Thursday, June 29, 2006

Spanking 101: Letting Go

As a spanking progresses, it’s quite natural for the recipient to experience ambivalence and feelings of resistance. The acute pain and the sense of being out of control contribute to a desire to escape and flee. At very least, she will desperately want the spanking to conclude. Such resistance may be manifest as screaming, begging, kicking, or trying to get up. Even the spankee who remains quiet and in position may still resist by acting as though it doesn’t hurt or by pretending that she is so tough that it doesn’t register.

This kind of resistance seldom yields the desired results. In fact, many spankers find it troublesome. They too would like to complete the spanking, but not before the full benefits are realized. The spanker’s typical response is to tighten his grasp and spank harder. A spankee who is still struggling is not yet ready to submit and accept her spanking.

If the spankee is stubborn, this contest may continue for some time. Eventually, though, she will reach a point when she no longer desires to struggle. She has accepted her fate and made peace with it. I call this magical moment "letting go." She can feel her entire body physically relax. Suddenly, the falling blows don’t hurt so much any more.

Once she has "let go," strong feelings of submission overwhelm all other emotions. She feels small and suddenly in need of her partner’s loving touch. Rather than an violation of her sovereignty, the spanking now feels like a caring expression of his dominance. She doesn’t fight it any longer. There is no need to resist because both partners are now working toward a common goal.

For the spanker, reaching the "letting go" stage indicates that his message has been received. For the spankee, the experience is considerably more intense and emotional. She realizes intuitively that she need not face her problems alone. She can stand with her partner and take them on together, one challenge at a time. I find that the overpowering physical and emotional shock of a hard spanking tends to push out feelings of negativity, despair, frustration, and overload.

The spanking often ends soon after the point of "letting go." Gentle aftercare, such as hugs, caressing, kisses, and whispered encouragement, nurtures the spankee’s budding feelings of submission. Lovemaking is typically welcome as well.

Most spankos have experienced that moment of "letting go." For me, the benefits inherent in intimate spankings usually begin at that instant and last for hours afterward. It’s a feeling that I anticipate and one I treasure.

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Damnation's Cellar said...

I find that the overpowering physical and emotional shock of a hard spanking tends to push out feelings of negativity, despair, frustration, and overload.

Hold your cards, folks. We have a bingo!

This is precisely why I need to be spanked. Very well said, Bonnie.


Paul said...

I often asked Mel, why the resistance, you know that you need and want the spanking, yet you fight me 'til you realise I'm serious. She was never really clear about it, she who could express herself so well at any other time.
I think that moment of surrender bears a load of emotions which is why so many spankee's find it difficult.
Losing the emotional load at the moment of letting go is exactly what most spankers want, the moment when the healing begins, the moment when we reconnect.
Always lucid and clear Bonnie, thanks and Hugs,

jeanmarie said...

This is a wonderfully well written article on something I've pondered a lot. For me it's like a click in my head; until I feel that click something in me rebels at being dominated. I might resist, say smart-alecky things... Sometimes the click comes early in the process, sometimes it takes awhile. Once I've had the starch taken out of me and I've "clicked" then I can let go, give myself over to it. That's when I go into my sub space and can even find myself revelling in the hardest of disciplinings. Other times it's right at the surface; I need a spanking, know it, bare my own bottom and practically beg for it. It's inexplicable, but intriguing. I love how you express yourself, Bon, and this forum for sharing and hearing others.
Jean Marie

Lily said...

As always a fantastic piece of writing. Thanks for your comment on my blog.
Take care

good girl said...

Perfect description of that "letting go" moment.

Caia said...

A beautiful description Bonnie. Thanks.

Copper said...

Couldn't have said it better myself. I might even show this to V.

Tigger said...

Wow, Bon, you've outdone yourself yet again!! This is incredible... how did you manage to so easily express what I've been trying to figure out and say for so long???

For all the adult spankings that I've had, I'm honestly not sure that I've ever eally "let go." Oh, sure, I get to sub-space and reach a point where the pain is less intense, where I want and can easily take, much, much more. A point where I no longer fear the pain but crave it with my whole being.

But letting go of the emotions? Completely? I've not been there yet... I'll have to post about the one time that I might have gotten closest but scared myself (and my hubby) out of it and we both stopped the scene. That's perhaps my greatest spanko regret, for many reasons.

Thanks for this beautiful explanation... yes, I share Copper's view: this post may need to be forwarded to my hubby.

Enjoy your vacation!! You two deserve it!!


Katie_Spades said...


This was extremely well stated and so true... Spot on!


loub said...

I always have a desire to get spanked from the time I first got it from my aunt as a 12 year old boy.

During the spanking it stings, it hurts, I might yelp or even cry beg and plead, but a little while after it is over I want another spanking.

I think that is the way it is for many of us.


Anonymous said...

Hmm...ever since my wife has been begging me to spank her and I "failed" the first time (I just could not give her anything other than a wimpy spanking); I have been doing some research - in particular your site. I think I understand where she is coming from. This is all new ot me. She was in a Sorority that apprently liked to paddle; so maybe that is where she learned to enjoy it??

We actually have planned a spanking on Memorial Day - let's hope it is Memorial!!

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