Monday, November 19, 2007

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Nov 18

Wow! I don’t think we’ve ever had 34 responses before. Our question was who first raised the issue of spanking. I believe that the majority answer was that the women did. Here are your responses.

Mthc: ME. ME. ME. It took a while, but he finally caught on. Now Hubby (David) can't get enough!

Dove: I simply asked ML to do it, but it took a long time to get that courage up in the first place. It was worth it though. :)

Lola: The topic came up when we were still just talking on-line. I could have sworn that He had brought it up, but in reviewing our correspondence, I discovered that I was originally the one who first mentioned it. Of course, He picked up on it immediately and expounded on the subject and on His interest in it. The rest is history.

Anon #1: We had played with spanking for a while, but I eventually got the courage to tell hubby that I wanted and needed a "real" spanking. After our first experience, he was a little shocked at the appearance of my bottom. We have learned a lot since then and now I enjoy a regular bum warming. I still have to ask for a hard spanking, usually when I am under a lot of stress at work.

Terpsichore: While I was the first to express to my husband that I wished to be taken over his knee and be spanked, if I look back in time, he was the first one to give me a playful spank. Unfortunately, at the time, I was not comfortable telling him how much I liked it. Now, many years later, I am ready and awaiting my first real spanking :-)

Jean Marie: Let me add my voice to the chorus of submissive women who outspokenly told their respective mates that they needed to be spanked.

I was a college co-ed who had experimented with sex with three rather fumbling suitors. Each time, the third date signaled that things were at a crossroads. Each man made a play, kissing me, getting my bra off, working fingers between my humid thighs, asking if I wanted to "do it." I nodded and disrobed. They came, I didn't.

Then I met Chris. On our first date, over dinner, he kissed me passionately. I knew then that we'd have sex later and that it'd be different. He didn't ask if he could come in when he saw me to my door, he just did. He expertly unhooked my bra and even more masterfully pinched my nipples until they projected like .45 caliber bullets. I was still swooning from that when he removed my skirt and underwear, kissing and caressing me all the while. It wasn't something to be ashamed of, his actions proclaimed. It was something to be hungrily devoured, like his dinner. Sex was better, maybe because he wasn't solicitous of me, he just pleased himself. He finished when I was close to climaxing, and this time I felt emboldened enough to speak up.

"I wanna cum," I sighed in his ear, "and I'm mere inches away..."

He roughly inserted two fingers in my one set of dripping lips and gruffly kissed the other set.

"I need something more," I whispered, pulling away from his mouth.

The guilty, little-boy-lost look in his eye said that he wouldn't be hard again for a little while.

"I need to be spanked..." I confessed. "I need for you to..."

I didn't get to finish. I was turned over his knee. I was blistered with his huge palm for about ten minutes straight. I came twice during this onslaught. He then took me off his lap and placed me face down on the bed, thrusting into me with a revitalized erection that pushed me to heaven's gates.

I often wonder what my life would've been like if I'd stayed with Chris.

Robin: I did. While DH has since expressed interest, I don't know that it's something he would have ever considered.

I had found stories and articles on the web that had struck a chord with me, but I wasn't sure how to bring it up. Eventually, I printed out some of the stories and articles, had them out on the bed, and tried to act relaxed while 'reading' them. When DH asked what I was reading, I answered honestly and showed him. His initial reaction was one of bemusement. He's somewhat accepted spanking as something I enjoy/want/need, but still has some hang-ups about it. It's still new to us, so some issues are only to be expected.

