Welcome to another community brunch! Please pull up one of our nicely padded chairs and make yourself at home.
An observant reader reminded me that we are now entering our fifth year of weekly brunches. This achievement is a reflection of your amazing support. Were it not for so many generous, insightful participants, there could be no brunches. Thank you, dear friends, for keeping this tradition vibrant and enjoyable!
Our topic this week was contributed by Rhonda.
Have you come to terms with your spanking interest? In other words, do you now fully accept this aspect of yourself? If so, was there a milestone event or did it occur gradually over time? If not, do your misgivings effect your relationship(s)?
If you would like to participate in our conversation, just enter your thoughts as a comment below. At the end of the weekend, I will post an edited summary.
19 comments :
First of all... 5 year, wow... congrats! Good question this week too. We both have fully come to terms with our spanko interests. Part of getting there was a gradual process. Finding the online spanking community was a big help, but it still was basically two steps forward and one step back realization.
It eventually got to where we knew what are interests were and the things we'd like to try. Didn't fully act on them because of concerns though. What family and friends might thing... job situation... and so on. Figured it could wait, so we sort of opened the spanko closet but still hide in the shadows of the door.
Then we had a major health situation... life and death sort of thing. It worked out in the end, but it drove home the absolute fact that our time wasn't guaranteed and that when it was up... would we really care what folks thought of our spanking interests? Is that what would be on our mind... or would it be... gee, I wish I'd have done more and acted on my interests when I had the chance.
So, we took the plunge and fully explored and embraced our mutual interest in spanking. It hasn't always been perfect either. There have been bumps in the road along the way... but we never once have regretted not waiting.
:)
~Todd & Suzy
My interest in spanking has always been a part of me. I never had to come to terms with it; it's just the way I am.
Discovering the spanking blogosphere was a real eye-opener. I broadened my horizons and found out how to have a lot more fun - doing it, writing about it, and reading what other spankos write about it.
I am now more enthusiastic than ever about spanking, and feel quite comfortable and contented with who I am.
Hugs,
Hermione
Yes I have fully accepted this aspect of my make up and I am at terms with my interest.
As for milestones (at this point I apologize to those that have read about me whining on about this before), it was giving it up for three years and the mental and psychological trauma that that caused that marked a milestone in my life. Taking up spanking again helped bring my life back in line and gave me the strength to handle the world.
Spanking is more than something that I take part in, it is part of me and part of who I am.
Congratulations on five years of this wonderful feature, I wish I had been participating from the start.
Prefectdt
When I was a student in England, I wanted to spank a female teacher that I had a crush on. I wanted to bend her over her desk, raise her dress waist high, pull down her knickers, and cane her on her bare bottom. As you can see by my 'nome de plume', I've always wished this dream of mine to come true. Since those days, I've always loved spanking a female, looking at photo's of such females, and reading about them in this position.
Hi Guys … well first off, of course, congratulations for 5 years of MBS’s, that’s a terrific achievement … and thanks for another great question today.
For me it always seemed that spanking was an inherent part of my life and my sensual psyche and I never really had to come to terms with it per se … nonetheless it was not without its hurdles … in my youth I tried to introduce spanking into several vanilla relationships and the results were not a great success … in some ways that created some doubts in my mind (and certainly in the minds of the girls I had tried spank) regarding my sanity … nonetheless I had a major milestone when I met a young lady who was of a similar persuasion and who was an extremely active participant in the London BDSM scene … we did not actually ever have a physical spanking relationship but her openness certainly helped eradicate any of my own lingering self-doubts.
I lived in a long, enjoyable but wholly vanilla relationship for many years and did my best to satisfy my spanking id by writing stories … subsequently I met My Beloved Jojo in a spanking related community on the burgeoning Undernet … we married and the rest, as they say, is history … Cheers RH
Three cheers for Bonnie. Thanks for the reliable and steady support to all of us (former) newbies. Now - have I come to terms with my spanko interests? Like Hermione, I could say, the spanko interests (or rather the love for pain) has always been "a part of me". Long before I discovered it was a sexual thing, even. But still I often wish I wasn´t such an extrem masochist. It makes lovelife and relationships just so much more difficult. If I could go with some kind of consensual spanking, as you, Bonnie, seem to live it, it would probably be easier. But I wouldn't want to opt for that, if I had the choice. I wish I was strictly vanilla.
