Sunday, May 14, 2006

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for May 14


Thank you, everyone, for this splendid response. I was concerned that folks might be out celebrating Mother’s Day. A special thanks to all of the mothers for your participation here, and for all you do when you’re not in front of a computer.

The question concerned tactics for participating in our favorite aerobic exercise when you share your home with children. Here is a summary of your wonderful thoughts and suggestions:


Anon: I know that a lot of BDSMers will only play if their children are out of the house. I think a lot depends on the age of the child. From when my child was very young, I made sure to tell him not to worry if he heard noises if he woke up in the night. I explained that just like he enjoyed playing noisy games, so did the grown-ups. If he did hear anything, not to worry, as it was just the grown-ups playing.

I reminded him of that periodically over the years, and for many years, he accepted it quite happily. On two or three occasions he woke during the night and banged on the wall and yelled at us to be quiet so he could sleep.

The 'grown-up games' were never elaborated on. Young children are quite accepting of bare facts without needing to know more. Later on, when he was around 10, one day when we were chatting he asked, in a suspicious tone of voice, whether these were 'sex games'. I replied that they were and that when he was older he would understand why grown-ups liked them.

By this time he was already aware that men and women can make babies, and that making babies didn't necessarily mean people loved each other, but that it was ok for all sorts of people to love each other (we had gay friends).

I didn't elaborate on what I personally enjoyed. He didn't need to know that, and he didn't ask. And really, that was pretty much that. When he entered his teens I knew he periodically stole porn from my bedroom when I was out, but then I think that's pretty normal for a teenager.

When he was around 14 or 15, he tentatively beat about the bush to ask me if I was being abused, and I reassured him that I was not. It was adult fun and I was pretty happy with my sex life.

He's now an adult and I like to think he's one of the sweetest, most tolerant young men I know. I don't think he shares my kink at all. If he does, he keeps it well hidden. But we have a good relationship and discuss a lot of stuff, so I think he'd tell me if he were.

Spanked Minx: Having no kids (yet), I guess it would be behind closed doors as a vanilla relationship would. However, we do have another problem. At the sign of a bare bottom spank or a cane being swished about our cats seem to think the day’s entertainment is solely for them and bed themselves down to enjoy the show. Should we cover their eyes?

Jean Marie: The anonymous mother's first posting is very sage. Discreet honesty is the best policy. I don't have any children of my own, but have been in relationships with divorced dads who did. Years ago in L.A., I was involved with a man with a teenaged brat of a daughter, who leeringly asked us over breakfast one Saturday to confirm if she'd heard her dad spanking me the night before. I wanted to answer that I always felt that spanking was far too much fun to waste on children. Instead he sent her to her room for the disrespectful tone/attitude. I could see that he was bothered and contemplative about it, so I raised the hem of my bathrobe until my bottom was revealed and bent over the table. "It's who we are. She hears the sounds of two people making love, which is healthy." He took the invitation, spanked me vociferously and fucked me even more loudly. The disciplinary measures (both the daughter's and the lovers') seemed to answer her curiosity. She never brought it up again.

The dog that my current lover got from the pound is scared by thunder, loud noises, especially the sound of his owner's hand slapping my bottom. The louder the report across my posterior, the more frightened the pet. Unlike the cats of Minxy's, the dog runs whenever I get spanked. If and when I have kids, I hope that'll be their attitude. Run for it, Mommy's gonna get a whippin'!

Pandora: I am a single mother of 3 and I think that my children are the most wonderful blessing. I stand small before their unconditional love for me and their physical and emotional well being will always be my first priority.

I have 2 bits of advice:
  1. Make use of the unexpected opportunities, when the baby sleeps and the older kids are out for a few minutes. Leave the washing for later and rather have some happy spanks and a hug.
  2. Plan. Decide on a set a date and time for a spanking session, organise with friends to look after the kids for a few hours, and have fun. The anticipation alone before a well planned spanking like this is a wonderful feeling.
Mike: For us, anything other than a few playful swats in bed have become increasingly rare. We have a 16 month old. We did learn:
  1. He really can sleep like a rock sometimes.
  2. Closing doors and being downstairs helps.
  3. Alone time for the two of us is precious, and often painful.
  4. It hurts more when it's less frequent.
Rose: Not having kids of my own, it's difficult to answer this question. I'm not always a quiet spankee and obviously the cat and slapper make a good deal of noise. I would think that a baby would be easier to deal with. Closing doors and being in another part of the house, as Mike said, would be good with a really small child. The trouble would come as the child gets older and more aware of what's going on. I would imagine setting dates when the kids were on play dates or sleepovers and planning the occasional child visit to the grandparents. Maybe sneaking in lunch dates if possible while the child was in school. It would be quite the challenge, I think.

