Sunday, March 17, 2013

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Mar 17

Our topic this week was unexpected spankings, particularly those that break normal routines. Here are your thoughts.

Archedone: We have a routine also, but there are still many unexpected spankings. Part of that is to show me that she will spank when she wants to. Although it throws me for a curve, I do love it. Yes, Honey, spank me. What position should I present my bottom in?

TL Bucko: I like the idea of spontaneous spankings in theory. But in practice, I'm still not sure. Sometimes when I'm not expecting it, I'm not in the head space to be as receptive to his HOH-y-ness as I would be if I have time to prepare. I think the unexpected assertion of his dominance does good things for keeping me in the aforementioned head space, but it may take time to get there.

S.N.M.: It's much more fun when she's not expecting it. For me, at least. :)

Hermione: Our lives are very much governed by routine, and if Ron were to do something spontaneous, I would ask the alien what he had done with my husband. Our spankings, along with many other activities, are always scheduled in advance. We both feel unsettled when unexpected events disrupt the usual patterns.

A spontaneous spanking would be nice, and certainly would illustrate his dominance. I might be taken aback, but I would do my best to submit and even enjoy the surprise.

Reece Seever: I agree with TL. Part of what A. and I are aiming for is her assertion of HOH status. That suggests spontaneous DD-oriented spankings whenever she thinks one has been earned. That's the theory. In practice, on the rare occasion that she has ordered one that I didn't anticipate, I found myself very resistant to it, because I wasn't in the right "head space." On the other hand, that is kind of the point -- she is supposed to be in charge and I am supposed to submit, even when it is hard to do so.

Bea: I always know why I'm being spanked, but I never know when, with what, or for how long. I've come to know that maintenance will either be at bed time or early in the morning. But punishment could happen anytime we are alone. A few times, he's been given to reach down during a goodbye hug and give me a smack (and not playful either) if he thinks I'm struggling, to remind me to behave while we are apart. He doesn't warn me of upcoming discipline either, which is wise because I would have worked myself into a complete state by the time we get to it. I'm making him sound cruel, but he needs to do it this way to make me let go of control issues. It's submission training.

Felicia Nemo: Do you and your partner experience unexpected spankings? All the ones that I've experienced have been unexpected. That's mainly because the few quick ones I've gotten were from my "vanilla" partner. While I'd love know when the fun is coming, I feel a bit of a glow after any.

How important is it to have a plan and keep to it? I live by plans, but not around fun stuff. I like to be innovative and be open to suggestions.

Do you think that changing the order or timing of spankings can serve as an expression of dominance? This is a tough question to answer and I think it has to do a lot with the personalities of the people involved. In my relationship, it probably would but I don't have a DD relationship by any stretch of the imagination so it's not something I've really thought about. To me that would be more of a change in routine to spice things up.

Abby: Master likes to keep me on my toes in more ways than one. The unexpected is the rule for me! It sure does keep His dominance in the forefront.

Free Spanking: Sometimes, my Master surprises me with unexpected punishment. We practice consensual discipline with established rules of behavior. When I break those rules, I know that I will receive a spanking for it.

Jenny: I'd say all of our spankings are unexpected. Even when he promises one for "later tonight," I never know if he will change his mind or let it get too late or forget. Sometimes I have told him, "I thought you had forgotten. I'm not ready."

We have no regularity, so there are no routines. He has a typical pattern of hand, cane, and paddle that he might change up a bit, but it is not very upsetting. At one point, his pattern of spanking and taking breaks had become a bit predictable, but then it suddenly became more varied. I like when I think the spanking is over, and he picks up the paddle again!

The only plan should be his plan for an approximate duration or outcome (tears, begging, etc.). I don't have to know his plan, and it is probably better if I don't.

I think that changing the order or timing of spankings can serve as an expression of dominance. I think he should change it up. I would have clear limits, though, that a spanking cannot make me late for anything. If I am about to leave the house, the spanking will have to wait until I return.

Our Bottoms Burn: We don't have a routine. We spank when we feel like it. We sometimes plan one a day ahead, just to enjoy the anticipation.

