Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Ask Bonnie

Let’s answer some questions.

Question: Does a spanking hurt more (or less) in certain positions, all other things being equal?

Response: Definitely. The positions where spankings seem to hurt the most are those where the recipient's legs are pulled up toward the abdomen. In these positions, the muscles, soft tissues, and skin of the bottom are stretched out. This leaves the spankee less protected and more vulnerable.

Great care should be exercised when heavy implements are employed in those positions. Bones and nerves tend to be more exposed, especially in spankees who are slender. No play is worth the risk of a permanent injury.

Question: Are marks more likely to happen in some positions than in others?

Response: I think so. If the skin is taut, implements like the cane tend to do more damage and leave more pronounced marks.

Question: Can you comment on the over-the-knee position on the side of one of the newer beds that has an extremely deep mattress? Unless the spanker has very long legs, I would guess there might be stability problems.

Response: That arrangement probably wouldn't work too well (unless the resourceful spanker placed his foot on top of the box spring!).

Question: Are some spankees also self harmers, or excessive self spankers?

Response: I think that self-harming is kind of a touchy subject for many MBS readers. There are definitely cutters and the like among the ranks of spankees. However, based upon my non-scientific sample, that wouldn't describe the vast majority of us.

When the movie Secretary came out, I was thrilled to have a reasonably positive mainstream portrayal of adult spanking. Yet, the fact that the heroine was a cutter and just released from a mental institution seemed to portray us in a negative light.

I think many cutters also have an interest in spanking. But most spanking enthusiasts are not cutters.

Question: How can I increase the readership of my blog?

Response: The three most important considerations are content, content, and content. If your posts are interesting, fresh, and unique, you'll get links from the big guys and you may even be featured. If readers arrive at your blog and like what they find, they will return. If there's a secret, that's it!

Question: Do you think submissives should be denied the right to wear panties?

Response: Every couple and every relationship is different. As a result, there are few absolute statements that apply to everyone. Your no-panties decree wouldn't be consistent with the way Randy and I operate. But at the same time, I have great fondness for two submissive women who have declared underwear to be a relic of the past. I suppose this isn't a very definitive answer, but I believe it depends upon the dynamic between the two people involved in the relationship.

Question: You once said that when people get spankings fairly often, their butts toughen up. Well, I'm there. In fact, my butt is so tough now that it barely gets red anymore, even after a serious paddling. My husband and I both miss that bright crimson blush. Is there anything we can do to get it back.

Response: Yes, short of not spanking for a month, I do have a couple of suggestions. You might try taking a warm shower before (or during!) your next spanking. You might also want to switch to lighter and more flexible implements. These tend to work at the surface level. Finally, consider positioning mirrors so that you can both watch the spanking as it progresses. This way, you can experiment with different implements and spanking techniques and observe the results together.

Question: I like having my butt spanked hard for sex because it gives me the ability to focus on my rear instead of the grocery list. My dear husband seems to get into it, but I am afraid that when he sees the bruises, he won't want to ever do it again.

Response: Some toys cause more bruises than others. Rigid wooden toys are the worst. Your bottom will toughen up with regular spankings, but mixing in a light leather paddle might be helpful in the interim.

Question: My husband sometimes has trouble keeping an erection long enough to satisfy me. What would you suggest?

Response: Based upon ads I see on television, many men must experience these kinds of issues. Randy does quite well, but he definitely lacks the endurance he had at 25. Our solution is a vibrator (or sometimes two). His hands still work fine and nowhere is it written that vibrators can only be used solo.

Question: I am scared that this will end up being the only way I like to make love. Do most people still like gentle loving sex after they discover the pleasure of spanking?

Response: Don't worry. You won't. Even after many years, I certainly haven't. Just because you've gained a taste for spicy foods doesn't mean you insist upon having them at every meal.

Question: How do you manage to hold still when someone is whacking away at your ass?

Response: It's not that difficult after you've taken a solid swat to the hip or the thigh because you moved. Besides, I am a willing spankee. I accept freely the gifts Randy gives me. Even if certain moments might seem excruciating, the overall experience is positive and beneficial for both of us.

Question: I've been wondering and worrying practically all my life about this fascination with spanking. I can't put it out of my mind, at least not for long. Try as I might, it enters my thoughts eventually. I picture myself over the lap of a powerful man and he is spanking me. That's my dream anyhow. I've never been spanked as an adult and I'm not even certain that I'd like it. But I've decided that I will never rest easy until I find out for sure.

What should I do next?

Response: You didn't mention whether you are in a relationship. If so and you believe a strong trust exists, you might consider raising the issue with your partner. The easiest way to begin is to incorporate it into foreplay and/or lovemaking. If you both enjoy those experiences, the door is open for further exploration.

If you're not in a stable, trusting relationship, other options exist. In most metropolitan areas, there are social groups dedicated to spanking and related activities. If you find a good one, this would give you an opportunity to learn in a safe environment where there is no pressure to go beyond your limits.

In any case, please know that many fine people have been precisely where you stand today. Quite a few have chosen to incorporate spanking into their lives and have benefited from this change. Many of the bloggers on my blogroll share stories about how they accomplished this feat (or continue to work at it).

Question: Have you ever wondered about there being a connection between an inclination toward either giving or receiving spankings, especially those of the erotic kind, and a preference regarding sexual positions, specifically, a link between the spanking penchant and an inclination toward rear-entry?

