Happy Mother's Day! I've spent the past few days gaining a new appreciation for the wonder of motherhood. I've been babysitting our infant granddaughter, Emily. She's grown considerably and now enthusiastically shares a variety of happy, gurgling sounds. When those big, bright eyes take in the world, I can just see her mind developing. As for Emily's mother, I'm so proud of the strong, able, healthy woman she has become.
Anyhow, we're here for brunch, holiday or not, rain or shine. Appropropriate for the day, I'd like to propose that we discuss tactics for remaining discrete without abandoning our favorite pastime. Here's our question:
What advice would you offer to a couple who seeks to engage in spanking and related activities despite the presence of children in the house?
I invite you to contribute your thoughts on this topic. Please leave a comment below, send me an e-mail, or post a response on your own blog. Once everyone has submitted their thoughts, I will post a summary of the discussion.
Thanks in advance for sharing your wisdom!
16 comments :
Interesting question. I know that a lot of BDSMers will only play if their child/ren are out of the house...
I don't know... if we truly believe that there is nothing wrong with what we do, then I think that is kinda overkill - after all, would a vanilla couple only make love when their child was out of the house?
I think a lot depends on the age of the child. From when my child was very young, I made sure to tell him not to worry if he heard noises if he woke up in the night. I explained that just like he enjoyed playing noisy games, so did the grown-ups and if he did hear anything, not to worry, it was just the grown-ups playing.
I reminded him of that periodically over the years, and for many years he accepted it quite happily. On two or three occasions he woke during the night and banged on the wall and yelled at us to be quiet so he could sleep.
The 'grown-up games' were never elaborated on - young children are quite accepting of bare facts without needing to know more.
Later on, when he was around 10, one day when we were chatting he asked, in a suspicious tone of voice, whether these were 'sex games'. I replied that they were and that when he was older he would understand why grownups liked them.
By this time he was already aware that men and women can make babies, and that making babies didn't necessarily mean people loved each other, but that it was ok for all sorts of people to love each other (we had gay friends).
He did ask what sort of sex games they were, and I said well, people are funny old things, some people liked being tickled, and some liked playing with feet and toes andsome liked being spanked and some liked what rubber felt like.
I didn't elaborate on what I personally enjoyed - he didn't need to know that, and he didn't ask.
And really, that was pretty much that. When he entered his teens I knew he periodically stole porn from my bedroom when I was out, but then I think that's pretty normal for a teenager.
When he was around 14 or 15 he tentatively beat about the bush to ask me if I was being abused, and I reassured him that I was not, that it was adult fun and I was pretty happy with my sex life.
He's now an adult and I like to think he's one of the sweetest most tolerant young men I know. I don't think he shares my kink at all - if he does he keeps it well hidden, but we have a good relationship and discuss a lot of stuff, so I think he'd tell me if he were.
Hmmmmmmmm, having no kids....(yet) I guess it would be behind closed doors as a vanilla relationship would. However we do have another problem. At the sign of a bare bottom spank or a cane being swished about our cats seem to think the days entertainment is solely for them and bed themselves down to enjoy the show........should we cover their eyes????? Hugggggggggggggggggggggggggggs all :O)
Minxy x x x x
The Anonymous mother's first posting is very sage; discreet honesty is the best policy. I don't have any children of my own, but have been in relationships with divorced dads who did. Years ago in L.A. I was involved with a man with a teenaged brat of a daughter, who leeringly asked us over breakfast one Saturday to confirm if she'd heard her dad spanking me the night before. I wanted to answer that I always felt that spanking was far too much fun to waste on children. Instead he sent her to her room for the disrespectful tone/attitude. I could see that he was bothered and contemplative about it, so I raised the hem of my bathrobe until my bottom was revealed and bent over the table. "It's who we are. She hears the sounds of two people making love, which is healthy." He took the invitation, spanked me vociferously and fucked me even more loudly and abandonly. The disciplinary measures (both the daughter's and the lovers') seemed to answer her curiosity, she never brought it up again.
The dog that my current lover got from the pound is scared by thunder, loud noises, especially the sound of his owner's hand slapping my bottom. The louder the report across my posterior, the more frightened the pet. Unlike the cats of Minxy's, the dog runs whenever I get spanked. If and when I have kids, I hope that'll be their attitude; run for it, mommy's gonna get a whippin'!
Jean Marie
I am a single mother of 3 and I think that my children are the most wonderful blessing, I stand small before their unconditional love for me and their physical and emotional well being will always be my first priority.
I have 2 bits of advise:
1) Make use of the unexpected opportunities, when the baby sleeps and the older kids are out for a few minutes. Leave the washing for later and rather have some happy spanks and a hug.
2)Is about planning. Decide on a set a date and time for a spanking session, organise with friends to look after the kids for a few hours and have fun. The anticipation alone before a well planned spanking like this, is a wonderful feeling.
Have a lovely day with your precious grand daughter and her mother.
Pandora
for us, anything other than a few playful swats in bed have become increasingly rare. We have a 16 month old. We did learn
1. he really can sleep like a rock sometimes
2. closing doors and being downstairs helps.
3. alone time for the two of us is precious, and often painful :)
4. it hurts more when it's less frequent.
Mike
not having kids of my own, it's difficult to answer this question. i'm not always a quiet spankee and obviously the cat and slapper make a good deal of noise. i would think that a baby would be easier to deal with.....closing doors and being in another part of the house (as mike said) would be good with a really small child. the trouble would come as the child gets older and more aware of what's going on. i would imagine setting dates when the kids were on playdates or sleepovers.....planning the occasional child visit to the grandparents. maybe sneaking in lunch dates if possible while the chid was in school. it would be quite the challenge, i think.
