Sunday, November 18, 2007

MBS Spanko Brunch #96

Welcome back, dear friends, to our 96th weekly gathering. The spanko brunch provides an opportunity to hear and to be heard, to understand and to be understood. It's all about sharing your knowledge and perspectives.

Our topic this week is very simple - Who started it?

In your current relationship (or a memorable past one if you prefer), who first raised the subject of spanking? In what context? What was the initial response?

To join in the fun, all you need to do is post a comment below with your answers. If you would rather send me an e-mail or post your thoughts on your own blog, that's perfectly fine too. Once everyone has had their say, I'll post an edited summary.

32 comments :

mthc said...

ME.ME..ME..Took a while but he finally caught on. Now Hubby (David) can't get enough!

Anonymous said...

I simply asked for ML to do it but it took a long time to get that courage up in the first place. Worth it though. :)

Hugs
Dove

lola said...

The topic came up when we were still just talking on-line. I could have sworn that He had brought it up, but in reviewing our correspondence, I discovered that I was originally the one who first mentioned it. Of course He picked up on it immediately and expounded on the subject and on His interest in it. The rest is history.
Lola

Anonymous said...

We had played with spanking for a while but I eventually got the courage to tell hubby that I wanted and needed a "real" spanking. After our first experience he was a little shocked at the appearance of my bottom. We have learned a lot since then and now I enjoy a regular bum warming. I still have to ask for a hard spanking, usually when I am under a lot of stress at work.

Terpsichore said...

While I was the first to express to my husband that I wished to be taken over his knee and be spanked... if I look back in time, he was the first one to give me a playful spank...unfortunately at the time I was not comfortable telling him how much I liked it. Now many years later I am ready and awaiting my first real spanking :-)

Robin said...

I did. While DH has since expressed interest, I don't know that it's something he would have ever considered.
I had found stories and articles on the web that had struck a chord with me, but I wasn't sure how to bring it up. Eventually, I printed out some of the stories and articles, had them out on the bed, and tried to act relaxed while 'reading' them. When DH asked what I was reading, I answered honestly and showed him. His initial reaction was one of bemusement. He's somewhat accepted spanking as something I enjoy/want/need, but still has some hang-ups about it. It's still new to us, so some issues are only to be expected.

Anon VII said...

From ancient history: She started it, and I finished it! We were "getting with it" late one night in more or less standard vanilla fashion on the couch in my apartment during my graduate school days. As she got quite steamy, she said a naughty word, then said, with her inimitable coyness, "You may spank me for that." Somewhat to her surprise, I then, without missing a beat, promptly flipped her over my lap (she's petite, I'm not), much more slowly lifted her fetching little miniskirt, and honored her request, giving her more than she asked for in the form of all manner of hand and finger caresses before and in between, I think it was, ten very firm, well-spaced swats with my slightly cupped hand. The room was spinning around both of us when I finished, and I honestly don't remember much in the way of details after that. My next clear memory is one of waking with her snuggled up to me in bed the next morning, which fortunately was a Saturday. We later learned from each other that it was each of our first times to engage in spanking as foreplay, but that we'd fantasized about doing it with others for years.

Anon VII

A.S.S. said...

That's actually not so simple for us. I posted on a message board about spanking, in response to someone else bringing up the topic. Suzy then Emailed me with some thoughts and questions. So, I brought it up first... but she brought it up first between us.

Looking forward to the other response.

Mary said...

We were both "looking" for a spanking partner when we found each other. For us the spanking was arranged as a means to an end. I needed it in grad school. He wanted someone to spank. The first one was formally arranged. The irony is for us the question would then be "Who brought up the idea of adding a vanilla relationship to accompany the spanking?" I have to say it was all His idea. After that first spank, we were standing there, the lecture was finished so he pulled me close in a comforting, "Its all over now" embrace." At some point I got over the embarassment of having my first true bare bottome spanking enought to look up at him. He kissed me. I wasn't expecting that - but I loved it. I kissed back and the rest is history. (often documented at Bonnie's brunch) I love his kisses to this day.

emily said...

