Monday, February 08, 2010

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Feb 7

OK, I have a confession and an apology. I inadvertently misled many of you regarding the longevity of this brunch. I said we were beginning our fifth year. That is true because we have completed four years. In any case, I really appreciate all of your kind words and well wishes.

Our topic this week was coming to terms with one's spanking interest. Here are your insightful responses.

Todd and Suzy: We both have fully come to terms with our spanko interests. Part of getting there was a gradual process. Finding the online spanking community was a big help, but it still was basically a two steps forward and one step back realization.

It eventually got to where we knew what our interests were and the things we'd like to try. We didn't fully act on them because of concerns though. What family and friends might think... Our job situation... and so on. We figured it could wait, so we sort of opened the spanko closet, but still hid in the shadows of the door.

Then we had a major health situation, a life and death sort of thing. It worked out in the end, but it drove home the absolute fact that our time wasn't guaranteed and that when it was up, would we really care what folks thought of our spanking interests? Is that what would be on our mind, or would it be... gee, I wish I'd have done more and acted on my interests when I had the chance.

So, we took the plunge and fully explored and embraced our mutual interest in spanking. It hasn't always been perfect either. There have been bumps in the road along the way, but we never once have regretted not waiting.

Hermione: My interest in spanking has always been a part of me. I never had to come to terms with it. It's just the way I am.

Discovering the spanking blogosphere was a real eye-opener. I broadened my horizons and found out how to have a lot more fun – doing it, writing about it, and reading what other spankos write about it.

I am now more enthusiastic than ever about spanking, and feel quite comfortable and contented with who I am.

Prefectdt: Yes, I have fully accepted this aspect of my make-up and I am at terms with my interest.

As for milestones (at this point, I apologize to those who have read my whining about this before), it was giving it up for three years and the mental and psychological trauma that that caused that marked a milestone in my life. Taking up spanking again helped bring my life back in line and gave me the strength to handle the world.

Spanking is more than something that I take part in, it is part of me and part of who I am.

Six of the Best: When I was a student in England, I wanted to spank a female teacher that I had a crush on. I wanted to bend her over her desk, raise her dress waist high, pull down her knickers, and cane her on her bare bottom. As you can see by my 'nom de plume,' I've always wished for this dream of mine to come true. Since those days, I've always loved spanking a female, looking at photos of such females, and reading about them in this position.

R Humphries: For me, it always seemed that spanking was an inherent part of my life and my sensual psyche. I never really had to come to terms with it per se. Nonetheless, it was not without its hurdles, In my youth, I tried to introduce spanking into several vanilla relationships and the results were not a great success, In some ways, that created doubts in my mind (and certainly in the minds of the girls I had tried to spank) regarding my sanity.

Nonetheless, I had a major milestone when I met a young lady who was of a similar persuasion and who was an extremely active participant in the London BDSM scene. We did not actually ever have a physical spanking relationship, but her openness certainly helped eradicate any of my own lingering self-doubts.

I lived in a long, enjoyable, but wholly vanilla relationship for many years and did my best to satisfy my spanking id by writing stories. Subsequently, I met My Beloved Jojo in a spanking-related community on the burgeoning Undernet. We married and the rest, as they say, is history…

Tina: Like Hermione, I could say, the spanko interests (or rather the love for pain) has always been "a part of me." This began long before I discovered it was a sexual thing. But still I often wish I wasn't such an extreme masochist. It makes love life and relationships just so much more difficult. If I could go with some kind of consensual spanking, as you, Bonnie, seem to live it, it would probably be easier. But I wouldn't want to opt for that. If I had the choice, I wish I was strictly vanilla.

Ken: For the most part, I am very comfortable with this part of myself. It has been a gradual realisation that this is an integral part of me. I don't want to change because it has led to meeting some wonderful people.

But there are still occasions when I am a little uncomfortable with this part of me. From most of the friends and family who know, I have had positive reactions. However, there have been some negative responses which can cause me to question myself for a short time. These times are becoming less and less as I get older. Generally, I am happier than I was a few years ago.

Our Bottoms Burn: While spanking has always been a part of me, it was something that I did, but still hid until I met Becall. We were married for two decades before we were totally honest with each other about it.

We think finding SO many others who had our interest in the early days of the web brought us out of the closet. Later, going to spanking parties allowed us to find what we did and did not like.

We are a little jealous of the younger generation who can Google spanking and find a wealth of information. Good for them.

Curtis: I knew I was into spanking in the second grade. The gene was triggered by a birthday spanking given to a classmate by a very pretty teacher which I felt in certain places. From that point on, spanking (giving and getting) were the core of my sexuality and the triggering fantasy for masturbation. I found I was not alone in the eighth grade due to two happenings: 1. Even then, I tried to give spankings to girls who were friends. One, a neighbor, came back several times a week to have me lift her skirt and give her a spanking. 2. I had a music teacher that year who brought class discussion, about every other class, to spanking and once allowed that spanking was "fun."

I think I owe it to Eve Howard (in that name and in the name of Lizzie Bennett when she wrote for Lyndon publications) for making me feel comfortable that there were others who felt the same way that I did about spanking. What she wrote had resonance with me and made me feel comfortable in own skin.

Then, of course, came the Internet. I don't tell everyone about my proclivities, but I am very open within the community. I don't hide and with girlfriends with whom I have had sexual relations, I'm up front and they usually, but not always, enjoy playing spanking games as part of our relationship.

