Thursday, November 09, 2006

Top Ten: Alternative Uses for a Wooden Paddle

I recall a time years ago when Randy fashioned a wooden paddle. I was delighted to own an implement that was wholly intended for spanking. It had no other possible purpose. ...Or so I thought.

Since then, I have learned that wooden paddles are far more versatile than I realized. They can in fact be employed in quite a few different ways (besides making someone's posterior blush). Here, for your reading pleasure is my top ten list of lesser known uses for a wooden paddle.
  1. Shim for an uneven table leg

  2. Bookshelf

  3. Bonfire fuel

  4. Weathervane

  5. Serving tray

  6. Decorative wall hanging

  7. Cement smoother

  8. Miniature catapult

  9. Doorstop

  10. Diving board for small dogs

Paddles: They're not just for spankings anymore!

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Doc said...

Now what I want to see is the implimentation. Have you used said paddle for all purposes? And if so, what was the texture like after smoothing cement with it?

Katie_Spades said...

Hilarious Bonnie! I loved it! You know, I seriously think your list should officially replace the "paddling" use of paddles, LOL.

Well done!


Spoon said...

When the water in the tub is too hot, I use my wooden spankin spoon to "stir" in the cold. I know some guys who can't "compartmentalize" their utensiles. "No, Don't use that! That's my Grandma's spaghetti sauce spoon! It's an heirloom!"

Hmmmmm. I thought I had been rather saucey.

Kayley said...

Oh, I'm pretty sure that now that paddle has no chance to become a spanking paddle anymore. Poor it! You ruined its purpose in life! ;)


FelineFrisky said...

LOL!! Too funny, Bonnie! Too funny! Diane

bbobb said...

Never! I will never let one of my cherished, lovingly crafted paddles be put to some lesser use. I didn't spend all that time shaping and sanding and finishing so some Philistine could shovel cement.

For shame, Bonnie! Such blasphemy! I think it is time for Randy to put your paddle to its proper use.



Anonymous said...

But spanking is the most fun!!! LOL!!!


jujubees1 said...

I support any of these uses, with a big smile! I am not a lover of paddles...ouchie!! Give me leather any day! Great post Bonnie!


Paul said...

Paddles of the world unite, become bookshelves or diving boards for small dogs. WEG
Like Jujubees1 leather was our weapon of choice. *G*
Smashing post Bonnie.
Warm hugs,

Sarah said...

Numbers 1 to 9 had my giggling... number 10 had me nearly choking on my coffee through laughing outloud! Diving board for small dogs conjures up the most wonderful funny image. Thank you x

Bonnie said...

Doc - I would have so presume that a wooden paddle used for smoothing cement would no longer be a viable spanking implement. However, as much as I believe in the scientific method, this is not an experiment that is likely to occur at our house.

Kate - Thanks! I can definitely see why you feel that way. :D

Spoon - You're right! Who's to say what's an appropriate use. It's all a matter ofm perspective. BTW, I just added your link.

Kay - Ruin? Moi? I prefer to use the term "adapt."

Diane - Thanks.

Bbobb - Let's just pretend I was talking about some hypothetical wooden paddle. No paddles were harmed in the making of this post. There, see?

Tigger - I must say. That's a good point.

Jujubees - Thank you.

Paul - But wood is so versatile... LOL

Sarah - You're welcome. The diving board was my favorite too.

bbobb said...


That may be, but it still looks like you are inciting harm to paddles. I stand by my claim of blasphemy.



Bonnie said...

Bbobb - I like to think of it as recycling. I'm a friend of the Earth. That's it...

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