MBS Labs: Better Spankings Through Science

Last fall, I provided a brief peek behind the scenes at our secret MBS spanko research installation. Today, it's my privilege to offer you an update. Please note that these products are still in the experimental stage and are not yet ready for market. Nonetheless, our experts believe they have the potential to revolutionize the way we redden bottoms.

Removable Rear Seat Warmer: Full-sized minivans have long featured removable rear seats. This is a great convenience for drivers who must transport both passengers and cargo. The new MBS after-market model, once removed, folds into an adjustable spanking bench. The integrated passive restraint system converts effortlessly into an active restraint system. Whether deep in a rain forest or alongside the highway, this convertible bench provides the ideal locale for settling matters with that ill-tempered soccer mom.

Shock-o-Matic: Spankologists have long understood that it's possible to simulate the impact of a well placed swat by applying a short duration, high voltage electric charge to the buttocks. The revolutionary Shock-o-Matic takes this concept one step farther. Through the miracle of miniaturization, MBS Labs has managed to integrate a custom charge delivery system into a normal pair of women's panties. A radio frequency remote control unit allows simulated spanks to be administered from up to thirty feet away. We believe this product will alter forever the concept of a public spanking.

Drop-Seat Ski Pants: With the surge in popularity of cross-country skiing, many spanking enthusiasts are now visiting their favorite trails during all four seasons. In the past, an outdoor spanking in winter was a logistical nightmare. Removing multiple layers of clothing was time consuming, and certainly not very romantic. With our new drop-seat ski pants, however, gaining full posterior access is quite literally a snap.

Classic Paddle Sealant: There's just something special about a vintage wooden spanking paddle. It's a great feeling to know that you are but the latest to feel the solid impact of a well seasoned paddle. Whether from the classroom or the sorority house, these antique punishment paddles are genuine treasures. Unfortunately, over time and with use, their structural integrity can deteriorate. This can tragically lead to loss of effectiveness and ultimately, catastrophic failure. Thanks to the researchers at MBS Labs, there is now a synthetic sealant compound designed to renew and preserve these stinging keepsakes for future generations of spanking enthusiasts.

Yes, my friends, the future of spanking is very bright indeed. Bright red, that is...

MBS Labs: Envisioning Future Spanko Technology

As a part of our ongoing commitment to explore the leading edge of spanking science, a team of expert spankologists, researchers, and product development specialists is hard at work here at MBS labs. It is my pleasure today to offer you a brief glimpse of some of the wonders taking shape.

Paddle of Tomorrow: This paddle is constructed from a new space-age polymer and polished to a finish that is literally smoother than glass. The result is a higher sting-to-ache ratio than any paddle currently on the market. Early field tests suggest that even moderate force swats yield an intense, burning response with minimal bruising.

Spank Solution: The chemists at MBS labs have been toiling for two years to produce a gel-like substance which, when applied to the buttocks, intensifies the spanking experience much as water and mineral oil do. Unlike liquids, however, this gel would remain in place and continue enhance the spanking experience even after repeated blows. At long last, formulation 53x appears to have the desired properties. First phase controlled evaluation is now beginning.

Ultra Cushion: There isn't a spankee anywhere who couldn't sometimes benefit from a soft cushion after a hard night of percussive play. The Ultra Cushion is intended to ease sitting discomfort. Constructed from a flexible carbon fiber lattice, the Ultra Cushion promises to be softer than feather pillows and cooler than foam rubber. Prototypes have been developed, but due to cost and manufacturing considerations, market viability has yet to be established.

Sprop: Half spoon, half crop - That is the vision of the Sprop team. Imagine for a moment a spanking implement with the form factor of a wooden spoon, but the flexibility of a riding crop. The firm, rounded back of a spoon bowl transfers the full force of each spank to a relatively small area of skin. This strike pattern results in a very painful blow. By making the handle of the spoon more flexible, it is possible to significantly increase the speed at which the bowl is traveling at the moment of contact. As a result, the Sprop should allow each swat to hurt up to fifty percent more during application while increasing reddening and residual soreness duration. No testing schedule has yet been announced.

Kevlar panties: This innovation could prove to be a boon to the bratting community. The unusual tale of Kevlar panties began when a MBS labs trainee accidentally added Kevlar, the material used in bullet-proof vests, to the seat of a normal pair of women's briefs. While most innovations tend to favor the spanker, these panties enable the wearer to absorb longer and harder spankings than would otherwise be possible. One drawback that researchers have yet to overcome is fact that the Kevlar reinforced panties are completely ineffective when positioned around the ankles.

Spank-o-Tron: This spanking machine is the flagship of MBS Labs research efforts. Unlike any other automated spanking system in existence, the Spank-o-Tron has a unique laser scanning facility that generates a three dimensional digital map of the contours of the spankee's bottom. Then, based upon preset values for dispersion and severity, the patented algorithmic punishment engine calculates the ideal attack angle, spanking force, implement speed, and duration. Add to this support for twelve different carefully balanced implements and the result is what we believe will be the perfect automated spanking system. When nothing is left to chance, spankings are effective, predictable, and worth repeating over and over. Commercial availability is scheduled for the second quarter of 2008.

Booty Balm: Spankings can be great fun. But let's face it, regular trips over your lover's knee are hard on the skin. Booty Balm is the first creme that treats all major posterior symptoms.

• Aloe Vera extract reduces skin irritation
• A gentle moisturizer restores skin texture
• Vitamin E preserves skin elasticity
• An antibiotic agent reduces the likelihood of infection
• Alum closes small cuts
• Arnica inhibits bruising

Available soon over the counter from finer drug stores and grocers, Booty Balm will be all you need for your well marked bottom.

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Yes, I can promise you that the future of spanking is bright indeed. Bright red, that is.