Sunday, February 08, 2009

MBS Spanko Brunch #160

I can hardly believe it took me 160 weeks to get around to asking this question.

Do you and your partner ever employ physical restraints as a part of your spankings? If so, what sort of restraints do you use and how do they change your spanking experience? If not, would you consider any sort of restraints in the future?

If you would like to join our discussion (and I hope you will!), please leave a comment below. Once everyone has put in their thoughts, I will post an edited summary of our conversation.


Anon VII said...

We don't use or need them. In fact, she often lets me know that she wants some special attention in a subtle way by what she wears or with the eyes and voice, in a less subtle way by making a big show of bending over to pick something up or by leaving an implement (usually the long paddle) on my desk, or in a very straightforward way by giving me a naught-girl smile and bending over (and flipping up a skirt if she's wearing one) or draping herself over my lap.

We also have an understanding that when our mutual favorite mode of spanking, namely the paddling, is employed, I'm very fussy about positioning, spinning that process out as part of building anticipation and excitement in us both, often reminding her that breaking position even slightly (such as removing even one hand from a knee or letting go of an ankle) can result in an extra swat. That, I suppose, is a sort of restraint, except that she sometimes breaks position on purpose to get a ittle more than what I've told her she's getting.

As far as real restraints go, I've no hankering for them, and she'd never go along with them, any more than she'd accept a punishment spanking. Ours are almost exclusively erotic with some occasional really hard stuff for tension-relief. Perhaps what it boils down to is that she finds getting into, and maintaining, position almost as much of a turn-on as getting popped, plus we both hate any sort of confinement against our will.

Anon VII

A.S.S. said...

Other than using feet and hands to restrain... no, we never have used restraints.  It is something we've talked about trying though.  We're certainly open to the idea.  Even during a playful spanking, there usually is some holding back hands and/or legs.  Blocking and kicking is a natural enough reaction to a spanking. It does hurt!

Adding some physical restraint into the mix would allow for more focus on the actual spanking... without any worry about blocking and kicking. Definitely something we'll try one day. We are pretty fond of the more direct contact though... thus the lack of rush to actually try something else. But it is on the list!

Todd & Suzy

Anonymous said...

We do no use restraints due to the fact I tend to freak-out when I'm restrained. The closes we come is the restrained the comes with the OTK postion

Frank Spanko said...

My dearest Bonnie -

Yes, Angela and I will occasionally use restraints. Since both of us are not prone to attempt to "escape" from a spanking, because we like getting them, the restraints serve more to heighten sexual tension. Being helpless brings a sense of anticipation of what may be coming next. And, in case you are concerned, since I am an imaginary spanko, I am indeed making this up. Sort of.


Anonymous said...

Luvbunny and I do occasionally use both rope and some nylon restraints during a spanking, but in most cases we do not.
It does change things a bit, as she is not able to move away or put arms/legs in the way. There is, however, something to be said for the simple restraint of me holding her over my knee.

Anonymous said...

I, too, am given extras if I move when being disciplined by my stickler of a lover, but we use restraints sometimes. We have velcro wrist and ankle straps that are underneath our mattress, so when I'm restrained, I can't move much at all. I like them on when I'm being caned. I'll be graphic, I also like them when we're having anal sex. Although my lover is gentle, it helps me think that I'm powerless, that I didn't agree to this dirty deed, that I'm being taken...
Jean Marie

Dante d'Amore said...

I use them sometimes when a really hard spanking is coming. It's for protection - MINE.

Anonymous said...

It depends on the intensity of the activity. For most things I require no restraint because my partner holding my hands out of his way is enough.

For other things, such as caning or figging, I need to be tied down tightly.

If I'm not, I either move ( and canand risk being hit somewhere unsafe) or lose part of the experience because I can writhe away from some of the pain.

Part of it too is pleasure. My most intense orgasms are usually when I'm tied down tightly and cannot control what happens to me.

M:e said...

We do use sometimes use restraints in our 'play', though not in any specific or consistent circumstances....purely as his mood dictates (yeah, its a control

Most often though, he prefers mental restraint....I guess that's cos I'm a wriggler and so that's a control thing too!

love and hugs xxx

Daisychain said...

