Friday, December 29, 2006

Keyword Chaos: Holiday Edition

We're back, and so is Keyword Chaos. For those unfamiliar with this feature, what you see below are words and phrases that people entered into search engines. Remarkably, throught the miracle of computers, they were swept here.

These keywords, presented without editing, provide some very funny material. Here, see what I mean...

  • erotic sorority corporal punishment fantasies - Oh, those kinky coeds...

  • butt plug blog - ...And people think my blog is specialized!

  • blog good causes bottoms - I always wondered about that

  • enema over his knee - Most people insert that nozzle a little higher

  • exchange student discipline spanking - Yeah right, blame the foreign girl

  • post-spanking aftercare oatmeal - Make mine a wheat bagel please

  • take me out to the woodshed - And that's one, two, three swats, I'm red, at the old woodshed

  • sheer hell of the strap spanking - It's even worse than the heartbreak of psoriasis

  • punishment miss strap - Bend over, Miss Thang!

  • wank to your wife on the web - All the world loves an alliterative jerk-off

  • met on internet, became my mother - It's a weird world out there

  • big girls do get spanked - But they don't cry-yi-yi!

  • open canoe try before you buy - About ten minutes from now, somebody is going to be in the river

  • hot pink rubber step stool - OK, now there's a truly kinky accessory

  • women have beautiful butts - You don't appreciate us for our minds...

  • tonya harding spank - It wouldn't surprise me to learn that she's a spanko

  • spanking through the ages - A History Channel exclusive!

  • see my pretty panties - Those wind gusts are so unpredictable

  • actual spanking footage - Hands work better

  • wank with anklets - Whatever, dude

  • my partner is boring in bed - That street runs both ways. What are you doing to create some romance?

  • old fashioned spanking enema romances - In my day, we had to use hollow reeds for tubing

  • delete bare bottom spanking stories - Who are you, the censor?

  • real girls being spanked - No more cruelty to mannequins

  • how I lost my panties at sorority hell weekend - Never mind that, how can I get them down from there?

  • please don't cum inside me - Don't you think it's a little late for that plea

  • necktie spanked her ass - Next time, try a wet noodle

  • free spanking games - Spin the paddle is a personal favorite

  • it's too big for my panties - So buy a larger size

  • please pull my underwear - No, wait, pull my finger!

  • see my tits - See my tits bounce. Bounce, tits, bounce!

  • spanking the long afternoon - Then dance the night away!

  • charity spanking - Is that like a mercy lay?

  • I want a spanking for Christmas - It's not fair. I was naughty all year and all I got was a stocking full of coal!

  • erotic story text he brushed my panties - I prefer to use the toothbrush on the other end

  • wedgie poll - All right, show of hands, how many of you have a wedgie right now? How many wish you did?

  • baboon mandrill ass photos - There's that primate fetish again

  • stewardess panties down - I'll bet that makes it hard to get down the aisles.

  • embarrassing thongs - There's barely room to fit the days of the week

  • duct tape cincher - There's nothing like the handyman's secret weapon

  • cavewoman big butt - Her name was Bertha

  • having my bare bottom licked - Rover shows up at the most inopportune moments

  • history of paddle in sorority - It's just one sore rear after another

  • my wife wants bottom - Baby don't got back?

  • buttocks equation surgery roundness - I love the smell of technology in the morning

  • stocks cleavage - Time for a mammogram again?

  • panties is arousing - So is good grammar

  • cheerleader stood in my living room undressing for money - She really knows how to shake her pom-poms

  • O is for ouch - Cookie Monster is branching out into BDSM

  • I wear a butt plug to school - I suppose that's one tactic for staying awake in class

  • girls huge bra buster - The term "full figured" might apply here

  • football comes out fanny - Carried by flying monkeys, no doubt

  • contract bottom naked bare actress - The capo wants her whacked

  • worst spanking implement - A bar of soap is amazingly ineffective, especially in the shower

  • naughty patty cake girls - Not patty cake!

  • master spanker - He's a third degree black belt in the disciplinary arts

  • birthday spanking outfits - I vote for the birthday suit

  • spanking delights - Isn't that a new shop at the mall?

  • Brittany Spears sex tpe - Wishful thinking

  • does rubbing a woman's bottom precede spanking - We can dream...

  • spanking justice - Sheriff Swat is the law around these parts

  • china girls being spanked - You touch those dolls and you're dead

  • bum spank video - Hey, leave that vagrant alone

  • the spanker grab - Immediately followed by the squeeze and fondle

  • well done spanking - I prefer medium well (warm, pink center)

  • hairbrush meets my bare bottom - I'm pleased to make your acquaintance

  • spanked jeans middle aged blog - This blog is merely a toddler (and into everything!)

