Ask Bonnie

We haven’t done Ask Bonnie in ages. Until now, that is…

Question: I am still fairly new to spanking. I recently met someone and now I'm being spanked on a fairly consistent basis. I have experienced the hand, of course, as well as wooden and plastic brushes. I have a fairly high pain tolerance and enjoy being spanked pretty hard. I do bruise easy but that does not bother me. Have you any suggestions regarding other sorts of implements to try and a good place to purchase them?

Response: We’ve had a few brunches that touched on this subject (implements, homemade implements, and wood or leather). There are some great ideas there.

In general, my suggestion would be to try several different types of implements and discover what works best for you and your partner. This is one time when getting there is more than half the fun!

Statement: I have NEVER seen sucjh a SPANKABLE Bottom!!!! It gives me shivers to think of having across my kne smacking it. Congratulations

Response: Congratulations? Are you telling me that I won the genetic lottery and my prize was a protruding posterior? Well, thank you, oh knight who says “Kne!”

Question: Whenever my husband and I have alone time, I get a spanking. My problem lies with the simple fact that he is very aggressive and thinks that hard, fast, and quick is better than taking his time and doing it right. Help!

Response: My husband, Randy, sometimes employs the same sneak attack technique. I've managed over time, though, to convince him to back off considerably. I make sure he knows how sexy I find the slow, sensuous spankings and reward him afterward for doing such a splendid job of turning me on.

Here's an article I wrote a while back about the one hour spanking. It contains some fun suggestions that might apply to your situation.

The key, I think, is slowing down a bit and truly enjoying your time together.

Question: I have been with my present partner for about eight months and we are very much in love. Recently, during a love making session, I was on top and his hands were all over my bottom. I told him he could spank me. He did, but I could feel his hesitancy. He spanked twice and we continued to one of our better love making sessions. I told him afterward that he is a great man and a great provider of my wants and needs, and that I enjoyed the love taps. OK, what should be my next move?

Response: Here are some articles that may be helpful for both of you.

Your First Spanking
Talking with your Partner
Fifty Reasons to Spank Your Wife or Girlfriend

Your partner demonstrates a willingness to please you and that is excellent. If you can convince him that you truly want his attention in this way (and then show him your gratitude), I think he may get the message.

Question: I was wondering how I can help my boyfriend to become comfortable with spanking me. He does it, but sometimes he feels bad even when I say that it is OK and that I like it.

Response: I think the three articles I suggested for the previous question might be beneficial here as well. I think it’s important to be patient and allow him to accept your spanking interest on his own terms. With time, love, and a little creative encouragement, there’s a good chance that he’ll come around.

Question: Do you ever feel like a celebrity?

Response: No. I thrive on anonymity.

Question: Have you ever cried during a spanking? If so, does this tell Randy he is getting through to you, or would it tell him he was being too harsh? Would he stop if you started to cry, or would this urge him on? Other than his own decision that the spanking has run its course, is there anything, body language, noise, etc that would cause him to cut short a spanking other than the use of the safe word?

Response: That sounds like one of my brunch questions!

Have I ever cried during a spanking? Yes, but it's surprisingly rare. Most times, I don't cry. I can't give you a good reason why not, but I don't. The funny thing is that when the dog dies in a kids' movie, I'm a blubbering mess. But spankings don't generally cause that response. Perhaps I get caught up in the moment and the sensation and how it excites me and it doesn't occur to me to cry.

When I do cry, it's usually when something unrelated has been bothering me and all the bad stuff gets released. It's very infrequent and a surprise to both of us. Randy usually asks if I'm OK and then finishes the spanking. He knows that crying doesn't mean that I need him to stop right away. I have a safeword for that.

There are, I suppose, a number of reasons why Randy might cut short a spanking session. However, since he is the one who decides when it's over in any case, the concept of cutting it short is perhaps a little misleading. He says he goes by the condition of my bottom, my breathing, and the tenseness/relaxation of my muscles. He also has an idea going in how long and severe a spanking will be. Once he has reached that point, he finishes.

Question: i like spankings is that nomal

Response: Normal? Normality, like beauty, lies in the eye of the beholder.

I think as long as both parties are consenting adults and no one is injured, spanking can be great, sexy fun. It's not for everyone, but neither are mountain climbing, skydiving, or auto racing.

Comment: I got spanked because of you!

Response: Well, I’ve been spanked a time or two because of me as well, so I think we’re even!

Question: When first time spanking session, should I use a safe word? Especially, if I want to role play like a bad boy? I would like to have a punishment spanking. Wouldn't it be best for the lady to spank me just has hard as if I were a bad boy, and use no safe word. Or do you think, I should still use a safe word?

