Sunday, July 31, 2011

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 31

Our question this week concerned spank-dar. That's the ability to perceive another person's spanking interest in the absence of obvious clues. Here are your thoughts.

Kitty: If I see a man grab a woman's bottom, I wonder whether he spanks her.

Daisy: I think it would be easier to spot spankers than spankees. Men especially, if they are spankers, will be more likely to be eyeing up a spankable bottom than admiring boobs. I think a man who is a real or potential spanker is likely to stay close to his lady, have a protective arm around her in public, and pat/fondle/rest his hand on her bottom.

I have never met (to my knowledge!) a male spankee/female spanker, so have no experience to draw on there!

I think an HOH is less likely to be able to hide his/her natural dominance/assertiveness/authority in public than a spankee is to hide his/her submissive streak.

Joey Red: I attended a spanking weekend in April. For a month before the event, I chatted with many of the people who would be at the weekend. I often tried to visualize how the spankos would look. I arrived by car at the same time as a nice lady, met a couple in their sixties and a couple in their seventies. I asked if any of the people knew where the group was meeting only to learn that everyone I met for the past thirty minutes was a spanko. As we introduced each other by our screen names, we laughed and sometimes hugged. Some people thought I was a rolly polly like the main character in My Cousin Vinny (I am actually thin). Maybe I have no spank-dar because I would never have guessed any of the guests were spankos. What I found was a warm and friendly group of kindred spirits.

Hermione: I can't say that I have spank-dar because spanking isn't a subject I ever discuss in person with anyone except Ron. On occasion, I have my suspicions. I often wonder about certain people at work for example. But I have no way of finding out whether my hunches are accurate.

Six of the Best: Some women display their bottoms most provocatively while walking on the street. Some of these females wear a tight fitting dress or skirt. Some wiggle their derrieres from side to side. So I wonder whether they may have an urge for a 'good spanking' or perhaps I am engaging in wishful thinking.

LynLass: If I have a "spank-dar", it's malfunctioning. Occasionally, I see a guy playfully smack the bottom of the female he's with and she will then kind of blush, and I wonder.

However, there is at least one real life self-admitted sadist who I know. I'd never suspect if I saw him on the street or in the office. At the one play party I attended, I would never have guessed any of them.

Are there any repair people around?

Welcome back, Lyn! It's been a very long time and it's great to see you again.

Underling: I think it's very hard to spot fellow spanking enthusiasts unless they make some kind of reference to it. I have some female friends who mention it occasionally in a lighthearted way. I'd like to think that hints at a deeper interest, but I'd never make that assumption.

I agree with those who say that a bottom fixation and a spanking interest tend to go hand in hand, but not always.

I'm convinced this is such a common kink that it's shared by at least some of the people with whom I rub shoulders each day. If I'm right, then the fact that I can't identify those people tells me that it's very hard to do! The few people I've met in real life who I knew in advance to be spankos just seemed like everyone else to me.

By the way, I think 'flaydar' sounds a little severe, but all I have to offer is OTKdar. ;)

Michelle Carlyle: I have zero spank-dar. However, I have had people admit to me that their lover likes to be spanked. Another friend referred to an implement at a barbecue as something fun to spank a lover. HE turned to me and said, "You know, for spanking during sex." It was as if everyone did it. I, however, kept MUTE.

Weirdly enough, ever since I started writing spanking fiction, I haven't had any of these incidents.

I've mentioned what I'm writing to several people and the reaction wasn't exactly positive. But I do wonder whether people I know read my work, but don't know that I write it. There must be secret spankos in my world, but damned if any of them have come forward. And I couldn't tell unless they told me.

Kady: I definitely don't have spank-dar, but a DD friend and I were shopping one day and we decided to "look" for spanko men. I wondered what we were looking for, but I think I came the closest when I saw a man shopping at Bed, Bath & Beyond in the wooden kitchen utensil section. ;)

Prefectdt: I'm not a great believer in spank-dar. It's a nice little fictitious word to use when writing, but in real life, experience has proved that it does not exist. I wish that it did.

Jean Marie: I confess that I have absolutely no spank-dar, but fervently wish that I did. There is one woman at work who deserves a good spanking in the worst way. If I had any inkling that she'd be receptive, I would push my fantasy of switching into reality, and put all that I've learned from being on the receiving end into what I'd do to her shapely rear end!

Anon #1: Perhaps some people can detect others' interest in spanking, but I sure can't. I can't think of any friends that I honestly suspect are "into" this. However, judging by survey results, at least a few of my friends would likely be in the percentage who like it.

I have a friend who confided in me that another mutual friend was into "all that spanking stuff." LOL. I was thinking to myself, "If you only knew!"

