Tuesday, September 04, 2007

MBS Labs: Envisioning Future Spanko Technology

As a part of our ongoing commitment to explore the leading edge of spanking science, a team of expert spankologists, researchers, and product development specialists is hard at work here at MBS labs. It is my pleasure today to offer you a brief glimpse of some of the wonders taking shape.

Paddle of Tomorrow: This paddle is constructed from a new space-age polymer and polished to a finish that is literally smoother than glass. The result is a higher sting-to-ache ratio than any paddle currently on the market. Early field tests suggest that even moderate force swats yield an intense, burning response with minimal bruising.

Spank Solution: The chemists at MBS labs have been toiling for two years to produce a gel-like substance which, when applied to the buttocks, intensifies the spanking experience much as water and mineral oil do. Unlike liquids, however, this gel would remain in place and continue enhance the spanking experience even after repeated blows. At long last, formulation 53x appears to have the desired properties. First phase controlled evaluation is now beginning.

Ultra Cushion: There isn't a spankee anywhere who couldn't sometimes benefit from a soft cushion after a hard night of percussive play. The Ultra Cushion is intended to ease sitting discomfort. Constructed from a flexible carbon fiber lattice, the Ultra Cushion promises to be softer than feather pillows and cooler than foam rubber. Prototypes have been developed, but due to cost and manufacturing considerations, market viability has yet to be established.

Sprop: Half spoon, half crop - That is the vision of the Sprop team. Imagine for a moment a spanking implement with the form factor of a wooden spoon, but the flexibility of a riding crop. The firm, rounded back of a spoon bowl transfers the full force of each spank to a relatively small area of skin. This strike pattern results in a very painful blow. By making the handle of the spoon more flexible, it is possible to significantly increase the speed at which the bowl is traveling at the moment of contact. As a result, the Sprop should allow each swat to hurt up to fifty percent more during application while increasing reddening and residual soreness duration. No testing schedule has yet been announced.

Kevlar panties: This innovation could prove to be a boon to the bratting community. The unusual tale of Kevlar panties began when a MBS labs trainee accidentally added Kevlar, the material used in bullet-proof vests, to the seat of a normal pair of women's briefs. While most innovations tend to favor the spanker, these panties enable the wearer to absorb longer and harder spankings than would otherwise be possible. One drawback that researchers have yet to overcome is fact that the Kevlar reinforced panties are completely ineffective when positioned around the ankles.

Spank-o-Tron: This spanking machine is the flagship of MBS Labs research efforts. Unlike any other automated spanking system in existence, the Spank-o-Tron has a unique laser scanning facility that generates a three dimensional digital map of the contours of the spankee's bottom. Then, based upon preset values for dispersion and severity, the patented algorithmic punishment engine calculates the ideal attack angle, spanking force, implement speed, and duration. Add to this support for twelve different carefully balanced implements and the result is what we believe will be the perfect automated spanking system. When nothing is left to chance, spankings are effective, predictable, and worth repeating over and over. Commercial availability is scheduled for the second quarter of 2008.

Booty Balm: Spankings can be great fun. But let's face it, regular trips over your lover's knee are hard on the skin. Booty Balm is the first creme that treats all major posterior symptoms.
  • Aloe Vera extract reduces skin irritation
  • A gentle moisturizer restores skin texture
  • Vitamin E preserves skin elasticity
  • An antibiotic agent reduces the likelihood of infection
  • Alum closes small cuts
  • Arnica inhibits bruising
Available soon over the counter from finer drug stores and grocers, Booty Balm will be all you need for your well marked bottom.

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Yes, I can promise you that the future of spanking is bright indeed. Bright red, that is.


Anonymous said...

WOW! That was an awesome read! What a great imagination Bonnie has!!-Teresa

Anonymous said...

Brilliant Bonnie. I enjoyed the ideas very much.


Jim said...

'Kevlar reinforced panties are completely ineffective when positioned around the ankles.'

LOL! Spray on Kevlar might help.

LynLass said...

Just too funny! I woke up around 4 am and couldn't sleep. I had 1) A hard time laughing quietly so as not to wake anyone except the cats, and 2)the giggles so hard I may never get back to sleep!

New Beginnings said...

Bonnie I am so glad you keep us up to date on the latest. I'll take one of each! Just tell me where to sent my money!!!

I love this!

hermione said...

So when will the lab be advertising for volunteers to conduct controlled experiments on the Sprop? I assume the placebos will be an ordinary spoon and a regular crop?
Like Lynnlass, I couldn't sleep either, but I am really glad I wasn't tempted to take a peek at your blog. I never would have gone back to sleep.
I had a great time imagining the Spank-o-Tron. What a fun way to start the day! Erm, with your post, I mean :)

Megs said...

Here's some kevlar knickers... http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Fencing_knickers.jpg
But I guess that's not really what you meant.

Anna said...

If you give me one of the early prototypes of your spank-o-tron, I'll happily provide you with a testimonial for your infomercial

Paul said...

Bonnie, you have a positively evil imagination, but I love it.
I'm not sure that the Kevlar panties will sell, unless of course they make them in children's sizes.
Warm hugs,

Anonymous said...

Heeheeeeee -- brilliant indeed! How do you come up with this stuff?

Some might argue that I have Kevlar built right into my butt... :-D -- Erica

Caryagal said...

Love the ideas! Great! You are truely on the technological forefront here!


Kallisto said...

How do you come up with these things? Your imagination is awe inspiring!

Dove said...

What fantastic ideas you have Bonnie, that gave me a good chuckle. Now all you have to do is get the 'speaking of spanking' TV show up and running and you will have the perfect place to showcase your wares. :)


Anonymous said...

bonnie if you need a Canadian test subject for the lab to try the implements ,balms , machines and panties out sign me up!!!!!!!!!! heather

Bonnie said...

Teresa - Thank you! What good is all this technology if we can't have a little fun with it?

OPB - Thanks. I really believe that all of these products are possible and could exist if some entrepreneurial spanko wanted to invest the money.

Jim - Spray on Kevlar might take some of the fun out of the spanking experience, at least for me. But I'm sure there are plenty of brats out there who would be delighted to test it.

Lyn: Sorry about any contribution I made to your insomnia. But you just never know what you're going to find when you visit this blog (Some days, even I'm surprised when posts turn out to be quite different than the concept I had when I began writing!). :D

PK - We here at MBS strive to bring readers the very latest in spanking innovations. :D

Hermione - Yes, we use a scientific double-blind testing methodology. The only problem is that blindfolded spankers have terrible aim.

Megs - No, but it's the right general concept.

Anna - You're in!

Paul - I don't know. I think there are probably plenty of spankees who would like to play a little bit longer.

Erica - I'd love to tell you, but I have no idea from where these concepts arise. I'm just a spanko to the core and most of my best ideas seem to take on that flavor.

No, you don't need Kevlar panties. When I get around to documenting the Seven Wonders of the Spanko World, your bionic butt will definitely be featured.

BTW, I loved your SL coverage. It sounded like great fun.

Carye - Thanks. I aim to please.

Kallisto - Thanks. As I said, I have a mind that just naturally gravitates toward spanko topics. I was this way all the back in elementary school, though the range of subject matter was bit narrower then.

Dove - I think I just found my first advertiser! Good idea.

Heather - Welcome to MBS and thanks for your comment. You're officially on the list!

Susan (once Doc) said...

That was at times terrifying... lol. I loved it Bonnie. You have a great ability with voices.

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