Paul: When we married, we well knew we were spankos. So we planned everything, master bedroom as far from the childrens’ rooms as possible, baby alarms, and our bedroom as soundproofed as possible. Mel's parents would always be happy to baby sit for us, we didn't anticipate any problems. Unfortunately, the children weren't destined to come.

We had a good life with no hassles. To be honest, we would have preferred the hassles.

Tigger: Well, we don't have kids, so I'm not speaking from experience on this one, but I have read things on other blogs and boards. From what I read, couples with kids seem to have to fit in their spanking when the kids aren't home, which seems like the most logical way to do that.

Padme: My advice is to get a good sitter. Master's parents sit with our son every Saturday unless they are sick. We know we can plan for uninterrupted spanking time for that day. Even if we are not able to have time together for spanking all week, we just wait for Saturday.

Sometimes, we wait until the kids are in bed and we use our basement which locks on the outside and inside. Locks are a wonderful thing to have in your house if you have children. Make sure all of your toys are locked up also.

That's how it works with us. We have two children. One is 5 and the other is 11.

I am sitting on a nicely sore ass today thanks to hours of no kids around yesterday with sitting.

Cuddlybum: I don't have kids but I do have a lodger, and I swear it's more hassle!

For my money, the radio is a great thing. But I think he's starting to worry that I'm being abused. I’m not sure how on earth I'm going to deal with that one! He's also getting into the habit of trying to see everything I look at on the net. That’s not pleasant!

Susan: There’s no way should children be aware of what their parents are up to, because if they do, it will be around their school in a flash, and onto other parents who might well not approve. So maximum secrecy is a must. Ideally, a lockable soundproof spanking room, or perhaps a garden house. Getting a sitter and going away is OK, but not very spontaneous. There is always the great outdoors (A bare bottom spanking with the bird and bees looking on is one of my favourites). And do keep your weapons under lock and key. There’s nothing worse than Junior arriving in the middle of a dinner party waving our favourite flogger!

Tony: I guess it all depends on the age of the children. When the kids were very young, two or three years old, we just waited for them to fall asleep and let the games begin. They would sleep through a rock concert at that age. When they were maybe five or six years old, they woke up more easily, so after they were asleep we would play with quiet toys and my wife would bite the pillow instead of yelling out. From say 9 to 12 years, we could still play, but only very lightly. When they became teenagers, we had to wait for them to be out of the house with friends or we gave them mall or movie money to keep them occupied safely away from home.

Finally, they reached college age and moved into dorms. We could again spank away as loudly as we wished. We could spank and have sex in every room in the house. When they would come home on weekends they would go out with there friends and my wife and I could have our fun and go to bed before they came home from partying. Once, our 20 year old daughter was looking under our bed for gift wrapping paper and found our leather paddle. She didn't blush or laugh. She just held it up and said to my wife "So is this for a little hanky spanky fun?" My wife didn't answer her question. She just told her to get the gift wrap and leave OUR toys alone. Nothing else was ever said about the paddle.

Mary: Like mother like daughter – I sometimes heard grown-up noises. There was one night when what I heard sounded like spanking. But during my late teens, I was quite happy to dismiss the noises I heard, and NOT talk about it. I knew mom wasn't abused. She was a very strong person and had not tolerated even verbal abuse from any man. As for the rest of it, I was old enough to understand that grown-ups can like different things, and young enough to really not want to discuss it.

As for being a young child, my dad was in a fraternity when I was small. On Saturdays, my mom worked, so he would take me to the frat house with him to play football, study, and hang out. There was an upstairs and I was not allowed up there because there were "ghosts." When I was near the staircase, I would often hear strange noises and smell strange smells. I was convinced the ghost did indeed live upstairs. In college, I realized that ghosts smelled like weed and once I married, I realized that the moans of sex sound very ghost like!

I am not saying that telling your child there are ghosts is a great idea, but it was effective in keeping me from wondering upstairs and seeing things a child shouldn't. When I finally figured it out, I thought it was funny. So I think your first reader was right. Tell them enough to keep them from worrying, but don't feel you have to be silent or too stressed about it. Kids are very accepting and adaptable. They may figure out what you were up to when they grow up, but they will accept what you tell them until then.

Dyke Girl: Well, we weren't technically parents, but we were taking care of my teenaged brother for several years, so we were in a kind of parental position. With a teenager, at least with him, we made sure he had access to lots of music he liked, and generally only requested that he keep the noise down late at night. Also, we got him some good soundproofed headphones. And he thought we were doing this to be nice to him.

Aside from that, it was mostly about catching those moments when he was away from home but we were in, or finding some time to play outside the house. (We went to the occasional play party, not to interact with anyone else, but to have a chance to be noisy! Especially for my birthday spankings).