S.N.M.: In general, smart, offbeat people seem more likely than others to be kinky. If someone is creative, quirky, and a little unusual, more often than not they are interested in some kind of BDSM or painplay, either spanking or something else.

And yeah, if someone likes butts, there's a good chance s/he is a spanker.

Bree: I believe some people can identify other spanking enthusiasts. I am one of them. It is not a myth. Not that I can identify every single one of them, but I would say my percentage is about 75% correct. Obviously, there are some people that will not admit it to another person.

Yes, I have too much time on my hands to be trying to identify spankos and it is very distracting. LOL

Yes, of course, some people are more susceptible to detection by spank-dar. The people who playfully give their S/Os one or two swats on their bottom in public. The obvious Toppy threats overheard are also a dead give away. Keywords in a normal conversation tend to make the spanko detector bleep faster. The way one teases someone else.

People who tend to be exhibitionists are easy to read. People who are good at playing cards and have a poker face are the hardest to read. That also goes for people who are good actors.

I tend to gravitate towards these people. It's more like a magnetic pull. So it might not be so much spank-dar as it is being spanknetic. Or maybe it's the electricity in the air – spanktricity. It might also have to do with pheromones in some way, but not sure about that – spankomones.

Just beware, though, it might just be the spanko twinkle in you eyes that gives you away. ;)

Rich Person: Maybe, but I have no such dar. Even if I did, what would I do with it? I don't think getting into a spanking relationship with anyone I see regularly in my vanilla life would be a good idea.

But it's fun to speculate. The city I'm in has a very lively downtown and there are people walking around all the time. I certainly couldn't count on both hands the number of times in a given day I think, "What would she look like over my knee?"

Lea: I don't think I have a spank-dar. Sure, I see everything with my spanko vision and may wonder to myself, "Is she... Is he...?" but never very seriously. Is it possible that someone in my everyday vanilla life is into it? Sure. But if they are anything like me, they don't want to be outed. I haven't dropped any obvious hints that would bring me to that conclusion. I doubt anyone in my vanilla life would guess that I'm a spanko.

I actually had an interesting interaction at work on Friday. It was the end of the day and one of my bosses was heading out to go home and said "What are you still doing here, young lady?" I kind of froze for a moment next to the fax machine and then laughed and said I was getting ready to head out myself. The "young lady" was quite out of place and not something he's said to me before. Does that make him a spanko? Probably not, but I suppose anything is possible.

Anon #2: Finding a spanko bottom is not easy. If one gets it wrong, you can be in big trouble!

The look of a bottom is a clue. Bottoms that have been regularly and soundly spanked, which conditions the muscles, are firm, pert and bouncy, of a good size, and often encased in very tight clothing. Very occasionally, it is possible to see the ridges of a recent strapping or caning through the material.

You can also spot a bottom that has just been spanked, by the care taken when she sits down or prefers to remain standing.

I don't take that chance. I stick to spanking bottoms that belong to known spankos.

Our Bottoms Burn: Spank dar? Where does this come from?

to give somebody a spanking -> dar a alguien una azotaina

It's like radar, Bogey, but with spankos appearing on view screen.

Ronnie: I love to people watch and take a guess on who could be into spanking but of course I never know if I was right or not and of course when I see someone give their partner a playful smack I wonder.

I don't have spank-dar.

Karl Friedrich Gauss: Sometimes I think I have a pretty good idea, but without asking, I'll never know for sure. Even if I asked, I still might not know. Many people are not willing to admit their interest to a total stranger or someone who they know in a social context. That's why this will be a difficult trait to study.

I think that people with whom I have great personal chemistry will have a better than average chance of being spankos. That's my main test.

Bonnie: I honestly don't know whether I have spank-dar. With my blush colored glasses, I see spanko things everywhere. I have no idea how often my perceptions are accurate. But it's certainly fun to contemplate.

Thanks, everyone, for sharing your insights!


A-Non said...

This Brunch question brings up another interesting question: Is it ever safe to let others from your "normal life" know about your interest? Why is this subject such a taboo? Who can you "admit" it to? Has anyone ever revealed this interest and then really regretting the disclosure? Is there a safe but effective way to "hint"?

A-Non said...

oops! First, the Brunch brings up five interesting questions, not one!! And I will blame "regretting" on the late hour! Try "regretted" instead.

Anonymous said...

I agree with A-Non that those would be good subjects.

Also I somehow don't think we're quite through with this subject, Bonnie. Maybe you could bring it back in a couple of years so we could see what we've learned in the interim.

Karl Friedrich Gauss

Post a Comment