Bonnie's Mailbag

I can't believe it's been almost two months since I last shared highlights from my mailbag. It's stuffed so full at the moment that I can barely lift it. I guess we had better make room for more messages.

Comment: Not to sound fresh or trying to be funny but I think you have a nice bottom. I'm not one for these nice slimmer models. Boy do I get disappointed when they have these exercise ads to slim down lady butts.

Response: Nope, not one of the slimmer models. That wouldn't be me...

Question: I've noticed that many spankos seem to increase intensity and frequency as time goes by. Then at some point the interest seems to wane and the person disappears from blogland or their spankings seem to be few and far between. You and Randy seem to have a consistent spanking relationship without having to be elaborate every time and without getting out of control to the point of obsession or injury. I wondered what your secret is after so many years.

Response: I wouldn't necessarily equate a blog disappearance with giving up spanking. I know several bloggers who moved on to other pursuits, but a lack of interest in spanking wasn't the reason for any of them. For most of us, if we're spankos, then we are spankos with or without a blog.

Naturally, there are life issues that can, and eventually do, interrupt the fun. When this happens, distractions mount and interest can certainly wane. But this condition impacts any hobby or interest.

As for increasing intensity, I believe most couples eventually find a level where spankings are effective for the intended purpose. The intensity may vary from one session to the next, but with experience, a spanker will learn where the boundaries lie.

Randy and I don't have a secret beyond talking every day, trusting one another, being open to new ideas and experiences, and lots of physical contact.

Question: I'm the owner of a Butt Plug blog. I want to propose you to exchange links with your blog for visitors interchange.

Response: OK, let's picture a class reunion, "Hi, Pat, what have you been up to lately?" "Well, I'm the owner of a Butt Plug blog." "That's lovely. Say, which one of those casseroles did you bring?"

Question: I write spankings stories. Are you interested in purchasing same?

Response: Nope. Everything in this blog is free of charge.

Question: Since I asked my husband to spank me, we've had a lot of fun, but he still worries about hurting me too much, and he's still a little afraid that erotic spanking is "hitting."

Response: I think it's reasonable to expect that it will take some time for your husband to become comfortable with this style of play. Please remember that while you've been thinking about spanking for years, it's all quite new for him.

I think as you have more positive experiences together, it will become clear that he's not harming you and you enjoy his attention. I wouldn't rush him into adding toys or increasing the intensity until he's ready. You have time to try a hundred variations, but I suggest you take one step at a time.

If the "hitting" dimension seems to bother him, then you could explore in other areas by adding new positions, a blindfold, a vibrator, or some light bondage. This way, you don't have to feel as though you've stopped moving forward and he can gain confidence as a spanker.

Question: My hubby always spanks me (Using belt, paddle or cane) on weekends in front his brother and sister in law. Is it common?

Response: In my experience, that's not common. Most spanking couples I know do it in the privacy of the bedroom (or sometimes with a group assembled for that purpose).

However, I recognize that you are from a different culture and my observations may not be relevant in your country. Are there any local spanking clubs or online forums available to you? The people there might be able to better answer your question.

Question: How do you feel about those who "borrow" your blog entries without permission?

Response: I generally don't mind if people reprint my content so long as (a) it has proper attribution, (b) it's not materially altered, and (c) it's not used for any purpose other than to educate or entertain.

On the other hand, if they're looking to sell web site subscriptions, pick up partners under false pretense, or attract clicks for their advertisers, I definitely object.

Question: I realize I do not know you. I'm looking to find a spanking group in _____. This is a serious interest desire.

Response: I searched Google and found a couple of groups in your area. I hope you find what you seek.

Question: I really don't want to give a wrong impression but I was quite aroused by your writings and the picture of your butt. I am married but my wife don't like to be spanked. I really hope we can chat. I have an elaborate sex fantasy that spanking is a major part of the foreplay. I love women's butts and anal sex. I hope somehow, someway we can chat. I like your blogpage by the way. Thank you for your time and I truly hope we can chat soon. Discreetly if possible.

Response: "Hello" often works well too.

Question (same guy, next day): I wanted to say how much I enjoy your write ups. I hope I can share some thoughts on spankings and related thoughts. I e-mailed you last night, I was not sure if you got it. I hope you are interested but I do not want to waste our times. Is the butt picture yours by the way? If so, it is beautiful. And yes, I wondered how it looks bare. My wife is not a big spanking fan and it frustrates me.

Response: Perhaps your wife would appreciate a more subtle approach.

Comment (same guy, two weeks later): After filling your bowel with a large bottle full of water/soap and then inserting [snip]

Response: I don't think so.

Comment (different guy, same story): You have a very nice appealing derriere young lady. The first thing that came to mind when I saw the picture, was “hand me the hairbrush please!!” in my opinion there is no doubt your seating was designed with spanking in mind. I have been a Top for many years and would love to have the pleasure of soundly applauding your exposed hindquarters.

Response: Why, we haven't been properly introduced.

Comment (last guy, the sequel): That is a fantastic bottom young lady, one that should be smarting regularly from brisk applications of palm, paddles and hairbrushes. Would love to have the pleasure. That derriere of yours was designed with spanking in mind.

Response: I recognize that at some level these fellows are trying to be nice. They're just not very good at it.