Anon VII: From ancient history: She started it, and I finished it! We were "getting with it" late one night in more or less standard vanilla fashion on the couch in my apartment during my graduate school days. As she got quite steamy, she said a naughty word, and then said, with her inimitable coyness, "You may spank me for that." Somewhat to her surprise, without missing a beat, I promptly flipped her over my lap (she's petite, I'm not). Much more slowly, I lifted her fetching little miniskirt and honored her request, giving her more than she asked for in the form of all manner of hand and finger caresses before and in between what I think it was ten very firm, well-spaced swats with my slightly cupped hand. The room was spinning around both of us when I finished, and I honestly don't remember much in the way of details after that. My next clear memory is waking with her snuggled up to me in bed the next morning, which fortunately was a Saturday. We later learned from each other that it was each of our first times to engage in spanking as foreplay, but that we'd fantasized about doing it with others for years.

Todd and Suzy: That's actually not so simple for us. I posted on a message board about spanking, in response to someone else bringing up the topic. Suzy then e-mailed me with some thoughts and questions. So, I brought it up first... but she brought it up first between us.

Mary: We were both "looking" for a spanking partner when we found each other. For us, the spanking was arranged as a means to an end. I needed it in grad school. He wanted someone to spank. The first one was formally arranged. The irony is that, for us, the question should be "Who brought up the idea of adding a vanilla relationship to accompany the spanking?" I have to say it was all His idea. After that first spanking, we were standing there. The lecture was finished so he pulled me close in a comforting, "It’s all over now" embrace. At some point, I got over the embarrassment of having my first true bare bottom spanking enough to look up at him. He kissed me. I wasn't expecting that, but I loved it. I kissed back and the rest is history (as often documented at Bonnie's brunch). I love his kisses to this day.

Emily: With my ex-hubby, it was me who brought it up. He seemed keen on the idea and actually showed potential, but in the end, it all fizzled out.

In my current relationship, we met through a spanking group so we both automatically knew what we wanted and desired. That was so much simpler than trying to convert a vanilla. LOL

Bet: In our case, it was all my idea! I had fantasized about being spanked for many years and had trawled the net for information. But it was not until after we were married that I found the guts to spring it on him. I told him on our honeymoon after tender lovemaking lying close and cuddling. He had quite a neutral response, but seemed very accepting. He also smiled and said something like, “I guess I could spank you if you did something really naughty.” That line caused me to lie awake till five in the morning, when I finally made up my mind. I tiptoed into the kitchen, took a small bowl, and a bit of water and ice. I tiptoed back in the bedroom and quickly poured the water over him. Then I ran! My heart was racing knowing I had sent a strong enough signal and not really knowing what I had gotten myself into. After a while, I composed myself and walked slowly back. He grabbed me and told me, “That was not a nice thing to do!” He then gave me a few semi-hard whacks on my panty-clad bottom and that was that. It wasn’t quite what I had had in mind, but it was a beginning.

Since then, we have talked a lot and tried more. That is now eight years ago. About three weeks ago, I confessed my desire to get a real spanking now and then for various things. He’s made his first attempt, but that will take time as well. Until then, I’ll live loving and happy with my dear, accepting vanilla husband, who is now quite capable of turning my bottom red and hot for a few hours.

Jam: I was the one that brought spanking into our relationship. It wasn’t too hard to go to the next step as he's always been an ass man. He loves finding implements in the most unusual places. Then, of course, he has to try them out on me. LOL But I love having a warmed up ass before sex. I sleep so much better after a spanking. Spanking has been with me all of my life. Happy spanking!

Paul: When I first met Mel in 1957, she was 14 and I was 22. The slipper, strap, and the cane were all used in her school, as they had been in mine. But they were, in fact, used quite rarely. Mel had never needed correction at school.

We were out on a trip to the beach, Mel did something very dangerous. In reaction, I spanked her hard. She was in tears. I really thought that I had gone too far and would lose her. Much to my surprise, she admitted that she got what she deserved and hoped that I would continue to spank her after our marriage. We were married three months later. During our honeymoon, we discovered erotic spanking as foreplay and we never looked back.

Later, I discovered that her parents had a D/D and D/s marriage, though they didn't call it that.

Jim: Joni and I have been together for 21 years. I let her know about my kink for spanking, way back then. It didn't take off for us during the early days, because: 1) I was ashamed of wanting to hurt her, and 2) She had feminist views that made untenable any acceptance of male violence.