Roz: We do have a routine, but there are also spontaneous spankings. It does throw me when this happens, but it usually ends up with us feeling even more connected. It definitely feels like an expression of dominance and also keeps me on my toes.

Lea: I have a routine most of the time. I am a creature of habit, so I like it that way. But sometimes having something unexpected come up can be fun. I guess it depends on the delivery. I may be resistant if I found it too hard or out of context.

Missy Jones: All of my spankings come as a surprise. I mean I'm an angel, so I'm always surprised that he wants to punish me. ;)

We have a big family and we are really busy, so routine sort of gets thrown out of the window, as much as we try to keep to it. However, my husband does surprise me with new rules and expectations. This takes me some time to get used to.

All in all, most of the time, it works out positively, and if it doesn't, then he will rethink the situation. :)

S: Living with D. I just never know when I will be bent over, and usually bared for whatever spanking he fancies to apply to my poor rear. Having this threat all the time, I find very exciting . It can be embarrassing. Once we had friends for supper and I was in the kitchen. In comes D, bends me over the work top, and spanks me soundly. The sound of the ringing smacks must have been heard by our guests, in fact I know it was, because when I joined them at the table, a soft cushion had been placed on my chair! I would not want to change anything.

Simon: I wish I did get spontaneous spankings, but unfortunately, I live a long way from my Mistress so everything has to be arranged in advance. With regards to routine, they do often follow a set pattern, but every so often she will surprise me with something new or a change in the pattern.

Sara: I am mostly more comfortable with our routines, but recently, as I have posted, my husband has been changing things up on me. Although I was shaken and resistant at first, changing things had a positive outcome for us. Yes, it was definitely an expression of his dominance. Good question Bonnie!

Bonnie: I like to tell people that Randy and I have a great relationship built upon years of honest communications and shared trust. I like to tell myself the same thing. It's often true, except when it isn't. Thursday was one such occasion.

Randy arrived home at his usual time and he had in his mind that we needed to have a “discussion.” I was preoccupied with other matters and didn't accept his direction as eagerly as I might have in another scenario. I grudgingly complied, but my dissatisfaction was compounded by his choices of position (diaper), implement (wooden hairbrush), intensity (crazy hard!), and timing (right this minute). Afterward, he told me that if I wanted him to stop I should have safeworded. I told him I expect him to read me better than he did. I'm not proud of my response, but it happened.

Fortunately, we made up in the best possible way and I think we both learned something about ourselves and each other.

Had we followed our routine, as in fact we did the following evening, none of this unpleasant business would have happened. But this episode served as a kind of wakeup call for me. If I truly aspire to be submissive, I still have a ways to go.

Thank you all for joining us for brunch. I hope to see you again next weekend!


Roz said...

I'm sorry this happened Bonnie, and I'm glad you were able to work through it. I don't think I would take well to that position.

Some interesting comments.


Terpsichore said...

very interesting question and answers. Hubby has played a couple of times in that position and I dislike, it too. Glad you were able to work things out...

Jenny said...

I thought you didn't do punishment, Bonnie. Is a discussion different from a punishment?

Bonnie said...

Roz - Shakespeare said, "All's well that ends well," and so it is for us. But that's easy for him to say because it's my end! :)

Terpsichore - There's something about being stretched that way that makes everything hurt a lot more. It's definitely not a favorite, but that's probably why he chose it at that moment.

Jenny - That's a great question. We don't do punishment, it's true, though it may look that way without an explanation of the context.

He is dominant and I am submissive. We chose these roles before we even knew those words. He has the right to exercise his dominance as he sees fit. My role is to accept all he has to give. I trust him to look out for my best interests and not endanger my physical or emotional health. I have a safeword for those rare occasions when we get too out of sync.

Last week, I wasn't being punished for doing anything wrong or displeasing Randy. He decided to exert his dominance and test my submission. Due to a combination of factors, I wasn't in the ideal mindset initially. Interestingly, once we finished with the evening's festivities, I was in a great mood - contented, relaxed, and no longer stressed.

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