With my ex hubby it was me that brought it up. He seemed keen on the idea and actually showed potential but in the end it all fizzled out.

xIn my current relationship we both met thru a spanking group so we both automatically knew what we wanted and desired. That was so much simpler than tryin to convert a vanilla lol..

Bet said...

In our case it was all my idea!!. I had fantasised about being spanked for many years and had trawled the net for information. But it was not until after we were married that I found the guts to spring it on him. I told him on our honeymoon after tender lovemaking lying close and cuddling. He had quite a neutral response, but seemed very accepting. He also smiled and said something like: “I guess I could spank you if you did something really naughty”. That made my lie awake till five in the morning, where I had finally made my mind up. I tiptoed into the kitchen, took a small bowl, and a bit of water and ice. Tiptoed back in the bedroom quickly poured the water over him - and ran!!! My heart racing knowing I had sent a strong enough signal, not really knowing what I had gotten myself into. After a while I had composed myself and walked slowly back. He grabbed me and told me: ”That was not a nice thing to do!” Then he gave me a few semi hard whacks on my panty clad bottom and that was that. Not what I had had in mind but it was a beginning. Since then we have talked a lot and tried more. That is now 8 years ago, and about 3 weeks ago I confessed my desire to get a real spanking now and then for various things. He’s made his first attempt at that but that will take time as well. Till then I’ll live loving and happy with my dear accepting vanilla husband, who is now quite capable of turning my bottom red and hot for a few hours.

jammin33333 said...

i was the one that brought spanking into our relationship. wasnt to hard to go the next step as he's always been an ass man. he loves running into implements in the most unusual places. then of course he has to try them out on me. lol but i love having a warmed up ass before sex. i sleep so much better after a spanking. spanking has been with me all of my life. happy spanking. love jam

Paul said...

Bonnie, you think up the most interesting questions.
First, I met Mel in 1957, she was 14, I was 22. The slipper, strap and cane were used in her school as they had been in mine, they were in fact used quite rarely. Mel had never needed correction at school.
We were out on a trip to the beach, Mel did something very dangerous, in reaction, I spanked her hard, she was in tears. I really thought that I had gone too far and would lose her. Much to my surprise she admitted that she got what she deserved and hoped that I would continue to spank her after our marriage. We were married three months later, during our honeymoon we discovered the erotic spanking as foreplay, we never looked back.
Later I discovered that her parents had a D/D and D/s marriage, though they didn't call it that.
Warm hugs,
Paul.

Jim said...

Joni and I have been together for 21 years. I let her know about my kink, for spanking, way back then. It didn't take off for us during the early days, because: 1) I was ashamed of wanting to hurt her 2) She had feminist views which made untenable any acceptance of male violence.

To borrow Bonnie's metaphor, from last week: introducing violence into a loving mariage would have been like rubbing a cat's fur the wrong way.

Our first child came along quite early on. By the time she was running around the house, her younger sister was born. What with juggling our careers, there was precious little time for anything other than no-frills sex.

There were exceptions. I still cherish the memory of the summary spanking I gave Joni after she threw the contents of a water beaker at me. She tells me that she accepted the spanking, with good humour 'because it was a spontaneous response to my mischievious action.'

It is only in the last 2 years, since the girls left home, that we have been able to expand the erotic dimensions of our relationship, generally. It was me who requested that we try spanking.

Since the advent of the internet, it has become clear to us that spankyness is just like ticklishness i.e. a condition found, to varying degrees, in many persons--regardless of age, class, race, gender. In fact, the gender politics are now irrelevant, to us, because we both give each other a fair crack of the cane.

.

Anonymous said...

