Welcome back to our weekly get together. I hope you will pull up a chair, pour yourself a cup of coffee, and join in another spanko discussion.
I had the pleasure this week of corresponding with a lovely couple who we shall call Kelley and Kelley's Girl. They are enthusiastic spankos and very much in love. Unfortunately, circumstances place them on opposite sides of the globe. This week's brunch is dedicated to them.
What can a couple do to keep their love alive and their relationship vital even when they are physically separated? If you have been in a similar situation, what worked for you? Have you ever tried phone sex, internet sex, or a long distance spanking? If not, would you consider these options?
To add your own unique perspective on this week's question, you can enter a comment below, send me an e-mail, or post a response on your own blog. Regardless of the medium, I look forward to reading your thoughts.
12 comments :
The lady I fell in love with lived out of state. I first met her at spanking party in chicago hosted by Crimson Moon. Over the course of many other parties, we talked a lot, started exchanging mail and cards, and then e-mail when she got a computer. Once we became an item, what worked for us was lengthy phone calls--I seem to recall issuing a lot of threats--and then several times during the course of the year, we'd get together at another Chicago Crimson Moon party and she'd find out those threats weren't just idle phone chatter. No phone sex or phone spankings, and neither of us cared for the cyber side of things. As long as we could talk and meet several times during the year, we could sustain our relationship. She finally managed to move to Minnesota shortly before she passed away.
my soulmate is in NY, and I am in UK....we are both in caring professions which are badly paid...we met online 2 years ago...and soon fell deeply in love...we are finding it so hard being apart, were planning to get married this year, but new immigration laws in UK are proving difficult and we have had to put it off for a while...we sustain our relationship by calling each other every night...and emailing, and using msn and yahoo....and yes, he text swats me!!!! we have both developed an imagination to the extent that when we chat it feels like we are together....when i get real bratty he makes me self spank while we are on the phone and cam.... I visited him last year and will be going this year too.....when we have a lot of "promises" to catch up with..... ;) xxx
I'm about 200 miles away from my Dom. We see each other once or twice a month a few days at a time, and it seems to be that we save all the kink and the intensity for those times, making it really magical when we are together.
We talk loads on the phone, but we don't have phone sex or cyber. It just wouldn't be a patch on how things are real time. As long as i get to talk to him i'm OK. I have little routines I do for him...like clothes he likes to me wear and things like that. I suppose to my blog is an additional way of me showing him i'm thinking about him...and from his point of view he shows me i'm on his mind by spending time in his shed being devious!
Though the thing that keeps us going most of all is knowing this is only a short term situation!
It's difficult to be separated from the person you love. E-mail is great way to stay in constant touch with each other. Phone calls are always a good idea.
Handwritten love letters, on good stationery, are a meaningful way to express yourself, as are funny or sentimental greeting cards.
A shared blog could also work; you could keep it private or share it with the world.
Hugs,
Hermione
My husband and I lived aprox 4 years in a long distance relationship before we got married. We are from two different countries and the longest duration of separation was 11 months. We survived on phone calls, several long loveletters a week (the snail mail way), and after I got E-mail we had daily contact that way. We always found it important to talk/write about all the important things in life, and that way we got to know a lot about eachother before getting married. Probably more than most couples that just move in together. We had to create the basis for marring though we were apart. Due to imigration laws we only got to live 1½ month together before our wedding day, and now that's just about 9 years ago and we have two wonderful children. My best advice is, talk, stay open, share your feelings and fustrations. Remember that it should only be physical separation ont emotional, and meet whenever posible even if it's just for a day or two.
I have had two D/s relationships that were long distance. One I kept in touch with by journaling regularly and letting him read those journal entries. We also talked on the phone alot. We did share some phone sex...but mostly not. It was a brief relationship, so I dont' know how it might otherwise have sustained itself.
My second relationship was with M, whom I've written of on my blog. We only spoke on the phone when confirming times to meet in transit. We didn't IM either. We wrote love letters via email. And later in our relationship I kept a private journal that he read at. He and I mostly meditated together and this developed a very special bond between us.