When we married, we well knew we were spanko's.
So we planned everything, master bedroom as far from childrens rooms as possible, baby alarms, and our bedroom as soundproofed as possible.
Mel's parents would always be happy to baby sit for us, we didn't anticipate any problems.
Unfortunately the children weren't destined to come.
We had a good life with no hassles, to be honest we would have preferred the hassles.:(
Hugs,
Paul.
Well, we don't have kids, so I'm not speaking from experience on this one, but I have read things on other blogs and boards, and from what I read, couples with kids seem to have to fit in their spanking when the kids aren't home, which seems like the most logical way to do that.
*hugs*
Tigger
I don't have kids but I do have a lodger - and I swear it's more hassle!!!
For my money the radio is a great thing.... but I think he's starting to worry that I'm being abused........not sure how on earth I'm going to deal with that one!!!
And he's getting into the habit of trying to see everything I look at on the net - not pleasant!!!
cuddlybum
No way should children be aware of what their parents are up to, and if they do, it will be around their school in a flash, and onto other parents,who might well not approve, so it must be max. secrecy. Ideally a lockable soundproof spanking room, or perhaps a garden house; getting a sitter and going way is Ok, but not very spontaneous, or there is always the great outdoors (A bare bottom spanking with the bird and bees looking on is one of my favourites). And do keep your weapons under lock and key; nothing worse than junior arriving in the midle of a dinner party waving our favourite flogger ! Susan.
To Cuddlybum, how rude of teh lodger to try and see what you veiw on the net - I hope you know how to delete cookies ect -- Maybe stope sharing your computer - I know I wouldn't - as it is I have a password for my access and visitors can use a guest signon. Beyond that - like mother like daughter - sometimes I heard grown up noises - and there was one night that sounded like spanking - but during my late teens, I was quite happy to dismiss theh noises I heard - and NOT talk about it. I knew mom wasn't abused - because she was a very strong person - and had not tolerated even verbal abuse from any man. As for the rest of it - I was old enough to get that grownups can like different things, and young enough to really not want to discuss it. As for being a young child. My dad was in a fraternity when I was small and an Saturdays my mom worked so he would take me to the Frat house with him to play football, study and hang out. There was an upstairs and I was not allowed up there (I was 4) because there were "ghosts" - often when I would be by the staircase I would hear strange noises and smell strange smells. I was convinced the ghost did indeed live upstairs. In college I realized that ghosts smelled like weed and once I married I realized that the moans of sex sound very ghost like! :-). I am not saying that telling your child there are ghosts is a great idea, but it was effective in keeping me from wondering upstairs and seeing things a child shouldn't. When I finally figured it out - I thought it was funny. So I think your first reader was right - tell them enough to keep them from worrying, but don't feel you have to be silent or too stressed about it - kids are very accepting and adaptable - they may figure out what you were up to when they grow up - but they will accept what you tell them until then. Mary
Bonnie, If you want to edit mine please do - many typos. Mary
Well, we weren't technically parents, but we were taking care of my teenaged brother for several years, so we were in a kind of parental position.
With a teenager, at least with him... we made sure he had access to lots of music he liked, and generally only requested that he keep the noise down late at night. Also, we got him some good soundproofed headphones. And he thought we were doing this to be nice to him.
Aside from that, it was mostly about catching those moments when he was away from home but we were in, or finding some time to play outside the house. (We went to the occasional play party, not to interact with anyone else, but to have a chance to be noisy! Especially for my birthday spankings....)
In general, we need to be pretty quiet if we play at home anyhow, because noise bounces around our block something fierce--if we can hear every discussion in the neighbors' houses, then, well, probably they can also hear everything that goes on in our house. I suppose it's the down side of living right in the city.
As many others noted, there is no single best answer. Randy and I are happy empty-nesters today, but for many years, we had to seize our opportunities as they arose. As Padme mentioned, we planned special events where we could be alone. Some of those are immortalized here.
In many cases, though, we had to think spontaneously. Even five minutes is enough to deliver an impressive spanking. In recent years, when our daughter was older, we waited for her to go to school, work, or some activity. When she was a little kid, we would play while she slept, but that always made me nervous. We have a garage that is attached to our basement. Our daughter’s room was on the second floor. She shouldn’t have been able to hear anything but the noisiest of activities, but we worried she would wake up and come looking for us.
She and I have never discussed this thing we do, but I’ve long suspected that she knows more than she wants to know.
i bet its gonna be a lotta useful info!!
We have a two-year old at home. We are near the point of requiriing ... well ... caution, as she doesn't yet understand that adults sometimes do things that children shouldn't.
A few days ago, Chris walked through the kitchen while I was doing dishes, stopped and smacked me once on the bottom through my jeans, and then continued. The princess followed close behind him ... and did the same thing.
He didn't think it was a big deal, but I did. She's mimics frequently, and I asked him how he would feel if the princess went to school and repeated the behavior on her pre-school friends.
We envision continuing our flirtatiousness, but exchanging actual discussion and threats with euphemisms. Our kinky friends have developed and are developing into simply being 'friends' with kinky discussions held out of earshot. Our house is conducive to re-locating spanking to a far distance from her bedroom, even though our bedrooms are quite close and we are within easy crying and visiting distance late at night. Room arrangement will probably also be a consideration when we next move.
Our biggest obstacle is my ability to keep from loudly squealing. Chris isn't a great fan of gags, but I spend a fair amount of energy biting down on pillows and teddy bears.
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