Hi, Bonnie!
Gosh, yes! Its wonderful...I don't have to worry about disobeying and moving...I have to just lay there...helpless to save myself, (not that I could anyway!) and focus on the actual pain...and pleasure!
Also, sometimes for a punishment spanking, he fixes my wrists and ankles... all part of the psychological game! Occasionally, when he feels I am in the right headspace, he releases me partway through, to see if I will stay obedient and not move. the really difficult part is afterwards, when he is kissing all the pain away...he has a VERY inaccurate tongue, lol.. and TOTALLY misses the sore area, if you get my drift! Thats when staying still is an incredible challenge, but one I must rise to, because if I move without permission, even a tiny wriggle, I am tied again and he spanks, kisses and licks till I nearly pass out!
Of course, the restraints are always more of a symbolic thing, because I know all I have to do is say the safeword, and its over...
He has used a gag too, not a bought one, just a scarf...then I have to hold a hanky in my hand, and if I let go of it, he stops (the silent safeword!)
Tied, gagged or free, I am always completely confident that I am safe in my Daveys care.
(I don't think restraints should be used unless there is utter trust between two people.)

I was very embarrassed though, when we forgot to remove them one day in the motel we stayed at for the vacation... we went out, and the maid couldnt fail to have seen them!
He looked at me spazzing out and laughed... said, I am going to try to get your ass to match that incredible shade of blush red in a minute!
Hugs, xxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey, my word verification is "impedi" !!! How appropriate is THAT???


I will answer this question in parts, if that's OK.

"Do you and your partner ever employ physical restraints as a part of your spankings?" - Yes loads of times. I like to play with a woman at least couple of times, so that I know I can trust her, before I allow a "Tie Down" but after that, bring it on.

"What sort of restraints do you use?" - Any thing from purpose made leather cuffs/ankle restraints, handcuffs, St' Andrews crosses and other spanking/BDSM furniture to impromptu bits of rope, trouser belts and other stuff just laying around. Clean Tea Towels make surprisingly comfortable and effective restraints.

"How do they change your spanking experience?" - Well, being a bit of a dancer and squirmer, when taking some, It lets me off the hook a little, not having to concentrate on controlling my physical reactions during play. This makes it easier to get my mind in the right place. Many women that I have talked to, say that they they like the psychological effect of "Total Control" when they have a guy tied down.


Hermione said...

Hi Bonnie,

We have restraints but rarely use them. I am too well-behaved to ever leave the scene of a spanking before it's over.

I do enjoy being restrained, though. Just thinking about it as I composed this response in my head made me quite eager for our next encounter. I might even suggest it.


Anonymous said...

Hi, Bonnie,
Absolutely! Cuffing my lady ensures she stays put for the duration- and tying her across a table, with pillows placed under her for comfort, really makes her look quite sexy.
She likes to eb blindfolded- therefore not knowing when the spankings will come....and i like to gag her, as i like hearing her muffled cries....and we do have safe signals- she holds a ball in her hand and also has a tune she hums if she needs to slow or stop.


Our Bottoms Burn said...

We don’t use them often, but Becall does like to be restrained. Tied to a tree in the forest. Her wrists tied over a door with her legs separated by a spreader bar. That sort of thing.

If there were a pirate ship where she could be tied to the mast for flogging, she would be all over it.

In short, restraints are not to hold her in position, but purely to enhance her fantasy.

More often, I tell her she cannot move until she has taken all of her paddle licks.

littleone said...

Sir uses restraints from time to time.. and they range from chains to ropes and everything in between..

We have a very nice St Andrew's cross in the play room.. that Sir will attach my leather cuffs (ankle and wrists)to with clips ..

Or He will clip me up to the chains in the ceiling..

Or He might use ropes and bind me to the bed....

i actually prefer restraints... i am absolutely no good at "holding the position" i need/want/crave the freedom of restraints...
and i do love to do the subby jig when the whips and quirts start their dance across my skin... and once the fairies come... i am thankful for the support of the restraints ....

In fact my fairies rarely come if i am "holding the position" without support.. my mind and body is .. i guess.. too busy holding still and holding position to allow for the mind to soar......

morningstar (owned by Warren)

Tiggs said...

