We're now into September and the spanko brunch rolls on. I hope everyone is enjoying a great weekend.
Our question of the week was suggested by our friend, Handsdown. She says:
"My husband confessed that before I got him into spanking me, when he looked at women, he wondered about sex. Now he wonders about spanking them. He now even sizes up bottoms for their spankability. He likes them big. I can safely guess that he's no longer vanilla, is he? LOL"
Like Dorothy, he is not in Kansas any more.
To what degree has acceptance of your spanko nature altered the way you look at yourself and other people? If your perceptions have changed, how has this impacted your relationship(s)?
To join in our conversation, just enter a comment below. Everyone with an interest in the topic is welcome to participate. Once each voice has been heard, I will post an edited summary.
25 comments :
While I have accepted to myself my spanko nature, I haven't (yet) spoken about it with anyone else, though I plan on bringing it up with my boyfriend soon! As such, one of the first things I notice about a man- whether it's a friend, a guy in the grocery checkout line, a stranger on the street, wherever- is his hands. Are they big? Strong? Does it look like he uses them in a physical labour job? And most frequently, what would it feel like to get smacked with them? Of course, I don't do anything about these thoughts most of the time, but they are most definitely in my mind.
Since Meow introduced me to the spanko world in January I am certainly not vanilla anymore, nor in Kansas. I have very positive masculine feelings and attitude that I hadn't had before. And I usually feel much more dominant. I don't want to go back to Kansas ever again. Lash
There are no two ways about it, my way of looking at people has changed.
For instance, there is no doubt in my mind that my future sister-in-law desperately needs a real good spanking. Gotta talk to the bro-in-law.
I've grown more open-minded and curious about the private lives of others than ever before, thanks in large part to our kinkier play. It just naturally takes me outside myself, out of my "norm" and that in turn makes it even easier and more natural to accept everyone else as they are or as they might be, behind closed doors!
Good question, Bonnie! And thanks for stopping by and taking time to wish my dear Dante a wonderfully spanking good birthday!
Hugs!
I've liked some light spanking and bondage for many years, but in the past year, I've *really* gotten into these activities much more-- and added BDSM to the mix.
And, yes, it definitely has changed the way I look at men. Since I am dating and not currently in any type of relationship, I always size up potential partners for their kinkiness and their dance moves-- among other things, of course.
Spanking, bondage, and BDSM are always delicate subjects to bring up, but I bring them up because they are important to me. Of course, if the guy doesn't dance, I don't even bother. If they make the cut on dancing, and they're not too fat or too short, I coyly bring up the fact that I'm "a bit kinky." If their eyes light up, cool!
Great topic!
pammie
I tend to look at a woman and wonder.... Give...? Receive...? Switch...?
It adds a bit of spice to the day!
As a Spanko I often find myself "judging" who around me kneeds a firm hand. I know quite a few who would benefit from a good spanking!
Good Question. One I never really thought about before. But I would say that I do look at life and people alot different now. It has changed my relationships some in that we meet as spankos and it has been the best times of my life and the best relationship I have had. So while he gave my first adult spanking he also opened my eyes to alot more things that I would never had done before. Such as going to spanking parties and making videos and all that. I found that I do look at others different as well as I find alot more spanking related references in everyday things.
I find myself looking at couples I know and wondering if they too are kinky, especially when they make comments that might a clue. Many times Brad and will be talking and one of will say. "yeah, that person needs a good spanking!"
Ally
I have had the desire to be spanked by my wife for quite some time. She is still very vanilla but is beginning to see my need and is responding to it. As a result I seem to feel a growing dependence on her, and find myself currying her favor in anticipation of a spanking. It is a very interesting phenomenon.
With regard to other people, I find that I look at women and try to surmise whether or not they would be spankers, and try to imagine whether male friends of mine are spanked by there wives. I remember one time having the owner of my small company over for dinner (a very type A personality). He made some comment that his wife took acception to and she said, "Are you going to need a spanking when we get home?" I have wondered for years whether she really does that to him.
I have another female colleague at work that is a very no-nonsense take charge person. I often wonder if she would be a spanker. She'd make a good one, but I'll bet she is as vanilla as the day is long.
