Friday, March 16, 2007

Bonnie's Mailbag

I'm way overdue for a mailbag segment. As a consequence, there is quite a bit to share. What you see below is taken from actual e-mails. In several cases, I paraphrased the questions in the name of clarity and/or brevity.

Question: Does it constitute cheating to spank someone other than my wife?

Response: Unless you’ve discussed it in advance and have an understanding, I believe this is dangerous ground. I know spanko couples who claim that their spankings are purely for disciplinary purposes and completely asexual. I’m somewhat skeptical. The bottom is an erogenous zone and spanking in any form provides stimulation, especially for a spankee who willingly volunteers.

With that said, many people engage in consensual spankings where it is agreed in advance that sex will not be involved. The purpose may be discipline or simply recreation. There is no harm in most cases, but hiding these activities from a spouse can damage the trust between partners.

Question: I used to enjoy spanking-related chat rooms, but lately, when I describe the spankings my husband gives me, people tell me I am abused. What’s the deal?

Response: There are millions of abused women in this world. They need and deserve our support. Many are so oppressed that they are unable to call for help. From this perspective, vigilance, awareness, and sometimes intervention are all quite appropriate.

We must be aware that some abusers hide behind a twisted notion of domestic discipline. Abuse occurs when actions cause serious physical harm or tear down someone’s self-esteem. Most legitimate practitioners of DD will tell you that their goals are precisely the opposite.

However, domestic abuse is a strong charge, especially when one has possession of only some of the facts. I believe I know you well enough to recognize that those issues don’t apply. The intentions of the people you encountered in the chat rooms were honorable, if perhaps misdirected. I would be inclined to explain your circumstances more fully (this is a spanking-related chat room, after all). If they persist, then there is no sense in continuing the discussion.

Question: I live in an apartment. How can I muffle or drown out the sounds of a spanking?

Response: We held an excellent brunch on this subject last summer. I think you’ll find some good ideas there.

Question: I’d really like to participate more in the blog, but I am concerned that I don’t write as well as many of the others. Also, it seems like you all know each other already.

Response: What you have to say is more important that how precisely you choose to say it. We have bloggers and commenters from all over the world. For many, English is not their first language. Yet, they have something valuable to add and their voices are most welcome here.

I hope our familiarity doesn’t make us seem cliquish. It’s quite natural that when we meet nice people with similar interests that friendships should develop. However, this is not a closed circle. Newcomers are always encouraged to join in. Especially with the brunches, the more diverse opinions we can attract, the better the conversation becomes. Please feel free to jump in any time!

Statement: I could spank your bum all day long.

Response: In my experience, maximum therapeutic value is achieved during the first hour.

Question: Does you husband really use a wood paddle on your butt?

Response: Yes, sometimes he does.

Question: May I start a little conversation?

Response: I believe you just did.

Question: hey so what makes u need a spanking young lady id love to give u this to lets chat

Response: 4 got 2 pack im dictionary c u


Response: One red should be quite sufficient.

Statement: You have one fantastic bottom. Hope you're not offended.

Response: Thank you. The only time that my bottom offends me is when it refuses to fit into a pair of slacks.

Question: What brand of nylon panties might be the silkiest I love to crossdress in womens panties because of the comfort and feel and wanted some advice

Response: Silkiest? Hmmm... I don't honestly know. I'm fairly practical, which frequently leads me to natural fibers. You might want to try something from the Wacoal line. They're expensive, but these panties may provide the sensations you seek.

Question: how do I initiate spanking into a sexual relationship with a woman who has previously been in an abusive marriage, but is very passionate?

Response: I am by no means an expert in this area, but given her history, there is a very real possibility that spanking just won't work for her. Have you ever raised the subject in conversation? It's normal for lovers to casually discuss their various likes and dislikes. Perhaps you could include spanking in a longer list of "would you ever?" type questions. I think her initial reaction will tell you a lot.

Question: Do you own a butt plug and has it ever been used on you?

Response: Yes and yes.

Thanks to everyone who sent in a question!


Paul said...

Sparkling as usual Bonnie, thank you.
Warm hugs,

Reesa Roberts said...

LOL Thanks for posting these, Bonnie, I just love the ones that you give funny answers to!


New Beginnings said...

I always love your mail bag! I want to say something to your reader who felt we all already knew each other. Please come out and play!! I remember feeling the same way you do. When I started commenting I felt so shy but people like Bonnie, Cassie and Tiggr all were so welcoming and kind. I read all the comment and clicked on the different names to find more folks. Although I didn't know one of these people out here a year ago I now view many as some of my best friends! I love hearing from new folks, so please join us!!

Sorry Bonnie,didn't mean to hijack!


Tiggr D'Amore said...

Love some of the questions but your responses are even better, Bonnie. ANd I can't reiterate what PK says enough... though none of us knew each other beforehand, I can't imagine life without all the amazing people I've met here... so just jump in here and comment away...

Big hugs!

Anonymous said...

Really great answers, Bonnie!!!


Bonnie said...

Paul - Thank you!

Reesa - Thanks. Sometimes I have trouble concocting a serious response.

Elis - You're not hijacking at all. Thank you for adding your voice.

Tiggs - It's true. We really didn't know each other before we started blogging. New friends are absolutely welcome.

Tigger - Thanks!

Mary said...

To the question of abuse - both being told that you are abused and to the person whos wife was abused. Been in an abusive relationship and left. Totally love a spanking relationship now. The tone between abuse and spanking - for fun or for discipline even, is so incredibly different. I would say the woman in the chat room would best know if she is or is not being abused. To the man who would like to spank - if lovingly done and slowly explored - it just may be that your partner would be comfortable with it. In some ways I feel so much safer. Perhaps for me it was because the abuse was often verbal and emotional and my spanking partner has never verbally or emotionally abused me - and spanking feels very safe and loving. He is always open to stopping and would never push me if I was feeling insecure in the moment due to my past history. So I guess I am saying there is hope and Bonnie's idea of put it out there among a list of things to try may be the best way to see.

Bonnie said...

Mary - Thank you for adding your perspective!


Rambeau said...

Bonnie, your Mailbag and your responses to the questions make up the wittiest part of your blog, with the possible exception of Keywork Chaos.


Greenwoman said...

I love your smart alec responses Bonny. LOL! Hey can you give a link for that spanking sound muffling post from last year? Thanks!

Bonnie said...

Rambeau - Thank you! You can look for a new keyword chaos next week.

Green - Thanks. If you mean the brunch last summer where we discussed quiet spankings, you can find it here.

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