To borrow Bonnie's metaphor from last week, introducing violence into a loving marriage would have been like rubbing a cat's fur the wrong way.

Our first child came along quite early on. By the time she was running around the house, her younger sister was born. What with juggling our careers, there was precious little time for anything other than no-frills sex.

There were exceptions, however. I still cherish the memory of the summary spanking I gave Joni after she threw the contents of a water beaker at me. She tells me that she accepted the spanking, with good humour “because it was a spontaneous response to my mischievous action.”

It has been only in the last two years, since the girls left home, that we have been able to expand the erotic dimensions of our relationship, generally. It was me who requested that we try spanking.

Since the advent of the Internet, it has become clear to us that spankyness is just like ticklishness (i.e., a condition found, to varying degrees, in many persons – regardless of age, class, race, or gender). In fact, the gender politics are now irrelevant to us, because we give each other a fair crack of the cane.

Hermione: I was the one who brought up the subject of spanking with my first husband. Since he was quite unenthusiastic about many aspects of vanilla intimacy, I should have known better. But I was young, optimistic, foolish, and wanted to be spanked. We did it a handful of times, and it was not a success.

My current husband, Ron, is a butt man, and since that area is also my primary erogenous zone, we were pretty compatible from the start. But I was wary about bringing up spanking, in view of my previous experience. Luckily, he decided to take matters into his own hands.

One evening, we were erotically entangled and I happened to be on top. He spanked first one cheek, then the other, then both together. He kept on spanking me until I reached a climax. I couldn't believe that my dream was actually coming true! I saw the northern lights that evening!

Once I had caught my breath, I told him that I had been hoping he would do that. We both thought about it all the next day, and repeated it that night. It has since become a regular part of our foreplay.

Lori: I definitely suggested it many years ago. I'll never forget his first response. He got in his car and left as I sat at home and cried. When he came back, he asked me why I wanted him to hurt me. Now, 22 years ago, there was no Internet to refer him to as there is today. I had no idea why I wanted him to hurt me. I had always wanted to be spanked and pretty much considered myself weird for feeling that way.

Anyway, I convinced him one day after I had gotten a speeding ticket. It was my first spanking, ten hard swats to a virgin butt, and it stung like crazy. After that, he was open to it and we used it for erotic play for many years. I was always in charge of the erotic play, so the spankings never went further than what I was controlling. Life went on, marriage was hard work and the sex life diminished with constant family stuff. Through these years, I always knew he would punish by spanking if I ever endangered my life somehow but spanking went by the wayside. We have picked it back up, having a lot of guidance through the Internet (thanks Bonnie). We are now a far cry (no pun intended) from those first ten swats 22 years ago. He and I are enjoying each other so much and actually regret the years we let get past us.

morningstar: When I first met Sir, He was the "bondage guy" up here in the Great White North. Sir loved D/s and the protocols and rituals that go with it.

He had never ever hit a woman, and couldn't ever see Himself doing so. BUT then I waltzed into His life. He was going to train me in D/s, and tie me up, and I was gonna waltz along my merry way in a few months. Honestly, I do not remember when the first spanking happened or what caused it. I was the masochist who was taking a sabbatical from pain, and before I knew it, Sir was finding out that He had a sadistic side...

I guess, in a roundabout way, I was the one who instigated the spankings, and we have never looked back since. Over the years, Sir and I have met a couple of Dominants who were not sadistic and weren't into pain. But as one of them said (after whalloping my ass at a play party), I seem to bring out the "worst or best" (depending on how you look at it) in Dominants (it must be my cheeky side!).

Kayley: *Pointing to Jack* It was ALL his fault. I wasn't gonna ask for it, I think. But he had the butt obsession and he always slapped my butt as I passed by.

