What’s My Line?

Does anyone remember the old TV show “What’s My Line?” On this show, a panel of pseudo-celebrities would ask a contestant yes-or-no questions in hopes of determining their undisclosed (and generally unconventional) occupation. Suppose we were to update that show for the new millennium. It might go something like this…

(Theme music)

Announcer: …And now, let’s all play “What’s My Line!” Here’s the host of our show, Mister Wally McKay!

Host: Thank you, Johnny, and welcome my friends. Let’s say hello again to our distinguished panel, Kitty, Peggy, and Bill. Now we’re all reacquainted, let’s meet our first contestant. Please enter and sign in. Here she comes… She is an attractive young woman and very stylishly attired. Her name is T-a-m-m-y… P-o-s-t. Tammy Post. Welcome to you, Miss Post. Please have a seat and we’ll begin. Do you understand how our game is played?

Tammy: Yes. I do, Wally.

Host: Very good. Let’s begin with Peggy.

Peggy: Hello, Miss Post. Are you involved in entertainment?

Tammy: No.

Host: OK. That’s one wrong answer. Let’s go next to you, Bill.

Bill: Miss Post, have you ever seen monkeys fly?

Tammy: Uh, no.

Host: All right then. That makes two negative responses. Kitty? Oh, Kitty? Hmmm. Peggy, Kitty seems to have nodded off. Why don’t you proceed?

Peggy: Sure. Are you involved in commerce?

Tammy: Yes.

Peggy: Might your work have anything to do with manufacturing?

Tammy: Yes.

Peggy (now smiling): Are you involved in the overseas trade?

Tammy: No.

Host: That makes three wrong answers worth $150. Bill?

Bill: I met Superman backstage. Oh, wait. A question, huh? Why won’t my deli carry yak’s milk cheese?

Host: Bill, we’re looking for yes or no.

Bill: Oh yeah. Do you drink martinis?

Tammy: No.

Host: That’s four wrong answers. And now to Kit… Er, Peggy.

Peggy: Do you provide a service?

Tammy: No, not really.

Host: That’s five incorrect answers. Bill?

Bill: Do you make spanking paddles?

Tammy: Why, yes. Yes, I do.

Host: Well, that was some remarkable detective work, Bill! Miss Post, you collected five incorrect answers and those are worth two hundred and fifty dollars. Very fine indeed.

Tammy (grateful): Oh, thank you, Wally. (Leaves the set)

Host: Before we bring out our next contestant, let’s pause for these commercial messages.

Bill (mumbling into an inexplicably open mike): Where’d that kinky chick go?


Keywords: spanking, spanking humor