Yes, I do look at other women's bottoms for their spankability. I'll name you three. Sarah Palin. Condoleezza Rice, and Katie Couric' Each one of these woman's bottom's I would love to bare, and spank. Be it with a hand, paddle, hairbrush, birch, cane, or whip. And what a beautiful, pleasureable, and enjoyable task that would be.
We both tend to speculate about other couples' sex lives a bit more, and now that we realize how common spanking is, one of us will usually wonder whether spanking is part of the relationship. We sometimes discuss whether spanking would improve the behaviour of certain adult family members.
How has it changed the way I look at myself? It has made me proud of my body and comfortable with the way it looks. I wear fitted clothing; nothing overly revealing, but I don't try to hide my shape.
I also tend to wonder about certain people at the office, who manage to fit the word "spank" into conversations fairly frequently. It no longer simply makes me blush. Now I speculate as well.
I feel so MUCH better about myself! Sir HATES it when I put myself down,and YES it is a SPANKABLE offense! I have NEVER had a good body image,and now well it's not so bad. Sir LOVES my curves so now I am starting to see that YES I am a beautiful woman,with a very caring man that will pull me back when I NEED it. I find myself looking at men's hands more especially their PALMS! :)
For the boy I lost my virginity to in college and the guys I dated in that decade, I put spanking at a lower priority (behind looks and personality, etc.)
Now as a woman in her thirties, I put spanko orientation at the top of the list. I simply couldn't have a future with someone who didn't desire to spank me hard and often.
If I'd come out sooner, I would have saved myself a lot of heartache, and probably rewarded myself with much more delicious bottom-ache.
Jean Marie
I honestly do not remember a time when I was vanilla. From quite early in my childhood, I "sized-up" girls my age and sometimes older first in terms of their bottoms, with eyes and hair more or less tied for second place, followed by shoulders. It all revolved around the fantasy of having them over my lap and enjoying the view not from head to toe but from head to thigh. That assessment (no pun intended!) shifted to women once I was grown. In my teen years I added the fantasy of having them bent over for a paddling with my being able to see their delighted but pained facial anticipations and reactions in a mirror as well as their hair, shoulders, and of course bottoms.
The big change was one of understanding that there was nothing wrong with me, since my fantasies always involved someone who wanted to be spanked, and that my thoughts were shared at least to some extent some of the time by probably a majority of heterosexual males. During my college years I felt further vindicated on learning that there also were a lot of ladies who fantasized being spanked. These realizations were so relieving, since I was raised in a culture in which only very straight, traditional sex between spouses was tolerated, in which carnal thoughts about anyone other than one's spouse were viewed as sins, and in which fantasys about spanking, if shared, would elicit the observation that I needed to see either a psychiatrist or "the preacher."
For me this started when I turned thirteen. I always looked at girls in my class and wondered what they would look like being spanked. That thought grew stronger with each spanking scene I found on tv.
Over the years my views have matured. When I look at women now I find myself looking at what they are wearing(pants, skirts,etc., whats underneath, wondering how their bottoms look, if they would be into the spanking scene, what kind of toy they would take, what kind of spanking they would have, and how they would react; ie if they would be a crier or a fighter or the like.
It does make my work day somewhat interesting I can tell you that.
Loki
I have never had a time when I did not imagine spanking the others in my life. About the only evolution I seem to have experienced is that in my pre-shool and early elementary days, I was as attracted to spanking other boys as I was girls. Then as my heterosexuality evolved, my interest in other males extinguished and my spanking aspirations and fantasies came to focus exclusively on women. Whether it is the woman in the produce deopartment at the grocery store, our waitress, or some of my neighbors, or certainly most of my staff, many of whom have been with me now for eleven years, or just someone in the car next to me at the traffic light, or a friend we frequently socialize with who I sometimes think might actually be interested, or....well all women who I find attractive (and quite frankly as I wind my way into my 60's the dragnet of women whom I find potentially attractive has expanded exponentially....not yet in a geri-chair, I may well find you attractive:)I want to spank you and imagine just how that would go:)
This did not evolve when I came to accept my need for spanking. I suspect it began as soon as my early development reached the point of being able to descriminate self in contrast to others.
All the best,
Tom
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.
