Self Spanker recently posed three challenging questions. These are the kind of queries for which there can be no single right response. So much depends upon context – the individuals involved and the dynamics of their relationship. In answering, the best I can hope to accomplish is to share my perspective. Nonetheless, these are interesting topics worthy of our consideration.
- Is it possible to be submissive and equal simultaneously?
- Does the fact that you submit to spanking negatively impact your standing in your relationship?
- Do you or your partner view you as the lesser member of the relationship, or are you equal in all things other than spanking?
At first glance, these two states seem clearly irreconcilable. If one chooses to be submissive, they are, by definition, placing themselves below their dom(me).
But that needn’t be the end of the story. In practice, these two concepts are considerably more malleable than their dictionary definitions might suggest. Submission can mean a 24/7 total power exchange master/slave relationship where one partner is in full control at all times. The same term can be used just as correctly to describe a lover’s occasional desire to lend some of her control to her partner during a lovemaking session.
Mathematics teaches us that many different formulas can yield the same numerical result. Equal does not mean identical. In a relationship, partners routinely take the lead in areas where they have a stronger interest or aptitude. If these responsibilities roughly even out, we can say that the two roles are generally equal overall. This can be true even if one partner exercises complete control in one aspect of life.
Randy and I are approximately equal. Spankings are clearly his domain. He leads and I like it that way. But counterbalancing this facet of our lives is a separate set of responsibilities that I handle independently. So, the technical answer to the question is “no,” because I am not simultaneously submissive and equal. However, when viewed from a broader perspective, I can indeed be both.
I don’t believe so. If anything, it’s quite the opposite. Spankings bring us closer and increase our mutual appreciation.
I would say the answer to both parts is “no.” I am a full member of the relationship. I have the right and the responsibility to help guide our direction.
At the same time, I am not equal in all things other than spanking. We each have our own unique skills and we divide up work and responsibility along those lines.
I recognize that this answer is not nearly so satisfying as a simple yes or no. But in the world of human interactions, nuances are everything!