I started pushing it by lying face down on the bed, pretending to nap. He would pass by me and slap my butt again. What kind of spanko can be satisfied with that? So one day I put on a school girl uniform and I couldn't believe how little it took him to start spanking. Even more, one summer, when I was a bitch on our vacation (I don't even want to remember that vacation), he gave me the belt. I didn't ask for it, which shocked me.

So it's all his fault. *grin*

Paige: I first brought up the subject of spanking to my hubby. I didn't come right out and say it, though, but started by asking him to pat my bottom while making love. That felt so good, I had to have more! I was figuring out how exactly to tell him that when I noticed an ad for the Shadow Lane magazine Stand Corrected in Cosmopolitan magazine. That seemed like the perfect way to bring up spanking, so I showed him the ad, gave him a sexy look, and said what do you think about trying spanking? To my delight, he was all for it!

Dave: Cindy and I were 'introduced' through a mutual spanko friend. I had 'played' with this woman a few times in private, and she had met Cindy at a weekend spanking party.

We had both 'played' with others a few times, but were still relatively new to open/mutually enjoyable spanking encounters. We IM'd and e-mailed for several months, and then met for the first time with only one thing on the agenda!

So the spanking came first, and the relationship developed and grew from there. While spanking play can be fun for awhile, once you've shared it within a deep loving relationship the play seems almost empty.

Mary: I just have to say - I love learning about everyone. This brunch is so much fun.

Lee: Well, I haven't brought up anything to anyone, but I just wanted to comment that I think Jim's idea of "spankyness" being like "ticklishness" is right on the money.

Ede: I had done something really stupid about fifteen years into our marriage, neither of us can remember what. She got angry and said "if my brother had done that, my mother would have put him over her knee." I said, somewhat in a smartass way, something like "well, if it makes you feel better, you can do that to me." That, my friends, was the start of a wonderful addition to our relationship. I've NEVER spanked her, but she puts me through the paces whenever I deserve it, usually while wearing panties to start, then on the bare.

Texas Spanko Girl: ME! ME! ME!!! And I've posted about our first spanking, both my account and his, on my blog. You should definitely check it out.

Blushing Bride: I originally mentioned it when we were dating, after about two years. Even though I can not recall ever not being interested in spanking, I was far to embarrassed to talk about it. I don't think he ever really got what I was talking about though. There were an occasional pat on the bum, but that was it. It was only after we were married that we started discussing it more and incorporating it into our sex lives, where it's still very much a work in progress.

Greenwoman: I've had two spanko relationships. One with my husband, one with M.

Husband= He introduced it by doing it. We didn't talk about it. He just did it as a part of sex. I liked it so long as it didn't sting much. Later, we graduated to a flogger.

M= He introduced OTK. That was new to me and I didn't know if I could handle it because of spankings as a child. It was wonderful. Now I love it.

PK: Oh, for sure, it was me! Nick seemed surprised but willing. He did warn me that while I might have fantasized about it many times, I might not like the real thing! LOL! Little did he know!

Jeana: We didn't really talk about it beforehand, but here's how it happened.

I had been interested in spanking for years, but I had never had the guts to bring it up to any of my boyfriends. Will (now my husband) has always had an obsession with my butt and would always squeeze or slap it (very gently) while we were playing in bed. One day, randomly, he slapped it hard, much harder than normal. I turned my head to look at him and his face was a cross between curious and scared. "Did that freak you out?" he asked. I had to have had the biggest smile ever on my face. "No, you could do it harder if you want," I answered. With that said he sat up, pulled me across his lap, and gave my bare bottom about twenty swats while much too frequently (at least he cares) asking if I was OK.

This led to a long conversation about limits, safe words, and so on. This was a first time experience for both of us so we both had tons of things to talk about and we finally had someone with whome to share them. So I guess, technically, he started it.

Sara: I was the first to suggest it too. For us, it was to introduce a disciplinary aspect into the marriage, specifically having to do with the power dynamic. We started there, and that lead to other fun things, of course!

