to the researchers at MBS Labs, there is now a synthetic sealant compound designed to renew and preserve these stinging keepsakes for future generations of spanking enthusiasts.

Yes, my friends, the future of spanking is very bright indeed. Bright red, that is...