I definitely suggested it many years ago. I'll never forget his first response. He got in his car and left as I sat at home and cried. When he came back, he asked me why I wanted him to hurt me. Now, 22 yrs ago there was no internet to refer him to like there is today. I had no idea why I wanted him to hurt me. I had always wanted to be spanked and pretty much considered myself weird for feeling that way. Anyway, I convinced him one day after I had gotten a speeding ticket. It was my first spanking, 10 hard swats to a virgin butt and it stung like crazy. After that, he was open to it and we used it for erotic play for many years. I was always in charge of the erotic play so the spankings never went further than what I was controlling. Life went on, marriage was hard work and the sex life diminished with constant family stuff. Through these years, I always knew he would punish by spanking if I ever endangered my life somehow but spanking went by the wayside. We have now picked it back up, having a lot of guidance through the internet (thanks Bonnie)and are a far cry (no pun intended) from the first 10 swats 22 years ago. He and I are enjoying each other so much and actually regret the years we let get past us.
Lori

littleone said...

(dashes in.. late as usual!)

i love this question Bonnie!! When i first met Sir.. He was the "bondage guy" up here in the Great White North....and Sir loved D/s.... the protocols and rituals that go with it.

He had never ever hit a woman... and couldn't ever see Himself doing so.

BUT then i waltzed into His life.. and He was going to train me in D/s .. and tie me up.... and i was gonna waltz along my merry way in a few months.

Honestly i do not remember when the first spanking happened.. or what caused it..... i was the masochist who was taking a sabbatical from pain..... and before i knew it .. Sir was finding out He had a sadistic side......

i guess in a round-a-bout way i was the one who instigated the spankings .... and we have never looked back since........

Over the years Sir and i have met a couple of Dominants who were not sadistic and weren't into pain..... but as one of them said (after whalloping my ass at a play party) i seem to bring out the "worst or best" (depending on how you look at it) in Dominants.. (must be my cheeky side!)

morningstar (owned by Warren)

Kayley said...

*pointing to Jack* It was ALL his fault. I wasn't gonna ask for it - I think. But he had the butt obsession and he always slapped my butt as I passed by.

I started pushing it by lying face down on the bed, pretending to nap. He would pass by me and slap my butt again.

What kind of spanko can be satisfied with that? So one day I put on a school girl uniform and I couldbn't believe how little it took him to start spanking. Even more, one summer, when I was a bitch on our vacation - I don't even want to remember that vacation - he gave me the belt. I didn't ask for it. Which shocked me.

So it's all his fault. *grin*

Paige Tyler said...

I first brought up the subject of spanking to my hubby. I didn't come right out and say it, though, but started by asking him to pat my bottom while making love. That felt so good, I had to have more! I was figuring out how exactly to tell him that when I noticed an ad for the Shadow Lane magazine Stand Corrected in Cosmopolitan magazine. That seemed like the perfect way to bring up spanking, so I showed him the ad, gave him a sexy look, and said what do you think about trying spanking? To my delight, he was all for it!

*hugs*
Paige

CindysDave said...

Cindy and I were 'introduced' through a mutual spanko friend. I had 'played' with this woman a few times in private, and she had met Cindy at a weekend spanking party.

We had both 'played' with others a few times, but were still relatively new to open/mutually enjoyable spanking encounters.

We IM'd and emailed for several months, and then met for the first time with only one thing on the agenda!

So the spanking came first, and the relationship developed and grew from there.

While spanking play can be fun for awhile, once you've shared it within a deep loving relationship the play seems almost empty.

Hugs,
Dave

Mary said...

I just have to say - I love learning about everyone. This brunch is so much fun.

Lee said...

Well, I haven't brought up anything to anyone, but I just wanted to comment that I think Jim's idea of "spankyness" being like "ticklishness" is right on the money.

Ede said...

I had done something really stupid about 15 years into our marriage, neither of us can remember what. She got angry and said "if my brother had done that, my mother would have put him over her knee." I said, somewhat in a smartass way, something like "well,if it makes you feel better, you can do thta to me." That, my friends, was the start of a wonderful addition to our relationship. I've NEVER spanked her, but she puts me through the paces whenever I deserve it...usually while wearingn panties to start, then on the bare.

TX Spankogirl said...