Mark: Pardon the pun, but I think spanking is a pain in the ass. If I could ditch the desire for a more "normal" one, I would. Being a male who likes to get spanked by his wife makes it even less appealing and socially acceptable.

Unfortunately, since I'm 41 and it has been with me since I was 13, I assume it isn't going anywhere. I have tried to quit, but my wife likes who I am and how I treat her when we are 'into' spanking, so she won't let us quit.

So I guess I haven't come to terms with it, but it isn't going away either. I am just thankful I have a fantastic wife who not only accepts it, but wants to learn more about my desires and fulfill them when possible.

Jim: As a child, I wanted to be spanked and sometimes was. As a teenager, spankings girls became my obsession.

As a young man, it troubled me that I wanted to inflict pain on the object of my desire. I tried to smother and repress my kink for years, but it always returned in full allure.

It was in returning to the childhood position of spankee, that was the true liberation. I had a beautiful Italian girlfriend who wanted 'to try all the kinks.' She discovered she didn't like being spanked herself, but loved whacking me with a hairbrush, and I loved it too.

I now work on the principle: do as you would be done by.

Ronnie: There was no milestone. It just occurred gradually and increased along the way. I had no misgivings. In fact, I totally embrace TTWD and couldn't image it not being in my life. It's part of me.

Anon #1: In college, I spent a semester in London. I remember clearly going to a bookstore at the train station and finding they had a fine selection of spanko books including the Emanuel “Story of O” series. WOW, did that start up my feelings. I continued to look for stories and magazines in London and brought them back into the US. I still have them in my nightstand some 29 years later.

I have been married for more than two decades to a vanilla wife. She will grudgingly spank me when I ask, but I have to ask! She won't initiate it. I have rented many spanking movies, but I have to "sneak" away to watch them as she does not like nor want to watch them. Life is always a compromise, so I live with what I have. I think our sexual/spanko lives might improve in the fall after our daughter goes off to college.

As someone wrote above, spanking someone and being spanked is an especially huge sexual trigger and the one I use to self satisfy…

Sunflower: This weeks' question is very time appropriate for me. I just received my first spanking last night! I'm sitting happy (if slightly sore!) right now.

I'd say that as long as I've been aware of my desires, I've personally been comfortable with them. But I haven't always been comfortable sharing those desires or engaging in them. I'm glad I was able to find the bravery to talk about it with my current lover. Yes, it was awkward and still is a little when I ask, but (as I newly know) it is so, so very worth it.

After the spanking, we were cuddling in bed, me with my nicely stingy red rear. I said "Thank you." His response? "Babe, you don't have to thank me. I love you and if something is important enough for you to ask me, I want to give it to you. I may not understand, but if it makes you happy, I'm happy." Today, I'm discovering how deeply addicting TTWD can be. Even though I'm still smarting, I'm longing for the next time I can be over his knee again!

Congratulations, Sunflower, and welcome to the party!

Anon #2: G-d created us all. G-d is perfect. Not to accept the way in which we were created is blasphemy. Therefore, I do accept this aspect of me.

Elysia: This kink is very special to me, as it has been there since the age of four years. I always accepted it in myself, for most of my years (I'm in middle age now). Also, I was always aware that it was not always accepted by others.

I spent a great deal of effort doing research on the topic of spanking, especially the psychology of it, trying to understand myself. There were some years when it was very suppressed. I feared that I might turn into a "pervert" or the like, if I explored it at all. I knew there were others like me, just by odd little comments, jokes, Monty Python (Bad Naughty ZOOT!) and found some erotica in the form of books and magazines. I figured there must be others. They did have a circulation. It wasn't just me!

I am very accepting of it now, as is my husband. Though he is vanilla, he encourages me to be me. He is now finding his way to firmly and thoroughly support me and spank me, hard, in this endeavor to create a strong DD marriage. We have fun and it's also becoming "real." I love that I found my birds of a feather on the internet!

Maggie: Honestly, there was no big milestone. The more people I met, the more I accepted that this kink was indeed an okay thing to have. I think it was finally starting the blog and becoming friends with so many people in the community that finally made me fully embrace the entirety of TTWD.

Jujubees: I don't think I have ever come to terms with my spanking fetish and I don't think I ever will. Although I feel it is biologically-based, and something that can't be changed, I have never fully accepted it.

Love4her: I think I have come to terms with my interest in spanking. I understand that my wife does not want one and really can not get in the mindset to give one. She does not have the playful gene when it comes to this and is not a disciplinarian, so DD is out.

Spanking is fantasy for me. It may well be better that way. The only misgiving is that if (BIG IF) a woman came along who had a desire to spank me, I am not so sure. I might take her up on it. The problem for me is that any spanking would be laced with major sexual overtones. I am not sure I could allow that outside of my marriage knowing the cravings that could come for more of the same. That is why I believe it best be left to fantasy unless my wife can find it in her to enjoy spanking with me.

Bonnie: My spanking interest has been with me as far back as I can remember. This kink is so integral to my being that I cannot imagine living without it.

In my younger years, I concealed these proclivities as best I could to avoid misunderstandings, embarrassment, and trouble. But they were always close to the surface. Once I met Randy and discovered my partner in crime (and punishment!), any misgivings were overshadowed by the elation of getting real, live spankings.

Thanks, everyone, for participating in our brunch.

1 comment :

Fantasia Lillith said...

So what do you do when you wish you did like spanking? I love how it feels after but not during ... I WANT to like it! am I crazy?

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