  • butt plug joke - Ha ha, we're all peeing ourselves laughing over here

  • anal knotted towel - Not too pleasant I imagine

  • what color do women find arousing - That depends upon who is wearing it

  • caveman spanking stories - No, wait, not the hair!

  • cowboy love spanking - The sequel to Brokeback Mountain?

  • over his knee shopping panties - Oh, no. You can't spank me now. These are my shopping panties!

  • white shorts golf course spanking - No, please, not the four wood!

  • paddle on fire bottom - That kindling remark was just a joke, really!

  • all I want for Christmas is a girdle - I sincerely hope you got enough girdles and matching bras to allow you to wear them every single day

  • medieval spanking stories - Aw, c'mon. We haven't used the rack since last week!

  • hockey cane my skirt - Watch out for the slap shot!

  • biblical spanking bare - Ow! What is that, a book?

  • statistics and enjoy spanking - He likes a little regression with his submission

  • horny xmas wives - By the time Christmas is over, Mrs. Claus could definitely use a conjugal visit

  • sleeping tushy - Let's hope it doesn't snore

  • psychological enema - Imagine if you will, your rectum is filling with a warm liquid...

  • He removed the plug in her anus - There was a whoosh of air as she flew all about the room

  • Should wives be spanked? - Only if they consent

  • underwear on flagpole picture - Why is everyone saluting?

  • what do BDSM masters wear? - Anything they choose!

  • free smacked female bottoms - There's just nothing as tasty as free range bottom

  • chinese panty - May you live in interesting underwear

  • improvised sex toys around house for anal - This sounds like a really bad idea

  • conical butt plug - I am Beldar. This is Prymaat. We are from Remulak.

  • leotard ejaculate - Wash it in Woolite

  • my doctor examined my thong - He said it looked frayed around the waistband

  • tight jeans causing bruising - Good grief! How tight could they be?

  • I took off my bra and started to spank him - Bras make lousy spanking implements

  • team sore ass - We won't sit down on the job!

  • help wanted looking for female spanker - Have hairbrush, will travel

  • orgasmic girdle - Not likely

  • much needed spanking story - Sometimes we just need a story

  • spank my happy white ass - ...and call me Shirley!

  • painless spanking - As I am often reminded, "Spankings are supposed to hurt."

  • what makes a woman's bottom spankable? - Let's start with an eagerness to play

I have a lot of catching up to do, so if you sent me e-mail recently, please bear with me. Thanks!


Doc said...

"see my tits - See my tits bounce. Bounce, tits, bounce!"

Typically I choose my favourite when I post on Key word chaos. This topped it this time.

Oh god...

"spank my happy white ass - ...and call me Shirley!"

But this one was my favourite. I've started using that phrase more often and my friends give me a queer eye (no styling involved), at least I know I'm not imagining the phrase. IT DOES EXIST!

Spanky said...

Once again, these are really funny! I am envious how many of them you can accumulate so quickly. Great job!

Emma Bishop said...

What a wonderfully wicked spanko mind you have Bonnie, please take it into 2007 with you!

Love this site and hope you have a fab year ahead


Anonymous said...

LOL!!! I love when you do those, Bonnie!!!


Paul said...

Bonnie, coming to your post makes me glad that I learned to read.
Witty and succinct as usual Bonnie.
Warm hugs,

Amber said...

Cowboy love spanking was my favorite, as a woman spanked almost daily by a former cowboy, I'll tell you that they are darn creative when it comes to kinky uses for ordinary objects.

bella said...

But they don't cry-yi-yi!

That was good!


Bonnie said...

Doc - LOL I have no idea the origin of the phrase, but it never fails to make me smile.

Spanky - I dug through about 5000 search terms to pick out these favorites. As I read through the list, there are always a few that just jump off the page as begging for a snappy retort. Others are so bizarre or incomprehensible that I feel compelled to include them as well. In the final step, Randy and I typically sit down together and go over the list. He helps eliminate some of the weaker lines and a number of the gags are his.

Emma - Thank you! I'm a big fan of your blog. I hope you enjoy a splendid new year!

Tigger - There's gold in them there search terms. As I prepare the keyword chaos posts, I often think this material is zanier than anything I can concoct.

There are Web sites whose sole purpose is to help bloggers who are looking for topics. I find my inspiration right here on my own blog courtesy of readers who use search engines. How cool is that?

Paul - Thank you!

Amber - Oh, yes, and all that leather! Yum

Bella - Thanks. That was one where I knew the punchline as soon as I saw the phrase.

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