In general, we need to be pretty quiet if we play at home anyhow, because noise bounces around our block something fierce--if we can hear every discussion in the neighbors' houses, then, well, probably they can also hear everything that goes on in our house. I suppose it's the down side of living right in the city.

Bonnie: As many others noted, there is no single best answer. Randy and I are happy empty-nesters today, but for many years, we had to seize our opportunities as they arose. As Padme mentioned, we planned special events where we could be alone. Some of those are immortalized here.

In many cases, though, we had to think spontaneously. Even five minutes is enough to deliver an impressive spanking. In recent years, when our daughter was older, we waited for her to go to school, work, or some activity. When she was a little kid, we would play while she slept, but that always made me nervous. We have a garage that is attached to our basement. Our daughter’s room was on the second floor. She shouldn’t have been able to hear anything but the noisiest of activities, but we worried she would wake up and come looking for us.

She and I have never discussed this thing we do, but I’ve long suspected that she knows more than she wants to know.

Sparkle: We have a two-year old at home. We are near the point of requiring... well... caution, as she doesn't yet understand that adults sometimes do things that children shouldn't.

A few days ago, Chris walked through the kitchen while I was doing dishes, stopped and smacked me once on the bottom through my jeans, and then continued. The princess followed close behind him, and did the same thing.

He didn't think it was a big deal, but I did. She mimics frequently, and I asked him how he would feel if the princess went to school and repeated the behavior on her pre-school friends.

We envision continuing our flirtatiousness, but exchanging actual discussion and threats with euphemisms. Our kinky friends have developed and are developing into simply being 'friends' with kinky discussions held out of earshot. Our house is conducive to re-locating spanking to a far distance from her bedroom, even though our bedrooms are quite close and we are within easy crying and visiting distance late at night. Room arrangement will probably also be a consideration when we next move.

Our biggest obstacle is my ability to keep from loudly squealing. Chris isn't a great fan of gags, but I spend a fair amount of energy biting down on pillows and teddy bears.

In summary, the answer largely depends upon the maturity of the children and specific situation. There are a lot of great ideas here, and I thank you all. See you next Sunday!

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7 comments :

Yours said...

great info as i had expected!!

Bonnie said...

Thank you, Yours, and welcome to MBS!

Anonymous said...

my wife an I have not hiden the spanking from our five year old. as amatter of fact my wife has bent over and let him give her a few swats. we think its cute when my wife is doing the dishes and he comes up behind her asnd gives her a swat

Anonymous said...

Great reading!!!

*hugs*
Tigger

Cheeky Angel said...

oooh, is it too late to have an opinion? LOL...you're getting it anyway.

We struggled with this one since the beginning of our son's life...it's compounded by the fact that we co-sleep, although we are in the process of teaching him to sleep alone. It was next to impossible!

Still is...usually he has to be asleep, but even then I am noisy enough to wake the neighborhood, so it's tricky. *sigh*

The child is a DOM/Top in the making as it is. :)

Now, I gotta go get some munchies. I'm starving and that french toast looks yummy lol

Jo aka SeaRabbit said...

I'm not into spanking, but as any BDSM couple, we get noisy sometimes... My 20 years old is well informed about our activities... and have no problem with them until he is not involved...lololol... no chance at all anyway...lolol...
The little one never question, never seems to be awared of anything... so I am waiting for the questions when they will come... I'm not going further than she does... I'm just waiting for her to become awared...;-))

Marie said...

I have to disagree with Susan.. My daughter doesnt watch when my husband and I play but she has always known of my lifetyle choice, and never has said anything out side of the house. We dont spank as much as I would like, not cause of her but for other reasons. When we do, and she hears, she will ask me the next day what that noise was? Most times I tell her she doesnt want to know *with a smile on my face* depending on her mood, she lets it go. Sometimes she will really want to know.

I have found that being honest with her, she is alot more honest, and open with me. She talks about how shes not ready for a relationship, and sometimes she says she wishes to be in a relationship like I am, and other times, she just isnt sure.

Personally I think talking to your kids and allowing them to talk about what is going on, helps them learn. Kids know parents have sex, so why shouldnt they know about the games too. No need to play with them, but if they ask talk with them and be honest, this way they are honest with you in the long run. When they have questions, they know they can come to you, and I would hope they get the right information in the long run.

I also learned that the younger they are when you start, the less questions you have as they get older.. They are used to the nosies. It is just like putting a baby to nap with a TV or music playing, they are used to the noise, and wont wake up later if you simply turn it on.

Thanks for the site :) My husband is getting alot from it.. Who knows maybe we both will in the long run.

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