Here's some advice to every guy who wants to seduce a female spanko. Just because someone likes spanking doesn't mean she stops being a woman. Talk to her, and not just about scenes. In fact, forget those wild imaginary sadomasochistic dungeon scenes altogether. In the real world, you have to start from zero. Get to know her and allow her to get to know you. Help the woman to feel comfortable around you. When the time for spanking does arrive, move slowly but deliberately. Don't think "shock and awe." Try for relaxed contentment instead.

There will be plenty of time for unusual fantasies later. If you pitch them right, she might even want to join in. But, whatever you do, don't creep her out and scare her away right from the beginning.

Finally, lest we forget, your chance of success will be greatly improved if you focus on women who are not already in a committed relationship.

Question: I have just written my first story but am not sure if it good enough to go on your site, or if you allow anyone to put stories on. ~If so, how? Can you help?

Response: I do feature guest posts on MBS occasionally. Write me and let's talk about what you have in mind.

Comment: I'm a student and I love your stories. Randy does to you basically everything I've dreamed of having since I can remember. Anyway, reading your blog made me want what you have so badly, and it made me not feel so strange in wanting it. In fact, today I told my boyfriend my entire fantasy in detail and we began tonight and it was great. It was my first real spanking ever. And Jeez I could hardly handle his hand, but I loved every minute of it -- I suppose I work up to other things but it was a great first experience and my bottom is tingling terrifically as I write this.

Response: That sounds like a wonderful beginning. I wish you many more enjoyable spanking adventures!

Comment: I'm a male in college and i want to thank you for your blog. I never realized that there are real girls who actually like being spanked.

Response: Yes, we're real all right. In the right circumstances, there's nothing more enjoyable than a good spanking and romance shared with one's lover.

Comment: i like yr bottom badly

Response: My mother always said that anything worth doing is worth doing well.

Question: My english is'nt very good, but I like your blog. Go on! I am a french journaliste. I am a little sad because my wife dont like to be spanker. Perhaps in the future... What can you say for me?

Response: In convincing your wife to spank, it's important to make the experience enjoyable for her as well. Do what she likes. Make her feel special. Show her the depth and breadth of your love. Don't push spanking on her, but allow her to accept it on her own terms. This approach is your best opportunity for success.

Question: Do you still get spanked? I don't read about it in your blog anymore.

Response: Yes, spankings generally happen at least once per week. If I fail to document them here on the blog, it only means that I get busy or preoccupied or tired or just plain don't feel like writing. I love MBS readers, but I cannot blog to the exclusion of all else.

Question: Me and my husband are going away to a B&B this weekend for couple time (we do this once a year), and i was wondering if you could offer some suggestions as what my husband can use for spanking implements that won't be really loud?

Response: We had a great brunch on this topic a couple of years ago.

B&B's are a real challenge for us spankos, because there just isn't much privacy. I recall Randy and I had this problem once. We ended up driving to a deserted stretch of beach and taking care of business there.

A cane is very quiet, though the person on the receiving end may not be. A small wooden spoon shouldn't make too much noise either. A bungee cord is nearly silent, but it can leave nasty welts. A leather belt makes some noise, but it's quieter than a paddle.

Another trick is to leave on some clothing. It muffles the impact (and gives the spanker an excuse for a longer session).

You can try going in the bathroom and running the shower. That tends to mute the higher pitched sounds made by light toys. Operating the TV a bit too loud is another traditional form of aural camouflage.

Question: I have read several times about a spanking that makes sitting the next day a challenge. I have tried for that a few times as my partner would enjoy and learn from that. I have tried, I am not small and have gotten over worries about being abusive. It just seems that short of a baseball (lol) bat nothing leaves much of an impression. I really am not trying to be mean but discipline needs to have a lasting effect.

Response: Skip the bat. You won't need it.

If you both desire that she feel residual soreness on the day after a spanking, I believe that state can be achieved. Step one: Apply this brush vigorously to her bare bottom. Step two: Wait one day. Caution: Welts on skin may be sorer than they appear.

I will be very surprised if this technique does not generate the outcome you describe. With that said, I believe it's appropriate and necessary that you safeguard her physical and emotional well being during a severe spanking. It's fun to carry around a bit of "ouch" the next day, but no one wants to cause or incur a serious injury. Please check on her condition a few times during the spanking and allow her to use her safeword if she needs it.

Question: Do you wear panties up your ass?

Response: I do wear a thong sometimes and it's designed to fit between my cheeks.

Question: My husband and I are new to the DD lifestyle as well as to spanking. We are finding it very much to our liking, but are feeling a little foolish about it because of our age. He’s 55, I’m 50. Just curious – is this unusual?

Response: You might be surprised to learn that spanking enthusiasts come in all ages. Empty nesters, like us, are definitely not too old. In fact, we now have the opportunity to enjoy life as never before. For many of us, that includes a good spanking once in a while.

You and your husband are not unusual at all. There's certainly no cause to feel foolish. For Randy and me, spanking is an extension of our lovemaking. It's all a celebration of our wonderful life together.

There are many couples who start spanking after many years together. It often energizes their romance like a lightning bolt. I have heard this story again and again (and still I never tire of good news!). You tread a well worn path.

Comment: You have a very nice picture...nice and tight jeans...enough to make anyone want to give you at least a hand spanking...no wonder your husband can;t stop himself...lol

Response: You say LOL, so I hope you're joking. Tempting as it may be, you really can't just walk up and smack a woman on the bottom. Believe me, it's much better to get to know her and obtain her consent first.

I guess that's enough for this month. Thanks to everyone who wrote!