I agree with Anonymous, who commented just after Hermione, that if you want a long distance relationship to work, you do have to talk about the important things...to treat each other like dear friends and confide in each other....not just sit and talk about sex while online. That emotional component is what will keep things strong and vibrant.
Wow how timely. He's probably moving to China for a year with work (the job market here for his profession is limited) I'm distraught. It may be an unconventional relationship, but we do care about each other a hell of a lot and I just hope I don't lose him over this. We currently don't see each other more than a few times a week, and in between we are constantly on the phone and online. I hate cyber sex, and phone sex, because it is too impersonal. I imagine if he does go to China I will have huge phone bills to pay! I am really looking forward to reading others' responses for tips and ideas on how to get through this this, if he goes ahead.
~elle~
We have been long distance going on 3 years. We see each other from once a month to every other month. (I seem to feel that it is getting longer apart in the past year months. - Not sure if it is because his job does not involve travel this way anymore of if the relationship itself is fading.) Used to we would e-mail a couple times a week - sometimes about life sometimes reliving and sharing feelings about a recent spanking encounter - but the new job also involeves more email for him to manage and his interest in emailing me seems to have faded or become burried in a too long to do list. Only occationally have we had a phone sex encounter - it has been fun - but partly because it is not a everyday thing. We talk on the phone used to be almost daily - now it is sometimes only once maybe twice a week. That emotional connection is fading and it is hard to weigh out if it is temporary because of increased work demands on his end or if it the sign of things to come. It doesn't help that my uncertainty over the change doesn't always bring out the best in me as my insecurities have gotten the best of me a couple of times recently. Time will tell, but until recently the distance has not been such a problem and now that it is - it may be something deeper than the distance. When we are together it is still absolutley magical - but that emotional connection in between time is fading and it is really causing concer. So perhaps that is the biggest truth - it isn't the cyber sex or spanks that matter in between as much as the feeling of connection.
interesting question asked this week. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now. He lives in the UK and I live in Canada. At times it's so very difficult to have a "normal" relationship because of there being no physical aspect but we manage with our wandering imaginations. He'll get me to spank myself, writes long extremely erotic passages of text to me, all that sort of stuff and its quite the interesting way to be intimate. In short it's tough as hell but i know it's worth it :)
Bonnie
Thank you so much for your kind words about my girl and my self.
It's tough being apart but we know it just for 7 months and serving in the military gives us a sense that this is for a higher purpose. I am lucky enough to be able to access email daily.
We email and chat nearly everyday. Daily we both read My Bottom Smarts, New Beginnings and few other blogs. We share what we find. Talk about how we can use it in our lives.
We have always had a rich fantasy live. Instead of fantasizing while we play together in our marriage, we share fantasies and play separately. Girl has performed for my enjoyment over the web cam. She sends me fun photos as well. We try to maintain that mental bond even if we are half a world away.
It is great see how others like Bonnie and Randy, Elise and Nick and several other regulars have made this work. Thanks to all of you who share you stories.
Kelley
Somewhere in Iraq
Love you Girl
I don't know if I have any great advice for you in how to help a long distance relationship work...I just know it can. My husband and I had a long distance relationship for many years before we were married - in part while we were both in college and the other while he was in the military. It was difficult and I missed him when we could not be together. I did not have access to email at the time...but would write letters and send care packages. And when we saw each other it was so wonderful to connect. Distance can never bring true love apart. I wish you both the best. Take care, Terpsichore :-)
We started out as a long distance friends, and then eventually became a couple. The thing that helped us most was planing for in-person get-togethers. Even if they were far apart, it really gave us something to look forward to.
In the time between meetings, we talked through Email, chat and phone calls. With all the different options, we managed to share time with each other every day. Sometimes it was just a few minutes, but usually it was much loner.
We talked about everything under the sun, and that included sex and spanking (which were popular topics). We did include sexual phone on the phone, and even some spanking. For us, the spanking was playful. Discipline stuff didn't really work.
It was a *poor* substitute for the real thing, but it was a BIG help. What made the difference for us again though, was how everything was tied towards our next meeting.
:)
Todd & Suzy
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