Thursday, March 02, 2006

What’s My Line?

Does anyone remember the old TV show “What’s My Line?” On this show, a panel of pseudo-celebrities would ask a contestant yes-or-no questions in hopes of determining their undisclosed (and generally unconventional) occupation. Suppose we were to update that show for the new millennium. It might go something like this…

(Theme music)

Announcer: …And now, let’s all play “What’s My Line!” Here’s the host of our show, Mister Wally McKay!

Host: Thank you, Johnny, and welcome my friends. Let’s say hello again to our distinguished panel, Kitty, Peggy, and Bill. Now we’re all reacquainted, let’s meet our first contestant. Please enter and sign in. Here she comes… She is an attractive young woman and very stylishly attired. Her name is T-a-m-m-y… P-o-s-t. Tammy Post. Welcome to you, Miss Post. Please have a seat and we’ll begin. Do you understand how our game is played?

Tammy: Yes. I do, Wally.

Host: Very good. Let’s begin with Peggy.

Peggy: Hello, Miss Post. Are you involved in entertainment?

Tammy: No.

Host: OK. That’s one wrong answer. Let’s go next to you, Bill.

Bill: Miss Post, have you ever seen monkeys fly?

Tammy: Uh, no.

Host: All right then. That makes two negative responses. Kitty? Oh, Kitty? Hmmm. Peggy, Kitty seems to have nodded off. Why don’t you proceed?

Peggy: Sure. Are you involved in commerce?

Tammy: Yes.

Peggy: Might your work have anything to do with manufacturing?

Tammy: Yes.

Peggy (now smiling): Are you involved in the overseas trade?

Tammy: No.

Host: That makes three wrong answers worth $150. Bill?

Bill: I met Superman backstage. Oh, wait. A question, huh? Why won’t my deli carry yak’s milk cheese?

Host: Bill, we’re looking for yes or no.

Bill: Oh yeah. Do you drink martinis?

Tammy: No.

Host: That’s four wrong answers. And now to Kit… Er, Peggy.

Peggy: Do you provide a service?

Tammy: No, not really.

Host: That’s five incorrect answers. Bill?

Bill: Do you make spanking paddles?

Tammy: Why, yes. Yes, I do.

Host: Well, that was some remarkable detective work, Bill! Miss Post, you collected five incorrect answers and those are worth two hundred and fifty dollars. Very fine indeed.

Tammy (grateful): Oh, thank you, Wally. (Leaves the set)

Host: Before we bring out our next contestant, let’s pause for these commercial messages.

Bill (mumbling into an inexplicably open mike): Where’d that kinky chick go?

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Marcus said...

Of course I don't remember that old show. I'm not old enough to remember Kitty Carlisle, Bill Cullens, Peggy Cass (and Soupy Sales too). That's WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY before my time.


I love your blog, Bonnie

Bonnie said...

Marcus - For those playing close attention, I pulled a bit of a switcheroo. In reality, Peggy, Bill, and Kitty were on To Tell the Truth, not What's My Line. But they were so much funnier and more memorable that I borrowed the whole lot of them. I call that artistic license!

CeeCi said...

Way before my time too, I don't remember "The Match Game" or "Concentration" or Tom Selleck's appearance on "The Dating Game". Nope, too young...they must have been reruns, yeah that's it, reruns.

Great post Bonnie. Um, why couldn't Kitty stay awake? Taking a cat nap I suppose.

Anonymous said...

Never saw the show, Bonnie, but your story was very cute!!!


Paul. said...

I remember we had a similar show over here, it was on radio I think, Twenty Questions it was called, unfortunately never a sniff of kink.
Thanks for the neat post Bonnie, always a pleasure to read you.

Bonnie said...

CeeCi - There's a simple explanation for all this. You must have seen these shows last week on the Game Show Network!

Tigger - Thanks! Don't worry. I'll get back to this decade soon.

Paul - The original WML didn't have any kink either. In fact, the panelists usually dressed in elegant evening wear and spoke in a very polite fashion.

For those who recall the show, I thought it might be amusing to mix a touch of irreverence into this environment.

Linda said...

ROFLMAO...Ok Ok I give, I do remember both "What's My Line" and "To Tell The Truth", that was absolutely hilarious Bonnie. I haven't laughed that hard all week. Great Job, you should do up a bunch of different parodies from that time frame...I mean imagine something with "The honey mooners" and "All in the family". Or better yet "Name that Tune" and "You Bet Your Life"? Oh yeah, with your talent and remarkable ability to turn everything into TTWD, You could market those skits, You and Randy would be RICH!!! Can I be your agent???

See you Sunday


Bonnie said...

Linda - Thanks! I really enjoy those parodies, but I recognize that I baffle many readers when I reach that far back. I will no doubt create more in the future.

See you tomorrow!

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