Tina
As others have said congratulations on holding these brunches for five years. I've certainly enjoyed reading the questions and answers for the past few years of them.
It is a very interesting question and for the most part I am very comfortable with this part of myself and it has been a gradual realisation that it is an integral part of me which I don't want to change because it has led to me meeting some wonderful people.
But there are still occasions when I am a little uncomfortable with this part of me. From most of the friends and family that know I have had positive reactions but there have been some negative responses which can cause me to question myself for a short time. These times are becoming less and less as I get older and generally am happier than I was a few years ago.
Ken
While spanking has always been a part of me, it was something that I did, but still hid until I met Becall. We were married two decades before we were totally honest with each other about it.
We think finding SO many others that had our interest in the early days of the web brought us out of the closet. Later going to spanking parties allowed us to find what we did and did not like.
We are a little jealous of the younger generation who can Google spanking and find a wealth of information. Good for them.
Bonnie, I think you deserve our applause for your services to the community. Not something for your resume or obit, but Bravo Zulu to you.
Want to join those who offered congratulations. You have a wonderful blog that helps to create a warm community.
I knew I was into spanking in the second grade when the gene was triggered by a birthday spanking given to a classmate by a very pretty teacher which I felt in certain places. From that point on, spanking (giving and getting) were the core of my sexuality and the triggering fantasy for masturbation. I found I was not alone in the eighth grade due to two happenings: 1. I, even then, taken to trying o give spankings to girls who were friend. One, a neighbor, came back several times a week to have me lift her skirt and give her spanking. 2. I had a music teacher that year who brought class discussion, about every other class, to spanking and once allowed that spanking was "fun."
I think I owe it to Eve Howard in that name and in the name of Lizzie Bennett when she wrote for Lyndon publications for making me feel comfortable that there were others who felt the same way that I did about spanking. What she wrote had resonance with me and made me feel comfortable in own skin.
Then, of course, came the Internet. I don't tell everyone about my proclivities, but I am very open within the community, I don't hide and with girlfriends with whom I have had sexual relations, I'm up fron t and they usually, but not always, enjoy playing spanking games as part of our relationship.
Pardon the pun, but I think spanking is a pain in the ass. If I could ditch the desire for a more "normal" one I would. Being a male who likes to get spanked by his wife makes it even less appealing and socially acceptable.
Unfortunately since I'm 41 and its been with me since I was 13 I assume it isn't going any where. I have tried to quit, but my wife likes who I am and how I treat her when we are 'into' spanking, so she won't let us quit.
So I guess I haven't come to terms with it, but it isn't going away either. I am just thankful I have a fantastic wife who not only accepts it, but wants to learn more about my desires and fulfill them when possible.
Thanks for five years of red rears, and sparkling, spanking conversation!
As a child, I wanted to be spanked and was sometimes. As a teenager, spankings girls became my obsession.
As a young man, it troubled me that I wanted to inflict pain on the object of my desire. I tried to smother and repress my kink for years, but it always returned in full allure.
It was in returning to the childhood position of spankee, that was the true liberation. I had a beautiful Italian girlfriend who wanted 'to try all the kinks.' She discovered she didn't like being spanked herself, but loved whacking me with a hairbrush; and I loved it too.
I now Wwrk on the principle: do as you would be done by.
5 years, congratulations Bonnie.
No milestone, it just occured gradually and increased along the way, no misgivings, in fact I totally embrace TTWD and couldn't image it not being in my life, it's part of me.
Love.
Ronnie
xx
I think I first had spanko thoughts when after I was spanked by my Dad as a boy for misbehaving in religious services, I thought about the burn in my but and somehow enjoyed it... then as a young teen my siblings and I would play strip poker and the person with the first bare bottom got spanked. I always tried to be the first naked. The feelings were pushed until College when I spent a semester in London. I remember clearly going to a book store at the train station and they had a fine selection of spanko books including the Emanuel "Story of O: series. WOW did that start up my feelings. I continued to look for stories and magazines in London and brought them back into the US. I still have them in my night stand some 29 years later.
