Just because I'm away on vacation doesn't mean that we can't enjoy our brunch. Every week, it seems as though I tell you that the topic of the week is one of my favorites. Well, here I am again. This is REALLY a favorite for reasons that will soon become obvious.
In your relationship, how do spankings and sex relate? Is one the inevitable consequence of the other? Are they separate activities? Do you use spankings as foreplay? Do you use lovemaking as aftercare? ...Or do things just seem to happen in their own course?
I invite you to contribute your wisdom. Please leave a comment below, send me an e-mail, or post a response on your own blog. Once everyone has submitted their thoughts, I will post a summary of the discussion.
Thank you, as always, for sharing your experiences with spanking and sex!
In preparation for my absence, I've published several posts in advance. If you would like to read them, I encourage you to scroll down the page.
17 comments :
Hi Bonnie,
In our relationship, spanking IS sex. Spanking is woven so intricately into my sexuality that it can't be extracated.
My husband is a vanilla who has grown to enjoy spanking me. Not because he's dominant, but because he enjoys the reaction I have to it.
Not only does he have a woman ready to tear his clothes off in ten minutes or less (try getting from 0 to 60 that quickly with purely vanilla foreplay), but he gets to watch me 'squirm', which he says is half the fun. (No kidding - if I walloped him with a variety of heinous instruments, he'd squirm too).
One hundred percent of our spankings end in sex - that's why he spanks me. That's fine with me - after getting my ass tanned, I want to have sex, believe me. LOL
He swats me frequently, and will sometimes pin me and give me a half dozen playful swats, but I don't consider that a 'real' spanking. Those kind of mini-spankings are usually pure play, and don't lead anywhere. Besides - the kids are often not too far away when he does that.
But if we're in bed at night, and he takes the time to haul me over him, pull down my pajamas and go for it? He's just given me my favourite kind of foreplay. :)
Bonnie,
For Jake and I spankings have different meanings in that some are purely punishment and there is no sex involved and neither of us get turned on. Neither of us enjoy them but feel they are necessary.
However, we do have erotic spankings which always lead to sex and are a boatload of fun. Sometimes we dress up and roleplay which is totally hot and we have a great time.
XOXO,
Katie
Bonnie, I'm with Pagan, but I appreciate what Katie says.
Since I started to become a sexual adventurer, I've realised that the domme in me can do Bdsm without sex, but the sub in me demands the sex+bdsm. I adore my spankings - it's foreplay.;) It reinforces our role as a couple and I know that Raven gets as turned on spanking me as I do being spanked by him. We're playing the "Game" all day tomorrow - thankfully without interruption for once! I'm already excited!!!!
Twoplay... I haven't ever had any fourplay....
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
I mean, yes, I use spankings as foreplay. It's a nice way to warm up some nerve endings. I'm about spankings as part of sex, not anything else. Color me odd?
When it's a playful spanking, it's like the best foreplay and sex afterward is assured. Sometimes the spanks continue while he's in me, which is the BEST.
When it's punishment, I'm not rewarded right away with sex, that would defeat some of the purpose. But it is rare that we don't make love later, whether just half an hour later or half a day. Then it's like make-up sex; he's saying that my slate is clean and all's forgiven, and I'm saying that I appreciated his discipline and learned my lesson.
On rare occasions Kyle has used sex to extend the punishment by fucking me to the brink of climax and repeatedly stopping, or by fucking me up my tight butthole without much lubricant. Don't misinterpret, if I didn't want it, it wouldn't happen, but he can read me well, and this has taken me to a depth of sub space like nothing else.
So, sex is inextricably linked with spanking for us.
Jean Marie
Sex and spanking nearly always come together for us - whether it punishments or fun.....the sex brings us back together especially if its beena bad punishment.
About the only time a spanking doesn't follow with sex is when its a stress relief one and I'm too exhausted and worn out to do anytihng but be tucked into bed and soothed asleep. But on those occasions we end up having very loving very sweet very vanilla sex later on or the middle of the night or the next morning - depending on how tired I am/how alte it is/ how upset I am or he is!!!
Sex as foreplay is fantastic. The sex after a punishment has en element of punishment in it, mainly cos my bum HURTS!!! but it also ahs that element or reconnection. Its really important. If I didn't get that, I'm not sure how I'd react......