We've used them plenty (don't listen to my dear old Dante, lol)... and not JUST for his protection. I'm usually quite good at maintaining a position or enduring whatever Dante has planned.

But sometimes it is really nice NOT to have to worry about whether I can endure it. The restraints we've used range from handmade leather, ropes, handcuffs, fuzzy handcuffs, whatever is convenient.

None of them would really and truly hold me if I chose to really fight for my life. But they've done exactly what we both wanted at the time... allowed me to not worry about accepting the spanking (or whatever) and just enjoy and truly feel each and every sensation and my body's response to it.

Great question, and I, too, am surprised it took you this long, Bonnie!


pammie said...

Yes! Of course! I absolutely love being restrained for spanking-- and other activities. (snicker)

For my last spanking (which was a week ago-- gosh, has it been that long?), we did a twist on the traditional wooden kitchen chair scenario. He told me to lay across the chair and then, proceeded to tie my hands and feet to the chair with rope and spank me with the evil hairbrush. For other spankings, I have been hogtied with rope and tied to a spanking bench with rope. My new leather cuff and chain restraint set-- which I designed-- is awaiting its spanking debut.

For me, bondage is relaxing; it's calming, in a mysterious and unexplainable way. Bondage + spanking + blindfolding takes me to a different world. OK, just call me kinky.


Roissyfille said...

Sometimes we do sometimes we don't.
Spontaneous spankings mean that there is not the time to plan but...
I have a pair of beautiful leather wrist cuffs that my darling bought for me that I love to wear and hate to take off. We have some great times with those.
However it's not always practical ( don't you hate that word when it comes to playtime?)as we now have one of our kids moved back home after college and such moments, for now, have to be grabbed when possible.

Anonymous said...

Yes please, and quite often. It heightens my pleasure, knowing that once tied, there is no way I can remove my bottom from the firing line, and I have to totally trust D not to overdo things. Of course we have a safe word, but I have never had to use it. Those weird positions sometimes shown on the net, are not for us, but I need to be bound so that I really can't escape; no 'pretend' ties; we have some leather cuffs with little locks, so I can't get up until the key comes from D's pocket. I also need to be reasonably comfortable; we have a padded trestle for me to bend over, ankles and wrists tied to each leg; some times I lie over a pillow on the bed, hands tied behind me, well clear of the target, ankles tied together - difficult to get up from without help; and of course a table, hands and ankles tied to each leg. D likes to spank my bottom offered , just as he requires, and these restraints do just that.
Gags. No, they make me dribble, and I like to yell and D likes to hear my yells, also no safe word possible, but a blindfold is fun. I lie there helpless, not knowing what is about to land on my bottom; then he makes me guess, what has just spanked me. One final point, spanking over, I can't have a rub until he decides to let me go, and this may be much later or after he has had his wicked way with me !

Anonymous said...

Hi Bonnie,

I've only been restrained in a mostly symbolic way (hands tied with ribbons), as I'm pretty good at maintaining position. I do fantasize about the real thing - you know, sturdy restraints that keep me immobile and with no expectation of escape.

The best,

Em said...

I agree, this is a great topic! We do incorporate restraints into our scenes and I find them to be a very multifaceted implement.

One of my first kinky purchases was a pair of leather wrist cuffs lined with sheepskin. They are still one of my very favorite toys although we hardly ever use them in play now. Some nights if I need to relax and escape the "real world" I put them on before bed, I can't tell you how calming they can be!

What types of restraints do we use? Wrist & ankle cuffs are the most common, but we also incorporate rope and spanking furniture as well. While (as you might have guessed) I love the wrist cuffs, I am not a huge fan of ankle cuffs or rope and these are mostly used to increase the feeling of helplessness in a scene.

I find that using restraints completely changes the scene for me. I'm fairly good at staying in position unassisted but it takes a mental restraint which of course alters my reactions to what is being done to me. Scenes like this are great for when I'm feeling a little out of control in the rest of my life, or when I feel a need to prove what a good girl I can be.

When I'm restrained I don't have to worry about holding still since something else is taking care of that. In these scenes I'm free to struggle, which can be fun all on its own. I also tend to vocalize more when restrained - I find it hard to stay still when I'm making noise so I try to keep quiet in scenes where I can't move.