Response: No, I don't wonder about this subject at all. For me, there is absolutely a strong connection between love of spanking and fondness for rear-entry intercourse. I suspect the same is true for the vast majority of spanking enthusiasts. To my (admittedly slightly twisted) mind, they simply go together.

Question: Does TTWD refer to any kind of spanko lifestyle, or does it specifically mean DD? Or is the meaning dependent upon the context?

Response: It's pretty generic. It means whatever it is that you do. The implication is something kinky, but not a specific act or lifestyle.

Question: When you're wearing a skirt and Randy spanks you, does he spank over the skirt, lift it up, or pull it down?

Response: I'm sure all three have happened at different times. Of these choices, Randy is probably most inclined to lift the skirt.

Question: I'm having one of those urges to actually build something in my wood shop and what could be better than a custom spanking bench? I haven't had much luck finding plans on the web and wondered if you might have stumbled across some.

Response: I don't have a source for such plans, but I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to learn that MBS readers know where to find them. Any ideas?

Question: When vanilla friends ask what you do with your spare time, what do you tell them?

Response: Believe it or not, I have a life away from this blog. I have been involved for a number of years with local community theater and performing arts groups. Although we have some other activities, that would be my best answer.

If you would like me to answer your question, you can send it to me via e-mail.


Reesa Roberts said...

Great post, Bonnie!
I really liked the one who said they could now focus on their rear instead of the grocery list!
Gosh, I can think of much sexier things than groceries to think of during sex, LOL.

Paul said...

Bonnie, positively brilliant post, you are a mine of information.
I'm pretty sure Mel wasn't thinking of the grocery list either before, during or after a spanking/loving session. Chuckles!!!
Warm hugs,

Terpsichore said... hearing your thoughtful answers to questions! :-)

Anonymous said...

I was also vexed by the cutting/
mental hospital background of the
Lee character in Secretary. Oddly
enough, I am not into any other kind of self-harm; quite the opposite. I don't even use the rough side of the towel!! LOL
I'm repulsed by multiple piercings
and I dislike tatoos. I bought an
angora blend sweater a few days
ago, and I love the kittenlike softness of it. Generally except for the spanking thing I'm more
into 'self-coddling.'

I'm also not partial to rear entry
sex, and I've never had anal sex. I
always joke that I'm a vanilla spanko, and it's really an accurate

Ofia said...

Good collection of questions and answers.

I elaborated on the Q&A relating to cutting on my own blog.

For the post link if you want it:

Anonymous said...

Great Qs & As. Comments: Position - being really tightly bent over, greatley increases the effect of my spanking, and David is fanatical in devising poses which make me offer my bottom drum taut; for him it is either that or slack, eg lying flat, when he likes to see my cheeks bounce and wobble as the whacks land.If am caned, it is always over clothes, and these again must be seam splitting tight; there would be little point in caning the seat of a loose skirt would there? Most of us spankees have good plump bottoms, and stretching them tight does not increase the chance of real damage. Panties : David lets me wear them, but not around the house after a spanking, so that he can check on the state of my rear; he also likes to take me out in a decent length skirt, enjoying knowing that, that is all that conceals my marked cheeks from public gaze. Knickerless in a mini skirt, no way, that would earn me another spanking if I flashed my backside, when I bent over ! Keeping still: If she really can't keep still a few light restraints will do the trick.Spanking Bench:Try adapting an ordinary bit of furniture, which looks innocent until you know where the cuffs and straps are concealed. I find it very exciting to see a vanilla guest, sitting in my favourite chair, not knowing that just recently, I had been bent over it's arm, for my bare bottom to get it's just desserts. Susan.

Anonymous said...

I'm with Reesa!! Focusing on the rear instead of the grocery list sure can set the mood!! And for the record, Bonnie, I must be twisted too cuz those two go together like Chicken and dumplings, bacon and eggs, cake and ice cream!! Yummo!!!


Anonymous said...

You get such interesting questions! It's awesome that you take the time to give the thoughtful answers you do. The "are some spankees also self harmers" question struck us the most. The obvious answer is yes... though the same is true of butchers, bakers and candlestick makers. There are people with 'problems' in all walks of life... and just about anything can be abused if done to excess (including things like exercise and drinking water).

In general though, we find spankos to be extremely well adjusted members of society. They have good communication skills, and they can cope with stress better than most.

Todd & Suzy

Anonymous said...

Bonnie - You are an invaluable member of our community. Thank you.

Bonnie said...

Reesa - Thanks! I just love a stinging distraction.

Paul - Thank you. Those groceries will be dealt with in due time.

Terpsichore - You're very welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed this Q&A sessions.

Missy - Cutting holds no fascination for me either, but I hesitate to condemn it (as so many people do with spanking). Perhaps I simply don't understand.

As for sexual positions, we ultimately go with what works for us. That's the best advice I can give.

Ofia - Thank you for your enlightening post!

Susan - There's just no substitute for a "good plump bottom." It's the best protection available.

Eva - Chocolate and peanut butter!

Todd and Suzy - For the most part, that's been my experience as well.

Span - You're most welcome!

Anonymous said...

I raise my hand to point out that I find anal sex extremely unappealing as a woman, but my partner, being bisexual has told me he finds it unappealing for a woman too, he has slept with men, but doesn't understand why you would want that from a woman. Of course our fingers explore occasionally but that's all. Gosh I wonder why it's assumed there's a link there... oh well *giggles* it's rare that you can find a kink I won't go for, but that's one!


Bonnie said...

Elle - I interpreted the question to mean conventional vaginal intercourse from the rear entry position. Anal sex is indeed a separate issue.

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