Longwinded answer, Bonnie, sorry!!
cuddlybum
I'm a call girl and I enjoy getting lightly spanked in doggy-style and cowgirl. For me spanking is purely sexual--I don't seem to enjoy it during "making love," just during uninhibited sex with strangers, my johns. Getting spanked makes me feel more naked I think, heightening the thrill. The sound of his palm clapping against my fleshy behind, the wiggle it produces, how it urges me on toward a climax--like being told giddyup without words.
For us it's foreplay. The spankings usually start after things are getting hot and heavy. We are pretty even on who gives and who receives. It seems like we go through phases, for a few weeks she will get most of the spankings. Then one time we'll switch and get them for the next few weeks.
It's a turn on for both of us to get spanked, and as a spanker we both enjoy arousing the other, so it works out well.
So sex and spanking? for us one is part of the other.
Mike
I freely admit it spanking for us was sexy, good girl spanking very much foreplay, stress busters, attitude adjusters and even punishments frequently found us doing what comes naturally, even though that wasn't supposed to happen. Any degree of comforting, and everyone needs comforting after a hard spanking, led to the ultimate in comforting, ah well ours was a very loving and solid marriage.
Nice one Bonnie, thanks, enjoy your break.
Hugs,
Paul.
a good old fashioned whipping puts me in my place. when i misbehave, she tells me that i need my bottom spanked. i agree and promtly taken to our bedroom where i am told to disrobe and bring the hairbrush to her. i am taken across her knees and given a serious spanking which ends up wyth my bottom on fire.
Irrespective of the type of spanking, and they're almost exclusively for punishment in my case, I can't recall an occasion when a spanking hasn't lead to sex.
So things do seem to happen in their own course, but sex seems to be where that course inevitably leads for us, no matter how much (or because?) my backside is smarting at the time.
Our relationship started over my need to be spanked - and neither of us seemed overly eager to enter into a sexual relationship; my reason was I knew I wasn't ready. So when we first started together spankings were without sex - (How did we manage??) I guess because I had no idea how good sex could be -especially how tantalizing it would be after sex. Now we have sex without spanking, but rarely, if ever. a spanking without sex. Things just seem to take a natural course. Sometimes after a severe spanking for a misdeed of a sexual nature - I am bent over and teased with penetration taking me to the edge - only to have him withdraw and spank me again. Of course this leaves me begging for him, and even willing to take the cane just to have him back ;-). Sex in this setting is very raw and orgasms are explosive. The ouch I feel in my bottom as he thrusts heightens my pleasure. Other times the sex that follows has a sweetness to it - perhaps what would be considered aftercare and I am treated to multiple orgasms. Even if the spanking is of a punishment nature, sex afterward does not confuse the issue. I is a reward for taking my spanking like a good girl should. I feel so loving, warm, and connected to him after a spanking sex seems like the most logical consequence.
Very nice discussion by the way.
Prior to administering a spanking to my wife, she will kneel and perform initial oral pleasure.
This ritual is the same whether it is a punishment or purely a maintenance spanking.
Often during her punishment my wife will beg for and most often receive cooling off breaks, during which, to thank me, she will kneel and perform additional oral worship. Often during the fellatio she will express her gratitude. ("I want you to know how much I appreciate this short break Sir. mmm mmm mmm Please know how much I appreciate this.")
I'd be curious if any other couples share in such rituals.
Short answer to your question: for my wife and I -- Sex & Spanking is quite nicely linked!
B.
Hi Bonnie.
I did start answering your question on my blog, but seen to have gone off topic.
So the short answer is spanking and sex always go together in our relationship.
Hope you have a good break.
Spanking and sex are completely and totally connected for my hubby and me. Since I get gg spankings, they are definitely a form of foreplay, with lots of touching and caressing and teasing in between spanks!!! And the sex that follows a spanking is absolutely incredible for both of us!!!
*hugs*
Tigger
Spankings have always been foreplay for us. A good spanking leads to amazing sex as we're connected, relaxed and hotter than hell.
Great question, hope you have a wonderful weekend!
I enjoy being spanked by my husband. We enjoy great sex afterward.Sometimes it is punishing spanking and the sex is even better.I love being spanked with a belt but the hand is great too.
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