Monday, September 04, 2006

Spanking Etiquette

As a public service, it is my profound pleasure to introduce the inimitable Miss Manacle. She has asked to speak to us today on the very important topic of spanking etiquette.

Good morning, or well, good afternoon to our dear friends on the continent. Better yet, let's just say good day to you all. Miss Manacle is delighted to have the privilege of addressing you in this fashion.

I am accustomed to telling audiences that in today's modern world, there is nothing so essential as proper manners. This is true at a formal dinner party, of course, but no less so in the bedroom. The familiarity that exists between partners may cause some unfortunate individuals to want to abandon courtesy and decorum. This, my dear friends, is a dreadful mistake. Good manners definitely have a place in this corner of our lives as well.

Spankings seem a rather coarse activity to Miss Manacle, but she is assured that the participants are both willing and enthusiastic. Accordingly, we will henceforth not speak of these concerns. Assuming then that spankings are to be desired, there are a number of very common sense tips that can help to make our sessions more pleasant and harmonious.
  1. As with any social function, a spanking should be initiated through an invitation and accepted with an explicit response. This arrangement helps to eliminate the possibility of embarrassing misunderstandings. The traditional engraved parchment may now be considered optional.

  2. Always line up your implements neatly and work from the outside inward. There is simply no excuse for picking up a salad spoon during the main course.

  3. During most spankings, it is necessary to expose skin that is not normally visible in polite society. In order to preserve some semblance of dignity for the person so revealed, editorial comments regarding shape, firmness, or color should be strictly avoided.

  4. Any cries or shrieks should be muted in order to not disturb neighbors or family members. Miss Manacle believes that spankings should be a private matter between the participants.

  5. When holding a spanking implement, the raised pinky finger demonstrates refinement and good taste.

  6. Speaking of taste, there is no occasion when it is acceptable to consume foodstuffs during the course of a spanking session. If one person is permitted to eat, then all must be afforded the same opportunity. In the case of the spankee, she is doubtless in no position to dine as a lady should.

  7. Should bondage ropes be employed, it is customary that they be color coordinated with the bedding so as to present a neat, orderly play space.

  8. Occasionally, a spanking recipient may desire to resist. This is simply not done in polite society. If you have agreed to accept a spanking, then the rules of etiquette dictate that spanked you must be. Anything less invites the tragic disintegration of orderly discourse.

  9. Upon completion of a spanking, as indicated by the spanker, it is customary for the spankee to thank him for his caring attention to her well-being. In lieu of a handshake, oral sex may be substituted where appropriate.

  10. After the spanking, it is improper and uncouth to observe, comment upon, or (Heaven save us) ridicule a recent spankee’s deficiencies with regard to remaining in a seated position. Let us be assured that she has sufficient discomfort already.
Please consider these points to be gentle suggestions. Quite naturally, situations and relationships vary considerably and the rules of etiquette must be sufficiently flexible to adapt. So long as people conduct themselves as ladies and gentlemen, spankings can be as civilized as any other activity.

Thank you, Madame Bonnie, for this chance to share the warm satisfaction of good manners with your lovely readers.

Thank you, Miss Manacle, for your enlightening presentation.

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padme said...

Very interesting blog post today, bonnie. :) Thank you for coming to our spanking party last night. I was really happy you were able to make it. Master and I both enjoyed chatting with you.

Theresa said...

I'll have to keeps these rules in mind next time I get spanked. And I'll take the oral sex any day over the handshake!

Anonymous said...

Too funny, Bonnie!!!


Paul said...

Thanks Bonnie, one can imagine a Mrs Beeton of the bedroom.

Lily said...

Brilliant as always.



bella said...

Always line up your implements neatly and work from the outside inward. There is simply no excuse for picking up a salad spoon during the main course.

I'm glad I didn't have a mouthful when I read this one. I actually do this! I give some time and consideration to the implements to be used and arrange them carefully so that they are easily accessible. Each handle overhangs the table by a couple of inches for ease of grasping it. Items are grouped together by similar types.

I'm just anal.


Bonnie said...

Everybody - For anyone who didn't recognize the reference, there is a columnist in the US who goes by the name of Miss Manners. I think she is totally over the top and around the bend. My spoof was intended to play off her oddly proper and properly odd character.

Padme - Thank you for hosting the party. I was a lot of fun. Anakin's paddle sounds every bit as wicked as it looks!

Theresa - There was no way I could leave out that protocol. :D

Tigger Too - Thanks!

Paul - Precisely!

Lily - Thank you!

Bella - I was kidding. Really! LOL

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