Recap: Spanko Sunday Brunch – March 12

Once again, the responses to our question about spanking rituals were superb. The participants offered a number of different and unique perspectives, yet they found much in common as well.

Roper: The most important part of the ritual is talking to her. If it's a punishment spanking (very rare), then she needs an explanation of what she's done wrong, and she needs to acknowledge that the spanking is deserved. For a fun spanking, I like to sit her on my knee first and explain why Master wants to do this, and why I think it's good for her.

SpankedMinx: Yep, I get a ritual bottom warming on days off together, holidays, and birthdays. I also get them when I return from visiting my family. This makes the four hour drive home most enjoyable. When I return home with yet more new clothes and shoes, I get spanked every time. I used to sneak in my purchases and hide them, but now leave them out, ready for my hide!

Jeanne: Our rituals are probably very common. He pulls me over his knee or his lap and then pulls my jeans and panties down first. Then, he makes me wait in anticipation for that first swat. Other times, he will lay his favorite paddles, canes and swatters out on the bed first, then put on cuffs and restraints and lay me face down on the bed. Whatever the ritual, I love them all. Nothing is more exciting than being over his knee or across his lap while I am waiting.

Marcus: Over the years, I've found some elements that stay with me no matter who I spank. The first is the part where I say, "If you do this, young lady, I'm gonna haul you over my knees for a good, sound spanking." I tend to spank in stages. I rarely ever go straight to the bare bottom. Instead, I’ll start with swats over her skirt or pants, then lift the skirt (lowering pants is more difficult, and she usually gets a few hard swats for making ME work so hard), then over the panties. Then, finally, I go for bare skin. I like to make the lady count (seems to drive them nuts). I especially do this when I use spanking implements.

SmartNnaughty: Rituals are something I want more of. MG and I haven't established very many and I find it difficult to get into the spanking without the rituals.

We have established some just because he has spanked me a number of times. When I see him sitting patiently on the edge of the bed, I think spanking even if that isn't what we are doing. I feel the urge to go and lie across his knee.

The only other ritual we have is one that I have started. When it is time, I go and kneel before him while he is sitting on the bed. I am trying to show him respect by doing this. To keep him from playing with my breasts, I usually take his hands in mine. Then I ask him if he really needs to spank me.

I am sure we will develop more rituals -- at least I hope so!

Danielle: We're using the well known rituals you've written about in a tutorial. But have some extra to add to:

• Getting a drink from the small bottle beside our bed


• Admiring the result in the mirror

The first one is needed because of all my "oh's" and "aah's. " The second, he loves me to share how well he did the job.

Mike: We really don't have any rituals. There are elements that we each like, like how bottoms get bared, but we don't repeat them every time. I think the one of the biggest aspects of a ritual is to build anticipation. You've been through this process before. You know where it is going without question. Even if the destination is a little different, the ritual is what links one event to a past one.

So I’m not sure we are really going to start any, but I certainly see where they fit in.

Paul: I think rituals are an affirmation of life. The other animals do it. Pair bonding, mating, and nest or den building all have their rituals. Humans do it all the time and, to me, it seems to serve the same purpose.

Whenever I passed Mel, I would caress her butt as a silent I love you. She used to wake me with a kiss, another I love you. We had a ritual to tell her that she'd earned a good girl spanking. This happened very often. Attitude adjustments were a different ritual. These included warnings. They happened two, perhaps three times, a month. Punishments were very rare. I hated them and Mel wasn't too keen either. They never occurred in the bedroom, always in the office.

Then we had the rituals of comfort, forgiveness, and closure. So much of our life is accomplished through rituals of which we are hardly aware. Yet when someone neglects them, we feel put out or irritated. I feel that our common rituals as spankos may well knit us together as a loose knit family or clan.

Tigger: I never actually considered them as rituals until reading your blog, but now I most definitely do!

First, we begin with an all-over body massage (for both of us!). Next, we review my "Reasons I Should Be Spanked List." Although we don't use spanking for discipline, this list can be "naughty" things. But most of the time, however, it simply has "good-girl" things on it since we consider spankings as rewards for good behavior. Then my hubby gets out the implement or implements he will be using. After that, he guides me over his lap, and from there, well, you get the idea! *grin*

Cuddlybum: We don't really have that many rituals. My darling tells me in his "stern, authoritative, you're in trouble" voice to go get whichever implement he wants to use on me. He generally pulls down my pants and bares my ass himself. He rarely passes my bum by without swatting it, or caressing it in some way. We ALWAYS cuddle and hug afterwards. If it’s a punishment spanking, I am told why I'm being spanked both before and after and told that the slate is wiped clean afterward. If I'm stressed, we talk a little about why I'm stressed and what we'll do to make it better or what will help me to be better able to cope.