Response: Yes, I think everyone should have a safeword. Just because it's there doesn't mean you have to use it.

Some couples allow the use of a safeword, but agree that if it is invoked, the entire spanking is replayed from the beginning at a later time. This tends to discourage frivolous application.

Comment: I am in total love with your butt. Don't be shy, I want to see the rest of you. I bet you have a beautiful smile.

Response: I suppose you can be in total love with my butt if you must. But please be aware, if you have any interest in conversation, the talking comes out of the opposite end.

As for my face, I promised Randy a long time ago that some things would have to remain concealed.

Question: Did you know that the dreaded Vermont Country Store bath brush is discontinued?

Response: I do now. I think anyone who has ever been tenderized by this beast would have to consider this news to be a mixed blessing. It was a scorcher of legendary stature. I’m squirming in my seat just thinking about it. We have two of them and both are in good working order. The memory isn’t likely fade around here anytime soon.

Question: What is a MOAP?

Response: The MOAP is the Mother of All Paddles. It's a large, long, thick, hard, heavy, evil wooden plank that would be much better suited to propelling a canoe.

Question: Did you know that I can see your pantie lines in some of your pictures?

Response: OK, I guess my secret is out. I wear underwear.

Question: My boyfriend and I are kind of new to spanking (we’ve only been doing it off and on for three months), and I'm a bit shy about asking him. Whenever I do ask, though, and we actually begin, it’s awkward and not much gets done. When I talk to him about it, he say's he is a bit uncomfortable and gets something almost like stage fright, and doesn't know what to do.

I figure the way to get past it is talk and just continue spanking every once in a while until we get used to it, but it isn't really working. Do you have any ideas how I can get past my shyness and how he can get past his 'stage fright?'

Response: Your idea about talking is right on target. It’s important to explain what you want and why you feel as you do. I would present this activity as a natural extension of lovemaking. Tell him that this is another way that he can please you (and of course, you will want to please him as well…). I think it will help to discuss it in a familiar, positive environment (in bed) and to do so in a playful way such that he doesn’t feel pressure to perform. See if you can make it fun. Laughing and joking are absolutely permitted. That should eliminate most of the stress.

Question: Do you think my bottom is worthy of a spanking?

Response: I guess so. How worthy does a bottom have to be?

Question: I am just now understanding that I really need to be spanked and often. My husband just doesn't get it at all. I have shared tidbits with him from your site and tried to help him understand my need. We do use a small paddle (a dime store paddle ball toy) sometimes as foreplay and it does make the sex better for us both.

I really don't want to look outside my marriage for spankings and my husband doesn't want me to either. I have considered a female domme for punishment role play, but I am having trouble finding one in ___. I checked sites for professional spankers and found a lady nearby but she isn't taking any new clients. Soooo, delayed gratification it is for now. Have you any suggestions?

Response: As you say, you have three choices. You can enlist your husband if you can interest him in the proceedings. You can find someone else to do the spanking. Last and least, you can choose to do without. Naturally, the first would be preferable if he were agreeable, but it sounds as though your options there may be limited.

I don’t personally know any dommes in your area, but fortunately, you do. I imagine the woman with whom you spoke might be able to suggest someone else who could help you. If not, you may want to investigate spanking-oriented groups in your area. Even if parties are not your thing, this can be a source of further contacts. I wish you the very best in your quest!

Question: How long have you been into spanking stuff?

Response: I don't spank stuff. Stuff spanks me.

My interest in spanking goes back about as far as my recollection of anything. I remember pretending that some of my dolls got into trouble and had to be spanked. As far as an actual participant in recreational spanking, I first played with a boyfriend in high school (let’s not count the years, shall we?).

Question: is that your backside?

Response: No, it’s my freaking earlobe!

Question: i read a post a while back saying that u had spanking post to do like for ur spanking section i think u said one of them was halloween or christmas but i dont remember plus u said u had like 2 or 3 other ones but at the time u either wasnt feeling up to it or u was just busy on other things or tierd well i was wondering if u was still going to do those posts?

Response: If I am going to record an account of a spanking, it works best when it’s still fresh in my, um, mind. With the passage of time, I tend to forget valuable details. So if I don’t type it up fairly quickly, it generally doesn’t happen.

Question: Have you been getting that sweet bottom spanked lately?

Response: My tart bottom got it good on Friday evening. I'll try to remember to wear the sweet one next time.

There's actually more, but I think that’s enough for now.