I realized around the onset of puberty that I was not vanilla. I especially remember an attractive, young male teacher about whom I fantasized giving me a skirt-up, grab-the-ankles paddling across my panties. On occasions when he'd take boys out into the hall, I'd get so aroused that I was afraid others would see me breaking a sweat and hear my heavy breathing. I also had a horror of not having my skirt (usually short and pleated) properly under me and leaving a wet spot on the seat of my desk. However, I didn't share my thoughts even with my most trusted friends, because I also lived in a culture in which such thoughts were viewed as not only abnormal but also evil. It was in college that I learned that I was far from alone. I went through the sorority initiation routine but found that it hurt without giving me a thrill except when I fantasized that my spanker was male. Then I got my then-boyfriend, now-husband to spank me hard with his frat paddle for cheating on my diet (not that I really needed either the diet or that motivation to get back onto it), and, as they say, the rest is history.
Since I have accepted myself as someone who gets spanked I like myself more. It seems that I make more sense now.
It is partly that I feel more centered and calm which makes me a nicer person but more than that. I can flirt more, I smile more, I think I look different. I feel more adept even when I am not with the man that spanks me because my emotions make sense so I can trust them more, even the ones nothing to do with that area of my life.
I understand that I look at men and wonder if they spank (or if not spank if they are assertive) and at women and wonder if they get spanked- some women , I really think would be so much happier if they were spanked (by the right guy.
In short though- I feel like I have slotted into place, I feel pretty and loved. It is all summed up by this quote from Daddy Long Legs by Jean Webster
“I am beginning, in fact, to feel at home in the world – as though I really belonged to it and had not just crept in on sufferance.”
What a great question to ask!
Hi Bonnie,
This is a brand new blog created today called "Spank Me Hard! ...Please?" I have your blog linked because I've been reading your blog for years along with many of your commentators. My new blog will be fiction and poetry revolving around spanking and sex and how the two are connected. My post for today's Spanko Brunch is called, "An Office Thrashing".
I hope you enjoy the story.
Lurvspanking
well, as i am currenly in my first spanking relationship and have only allowed myself to "accept" my spankoness in the last few months and relate this to my partner, i feel that it does give me a new perception on the world of kink and made me realize there are lots of people out there like us (so we are not so strange after all). i think for me it has enhanced my sex life and sexual nature. Being honest abt what i want makes that whole experience much more enjoyable. As for others, with my partner, RU, it is a contant form of entertainment for us....sort of our secret running joke and we have no end of fun with it. With the rest of the population, well, i see brats all the time now that i just know need a good spanking....LOL. but i look at many things differnt, clothing, cooking utensils....rulers....brushes...i think of everything in another frame of mind....like vacation, i need a hotel room as far away from the rest of the guests as possible. it has changed my outlook on many things, but it is a nice feeling to be honest with myself and RU.
I must admit I tend to wonder about other people more now, whether they are in a spanking relationship or not, like friends, people in the office and even in the street.
Sometimes when were sitting in a restaurant we try to guess which couples if any would be into spanking.
Has it changed the way I look at myself? - If anything, I would say it's made me a little more confident and comfortable with myself.
Ronnie
xx
I accepted I had a spanking kink in university, with my then boyfriend, and we weren't secretive or shy about it at all, so most of my friends are aware that I am into bondage, rough sex, spankings, being dominated...
However my last boyfriend was the one who explored my kinks even further...anal especially.
Now every time I meet a man I think about whether or not he might be interested in doing some of the filthier things to me... Hoping that he likes the same kind of things, knows how to do them to me, speculating on whether he'd be good at them...
I guess you could say I'm obsessed!
M.Duke.
about 6 weeks ago my neighbor and his wife were having terrible fights. She would say she was sorry after words, but it was a horrible scene.
I loaned him one of our CB paddles, and told him that when she comes to him in the "I'm sorry" mode, to ask for her consent to paddle her bottom. I would have done it myself, but he is the best man for the job.
6 weeks later he asked if he could keep the CB, and they have been doing well. Huh
I seem to have a radar for other kinky people these days. I can look at someone and tell if I can let my hair down just a little bit with a reference to spanking in front of someone. I can tell if I could flirt with someone.
Don't quite know how that's possible, but its as if I am looking in the mirror or something. Its fun to speculate about what kind of play someone likes too. *smiles*
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