Sunday, April 09, 2006

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for April 9

Another Sunday, another excellent brunch. Thanks as always to everyone who participated.

Our question dealt with advice for a couple who is exploring spanking in their relationship. Here are your responses:

Mary: Enjoy it and communicate. There is no "right formula." Explore together. Expect emotions to fluctuate. Communicate, share, and be open to one another.

SpankedMinx: I would agree. Communication is the key, and enjoy! Talk and laugh, and you can't go far wrong.

Roper: Ask yourself, do I really like this person? If, in your heart of hearts, you don't, then don't spank them. Or let them spank you.

Cuddlybum: Talk, talk, talk... And then when you think you're all talked out, talk some more.

Also, make sure you agree on things before you start. For some reason, the beloved thinks the middle of a punishment is an inappropriate place to discuss the use of spanking as punishment (OK, he's probably right, but...). If one of you feels that ten spanks is horrendous and the other thinks that isn't even a warm up, problems will develop!

The other thing is read - blogs, articles, anything! Did anyone else see the Russian experiment about spanked people being happier? That one's saved to my desktop!

If you can't agree on things, stop immediately (unless in mid-punishment, if that's the way its going!). As soon as possible, talk calmly and reasonably about what's going right/wrong.

Share your fantasies, even the ones you never really want to live out!

Paul: Cuddlybum is right - talk, talk, talk, and just as important, listen, listen, listen. You love each other. Now you need to learn to trust each other. Learn as much as you can about what you want to share. Be flexible, be prepared, and be gentle until you know something about each others’ limits. This takes time, but it is very important to learn each others’ body language.

Patricia: The one thing I think is so important is that both of you want this. It should not be done because one person wants it and the other hates the thought of it. Even with wanting it, talk, talk and talk some more. Really listen to what the other person is saying. Know what fears there may be and what limits can NOT be pushed no matter what. The most important thing for us is to know that the other person loves and respects you and that spanking part of your relationship is not your whole relationship. If you can't see yourself with this person for years to come, then spanking should not be involved at all. But if you can say that you truly love this person and you can see the future in him/her, then spanking can be a part of your relationship. Again, it should be a part and not the whole relationship.

Tigger: First, I think they would need to come to a decision about whether the spanking is going to be of the erotic or discipline variety. After that, it's all about taking things slow and experimenting.

The most important thing, though, is communication. I think you need to be open and honest with your significant other for spanking to work. And, if the spanking you’re doing is of the erotic variety, then definitely have some fun with it!!!

Bethie: Communication is the key that will open the door and keep that door open. But you've also got to be prepared for the reality of the situation and be prepared to cope when your real-life experiences don't match up with your fantasies.

Your desires may not match up perfectly, but it's not the end of the world. It just means you're going to have to do some more talking and come to some kind of compromise. It's like any other aspect of your relationship You've got to meet on common ground in order for it to work.

Janeen: I agree that communication is a biggie, but patience is another key factor.

Don't be disappointed if it isn't the way you imagined it right off the bat. It takes time to feel comfortable, and to figure out what's right for both of you. Every relationship is unique. There really is no right or wrong way. You adapt your own way.

Not that doing research isn't extremely helpful, but never feel like you fall short of another relationship you know or have read about.

Bonnie: I agree with what everyone has said. Here’s a top ten list that specifically addresses this question.

kitten: Wow... I have to agree with everyone here! Talking openly and honestly is important, as well as exploring together. What might work for some, will not necessarily work for all. Take your time - laugh, learn, and love as a couple.

Among these wonderful responses, the common threads seem to be communication and understanding. Thanks again to all of you generous and insightful folks!

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Anonymous said...

A great brunch, as always!!!


Anonymous said...

I was at camp in grade 7 and got into a fight with a kid who I hated, or at least he hated me.
This was during a free-swim session.
We were caught and justice was administered very quickly, as was standard in early 70s summer camps, a 3-swat paddling with an oar, the pain amplified by having a wet ass. It hurt worse than a normal paddling thanks to a cold pond. I can imagine that a long, hot bath would prime the ol' butt for a great spanking better than anything else. My galpal and I tried wintergreen rubbing alcohol, but the sensation was too weird.

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