| It seems as though there are few if any women in my area with the vaguest interest in spanking or being spanked. I’m a switch so at this point, I’ll take (or give) whatever I can get. I’ve met women and gone on dates, and we seem to get along, but as soon as I bring up this subject, they lose interest in me. From reading your blog, I think there must be women somewhere who have this interest, but I haven’t met them. What would you suggest? |
I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling to find a suitable partner. I'm not an expert on this topic, but you asked me so I will tell you what I think. I don’t believe there is a conspiracy to hide all of the spanko women, but there may be a few factors at work.
The first is safety. Many women are reluctant to share personal details (and what we're discussing is very personal) with people until they have established a sense of understanding and trust. We know there are creeps and abusers who would exploit that trust if given the opportunity. A potential partner will share their true desires only after you've gained her confidence.
The second issue is access. If you are searching in the general population, there may appear to be few spanko women. The answer is to improve your odds by going places, real or virtual, where spankos congregate. Examples include groups, munches, parties, chats, and discussion forums. If you are talking with women who have this interest, the there is a greater likelihood of finding someone who is compatible and interested.
Then there's the pandemic. People don't congregate as they once did. As a result, there are fewer opportunities for in-person meetings and dates. I know people are being creative and you may have to do so as well.
I encourage you to meet and talk with spanko women here on the Internet. You can assure yourself that, yes, we do exist. You can get to know people, and they can know you. Even if someone you meet is not your ideal partner, they could still be a valuable friend.
When you establish familiarity, that's the first step toward trust. You will have a chance to share who you are, what you know, and what you like. But first, listen to your new friends and be ready to learn from them. Before long, you may be able to make that connection that could grow into something more. Be friendly. Be honest. Be generous. Be respectful. Don't rush. Be someone with whom people will want to spend time.
And good luck!
6 comments :
Excellent advice Bonnie :)
Hugs
Roz
Let me suggest a couple things from my own experience. It may spark some ideas for your Al.
First, I found munches to be a great way to meet partners. The important thing is to connect with people there on a personal level about topics outside the spanko world. It helps to humanize the contact.
Second, another way to meet suitable partners is through referrals. By that, I mean talking with (in my case, women) about what interests me, and having them suggest potential partners. If someone recommends meeting you, then the potential partner not only has the knowledge someone thinks you're okay, but also that they think you two have something that might work.
Of course, living in a larger settlement (a metropolitan area) makes it easier, just because it's a numbers game. Only a small percentage of the population has an inclination to this type of activity. And of the people who do, there's a wide variation in the specific activity people like. Just being interested in "spanking" doesn't narrow the field as much as you might think. People have a large variety of reasons to want to participate (sensation, discipline, other) and a wide variety of levels of physical and psychological comfort. Then, on top of that, even people who have the inclination may be unwilling to act on it because of personal timidity or fear of societal opprobrium.
So, persistence is important, and creativity is important if you're going to find the right partner. Good luck, it's a worthy pursuit!
So, persistence is important, and creativity is important if you're going to find the right partner. Good luck, it's a worthy pursuit!
All I can say is that Rich is correct about where you live. In my case, at one time I was using online sources to locate play partners. I wasn't looking for a relationship. And as a switch who primarily likes to bottom, the number of women I found who also sadly wanted to bottom far outweighed the Tops out there. It really wasn't that difficult to find them and I connected with a few and had a lot of fun.
Now, the other thing is, you'd be surprised at how many spanking relationships I've had through meeting 'regular people' in everyday situations. It helps to have a sense for potential, but it's a different world now, and what was a bit tricky back in the 70's is a HELLUVA lot easier now.
I wrote a multi-part how-to of advice on this topic a while back, but sadly my blog was obliterated by Google and it is no longer available to read. Too bad you missed it.
Roz - Thanks. I was hoping that readers with relevant, recent experience would join in and happily, they did.
RP - Thank you for providing valuable context and advice.
KD - Your insights definitely advance our conversion. I know Al will be grateful. Thank you!
Someone suggested a brunch topic directed at women who spank. I haven't used it yet because I doubted I would get many replies. Most of my vocal readers aren't female spankers, but maybe it would be worth a try.
Hugs,
Hermione
Hermione - Perhaps you can bring in a new audience?
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