There are kind of a lot of ritual type things there. Most of them we do without even thinking about them. They're part of what we do.

Lee: Not ever having had a relationship, I've never had any rituals. I do know myself well enough to know, however, that I don't think I'd appreciate set in stone, we do this every time, or close to every time rituals. That's not to be confused with certain elements that I like to see often. But I'm a pretty spontaneous gal, and ritual would make things more predictable.

Tom: There's always anticipation as a ritual and with that, the same kind of things other people do. But special to our spanking ritual is positioning. When the spanking is the "good girl" variety, the target is on my left hand side for obvious reasons. In case of a punishment, the exposed bum is on my right hand side.

Tom: My all time favorite ritual is having the bottom partner go out and select a predetermined number of switches with which she will be whipped. She is paddled thoroughly before she goes out on her switch hunting expedition so that she is already smarting while she selects her switches. I make it clear that if any of the switches selected are unacceptable, the unacceptable switch will be used on her until it's used up. She will then be required to go out and find two acceptable ones in its place. Once the switches are accepted by me, she is instructed by me to prepare them into switch rods by binding three switches together. She is then required to soak them in warm bath water and check on them every fifteen minutes until the appointed time for her switching arrives. Then she undresses and selects the first switch to be used on her and brings it to me. She is then firmly restrained, thoroughly paddled, and then all the switch rods are applied to her bottom until they are used up.

I've found only eight partners with whom I could actualize this (or most of this ritual), but each of them was unbelievably delicious for me. Alas, it is rare for me to identify women who want to have this be more than a once in a lifetime experience.

Bonnie: My thoughts and experiences with regard to rituals are well documented in this blog. I believe rituals provide a certain continuity within a relationship. That's not to say that a couple must always do things in precisely the same rote manner. Even when experimenting, though, it's nice to have those little touchstones. Rituals can provide welcome reassurance.

Variety may be the spice of life, but I would argue that comfortable familiarity is high in protein, nutrients, and anti-oxidants.

Pamela: Regarding Tom's ritual, I find that extremely tantalizing to read! I love the switch. I love being told to cut my own switch(es) and sometimes being required to peel and sand them. We've never combined them though. I assume soaking them makes them heavier, and have more thud(?). Having to pick the switch with an already stinging bottom sounds yummy. I have some really delicious memories of impromptu switchings while exploring nature. OK, I have a serious craving for a good switch whipping now. Maybe hubby will find one waiting for him to use on me. An invitation of sorts… ;)

Patricia: We have rituals only for bad girl spankings. For these, I am told I will get a spanking and to get ready. This means all make up off, hair in a braid (it's very long), panties down, and waiting in the corner. He decides how long I wait and which implements to use. He calls me over to him and places me over his knee/lap. All spankings start over his knee. Also, all spankings start and finish with his hand. I get warmed up by his hand, he decides what to use in addition, and then before the spanking is over, I get another dose of his hand. Generally, there is no resting in between. After the last hand spanking, I have to stand in the corner until he tells me I can get out. After that, we hug, kiss, or have sex.

Another of our rituals is that the razor strop is saved for really bad things. This strop is very old. It was his grandfather's and has been used on every female's behind in the family, including my mother-in-law.

For a good girl spanking, or one that I request, I can chose which implement is used, but he still determines how long and how hard. This is fine with me. We always end good girl spankings with the best sex ever.

He too can decide that it's time for a good girl spanking and then he choses the implement. One time, he decided that my hairbrush would make a great good girl spanking toy. I have to tell you that I will always rememeber that spanking because it was the most intense and wonderful spanking I ever got from something as evil as the hairbrush.

Rituals are important for us because they set the tone. They also let me know that this time is different than any other time I spend with my husband.

IntricatePieces: Oh my, I think rituals are one of the yummiest parts of the whole lifestyle. Master and I have several rituals established and they make me feel both secure and wrapped in Master's love, even if he has to be away. In regards to spanking, if it is a “fun” spanking, anything goes and there are no set boundaries that tie us into anything specific, other then the fact that he often makes me beg for it to continue. Yum!

As for punishment spankings, Master takes a more formal approach and the ritual is always the same. It goes something like this. I strip, retrieve the implement he requests, and kneel before him acknowledging my failure and asking for his correction. Once my “sentence” is passed, Master will tell me to "make the offer." I am to kiss the ground inches before his feet, kneel upright, kiss the implement, and then present it to him in both hands above my head. At no time during this process are my eyes to leave the floor. He will then tell me the position he wants me to assume and the spanking commences. This is typically followed by his hug and forgiveness :-)


To summarize, a majority of us practice some sort of spanking ritual, though it may not be formalized. Those who enjoy rituals find them affirming and reassuring.

Thanks again to everyone who brought their wisdom to our brunch.

Keywords: spanking, perspectives, spanking rituals