Interview with Ava

Back in July 2012, I was interviewed by Ava from Ava’s Thoughts on Loving Domestic Discipline. It was a fun interview because she asked some questions that I had not answered before. This content has not previously appeared on this blog.

1. How long have you practiced Domestic Discipline with your HoH?

I wouldn't characterize our relationship as DD, at least not in the conventional sense. I'm not big fan of labels because people often treat them as prescriptive rather than descriptive (for example, a true follower of DD or whatever would never do x). I believe that each relationship must grow and evolve organically. Labels, if applicable, may be applied after the fact to explain, so long as they don't constrain.

I think Randy and I are probably closer to D/s than DD, but neither is a good fit. Our relationship is one that has changed through years of trial, error, success, and compromise. I am submissive and I follow his direction, though more in the bedroom than elsewhere. Around the house, we each have our responsibilities and take charge of them. He has my blanket consent to spank when he believes it necessary or helpful or convenient or fun. I almost always accept his judgment in such matters, though I retain the right to postpone a spanking when circumstances require it.

We spank for many reasons - Stress relief, reconnection, play, foreplay, just because, preventative maintenance, and more. What's missing from this list is a key element of domestic discipline - punishment. It's not a part of our real life dynamic. I'm 54 years old and very responsible. He doesn't evaluate my behavior. Nor do I evaluate his. I think if I disappointed him in some major way, we'd probably talk through it and come to a resolution. There might be a spanking involved, but it wouldn't be punishment for misdeeds. This is how he wants it.

With that said, I've been fascinated with traditional corporal punishment scenes since childhood. We have many rituals and they are a huge turn-on for me. He knows just which words to say to launch me into that headspace.

We've been together since the late 1970s and we've spanked regularly almost from the very beginning. We took a break for about a year in the 1980s while I was pregnant. That too was his idea.

2. Did you start DD before or after you were married?

Before, with the caveat above

3. What is your least favorite/most painful spanking implement you have experienced?

We've experimented with all manner of ill-conceived implements and pervertibles (vanilla objects adapted for spanking). The worst was probably a rubber paddle/strap thing. It turned my skin red almost instantly.

4. Have you experienced other punishments besides spanking and corner time?

As described above, we don't punish in the sense that a DD couple might. We do corner time, occasional restraint, and employ a variety of toys.

5. Do you always receive bare bottom spankings or does it depend on how offensive your behavior was?

Even if spankings don't start out on my bare bottom, they virtually always end up that way.

6. How would your HoH react if you wore revealing clothing in public? Would you get punished for it?

Honestly, I think he'd love it. He adores my curvy body and thinks I should show it off more than I do.

7. What form of DD do you practice? Is it for religious reasons? A Taken in Hand dynamic? 1950's household?

Ours is a hybrid to be sure.

8. Do you think DD helps you explore your feminine side more deeply?

That's an intriguing question worthy of an entire blog post. I'm not one who believes that females are inherently inferior. We are smaller, but we are not less.

With that said, my submissive side is often expressed through softness and femininity. So, speaking only for myself, I guess my answer is a qualified yes.

9. Does your HoH use maintenance spankings or does he believe in spankings as punishments only?

As described above, we use spankings for everything except true punishment. We have a standing date on Friday evenings for what some might call a maintenance spanking. It's usually the most severe spanking of the week and it serves to recalibrate and reconnect us. This session often starts out serious and ends with us laughing in bed. Afterward, I feel refreshed and rejuvenated.

10. Have you received a figging during a spanking?

No, but my husband would like to try it sometime. We own a plug that is used on occasion.

11. What is your opinion on enema punishment? Are you neutral about it, or unsure?

That's not our kink. We prefer spankings.

12. Do you enjoy the Daddy/little girl dynamic or the mere fantasy of it?

For us, spanking, whatever the purpose, always has a sexual element. That is incompatible with a parent/child relationship. We do roleplay, but the focus is quite different.

13. Do you think crying by the end of a spanking is essential in a fully effective punishment?

Absolutely not. Crying is an individual thing. I'm the one who sobs at the kids' movie when the dog dies. But paddle my bottom and tears are hard to come by. It's just a part of how I’m wired.

14. Does your HoH firmly believe in privacy during punishment?

Yes.

15. Has he spanked you in front of others or in public?

Yes, but not in any serious way.

Personal Questions:

1. Does your HoH have a special name he calls you when you're in trouble? (i.e. Little Miss or Young Lady?)

He has several names including my full name, Missy, and Young Lady.

2. Do you keep spanking separate from the bedroom or do you find it an erotic act as well as discipline?

Whatever the intent, every spanking has an erotic element.

3. What is the most intimate spanking position you've been in that made you feel the most connected to your Husband?

That's almost two questions. The most intimate might be a wheelbarrow variant where I lie face down on top of him. My spread legs go beneath his arms and my bottom (and other parts) are close to his face. I'll leave it as an exercise for the reader to visualize why this position is so intimate. :)

The spanking position that makes me feel most connected is the traditional over the lap position. I've been across his lap a thousand times before and it's familiar. When I'm there, even the unavoidable pain is welcome. He knows just what to do to set me right. At those moments, my love for him is so strong I would do almost anything he asks.

Thanks, Ava, for an engaging interview!