Of course, my favorite kind of restraint? Someone's arm over my back holding me down. Mmm.

Zille Defeu said...

My Master and I have used physical restraints/bondage in our playtime. He’s not so big into the rope-bondage thang, because he has other things he’d rather be doing than spending half an hour getting me into intricate bondage – namely: spanking me or strapping me or caning me or slippering me…you get the idea!

However, I quite enjoy bondage – anything from elaborate shibari to a pair of handcuffs. I love being held down firmly to something and knowing that no matter how much I squirm, I ain’t going nowhere! I know I’m not alone in saying that it makes me feel safe, despite the obvious incongruity of that!

So, whenever my Master feels like putting the leather cuffs on my wrists and ankles, and clipping me to the “spanking chair of doom,” he has a willing victim. Not that I’m not always willing, but perhaps just that wee bit even more eager!

A big future DIY kinky project for us is putting these fabulous nautical attachments onto the base of the bed. These are a metal D-ring that fold down into their attachment, so that they are out of the way when not in use, and no one has to bump their shins into them! And they just look really kinky, too, which is always important!

I really want to explore being bound down securely to the bed, unable to move, and have my Master really let his inner-sadist out to play. (Wait – what am I talking about, “inner”?!) I know it would hurt like all-get-out, and it’s not something one would desire all the time, but I’m pretty sure he’d enjoy it, and since I’m already fantasizing about it, it would just be one of those really intense things that you fantasize about beforehand, just grit your teeth and get through when it happens, and then have astounding orgasms after!

Sadly, my Master does seem to generally prefer to see me using all my self control to maintain position whilst he canes me or straps me. Phooey, I say to that! Where’s the fun for me in having to hold myself in place despite the pain?! Oh, wait, right, he’s a sadist…. ;)

(Although, when it does come down to it, the best bondage of all is his hands and his body. Much more personal, and, errrr, hands-on...!)

Anonymous said...

Hi. I've been a reader for over a year now, and I think it's high time I respond to a brunch, though I prefer to remain anonymous for now.

I have fairly limited experience in real life with this, though my fantasies revolve around it. I love the idea of using a leather belt, still warm from being worn as a wrist restraint. I don't think I'd enjoy rope or metal cuffs- to rough and impersonal for my taste. The romance has to be there all the way through for me.

Dr. Ken said...

Bonnie--speaking just for myself, no. Never used them, and probably never will. They have no appeal to me. I suppose if I had a partner who wished them, I'd try to oblige--but it doesn't add anything to the experience for me.

Dr. Ken

Michelle said...

Fist off, today's dessert looks totally yummy! Where's my spoon! ;-p

Back to the question at hand, the answer is sometimes.

I enjoy both spanking and a bit of bondage. So, every so often out come the velcro cuffs and I get attached to a door or a heavy piece of furniture and amongst other things, I get a warmed tush.

I like being tied down because it allows me to struggle without hurting myself or my husband. I can pull at my restraints but I won't actually flail about into anything or him.

Anonymous said...

Only times we've used restraints have been if it's been part of the "play", but even then I can tell that my partner is very attentive to my signals and usually release me before I even want to!

One example of when we used restraints was when we played that I was an unruly lady escorted by James Bond (yup, and my partner loved that fantasy as it gave him an excuse to use that dusty old tux!) but since I threatened to run away I had my hands tied behind my back. After a bit of verbal abuse and wrestling 'Bond' had enough and gave me a spanking. Thing is, being tied in that situation really turned both of us on, but we've tried it "out of play" and it doesn't work for neither of us. Funny that.

Oh, once I got stuck bent through the bars in a fence (don't ask...) and my partner seized the moment so to say... suppose that was physical restraint if anything!

Thomas_III said...

While rare, I have used restraints in the past with a spanking scene, usually with a spanking bench. However, there have been a couple of times that I used the restraints by themselves, just to keep the girl still across my lap, or afterwards when I move onto other ideas. My favored restraints are some velcro "zipties" that I found at my job. Like normal velcro, there is one soft and fuzzy side, and one that's more like steel wool. By wrapping the soft side against the skin, though, you can make an effective, strong, and safe impromptu restraint.

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