Sally: I asked for it a little over a year ago and he reluctantly agreed. Since then, we have grown closer. He and I are both more willing to share with one another what we really feel and want. We have tried many other new things in our sex life that before were not even considered. It is like we are newlyweds and have fallen in love all over again. I truly love not just loving my husband, but being in love with my husband!

D and S: We went to a small party, which I think must have been plotted in advance. After supper, our host had row with his wife and she was quickly over his knee, skirt up and to my amazement he gave her a sound (or a least I then thought it was) spanking on the seat of her thin knickers, which she accepted with good grace. Their place was taken by another husband, who spanked his wife equally hard, and so on, until I realised that I was the owner of the only un-spanked female bottom in the room. All eyes were on us. David whispered "Up to you, love," and took his place on the spanking chair. There was no way I could chicken out, so I stood up and laid my self over his knee, feeling a hard bone in his trousers. Up went my skirt. The other girls, probably knowing what was planned had worn sensible panties. However, I wore a thong, and with my head low down, my ample bottom was stretched tight and as good as bare. My first ever spank was a smarting novelty, and he seemed to go on far longer then the others. He later told me that, in the excitement, he had lost track of time. He helped me up, "Sorry love, was that too hard?" My bum was blazing, but I was also very excited. This was really for me! Every one clapped.

The drive home was in silence, with me kneeling on the seat. I went upstairs and David followed me. I kissed him, handed him my hairbrush, and said, "Now give me a real spanking, before we do something about that monster in your pants."

Since then we have never looked back.

Sub Nouveau: Spanking was truly my babystep into BDSM. I've progressed to other stuff, but spanking remains my fave. If I recall correctly, my first spanking was OTK and I was hooked!

Bonnie: Randy and I have a friendly disagreement going back many years over who is really responsible for all this spanking. Here’s my account. I invite you to make up your own minds.

What fabulous stories! Thank you to everyone who joined in the fun.

For those celebrating Thanksgiving this week, may table be bountiful, your company pleasant, and your bird well stuffed!


Curtis said...

This is the second time this has happened to me -- submitted a response, not included in the recap. I don't have a present relationship but did respond as to how a previous relationship developed.

Bonnie said...


I'm sorry that your comment didn't show up. I can assure you that it was not the victim of my editing. It is not among the comments below. Nor did I receive a message from you in my mailbox.

Occasionally, Blogger can be finicky about accepting comments. When this occurs, it seems as though the input is accepted, but if you look all the way at the top there is an error displayed. I thought they had fixed this problem, but perhaps it still happens.

In any case, I'm sorry your message was lost.

Monogamous Couple said...

A shame that we found your blog only today. What a delightful post idea. Chiming in a bit late, it was definately the Felatio Artist that suggested to the Nerd that her ministrations be repaid on her backside. He, (being a nerd) had to be coaxed a bit with urging of 'harder' and 'still harder' but he being the brainy sort learned quickly and took to the reversal of his apparent meek societal role like a duck to water. He now threatens her in the most delicious of ways.

Starlight said...

It was me, in our case. We had been married about 7 years and were on a vacation in New York City. I can still picture the hotel room as I looked up at my husband as we were making love and said softly, "Sometimes I wish you would spank me." My stomach was full of butterflies! I had planned this beforehand, but then I couldn't believe those words had come out of my mouth! Luckily, he was enthusiastic. More butterflies!! What if I hated it? But I didn't!!

From then on, we used this as part of our activities. It always added a little zing to the experience. (By the way, spankings were always by hand, with me on my knees or lying on the bed and him kneeling beside me. Never severe enough to make me truly suffer - no crying or begging. In fact, I was reluctant to mumble, "Nooo...nooo..." because I was afraid he would stop!)

Now, I am hoping to entice him to a more severe spanking with implements to make up for some past misbehavior on my part. I've written a letter/contract, but I haven't yet had the guts to give it to him yet!

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