ME! ME! ME!!! And I've posted about our first spanking, both my and his account, on my blog. You should definitely check it out.

XOXOXO

~TX Spankogirl~

Blushingbride said...

I originally mentioned it when we were dating, after about 2 years. Even though I can not recall evr not being interrested in spanking, I was far to embarrassed by it to talk about it. I don't think he ever really got what I was talking about though. There were an occasional pat on the bum, but that was it. It was only after we were married that we started discussing it more and incorporating it into our sex lives, where it's still very much a work in progress.

Greenwoman said...

I've had to spanko relationships. One with my husband, one with M.

Husband= He introduced it by doing it. We didn't talk about it. He just did it as a part of sex. I liked it so long as it didn't sting much. Later, we graduated to a flogger.

M= He introduced OTK. That was new to me and I didn't know if I could handle it because of spankings as a child. It was wonderful. Now I love it.

Greenwoman
Green Rootsdown

New Beginnings said...

Oh for sure it was me! Nick seemed surprised but willing. He did warn me that while I might have fantasized about it many times I might not like the real thing!! LOL! Little did he know!!

PK

Jeana said...

We didn't really talk about it beforehand, but here's how it happened.

I had been interested in spanking for years, but I had never had the guts to bring it up to any of my boyfriends. Will (now my husband) has always had an obsession with my butt and would always squeeze or slap it (very gently) while we were playing in bed. One day, randomly, he slapped it hard, much harder than normal. I turned my head to look at him and his face was a cross between curious and scared. "Did that freak you out?" he asked. I had to have had the biggest smile ever on my face. "No, you could do it harder if you want," I answered. With that said he sat up, pulled me across his lap, and gave my bare bottom about twenty swats while much too frequently (at least he cares) asking if I was ok.

This led to a long conversation about limits, safe words, and so on. This was a first time experience for both of us so we both had tons of things to talk about and we finally had some one to say them to. So I guess technically he started it.

-Jeana

Sara said...

I was the first to suggest it too. For us it was to introduce a disciplinary aspect into the marriage, specifically having to do with the power dynamic. We started there, and that lead to other fun things, of course!

sally4lvp said...

I asked for it a little over a year ago and he reluctantly agreed. Since then we have grown closer. He and I are both more willing to share with one anohter what we really feel and want. We have tried many ohter new things in our sex life that before were not even considered. It is like we are newlyweds and have fallen in love all over again. I am truly loving not just loving my husband but being in love with my husband!

Sally

Anonymous said...

We went to a small party, which I think must have been plotted in advance, After supper our host had row with his wife and she was quickly over his knee, skirt up and to my amazement he gave her a sound( or a least I then thought it was) spanking on the seat of her thin knickers, which she accepted with good grace.Their place was taken by another husband, who spanked his wife equally hard, and so on, until I realised that I was the owner of the only un-spanked female bottom in the room. All eyes were on us. David whispered "Up to you love", and took his place on the spanking chair; there was no way I could chicken out; I stood up, and laid my self over his knee, feeling a hard bone in his trousers. Up went my skirt; the othe girls, probably knowing what was planned had worn sensible panties; I wore a thong, and with my head low down, my ample bottom was stretched tight and as good as bare. My first ever spank was a smarting novelty,and he seemed to go on far longer then the others; he later told me in the excitement he had lost track of time. He helped me up,"Sorry love was that too hard?" My bum was blazing, but I was also very excited; this was really for me! Every one clapped.
The drive home was in silence, with me kneeling on the seat. I went upstairs, David followed me. I kissed him,handed him my hairbrush,"Now give me a real spanking, before we do something about that monster in your pants"
Since then we have never look back..,D & S.

Sub Nouveau said...

Spanking was truly my babystep into BDSM, I've progressed to other stuff, but spanking remains my fave. If I recall correctly, my first spanking was OTK and I was hookeD!

Bonnie said...

Randy and I have a friendly disagreement going back many years over who is really responsible for all this spanking. Here’s my account. I invite you to make up your own minds.

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