Reflections

Several readers asked my opinion about Patty’s recent confession. For those just joining us, she admitted that many of her true life stories were largely fiction. She outlined a variety of other transgressions, but I feel no need to detail them here. My take on Patty is slightly different than others I’ve read. It’s easy at this point to trash her. But I honestly admire her work. At her best, Patty’s spanko art and stories are truly superior. She was both prolific and original. As an author myself, I know how special that is.

Patty, along with a small group of others, inspired me to want to become a spanko blogger. I never copied her style, because I can’t. But I did seek to emulate her relentless drive to produce a quality product. For that, I remain grateful.

I consider Patty a tortured genius. We don’t despise Vincent Van Gogh or Jackson Pollock, even if perhaps they deserved it. We appreciate them for their contributions to art. So it is with Patty. I sincerely hope she finds peace and contentment somewhere down the road.

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As for questions of identity and authenticity, I am still inclined to take people at their word until they give me cause to believe otherwise. This episode certainly rocked me for a bit. But I refuse to surrender my faith in people because of a single incident. It’s just not fair to everyone else.

As with many things, we learn and we go on. Ultimately, we will each believe what we choose. And that’s precisely as it should be.

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During much of the past week, I had relatively little contact with the Internet. I was busy helping my daughter as she delivered into the world a delightful, sweet little baby girl. Holding this tiny angel in my arms granted me a very different perspective on life. The experience forced me to re-evaluate my priorities.

Even before I read Patty’s confession, it occurred to me that perhaps I spend too much time typing words into a computer and too little time actually living my life. I have a wonderful husband with whom I adore doing almost anything or nothing at all. We are allocated only so many days on this Earth. As much as I can, I want to make them wonderful.

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One aspect of Patty’s story that hasn’t generated much discussion is her description of Internet addiction. She was drawn in by the flood of support she received. She became so enamored with the adoration that she ultimately began to manufacture tales designed to bring more. Year after year, the lies grew until she felt as though she couldn’t escape.

My situation is quite different, yet I too hear that siren’s song. I love your positive comments and e-mails. They nourish my soul and validate my work. I truly want to give you a product you will enjoy and one that makes you want to return for more.

As an author, I crave nothing more than dedicated readers. In my job, most of what I write is boring technical manuals without a byline. Here, I have the opportunity to write for well over a thousand people every day. I find that a thrilling opportunity and a genuine challenge.

Patty’s post was a wakeup call for me. Am I walking the same path? Could I become so addicted that I lose sight of myself, my values, my family, and everything else in my life? Will I have to someday choose between truth and popularity? Now those are scary questions.

My knee-jerk inclination at this moment is to walk away, or at least step back a bit. But I won’t do anything rash.

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As I’ve discussed before, all spanko bloggers walk a fine line. If we are too open, we risk public embarrassment, stalkers, or worse. If, however, we hide ourselves as completely as Patty did, reality itself may elude us. I want to hope there remains a little room between these extremes.

My goal for this blog is to inform, entertain, and enlighten. To accomplish this aim, I must be willing to show you a part of my life, but I cannot share it all. I frequently find this arrangement frustrating, but I’ve resigned myself to the fact that it cannot be any other way.

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For the record, my name really is Bonnie. I said in my first post that my stories are true, save a little artistic license in the telling. I’ll stand by that statement. When I post fiction, it is clearly labeled as such.

I don’t know if I’ve added clarity or further muddied the waters. Either way, I’m ready to get back to something a bit lighter (like a crop, for example…).