Now I have been married for more than 2 decades to a vanilla wife, but she will begrudgingly spank me when I ask, but I have to ask! She won't initiate it. I have rented many spanking movies, but have to "sneak" away to watch them as she does not like nor want to watch them. Life is always a compromise and so I live with what I have… I think our sexual/spanko lives might improve in the Fall after our daughter goes off to College.
As someone wrote above, spanking someone and being spanked is especially huge sexual trigger and the one I use to self satisfy…
Thanks Bonnie for your great site the past five years, what a great place you have developed to allow us to explore and share experiences.
Congrats on Five years, Bonnie! That's impressive!
This weeks' question is very time appropriate for me- I just recieved my first spanking last night! I'm sitting happy (if slightly sore!) right now.
I'd say that as long as I've been aware of my desires I've personally been comfortable with them but I haven't always been comfortable sharing them and, due to that, engaging in them. I'm glad I was able to find the bravery to talk about it with my current lover. Yes, it was awkward and still is a little when I ask but (as I newly know) it is so, so very worth it.
This is slightly off the brunch topic, but I just quickly would like to share what happened after the spanking: We're cuddling in bed, me with my nicely stingy red rear, and I said "Thank you." His response? "Babe, you don't have to thank me. I love you and if something is important enough for you to ask me I want to give it to you. I may not understand but if it makes you happy, I'm happy." Today I'm discovering how deeply addicting TTWD can be- even though I'm still smarting, I'm longing for the next time I can be over his knee again!
Thank you for letting me ramble a bit there. If this comment is too long feel free to edit as necessary.
G-d created us all. G-d is perfect. Not to accept the way in which we were created is blasphemy. Therefore, I do accept this aspect of me.
Happy 5th Anniversary and thank you so much for welcoming "newbies" like myself! It is a warm and comfortable group that allows my further exploration and development of this very special kink. Special to me, as it has been there since age of 4yrs. I always accepted it in myself, for most of my years(I'm middle age). Also I was always aware that it was not always accepted by others.
I spent a great deal of effort doing research on the topic of spanking, especially the psychology of it, trying to understand myself. There were some years that it was very suppressed, as I feared that I may turn into a "pervert" or the like, if I explored it at all. I knew there were other's like me, just by odd little comments, jokes, Monty Python (Bad Naughty ZOOT!) and found some erotica in the form of books and magazines. I figured there must be other's, they did have a circulation. It isn't just me!
I am very accepting of it now, as is my husband, though he is vanilla,he encourages me to be me. He is now finding his way to firmly and thoroughly support me and spank me, hard, in this endeavor to create a strong DD marriage. We have fun and it's also becoming "real." I love that I found my birds of a feather on the internet!
First and foremost - congratulations on the five years, and thank you so much for keeping it up, and in such a warm, friendly way. Your blog was a huge reason for my eventual acceptance of the spanko in me, because here was an example of a well-adjusted, deeply in love couple that just happened to adore all things spanking!
Honestly, there was no big milestone. The more people I met, the more I accepted that this kink was indeed an okay thing to have. I think it was finally starting the blog and becoming friends with so many people in the community that finally made me fully embrace the entirety of TTWD.
All my love and best wishes to you!
Maggie
I don't think I have ever come to terms with my spanking fetish and I don't think I ever will. Although I feel it is biologically based, and something that can't be changed, I have never fully accepted it.
I think I have come to terms with my interest in spanking. I understand that my wife does not want one and really can not get in the mind set to give one. She does not have the playful gene when it comes to this and is not a disciplinarian so DD is out. Spanking is fantasy for me. It may well be better that way. The only misgiving is that if ( BIG IF ) a woman came a long that had a desire to spank me I am not so sure.... but I might take her up on it. The problem is, for me any spanking would be laced with major sexual overtones. I am not sure I could allow that outside of my marriage knowing the cravings that could come for more of the same. That is why I believe it best be left to fantasy unless my wife can find it in her to enjoy spanking with me.
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